


Keeping Promises

by JewishDavidJacobs



Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternative Universe - FBI, Cancer, Childhood Trauma, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Francis Sullivan’s A+ Parenting, I recognize that I’m writing about law enforcement but also…defund the police, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It’s not David or Jack but it appears in the plot, Jack and David hate each other at first, Jack hates David and David is so confused, Jewish David Jacobs, Judaism, M/M, Modern Era, Warning: Republicans, except not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:07:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 88,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24896674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JewishDavidJacobs/pseuds/JewishDavidJacobs
Summary: David Jacobs is desperate to leave the past behind, so when he gets offered a promotion and a transfer out of town, he takes it. Now he has to deal with a new city, a new job, a criminal investigation so big that all three branches of the federal government might have to get involved, and - perhaps worst of all - Special Agent Jack Kelly.
Relationships: David Jacobs & Sarah Jacobs, David Jacobs/Jack Kelly, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Spot Conlon/Racetrack Higgins
Comments: 697
Kudos: 244





	1. Jack

The conference room was full of noise and while Jack was usually good at controlling the team and getting them to quiet down when they needed to, right now he had no interest in doing so.

“Bullshit!” JoJo (normally a very levelheaded guy) yelled from his chair on the outer circle of the room. “Total bullshit!”

“Fuck this!” Mush said.

“You’re lying. Tell me you’re lying.”

“I’m not lying, Albert,” Denton said, “and I’m very sorry you’re all so upset, but-”

“We’re not upset, we’re furious!”

“And very happy for you, is how Race meant to finish that sentence,” Katherine amended. “That’s exciting, Denton. Congrats.” With looks of guilt on their faces, everybody else murmured their congratulations too. Jack stayed silent.

“When are you leaving?” Tommy Boy asked. 

“Next week. I’m sorry!” he added when people began to freak out again. “I only found out yesterday afternoon.”

“I was here with you last night,” Jack finally said. Everybody looked over to him. He was sitting in his regular seat but it somehow felt further from the head of the table than ever before. The distance between himself and his boss seemed staggering, and Denton laid his hands on the table and leaned.

He sighed. “I couldn’t say anything until I told our bosses. I’m sorry, Jack.” Jack shrugged nonchalantly and went back to chewing on the end of his pen. “Look, everyone, you know that I love you all and that you’re my family - that won’t change.” Jack snorted. Yeah, he’d heard that before. He was ignored. “This is never what I wanted to do and I’m being given a chance to follow my dream. How can I not take it?” 

Everybody seemed to come around pretty quickly but Jack tuned them out. The voices sounded like they were underwater and there was a sharp ringing in his ears like the one played in movies after an explosion. He threw his pen down and pushed his chair back. “Excuse me.” 

His usual hideout spot was Denton’s office and that would only make everything worse, so he ended up in the hallway by the elevators, sitting with his back against the wall and his arms resting on his knees. None of the breathing exercises Medda had taught him seemed to be working and it was almost ten minutes before he stopped seeing red.

“You okay?”

“Fuck off, Crutchie,” Jack said without taking his eyes off of the wall he was staring at. “I don’t want to hear it.” 

“Hear what?” Crutchie asked as he sat.

“That I should be happy for him and that I need to learn to accept change or some shit.”

“That’s not what I was going to say - though you should and you do. I was going to say that there’s a difference between controlling your anger and repressing your emotions.”

“You sound like Ma.”

“Yeah and she’s right.” He let Jack sit silently for a few minutes before speaking again. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“I just don’t get why he would do this.”

“Uhh…because it’s his dream job? Because he’s wanted to since he was ten? You  _ do  _ get it, you just don’t like it.”

“Are you here to make me feel better or not?” Jack asked stormily. 

“I’m not. I’m here to make you stop being stupid.” Jack huffed, vaguely amused, and rubbed his eyes with his palms. “Look, you’re allowed to feel however you want but don’t make him feel like a bad person for leaving. And that’s leaving  _ work, _ by the way, not leaving you. He loves you, Jack, and not everyone is like-”

“Yeah.” Jack sniffled. “Can we just- I appreciate it but can we be done talking about it?”

“If you promise to be done being stupid, then sure. Help me up.” 

“Oh shit, Crutch,” Jack said, standing and pulling his brother up, “I didn’t even process- you shouldn’t have- I mean-”

Crutchie grinned. “You look like you’re going to hurt yourself. You didn’t do anything. Come on, let’s go learn about the new boss.”

“Fuck, I didn’t even think about that part.” 

After an awkward apology he sat back down as Denton prepared to speak about his replacement. 

“Ten bucks says Jack tries to get with whoever it is within the first month,” Ike whispered to Finch next to him. 

“Why would I want to lose ten bucks?” 

Jack reached over and flicked Ike on the back of the head and glared at Finch, who smiled cheekily.

“So they already have a replacement lined up. He’s–” They all groaned and Denton chuckled “– yes,  _ he’s _ Assistant Special Agent-in-Charge David Jacobs. Well, he’s going to be Assistant Special Agent-in-Charge. I’m obviously not supposed to say much of anything but he seems like a very nice guy.”

“Which means you’ve either never spoken to him or you have and he’s a dick,” Albert said. 

“I’ve spoken to him and he genuinely seems nice.”

“But?”

“Why would there be a but?”

“There’s always a but, Denton,” Katherine agreed. 

“Fine. He’s a little bit…formal.”

“So he’s a hardass?”

“No, Albert, he’s not. At least I don’t think so. Look, I only spoke to him briefly on a conference call last night.”

“Where’s he coming from?”

“I’m sure he’ll tell you that stuff.” They employed their usual strategy: glaring at him until he relented. “He was in D.C.”

“And they made the decision that he had to move in a night?” Katherine asked. “That doesn’t really seem fair to him.”

“Regardless, that’s what I was told. He’ll be here next Thursday.”

“Thursday? He’s going to be here both of your last two days?” Race asked, clearly annoyed.

Denton shook his head. “No. Instead of coming in Friday he offered to come in Thursday so that my last day could just be with you guys. Now this isn’t directed at anyone specific, but yes, it is: Race, Albert, do  _ not  _ prank him.”

“What are you talking about, Dent? We’re professional a hundred percent of the time.” 

“Yeah, okay.” Denton rolled his eyes. “Seriously, that goes for all of you. We don’t know what he’s like yet and I’d be hard pressed to name any other team leaders who’ll put up with the shit I put up with.” The statement sounded serious but his face had a hint of a fondness. “Good. Any questions?”

Jack stayed late again to continue going through tax returns from their current case with Denton. “Do you have twenty-twelve?” he asked, flipping through folders.

“Yeah, here.”

“Thanks.” He felt Denton’s eyes on him, concerned and protective.

“Jack-”

“No.”

“Jack, we have to talk about this.”

“We really don’t,” he said, not looking up from his work.

“I want to help you in any way I can. I’m…I’m not trying to hurt you, Jack.”

“You want to help me? Help me finish this so I can go home and have a beer.”

“Can we be adults about this?” Denton frowned. “You know I love you, right?”

Jack sighed and put the papers down, relenting. He met Denton’s eyes. “Yeah.”

“So you know I wouldn’t do this to hurt you.”

“I don’t think you’s trying to hurt me, I just think you don’t care.”

“Of course I care! That’s really not fair. You’ve always known that I want to be a journalist more than anything.”

“You were.”

Denton rolled his eyes. “For fifteen minutes, but I needed a steady job and freelance wasn’t that. I didn’t expect to end up at the FBI for twenty years. I’ve been given this opportunity-”

“In fucking Germany.”

“Yes, in Germany. They’re a big paper and they want someone well versed in international relations.”

“Good for you.”

“I wish you would be more supportive.”

Jack felt guilty. He was angry. Angry that Denton was leaving, angry that it was on such short notice, angry that he would have to deal with someone new. Logically, he knew that it wasn’t fair and that he should be happy for his mentor but it was hard. Denton was the father he never had (even if he was loath to admit it) and so it felt like his dad was walking out on him.

Denton must have seen it in his eyes because he got up and pulled Jack to his feet and into a hug. “I love you, Jack, and I wouldn’t leave if I didn’t think you guys wouldn’t be okay without me. We’ll talk every day if you want, but I have to go. You understand that, don’t you?” Jack nodded, not trusting himself to speak. “Thank you.”

Denton had taken care of him for so long; now, it was Jack’s turn to take care of him and in that moment that meant being happy for him and not letting him feel guilty. “Yeah. I love you too.”

Jack was getting out of the elevator with Crutchie when Katherine ran up to them. 

“He’s here.”

“Already? Fuck.”

“He’s in with Denton now.”

“Did you look and see if he’s nice?” 

“How do I look?” she asked incredulously. 

“Hot.”

“Like a fifties movie star.”

Katherine punched him in the arm and smiled at Crutchie.

“Hey!”

“No, I meant- you know what I meant, fuck off. Let’s go.” Somehow the woman in heels and a dress and the man with one fully functioning leg moved faster than Jack did, but maybe that was just because he didn’t want to go. “Jack,” Katherine said softly when they reached the door, “it’s going to be okay. We’ll all cover for you if you need a break, all right?” 

“Yeah. Thanks.” His throat felt very dry. 

Inside, people were starting the day a lot more stiffly than they normally did. Everyone was exchanging confused or concerned looks and it was mostly silent. Well, silent by their standards, so about the volume of a regular workplace. 

Jack drank his coffee standing in front of Mush’s desk, pretending to be having an important conversation with him. In reality, he was using his position to glance into Denton’s office as often as possible. All he could see was the back of Jacobs’ head so it wasn’t like he was getting much information but it was better than nothing. Eventually, Denton called Katherine in and so he caught a glimpse of him when he stood to greet her.

Jack couldn’t lie: he was hot. He was still the man replacing Denton though, so he didn’t care (not that Jack was normally that shallow anyway). Either Jacobs had aged ridiculously well or he was young. If it was the second, he would be pissed off. Most of their office was young, yes, but Denton was their senior by about fifteen years give or take, and Jacobs obviously wasn’t. How dare they send over someone this young to take over? Jack wasn’t one to think younger people were unqualified but to even come close to matching Denton, he felt, someone needed probably about eighty years of field work. He said as much to Mike when he stopped by Mush’s desk and got an “are you a child?” face in return. 

He had to do work eventually but he was distracted the whole time. Finally, after about forty-five minutes, the three of them came out of the office. 

“Everyone,” Denton began, getting their attention (as if he didn’t already have it), “I’d like to introduce Special Agent David Jacobs. He’ll be taking over for me starting next week. Agent Jacobs?”

“Thank you, sir. Hi, everybody. I just wanted to say thank you for allowing me here today and I’m very much looking forward to working with all of you.” 

Holy shit, this guy was boring. Fifteen minutes earlier Jack had almost stapled his finger by mistake and now he was seriously considering it as a means of escape. He would rather go to the emergency room than stay and listen to Jacobs. And it wasn’t like it would just be today either.

His phone buzzed.

**Katherine**

**9:57 AM**

_ Play nice _

What did you say? Sorry, I fell asleep listening to his voice

_ He’s really sweet _

_ And I think he’s nervous so can you be less of a massive dick today? _

For you?

Maybe

_ I don’t like you _

The day progressed. At lunch, everyone who had spoken to Jacobs told Jack he was nice but no one had anything glowing to say about him and most of them agreed that he was dull. Jack couldn’t deal with a dull boss. A dull boss meant a dull workplace and Jack Kelly wouldn’t survive in a dull workplace. There was a reason he had chosen to work for the FBI and it wasn’t the paperwork.

He was at his desk when Jacobs came over. The man was wearing a goddamn waistcoat (and just because it was hot didn’t mean it wasn’t also obnoxious), the color of which was a few shades darker than his blue suit. His tie matched and Jack had never seen someone look more like a fifties detective. He felt underdressed in the cheap black suit he had worn two days in a row. He looked wrinkled and messy and he had to look down to see if he was even wearing a tie (he was but it was loose and frighteningly uneven).

“Special Agent Kelly?” he asked. Jack stood and shook his hand.

“That’s me. Jack’s fine.” 

“It’s nice to meet you. Special Agent Plumber was telling me that you’ve been heading your current case? I’m sorry, I’m not going to be told anything about it until Monday.”

“Yeah. I can tell you about it if you want,” he offered. “Not a big deal if you’re gonna know Monday.”

“No, that’s okay. I just wanted to meet you. How long have you been here?”

“Almost five years. So what’s your story, Jacobs?”

“My  _ story?” _

“Yeah. Where are you from, why are you here, that sorta thing.” 

“Oh.” Jacobs looked decidedly uncomfortable. Jack didn’t think anything he had said was inappropriate so he didn’t waste time feeling bad about it. “I was in D.C. until before this but I lived here for a while. You’re from New York?”

“Born and raised. So why the transfer?” Jack asked. Jacobs looked like he’d rather die than answer honestly. Instead, he smiled. 

“I go where I’m told. Excuse me.” He left. 

“Did you play nice?” 

Jack jumped at the sound of Katherine’s voice. “Shit! Can you not do that?”

“So did you?”

“Yes! I was nice to him. I don’t know why you thought I was gonna be mean.”

“Because I know you and I know you’re going to try your hardest to hate Denton’s replacement.”

“Whatever.” 

“Jack, I wasn’t lying before: he  _ is _ kind. I think we’ll like him.” Jack just stared at her. “Eventually,” she amended. “Not every boss we’re ever going to have is going to be as fun as Denton.”

“I just don’t get why they didn’t give it to you or Crutchie.”

“Both of us are happy where we are. I told Denton a long time ago that I’d never want his job and I think Crutchie feels the same way.”

“Well now we’ve got  _ him–” _ he pointed to where Jacobs was talking to Ike “–so I hope you’re happy.”

“What’s so wrong with him other than that he’s not Denton? You’ve known him for two minutes.”

“He can’t be any older than I am and he’s got a stick up his ass. I don’t like stuffy people,” he told her. Jack sat back down and pretended to pay attention to the time in front of him.

Katherine sighed. “If you don’t like him no one else will.”

“Our friends have minds of their own,” he argued, pissed off for a reason he couldn’t discern.

“Yeah, but they trust you and if you don’t trust him, they won’t either.”

“So?”

“If you’re going to be an asshole I’m not going to talk to you about it.”

“Why would I want to talk about it? You came to me.”

“Fine.”

He didn’t look up but he heard her heels click away. Jack loved Katherine but she didn’t know what she was talking about. Jacobs was a stuck up dick and Jack was entitled to be upset about it.

It seemed that hating David Jacobs would be the easiest thing Jack ever had to do. 


	2. David

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David’s first day of work.

“So? How does it look?” Sarah asked without preamble when David answered the phone.

He was spread out on the mattress, facing the ceiling. He could already imagine all the nights he might spend there, looking up and counting cracks. Popcorn ceilings certainly weren’t attractive, but there was something about them that, in David’s opinion, gave a place that authentic “either somebody died in this room or somebody is going to” feel. 

“Fine,” he told her as particles of dust stung his eyes. “Not good, not bad.”

“And the roommates?”

“They seem…nice. I don’t know.”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

David sighed. “No, they are. They offered to help me move stuff. It’s just that I’ve been here forty minutes and they’ve been making out in the living room for the last thirty-five.”

“Oh my God,” Sarah said, laughing. “I’m sorry, I know it’s not funny. Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“David…”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He took a shaky breath. “I miss you.” He was embarrassed to hear the tremble in his voice and feel the tears run down his face. He wasn’t generally a crier but these last few weeks had changed that. 

“Oh, boychik, I miss you too. You’re gonna be great, okay? You deserve this.”

“I deserve a shitty apartment in a city where I know nobody?” Sarah didn’t answer. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You know that isn’t what I meant though.”

“I know.” He sighed again. His cat must have sensed his distress because she sauntered over from the end of the mattress and curled up by his side. 

“You could find someplace better.”

“It’s not about the apartment. I just want to come home.”

“I know, neshama, I know. You can try again in a few months, right?”

“I can try again right now, but it won’t look good and I’ll probably get in trouble.” Next to him, his work phone buzzed. “Can I call you later? Work’s calling.”

“Yeah. I love you.”

“Love you too.” He hung up one phone and answered the other without checking to see who it was. “Special Agent David Jacobs.”

“It’s me.”

“Oh. Hi.” He scratched Tsfarde’a’s head. 

“That’s not your title anymore.”

“It is until midnight.”

“Fine. How are you doing? Are you settled in?”

“Uh…yeah, basically. Is something the matter?”

“No? Why would it be?”

“Our appointments are usually four o’clock on Thursdays.”

“But your first official day is tomorrow and I wanted to see how you were feeling. I’m your psychiatrist, David, it isn’t that weird that I would want to check in on you,” she said. 

“Right. Sorry.” David turned over and pulled Tsfarde’a into his torso so he could hold her. She tolerated it. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Tell me how you’re feeling about tomorrow.”

He focused on the four boxes and clutter on his old desk. They overwhelmed him and he knew he would have to fix it soon. “Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

“Amelia…”

“This is my job. More importantly, I genuinely care about you as a human being, hard as that might be for you to believe.”

“Fine. I’m stressed out of my fucking mind,” he admitted.

“So tell me about it.”

David went in early Monday morning. He didn’t want to experience the awkwardness of unpacking his stuff in an office no one else thought of as his. Part of the problem was that the wall was made mostly of glass. He could close the blinds but that would look weird and he didn’t want to come across as unapproachable. 

David sighed. He knew that they already didn’t like him. They all seemed like nice people and normally he would give it the benefit of the doubt and tell himself that it was just everyone (himself included) having first day jitters but that wasn’t it. There was something about him that the people here didn’t like. David would do his best to win them over.

He knew he should be excited about the promotion, but he was dreading it.  _ “Of course you’re dreading it. You always take the fun out of everything and ruin it for everyone else,”  _ he would have said. David slammed the box down on his desk as if the loud noise would get the voice out of his head. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about him. 

At eight forty-five, he was sitting on the floor, building his desk chair when somebody knocked on the door. 

“Come in.” It creaked open. “Oh. Hi.”

“Hi,” Special Agent Morris said. “Are you okay?” 

“What? Oh, yeah, I’m just down here trying to put a chair together.”

“Did they take the other chair out?”

“I have longer legs than Denton and I can’t get them under the desk in his. What’s going on?” 

“Nothing, I just noticed the light on and thought I’d come say hi. So…hi. Do you need any help settling in?”

“I’m okay, thanks though. It’s nice of you to offer.”

“Of course. Um…so, Jack and Katherine usually head a team meeting in the conference room around nine-thirty? Is that all right?” 

“Yeah, sure. Is it…did Denton usually sit in on it?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I’ll…be there then.” He didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes but he really wasn’t sure how he was supposed to navigate this situation. Morris and Plumber had both offered to help his adjust when he had come on Thursday but he wasn’t sure to what extent he was expected to take them up on it. 

“Great. Let me know if you need anything or have any questions or whatever. I’m sure you’re overwhelmed.”

“A little,” David admitted. “Thanks, Agent Morris.”

“Charlie’s fine. If you don’t want to, that’s okay, but we usually go by first names.” 

“Oh. I don’t want to seem overfamiliar.” 

“You won’t, but if it makes you feel more comfortable I’m sure nobody would mind you using last names either,” Charlie told him. “Whatever you’d like, sir.” That felt weird. The only people who had called him ‘sir’ in D.C. were the interns, but he supposed it was just another thing he would have to get used to. Charlie left him alone and he took a deep breath. It was going to be a long day. 

At nine thirty-two, he followed everyone else into the conference room. He carefully calculated his timing so that he was there before the meeting started and he didn’t interrupt, but also after people had sat down so he knew where to go.

The conference room had one long table and the walls were lined with chairs as well. He figured that the people sitting at the table itself had larger roles or seniority but he wasn’t sure. Whereas on Thursday afternoon when he had been in here to watch their meeting, everyone had been chatting, today nobody was.

There were two empty chairs but the space in front of one of them had binders and notes; the other one was at the head of the table and presumably for him. He sat down awkwardly and waited for either Kelly or Plumber to begin. Kelly wandered in at nine thirty-four, sipping an iced coffee through a straw.

“Nice of you to join us, Jack,” Plumber said dryly.

“You’re welcome. You could’ve started without me.”

“And then spend five minutes going back and catching you up? No thanks. Okay, so–” she stood up “–where are we on the phone records? Getting close?”

One of the twins (David wasn’t sure which) rolled his eyes. “There are three of us, eleven hundred pages, and we’ve only had it for two days. If  _ somebody  _ wanted to join us-”

“Hey!” Myers exclaimed. “I have my own shit- stuff to do.” He sent an awkward glance David’s way. 

“Whatever. Moving on,” Kelly said, “Albert has a lead. Al?”

“Yeah, basically I got a call last night from my source at DOI and they said they heard the same thing Elmer did.”

“So he’s definitely having an affair with her?”

“I don’t know if it’s with her but yeah, it definitely is with her.”

David wasn’t sure what was going on. He was supposed to have been briefed on the case they were working on (they worked on several at a time but apparently they had a massive one right now) but he wasn’t. Kelly was the one who was supposed to do it and David would have to ask afterwards. He didn’t want to seem pushy but he  _ was  _ the boss and it would be nice to know what was going on. 

They spoke for another ten minutes about the case. The meeting was disbanded bizarrely (in that one second they were deep in discussion and the next someone said “That’s it” and everyone left). David caught up to Kelly on his way out of the conference room.

“Special Agent Kelly?”

The man in question turned. “Hey, boss.”

“You were supposed to brief me this morning at nine-oh-five.”

“Ah. My bad. I figured you were busy with first day stuff. I have a meeting now but I can give you the info? Sorry.” He didn’t seem very sorry but David let it go and accepted the offer.

He went to the bathroom and by the time he got back there were a bunch of files on his desk that were made up of at least several hundred pages and though he tried to find one, it appeared that there was no summary anywhere to be found. He thought about asking Charlie or Plumber or the assistant, JoJo, but he didn’t want to seem helpless or incompetent.

Whenever he had a spare second over the next few hours, he was reading the case, but he didn’t have many. Unfortunately, at two o’clock he had a meeting that had to do with it and he was nowhere near caught up yet. Plumber knocked on his door around one. 

“Come in,” he answered. “Hi.”

“Hi. Are you…what are you working on?”

“Just catching up on the case,” David said. “What do you need?”

Instead of answering him, she came up to his desk and glanced at the array of papers he had out. “Did Jack give these to you?”

“Yeah.”

“He was supposed to brief you.”

“We had a miscommunication,” he explained with a tight smile, “but he gave me these to catch me up.”

“Did he tell you  _ anything?” _

“He had a meeting to be at.”

“I’m gonna kill him.” 

“What? No, he didn’t-”

“He’s an asshole. Excuse my language, sir, he just is. I’m going to go-”

“Don’t. That’s all right, I’m almost caught up anyway. Like I said, it was a miscommunication.”

She frowned. “Did you work through lunch?” 

“Oh, uh, I guess. I didn’t realize. I’ll eat later. What did you need?”

“Nothing, I just wanted to make sure you didn’t need anything. Do you?”

“No, I’m fine.” Did she and Charlie both think he was incapable or were they just being nice? No one else was being particularly warm so it was hard to tell. She nodded and left, looking pissed off and he hoped it wasn’t at him. 

By one fifty-five he had finished reading. He certainly hadn’t processed all of the information and he would need to reread but he at least knew what they were talking about now. 

It was hands down the biggest case David had ever worked on. It seemed that a senator - yes, an actual United States Senator - was having an affair with a senior official at the Department of the Interior. He was on the appropriations committee and her projects had received quite a bit more funding since their affair began. So as not to be obvious, Senator Mallory wasn’t personally fighting for it, but was instead secretly funding a lobbying group that was.

The kicker was that the lobbying group was run by a person who didn’t seem to exist. There was an offshore account under the same fake identity that held millions of dollars and whenever money from it was withdrawn, the woman’s wealth seemed to increase, according to her bank statements. Additionally, information kept tracing back to one other guy at Interior but it was unclear as to how he was involved.

David was excited and nervous in equal measure. At two, he went back into the conference room to meet Kelly, Plumber, Charlie, DaSilva, Higgins and Conlon.

“Hey, boss,” Kelly said, “welcome to the party.”

“Hi everyone. I apologize, I’m as caught up as I can be but I’m sure I’m still behind.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Plumber glare at Kelly, who didn’t have any outward reaction. 

“That’s all right,” Charlie said, “that’s what this meeting’s for anyway. It’s our daily ‘let’s see where we are’ gathering.” 

“Great.” David tried his best to pay attention to what they were saying but found his mind wandering.

After about twenty minutes (during which David was thoroughly confused), JoJo knocked on the door frame. “Sir? Sorry to interrupt but you have a phone call and it sounds urgent.”

“Who is it?”

“A Tobias Levi?”

“Seriously? Okay, I’ll take it in my office. Excuse me.” He quickly gathered his papers and returned to his office, which was luckily right next to the conference room. The phone started ringing after a second and he picked it up. “Hello?”

“David. I’m sorry to call in the middle of the work day,” came an upset sounding, shaky voice in Hebrew. 

“Don’t worry about it, Rabbi. Is everything okay? Is everyone okay?”

“Everyone’s fine. I got a letter this morning and I should have opened it then but I wasn’t thinking and- anyway, he’s trying to contact you. I’m sorry.”

David put his head in his hands and resisted the urge to scream. “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry he went through you. I never meant to get you involved.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, boychik.”

“What did he say? You know what, you can actually just fax it over to me if that’s easier. I don’t want to take up your time.”

“You shouldn’t have to read it and I’m always happy to talk to you.”

“Rabbi, it’s-”

“Stop it. He was asking for your new address so that he could change the information on the account. David, you have to get a lawyer.”

“No.” He inhaled sharply. “No, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I made a commitment and I’ll stick to it. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? Honor my word?”

“He didn’t honor his end of the deal. You really think God would want this for you?”

“I have no idea what God wants.”

“Don’t tell anybody, but neither do I,” joked Rabbi Tobias. David chuckled sadly. 

He cleared his throat. “‘If a man makes a vow to the Lord or takes an oath imposing an obligation on himself, he shall not break his pledge; he must carry out all that has crossed his lips,’” quoted David. He heard the rabbi sigh. 

“You’re memorizing passages to convince yourself of this, David? Don’t you-” He cut himself off, abandoning whatever he had planned on saying. “The very next passage talks about circumstances in which that isn’t true, yes?”

“None of the exceptions fit my situation.”

“I don’t understand. You know as well as I do that we need to take into account how the world has changed. And I’ve never known you to be so strict in your interpretation - especially of  _ Numbers.” _

“I keep kosher.”

“Why?” David didn’t answer. “Because of tradition. We’ve spoken about this many times or did you forget who you were talking to? I know you, David, and I know this isn’t you. You’re looking for reasons to feel guilty. You’re blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault.”

“I made a commitment, Rabbi,” he said.

“Yes, you did. Tell me, when a couple breaks up, does that mean they’re disobeying God?”

“What? No.”

“But they’ve made a commitment to each other. And what about divorce? People promise to be married forever.”

“That’s different,” David argued.

“How?”

“The commitment they made was to each other and neither of them want it anymore. Or one of them realizes that they can no longer fulfill that commitment because they’ve fallen out of love and you can’t control that.”

“And people stop doing things when they separate. Maybe someone promised to do the dishes every week. They can’t now can they?”

“This isn’t not doing the dishes.”

“No, it’s you putting yourself at risk.”

“I’m not at risk, I promise. I’m not poor or anything, Rabbi, and I just got a promotion. I’m comfortable.”

“Not financially: emotionally and mentally.” Neither of them said anything for a moment. “Don’t you want to be happy, David?”

“I made a commitment,” he reiterated. “Don’t I have to honor it?”

“This isn’t the commitment you made. You know I care about you, yes? Beyond the role of a rabbi.”

“I know. I care about you too.”

“You’re like a son to me.” David felt himself well up. “Please, son, don’t do this to yourself.” 

David wiped his eyes with his fingers and pinched the bridge of his nose. He sniffled. “I have to. If I give my word I have to honor it regardless of whether or not he does.”

“Do you remember the time you were twelve and you stormed into my office?” Rabbi Tobias asked after a moment of silence. “You were so angry,” he continued with a chuckle. “You gave me ten pages on historical context and mistranslations. I couldn’t get a word in but even if I could have I wouldn’t have known what to say. You went on and on for twenty minutes about how the Torah doesn’t condemn homosexuality and do you remember what you said afterwards?”

“No.”

“I won’t ever forget it. You said, ‘And even if it does, I don’t care!’ It was the first time I had ever heard you say you didn’t agree with scripture.”

“I don’t know why I did it. It’s not like we aren’t Reform anyway.”

Rabbi Tobias chuckled. “Because it meant something to you. You didn’t want a ‘times are different now and we know it isn’t wrong’ answer; you wanted to prove that it wasn’t ever condemned at all. You were self-righteous and you wanted to be right so much that you didn’t care if you were wrong. You were angry at God and I’d never been prouder of you.” 

David guffawed, shocked. “That’s the day you gave me the book.”

“Yes. Do you still have it?”

“Yeah. I don’t plan on ever getting rid of it.”

“Where’s that fire, David? I see it in everything you do except for when it comes to yourself. If this were anyone else you know you’d be on my side.”

David sighed, unable to argue. “I know. I…I don’t know what it is. I’m just so angry, Rabbi. All the time. Every second of every day.”

“I know.”

“I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” He was getting more and more emotional and somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he was at work and should probably find a way to stop. 

“I can’t tell you what to do, boychik. I’ve given you my advice on the situation but I don’t know how to get rid of that anger.”

“What did you used to do? When I was angry, I mean. You always made it better.”

“No, I was always with you as  _ you  _ made it better. I’ll be with you now, but I can’t do it for you. I don’t know how and even if I did, it’s your anger.”

“Does God want me to feel like this?”

“I can’t speak for God but I’d be shocked if that were the case,” he said softly. “If God took control of every facet of our minds there’d be no pain.”

“I’d like that,” David said longingly. 

“No, you wouldn’t. We wouldn’t appreciate happiness if we didn’t have pain. You…have more pain than most and I’m sorry. But-”

“I know, I know, I have to remember I’m lucky and that plenty of people have it a lot worse than me.”

“That wasn’t what I was going to say. Other people’s suffering doesn’t diminish yours. I was going to say that sometimes you’re allowed to feel sorry for yourself. You, more than any other person I know, don’t let yourself experience the pain. You ignore it and tell yourself that it doesn’t matter and you have to move on.”

“But I do sometimes.”

“Sometimes, sure, but it’s not healthy to always think that way. Let yourself be sad. I’m going to tell you something and you need to promise to try and hear it, okay?” 

“Okay.”

“You got fucked over.”

“Rabbi!”

“Oh, please. I’ve dedicated my life to God, I think some cursing will be excused. You got fucked over and any normal person would be in a dark room, lying in bed, crying.”

“I did that.”

“For what, two hours? Give yourself some time, yes? And if you don’t want to discuss the other thing anymore we don’t have to but promise me you’ll think it over?”

“I promise,” he said reluctantly.

“Good. We can be done for now. I should let you get back to work. How is it so far?”

“It’s too early to tell.”

“Well, let me know. We’re all rooting for you.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that.”

“Of course. I’m sure it’s inappropriate to say while I’m at work, but I don’t say it to you enough and it’s the most important phrase there is: I love you.”

David breathed shakily, overwhelmed with gratitude. “I love you, too.”

“Call soon, yes?”

“Yes. Thank you for everything.”

“Of course. Bye.”

“Bye.” He heard the dial tone but it took him a second to place the phone back on the receiver.

David turned his chair around just in case someone walked by and looked in. He let the tears fall. He wasn’t sure which of the thousand emotions he was feeling was making him cry. 

Outside of his family, there was no one who had had a bigger influence on David’s life than his rabbi. They had an unusual relationship but it was incredibly important to him and he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

When he was a kid, the adults at shul used to call him רב קטן - little rabbi - because he was always following Rabbi Tobias around and spending afternoons with him. He learned scripture, sure, but Rabbi Tobias mostly taught him about life. Besides Sarah, he was the first person David would go to with a problem.

That had changed a little bit since he moved away but David wasn’t ashamed to admit there were times when he didn’t know what to do and called his old rabbi. He was a second father to David and there was nothing more valuable to him than his advice. Unfortunately, that meant that David would actually have to consider what he had said today instead of ignoring it and continue to do what he was doing. He was contemplating if he  _ could _ bring himself to ignore it (he definitely couldn’t) when someone knocked on the door. “Come in.”

“Hey, boss,” Kelly said. David turned his chair back around. “I’ve just got a sheet Kath forgot to give us at the beginning of the meeting, so- are you okay?” 

Shit. Was it very obvious that he had been crying? Maybe he had tear tracks. He quickly wiped his face. “I’m fine. Sorry I had to duck out, I just-”

“Are you crying?” 

“No,” he said sternly, “I’m not. Can I have the paper?” Kelly placed it cautiously on his desk. David tried to feel bad but he just couldn’t. He was having a shitty day and all Kelly had done so far was make it worse. “Was there anything else?”

“No.”

“Please close the door behind you.” He stared pointedly at the paper, pretending to read it, and Kelly left.

David could have sworn he heard a whispered, “Asshole,” before the door clicked shut.


	3. Jack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack’s hatred of his boss grows.

Jack knew it was going to be a bad day as soon as he walked into the office. Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned their attention to him. 

“He’s not happy with you,” Rafaella told him as she walked by. 

“Who?”

“Who do you think? Jacobs.”

“Why?”

“Don’t know. He was in the conference room with Katherine and Crutchie and when they were walking out he told them to send you to him when you got here. Let’s just say it didn’t sound like you were getting a raise or anything.”

Jack groaned. “Are you kidding me? It’s day five.”

“Yeah. Oh, and he canceled the morning meeting and Katherine and Crutchie wouldn’t say why. How was your meeting?”

“Unproductive just like I said it would be when you all told me to go.”

She shrugged, patted him on the shoulder, and said “Good luck,” before leaving him to his fate. Jack put his stuff down by his desk and took as long as he could to do so. Katherine noticed and came over. 

“He wants you.”

“I heard. Why?”

“Jack…just go, okay?” He huffed but complied. The voice that told him to come in after he knocked sounded cold and biting. Jack would admit that he was feeling a little nervous. As much as he hated the guy and thought he was an up-on-himself asshole, Jacobs was still his boss.

“You wanted to see me?”

“Have a seat.” Jack closed the door and sat. “What’s this?” He slid a piece of paper across his desk and Jack looked at it.

“It’s the subpoena I sent to legal for approval.”

“Right. I want to know where you think you get the authority to subpoena documents without my approval?”

“I had Denton’s.”

“But this didn’t happen while Denton was here, it happened while I was here. You submitted it yesterday without my knowledge.” 

Jacobs looked angry and Jack tried to keep his breathing steady. Yelling at his boss who hated him was probably a bad idea. He subconsciously picked at the leather peeling off the chair.

“I figured if it was already approved it didn’t need to get reapproved. It’s a waste of time.”

“Well it isn’t,” Jacobs seethed, “because I’m not approving it.”

“What? You’re not approving it because you’re pissed at me?”

“I’m not approving it because you don’t have enough evidence to justify it.”

“That’s why we're subpoenaing the records! To get more evidence! We need them to prove-”

“Yes, but even though we know what they’re going to show us, we don’t have a strong enough basis for-”

“That’s bullshit!” Jack exclaimed. “It’s obvious that-”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s obvious, and watch your tone,” Jacobs spat back. “It doesn’t meet my standards.”

_ “Your  _ standards? And what are those?”

“Yes,  _ my _ standards. If this were a case being argued in court and we were saying that these records will show what we think they will, would we be able to prove it beyond a reasonable doubt? The answer is no.”

“But he’s guilty! Don’t you want to get him?”

“Yes, but not like this.”

“Why not?” He was loud and Jack knew that if this didn’t stop soon, he’d be yelling. 

“The U.S. criminal justice system was built to keep innocent people free, not to lock up guilty people. We’ve done a pretty poor job of that on the whole so regardless of how much of a scumbag he is, while I’m in charge everybody gets due process.”

“But-”

“We have the highest prison population in the world. Does he deserve to go to prison? Absolutely, but I’m not going to pretend to be so smart that I’ll always be able to pick and choose. Four percent of people we execute are later exonerated and that’s not how this is supposed to work.”

“This could add months to our timeline! And he’s not going to be  _ executed,”  _ Jack argued. 

“It was a metaphor and you know that because you’re not an idiot.” He pulled the form back, placed it in an open file, closed it, and put it in a drawer. “I trust you can see yourself out.”

Jack stood aggressively, his chair rolling back about halfway across the room. He didn’t bother to fix it.

“Kelly,” Jacobs said when he was at the door, “don’t let something like this happen again.”

Jack practically slammed the door behind him. He ignored the concerned looks of his friends and stormed his way down to the bathroom. As soon as the door closed behind him, he screamed and kicked the garbage can.

He did his breathing exercises until he calmed down enough to not explode at everyone and everything. He was splashing water on his face when the door opened.

“This is the men’s room,” he said, heaving a sigh. 

“Crutchie was gonna come but he’s working on something time sensitive.” Katherine didn’t say anything else and allowed Jack another minute to compose himself. 

“He’s a self-righteous dick.”

She shrugged. “So are you.”

“Hey!”

“I know you want me to be supportive right now and I am but I’m also going to defend him for a second.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ve been rude to him all week! And he’s not entirely wrong.”

“How is he not wrong?”

“You’re not even denying the rude thing?”

“I pick my battles. How is he not wrong?”

“Because we know what we’re going to find and we know that he’s guilty in this case but we won’t always know that and we don’t get to have different standards for different people.”

“It’s bureaucratic bullshit.”

Katherine rolled her eyes. “Due process in an FBI investigation isn’t bureaucratic bullshit.”

“It is for this.”

“Look, I get that you’re upset that you’ve been working on this case for awhile and he’s new and-”

“I’m not! But he doesn’t have any fucking faith in me!”

“He doesn’t know you! Denton wasn’t nearly as hands off in the beginning as he was by the end. You just don’t like him because you decided not to.”

“Whatever. I have to get to work because apparently I’m about two months behind now. You know, this is why people hate the government.”

“Oh my god, stop acting like a Republican,” she bemoaned. “You’ll feel better if you stop putting so much energy into hating him.”

“I’m not the only one who does.”

“Nobody likes him because you don’t and no one trusts anyone you don’t trust! I told you this last week.”

“And I told you our friends can think for themselves.”

“They do and one of the things they think about is your feelings, jackass.” 

“I don’t know what it has to do with me.”

“You’re so dumb sometimes. Are you being purposely obtuse?”

“I’m not being obtuse at all.”

“You are and in doing so you’re being a dick. The only people here who like him even a little are me and Crutchie. You work in an office full of your friends doing your dream job; you’d think you’d have a little sympathy for someone like Jacobs.”

“Someone like Jacobs?”

“New in town and obviously very lonely.”

“If you’re so worried invite him out for a drink or something.”

“It’ll look like I’m only doing it out of obligation and he’ll say no. Until people stop being jerks he’ll be uncomfortable and that starts and ends with you.”

Their catch up meeting that afternoon was tense. Crutchie and Finch tried their best to talk about what their next steps could be but Jack kept glaring at Jacobs and Katherine kept glaring at him. Spot eventually said they should disband and everyone was happy to follow his suggestion.

Jack went back to his desk and half paid attention to emails for about an hour until Spot came by and whacked him on the back of the head. “Ow!”

“You can’t complain about being behind if you’re gonna sit there doing nothing all day.”

“I don’t know what else I can do! Until I get those records I won’t learn anything new.”

“Go back and-”

“Spot, I’ve gone through everything a hundred times.  _ Literally, _ at least a hundred times each. The twins and Tommy Boy are sorting through the phone records but they’re just gonna tell us that they called each other and that don’t prove anything.”

“I think that’s Jacobs’ point.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “Whatever. He’s storming in here acting like he knows everything.”

“He told you not to do something and he’s your boss.”

“He’s your boss too.”

“Yeah and I wouldn’t try to fucking subpoena anything without his permission.” Jack clenched his jaw. “Come over for dinner tonight.”

“Spot-”

“You haven’t in weeks and it’s starting to upset your brother. Every Friday, that was what we all said. When was the last time you saw Medda?” He didn’t answer. “Exactly. Come over.”

“Fine.”

Spot looked like he wanted to say something else but he stopped himself and walked away. Jack was happier for it. He had had quite enough criticism for one day and didn’t need another one of his brother-in-law’s unwelcome opinions.

He went back to work, deciding to go through all their evidence again and a little while later, he noticed Jacobs coming out of his office with his stuff and in a coat. 

“This has gotta be a fucking joke,” Jack whispered to Mush. “He gives me all this extra work and he’s leaving at–” he glanced down at his watch “–three forty? He’s such an asshole.”

Mush shrugged. “There gotta be some perks to being boss, right? Plus he’s always here pretty early.”

“Still,” he said, heedless of Jacobs walking by, “he’s an asshole.” He saw his boss freeze for half a second and then keep walking. He couldn’t help but smirk. 

Jack didn’t like hurting people’s feelings but it was a different story when it came to bullies like Jacobs. He was cold, cruel, and a knowitall. He had come in and stalled a perfectly good investigation and Jack knew he would only continue to ruin all of their hard work. He was using their case to prove he was the boss and that he had the final say. Jacobs was the biggest dick Jack had ever had the displeasure of working for.

But who knew? Maybe the higher-ups liked him so much that he would keep getting promotions. Hopefully he would be gone soon. A part of his mind that he didn’t like told him to make him so miserable that he would want to leave but Jack knew that wasn’t an option. The best case scenario was that Jacobs would realize that nobody wanted him to be a part of this on his own.

Jack knew what it was like to be an outcast and didn’t wish it on Jacobs, only that he would go and find a different place where he could fit in better. The nagging voice in his head told him he was being dramatic and unkind, but he ignored it. There was nothing unkind about wanting to protect himself and his friends from someone who would only hurt them. And that’s what Jacobs would do: hurt his team. Jack couldn’t let that happen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise Jack isn’t a mean person.


	4. David

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David is lonely.

_ “Still, he’s an asshole.” _

Kelly’s comment replayed over and over again in his mind during David’s walk home. He wasn’t  _ trying  _ to be an asshole and he didn’t see why getting pissed that Jack had gone over his head and then snapped at him put David in the wrong. And he came in at least fifteen minutes early every day (most days thirty) to make up for his absences on Friday afternoons in the fall and winter! Nobody in Washington had a problem with it (that he knew of (that thought was certainly going to fester)) but apparently it was going to be a problem in New York. Ironic. 

His phone rang and interrupted his thought spiral. He fished it out of his pocket. “Hi Saz.”

“Hey. Are you on your way home?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in like twenty minutes.”

“So it was fine then? You worried for nothing?”

“Nope. They still hate me and one of them called me an asshole under his breath as I walked by.”

“I’m sorry, boychik. Same one as the other day?”

“Yeah. Whatever, they’ll get used to it or they won’t. I’m trying to be as accommodating as possible to how they work but I’m not bending on this.”

“Good! I’m proud of you.”

“For not being a pushover?”

“Yeah, basically. So…how are you feeling about all this? Your first Shabbat in the new apartment.”

“Fine. Weird. I don’t know, I was in a hotel room last week so this is better but I’m supposed to be with my family. And even before I had…anyway.”

“I’m sorry, neshama.”

“It is what it is. My roommates are being pretty nice about everything.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Above and beyond actually. They asked me if I had a mezuzah I wanted to put on the door.”

“Seriously? That’s awesome.”

“Yeah. I like them, they’re just a lot sometimes.”

“You lived with Les for fourteen years.”

David laughed. “I guess that’s true, although these guys are a lot in a different way. There’s a ninety percent chance I’m going to have to put a towel under my door and open the window during the weekends. There’s absolutely no way the whole place isn’t going to smell like weed.”

“Don’t you like…have to do something if you see it?”

“Yeah, but it’s one of those things that no one is going to care if I don’t do.”

“Cool. Okay, I should go because I’m supposed to be teaching right now love you, bye!” she said all in one breath and hung up. David laughed.

It was always a little uncomfortable going to a new shul for the first time but within twenty minutes he felt at home. The walk back was nice too and by the time he entered the apartment he felt about a hundred times better than he had after work.

His roommates were in the kitchen eating out of Chinese food cartons. “Secret agent man!” Buttons (as he insisted on being called) greeted him. “Shabbat shalom!” 

David laughed. “Shabbat shalom. How are you guys?” 

“Fan-fucking-tactic,” Millie said. 

“I can’t tell if that’s sarcastic or not.”

“For once, no. It’s Friday, I’m eating Chinese food, and my professor canceled class this morning so I slept in. Want some?” 

“No thanks.” 

“I’m pretty sure this is kosher,” Buttons told him, gesturing with the carton he was holding. Millie reached over and smacked the back of his head. “Ow!”

“You’re literally holding pork fried rice, you moron.” She turned away from him. “How was work?”

“It was…a long day.”

“There’s beer in the fridge.” 

“Thanks.” He placed his neatly folded jacket on the back of the couch and got one out before collapsing into a chair at the kitchen table.

“So, David,” Buttons began, “I read a super interesting article on plausible deniability today and-”

“Oh my god,” Millie groaned, “he’s not going to arrest you.”

“You don’t know that!”

David laughed. “I’m not going to arrest you and I really don’t care. Just, you know, don’t commit a felony so I don’t have to testify about your character in court.”

“No promises,” Millie joked. 

“Smalls! Don’t say that in front of an FBI agent!” 

“You watch too many crime shows.”

“I watch the perfect number of crime shows, thank you very much.”

“David, what percentage of what happens on those shows is accurate?”

“Maybe seven, but that might be generous.” Tsfarde’a padded over and jumped into his lap. He happily rubbed between her ears, eliciting a purr. She leaned into his chest and David had to stop himself from pressing kisses all over her head in front of his new roommates. 

“Ugh, stop crushing my dreams. Tell me about a bad guy you’ve caught.”

“The ‘bad guys’ I catch are mostly white-collar, so unless you think assistant undersecretaries committing tax fraud is super edgy I don’t have anything fun for you.”

“Assistant undersecretaries?”

David took a swig of his beer. “And that’s on an exciting day.” 

“What are you working on right now?”

“He can’t tell us that, dumbass.”

“I really can’t. Sorry.”

“Oooo, it’s  _ classified.  _ I feel dangerous.”

“Are you drunk already?”

“No, I’m just excited. Our roommate is a secret agent-”

“He’s not a secret agent.”

“And I want to know about his spy stuff.”

“He’s not a spy either.”

David chuckled and excused himself. He carried Tsfarde’a to his room and threw himself down on the bed. She curled up on his chest.

He pet her and stared appreciatively at her fur. She was beautiful. The fur on her stomach up to the bottom of her head was pure white and her top was grey, but it was such a peculiar shade that it looked almost blue. For that reason he had been close to naming her Yankee but then  _ he  _ had joked that she was a plague and David went with Tsfarde’a - the Hebrew word for frog. 

The people at the shelter weren’t sure what breed she was, but she was definitely a mix. David personally thought she was a cross between a European shorthair and an American Wirehair. When he had told his siblings that they stared at him in concern and told him he needed to get out more. David didn’t care though. Was he a little unhealthily attached to his cat? Probably. Was he interested in changing that? Absolutely not. 

“Do you like our new home, Tsfarde’a?” he whispered. “Buttons and Millie are nice. You seem to like them more than you liked him, although I don’t know if any cat could hate any person more than you hated him.” He smiled sadly. “You’re always looking out for me. You’re my best friend. Is that sad? Probably. My two best friends: my cat and my sister. No offense, but I had been hoping it would be a human I’m not related to by the time I was twenty-seven.

“Don’t get me wrong, as cat best friends go you’re kinda perfect. Les says you’re a dog in a cat’s body and I don’t know that he’s wrong. You’re always happy to see me, but maybe that’s just because I feed you. Still, I love you, Tsfarde’a.”

David sighed. “Christ, I need to get laid.” 

On Monday morning, David got into the office even earlier than usual. To his surprise, the door was already unlocked and there was somebody inside. 

“Kelly?” The man was slumped over and asleep. His desk was covered in papers, he had a laptop open, and the desktop was asleep but had clearly been on earlier. Even at the poor angle David was viewing him from it was easy to tell he looked like shit. 

David wasn’t entirely sure what the protocol was for these situations. Did he wake him up? Would it be weirder if he just went to his office and later Kelly would know he had walked past him? His decision was made for him when a door slammed somewhere in the distance and Kelly jerked away, barely catching the half full mug as it threatened to fall.

“Jacobs?”

“Have you been here all night?” 

“Nah.” He rubbed his eyes. “Got here at about two to go through the senator’s tax returns again.”

“Did you find anything new?” he asked awkwardly. 

“Nothing relevant.” He yawned and stretched. “But we’re not gonna find anything relevant anyway because we’ve been through everything we have seven times. I’m going to shower,” he said and left before David could respond to the passive aggression.

He sighed and went to put his stuff down and settle in for the day. David stood by what he had said on Friday, but Kelly wasn’t wrong that it was unlikely they would glean any new information. They would just have to find another lead - though those rarely showed up just because one wanted them to.

As if the universe had read his mind, exactly two minutes later, Higgins came barging in. “Turn on Fox News!” he demanded.

“What?”

“Turn on Fox News!” Higgins shuddered. “Ugh, I can’t believe I just said that. I think I gotta go to confession.” 

David got the remote out of the drawer (Higgins rolled his eyes) and turned on the small television sitting on his shelves. Fox was on a commercial break. Higgins groaned. “They’re showing clips from something he said about the budget talks this morning.”

“Okay?”

“The cameras follow him as he gets into the car. Guess who you can see sitting inside of it?”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m not. Is-”

Kelly ran into the room. “I just saw Spot in the hallway. Is it on Fox?” he asked, gesturing to the television.

By the time the commercials ended three minutes later, there were six people gathered in his office, staring intently.

“Welcome back. We’ve been discussing the surprising remarks made just a few hours ago Senator Pat Mallory on the current budget talks taking place in the Senate Appropriations Committee,” the anchor said. The screen transitioned to a video of Mallory walking towards a car and being questioned by an MSNBC reporter.

“Senator, can you comment on the rumor that you and several other Republican senators on the Appropriations Committee are threatening a government shutdown unless the House agrees to a three-hundred-billion dollar tax cut?”

“That’s entirely oversimplified.”

“Leader Marjanovic said yesterday that the top seven percent will be receiving a six percent reduction. Can you comment on a Washington Post report that cited several economists saying this will hurt working class Americans?” 

Mallory wasn’t looking at the camera, instead looking forward and walking quickly. “I can’t comment on a piece I haven’t read. What I will say is that the Democrats, as per usual, have decided that the government knows how to spend your money better than you do.”

“It’s not my money, it’s billionaires’ money.”

“We’re not in the business of punishing people for being successful.”

“A shutdown will mean government employees won’t be paid. How can-”

“That’s their fault for voting Democrat. Excuse me.” A security guard opened the car door for him.

“Pause it!” Martinez yelled. 

The screen showed a woman peeking out as the back door opened. It was undeniably Diana Rogers, the woman they had suspected he was having an affair with. The people around David whooped and cheered. It seemed odd to him, but then again they had been working on this case for a lot longer than he had and this was a major victory.

“That enough proof for you, Jacobs?” Kelly yelled excitedly. He smiled shyly. “Racer, champagne!”

“Why do you think I have any?”

“Yeah, he’d never keep alcohol at work,” Conlon said sarcastically.

“All right, I’ve got some for a special occasion.”

David was almost entirely sure he should stop this but he wasn’t sure he could at this point. Twenty minutes later, the rest of the staff was in and they were all drinking champagne from plastic cups. How did Higgins have that much champagne? And why champagne of all things?

“Want some?” Kelly asked, sauntering over to where he was leaning awkwardly against the wall and stopping next to him. They didn’t face each other. 

“Oh, uh, no thank you.” Higgins hadn’t specifically offered him any so he wasn’t sure he should. Besides, it was nine o’clock on a Monday morning. “Congratulations,” he offered.

“Thanks. So, how’s New York treating you?”

David looked over at him. Why was he asking that? It seemed out of character for Kelly to be nice. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. David had noticed how nice he was to everyone else around him. Everyone in the office seemed to trust him and look to him as a leader.

“Um, fine.”

“You said you used to live here. You got folks around?”

“No. My family is in Chicago.”

“Chicago? Why would anybody choose Chicago over New York?”

David chuckled. “My mother got a job there so we moved about ten years ago.”

“So you don’t know anyone here?”

“No. I mean, I have roommates now so I guess I know them. And all of you,” he said awkwardly. He knew Kelly meant friends but it felt a little embarrassing that he didn’t have any, even though he had only been in New York for a week and a half. “Do you have family here? I mean, sorry, that’s stupid, you said you were born here.”

Kelly smirked. “Yeah, I got family. Charlie and Race are my brothers.”

“What? I didn’t know that.”

“We don’t look alike or nothing so I didn’t expect you to. We’re adopted, that’s how come we have different last names.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Unfortunately, that means Spot’s my brother-in-law.”

“Wait, what?” David thought he knew all of their nicknames by now but maybe he was confused. Wasn’t Spot the nickname they used for Conlon? “How?”

Kelly looked at him like he was an idiot. “He’s married to Race.”

“Seriously? Oh. Okay, I didn’t…okay.”

“You got a problem with that?”

“No! No, not at all. I mean, I’m- yeah, no.”

“You’re what?” Kelly asked, smirking again. “What were you gonna say, Jacobs?”

“I’m…gay.” He always felt weird saying that to someone new. He never knew how they would react. In this case, it was obvious that Kelly didn’t care considering his brother was married to a man, but it was nerve-wracking nonetheless. 

“If you need any suggestions for good clubs around here…” Kelly teased.

“Wh- I, no, I-”

“Relax, it was a joke. You’re a tightly wound fella, aren’t ya?”

“I…suppose. I should get back to work.”

“Come on, let them have ten more minutes. They’ve been working hard and-”

“Oh no, that’s fine! Take as long as you’d like. I just meant I should.”

“You don’t want to celebrate?”

David offered him a small smile in gratitude. “You guys have worked on this for awhile; you should celebrate with each other.”

He was confused about what was happening. Kelly was suddenly being friendly and it was disorientating. David tried to focus on paperwork.

He was ecstatic (in theory but not in practice) to have been given the promotion, especially at the age he was at, but it seemed that the higher up he got, the more paperwork and less investigating he was doing. He knew there would be opportunities for the work he enjoyed and that he could jump in on anything if he really wanted to but right now he was being extra careful not to step on anybody’s toes.

The morning passed in a blur. Thankfully, by ten everyone was back at their desks and nobody seemed drunk. Thank God the interns were at a sensitivity training seminar until after lunch. When he was walking back from the bathroom around noon, he noticed that the staff room was packed and the tables were full as people ate. He didn’t want to make anybody uncomfortable so he took his peanut butter and jelly sandwich out of his bag and ate at his desk. He would usually work through lunch but Amelia was on him about taking breaks so he decided to call home instead. They picked up quickly.

“Hello?”

“Aba. Hi, it’s me.”

“David! How are you?”

“I’m all right. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me. How’s work today?”

“It’s pretty good, actually.”

“How so?”

“I can’t talk about it,” he said apologetically. “Sorry, Aba.”

“That’s okay, boychik. Is everything okay?” 

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You usually don’t call in the middle of the day. I’m happy to hear from you, though.”

“I’m just taking a break and I wanted to hear your voice.”

“It’s nice to hear yours too. Tell me about your coworkers. I know you said it’s been awkward.” 

“A little but I think it’s just because I’m new and we’re all still adjusting.” He didn’t think that.

“Have you made any friends?”

“I told you yesterday that I didn’t.”

“It’s been more than twelve hours!” 

David chuckled. “Well, not yet. Like I said though, my roommates are very nice.”

“Yes. They’re a couple, right?”

“I honestly don’t know. I thought so but I saw their room yesterday and there’s two beds, so unless they’re a television couple from the fifties…anyway, I think they’re just friends…who kiss.” His father laughed. “Yeah, I want to ask but I almost feel like it’s too late.”

“You didn’t talk much about shul the other day. How was it?”

“It was good. Everyone was very friendly and welcoming. I’m pretty sure the adults see me as some lost puppy who needs help and the kids see me as a terrifying killer agent.”

“When you were five there was a soldier who was stationed in town so he joined us one week. You and your sister and your friends all thought he was an assassin.”

“Seriously?” David laughed. “How did we even know what assassins were?”

“I blame Mr. Brennan. He was always telling you kids crazy stories.”

“Yeah.” There was a lull in conversation and David took it as an opportunity to change the subject. “Aba, are you going to give Ima a hard time tomorrow?”

“I always give her a hard time.”

“I don’t mean in general. You know what I mean.” His father sighed. “You need to listen to her and to the doctors. They have your best interest in mind, okay? And they all know a lot more about this than you do.”

“About  _ my _ body?”

“Yes!” he replied with an incredulous laugh. “Your body is not unique. The doctors spent years studying biology and medicine, and so did Ima.”

“David-”

“No, I’m serious. You have to stop ignoring them. If you don’t, we can’t trust you to take care of yourself and-”

“David-”

“No! Listen to me!” he snapped. “Ima and Sarah work, and Les goes to school. If we don’t trust you to take care of yourself, guess what’s happening? I’m quitting my job and coming home to be your nurse.”

“No, David. We’ve discussed this, I won’t allow you to.”

“You’re not going to have a choice. I’m not trying to guilt-trip you, but I will if that’s what it takes.” 

His father sighed. “You’re overreacting.”

“I’m not. Everyone around you thinks I’m having a perfectly normal reaction. Do what you’re told. Please,” he said, desperation evident in his voice. 

“Okay, David.”

“Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too. Call again soon, yes?”

“I will. Get some rest.” 


	5. Jack

In hindsight, it probably hadn’t been the best idea to use the corner of the bullpen with Jacobs’ office as the end of the lane but it was too late now. Besides, it was seven in the morning and not that ridiculous for them to have assumed he wasn’t in yet. And then he opened the door.

“What the hell?”

Race, Jack, JoJo, and the twins all froze. There was Jacobs, in a disheveled suit and with messy hair, standing in his doorway and staring down at the toppled root beer bottles they were using as pins and the  _ Paw Patrol _ rubber ball they were using to bowl.

Race spoke first. “Uh, hi?”

“‘Hi’ is what you’re going with?” JoJo asked angrily. They all began bickering with each other until Mike told them to shut up and they looked back at Jacobs, who still seemed confused

“I…okay.” He turned around and went back into his office, shutting the door.

“Should we go in there and apologize?” 

“Seems like the right thing to do.”

“The right thing? What did we do wrong?”

“We were bowling outside of his office at seven in the morning!”

“We didn’t know he was here!”

“Hey! Tweedledumb, tweedledumber,” Jack interrupted the twins, “I’m going in because I don’t want to be fired. Join if you want.”

“He’s not going to fire you over bowling,” JoJo said longsufferingly.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he was looking for an excuse anyway.” He knocked.

“Yeah? Come in.”

“Uh, boss?”

David looked up from where his head was in his hands. “Hmm? You guys don’t have to stand there, you can come in.” They did so awkwardly. “What’s going on?”

“We just wanted to apologize,” Mike said. “So…sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m not even sure what  _ it  _ was but it’s fine.”

“We were bowling.” 

“Uh, okay. Don't worry about it.”

JoJo frowned. “Have you been here all night, sir?”

“Yeah. I didn’t mean to fall asleep, but I guess I did,” he explained sheepishly.

“Why?”

“Combing through a case I’m consulting on.”

“Are you gonna go home?” Race asked. They had an important meeting at noon. Jacobs shook his head.

“I have another suit here and I’ll use the gym showers after I make myself another cup of coffee.”

“Oh, I’ll do that, sir,” JoJo offered.

“No, you don’t have-”

“Happy to. It’s my job.” He took the empty mug off of the desk and left the room.

“Right. Okay.”

Jack chided himself for thinking Jacobs’ disorientation was cute. It wasn’t  _ cute,  _ it was ridiculous. He was a boss who didn’t understand when the assistant offered him coffee. What an idiot.

Jack took some time to go to the gym and when he was finished he needed a shower desperately. With a towel around his waist he stepped into one of the showers but quickly stepped back out, doing a double take. A few stalls down from him, the water was running and flooding the floor around it. From experience he knew that unless someone took longer than twenty minutes, that didn’t happen.

“Hello?” No one answered. “Is someone in there?” Jack walked over and bent down to see if he could see legs or feet. He could. He banged on the door.

“Shit!” A shampoo bottle fell and came sliding out the bottom. Jack picked it up and held it over the top. “Thanks,” the voice said meekly. “Sorry, I just-”

“Fell asleep in the shower there, boss?”

“I…yeah. Sorry.”

“It happens to the best of us.”

“Really?”

“Not me, but I’m not the best of us.” Jacobs laughed and Jack found himself smiling. Why did it feel good to have been the cause of that laugh? Granted, it was a nice laugh but it was  _ Jacobs’ _ laugh.

He had been noticing a few not so negative (he wasn’t willing to say positive) attributes of his boss these past few days. First, he was smart as a tack and he knew what he was talking about, loath to admit it though Jack was. It seemed there was nothing he didn’t know and he was entirely up to date on the case, even though Jack had given him a ridiculous amount to read.

He was also kind. Sure, Jack still thought he was a bit of an asshole, but he was decent enough to the people around him. Yesterday, Henry had dropped a bunch of files and Jacobs had spent half an hour helping him put them back in order. He hadn’t gotten mad when Hot Shot was about five hours late on the paperwork he was supposed to give him or when Mush showed up in the middle of the day without having called in.

And unfortunately for Jack, Jacobs was organized. He knew what everyone was working on and what needed doing. If someone was behind, he offered to help them, but Jack wished he just didn’t know and they could go at their own pace. 

So yeah, okay, maybe Jacobs wasn’t as terrible as Jack had originally thought. 

The shower turned off and Jack stood back as Jacobs reached for his towel and came out. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Jack tried his best not to be shallow, he really did, but there was no denying how attractive Jacobs was. He had already known that but seeing him shirtless certainly added to it. He wasn’t ripped or anything, but there was something about him that made Jack want to push him up against a wall.

“Kelly? Are you all right?”

“Uh, yeah. Fine. And it’s Jack.”

“I’m sorry?”

“My name. Call me Jack.”

Jacobs looked surprised. “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure. You should really call all of us by our first names, you know.”

“Why?”

“Because everyone else does and it’s weird that you don’t.”

“I told Morris - Charlie,” he corrected himself, “that I don’t want to seem overfamiliar.”

“You won’t. Trust me, they’ll appreciate it, Jacobs.”

“If I’m going to call you Jack, you can call me David.”

Jack smiled. “Sounds good, Davey.”

“David.” He was ignored.

“Not that I don’t love standing around half naked with you but I should shower.”

“I wasn’t stopping you,” David responded, a blush creeping across his face. “In fact, you’re the one who came over here, if I recall.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. My memory’s pretty good.”

“Well, it’s gotta be if you’re an investigator.” He saw David’s eyes tracing over his abs. “Like what you see?” He startled and looked back up, terrified.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to- I’m so sorry. That was really unprofessional of me and it won’t happen again, I swear. I-”

Jack cut him off by smashing their lips together sloppily. It was messy, way too wet, and probably couldn’t even be called a kiss. There were too many teeth involved and Jack was pretty sure David had hit his head pretty hard on the wall behind him. For half a second he thought he had been reading things wrong but then he felt David’s tongue and knew he hadn’t been.

He pulled away for a second to catch his breath but he couldn’t start again because David practically shoved him away. “Oh my God. Oh my God, Jack, I’m so-”

“Sorry? I’m the one that started it.”

“I shouldn’t have reciprocated. Fuck, I’m your boss!” David covered his face with his hands and groaned. “Fuck!”

“Davey, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine! Do you know how many rules we just broke? Both FBI and ethical?”

Jack shrugged. “So what?”

“So what? So what? We can’t do that! I- you can’t even properly consent! I have authority over you and it’s not-”

“Does it seem like I didn’t consent?” he asked, eyebrow raised.

“It doesn’t matter! It’s wrong!”

“It didn’t feel very wrong to me. Come on, David. You’re so uptight. You gotta release that tension somehow, right?”

David stared at him, mouth agape. “Not like that! Oh my God, I could be fired for this.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to tell anyone.”

“There are cameras!”

“How often do you think people are watching the cameras? They don’t watch video of the goddamn bathroom unless they need to. How much do you think the security people would even give a fuck? You’re worrying for nothing!” 

“For nothing? Not for- I can’t have this discussion while I’m not even dressed.” He stormed off to the lockers and Jack followed him. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to get you to calm down. We didn’t do anything wrong. Actually, I’d say we did several things  _ right.”  _ David glared. He slammed his locker shut and went to change in one of the empty showers. “Don’t be like that.”

“Like what? Anxious about the fact that I just kissed my subordinate in the showers?”

“We weren’t quite in the shower but if you want to-”

“Don’t finish that sentence.”

Jack sighed. “Look, if you’re that bothered about it, I won’t kiss you again.”

“Good.”

“But it wasn’t like you weren’t into it.”

“It- it doesn’t matter.”

“I don’t hear denial.”

“Please shut the fuck up.” 

“Listen, boss-” 

David stuck his head out from behind the curtain. “Don’t fucking call me that right now.” He only took another few seconds to come out. He shoved past Jack and marched back to the locker. “This can’t happen again. Ever.”

He threw his hand up to placate David. “Fine.” 

“And you’re not going to tell anyone?”

“I’m not gonna tell anyone,” he swore. 

“Right. Good then.” His hands were shaking as he tried to tie his tie. “I  _ am  _ sorry. I know you initiated it but I shouldn’t have returned it.” His hand slipped and he had to restart. “It’s my job as the boss to not- Fuck!” His hand had slipped again. He banged his fist on the locker and leaned his forehead against it, breathing heavily.

Jack felt a little guilty. He was white as a sheet and he wouldn’t be surprised if he fainted soon. Jack didn’t exactly regret kissing him - no matter how bad the kiss itself had been, he could tell there was definitely potential there. There had been a spark.

His friends and family often talked about the spark when it came to romance. Race described his first kiss with Spot in detail far too often and the story always centered around the spark he felt. Jack thought it was bullshit. Was it nice to kiss someone you were into? Duh, but that didn’t mean there was anything special about those types of kisses. He hadn’t had many successful relationships- or any, really - but he had always been dubious about it. Yet somehow, after twenty-seven years of life lived, Jack felt like he had had his first kiss all over again, except better. He felt a spark, and he didn’t want to give it up.

Jack carefully laid a hand on David’s bicep and turned him around. “Let me. I’m sorry I made you upset,” he said, tying it for him, “but I liked kissing you.” 

“I…liked kissing you too. I just-”

“Shh. I know. What about just this once?”

“I don’t-”

“Please, Davey?” Something about calling him that must have softened David and he nodded. “Thanks.” Jack leaned in and kissed him, but just barely. It was soft and sweet and hopefully made him less nervous. “How was that?”

“It was…yeah.” 

Jack smirked. “It was yeah? Come on, let’s go back to the office, or do you need a minute?”

“You need to shower. If we go back at the same time-”

“Nobody will think anything about it.” David didn’t look so sure. For his sake, Jack complied. “Okay, I’ll shower. Go drink some water, yeah? You’re flushed.”

“Right. Yeah. Okay.” David stumbled out of the locker room and Jack tried his best not to be disappointed. He had seemed pretty adamant that it wouldn’t happen again, but Jack already missed how David’s lips felt against his own.

When he was eight, Jack had been messing around outside and accidentally made a wasp angry. It had stung him right on the lip, making him sob. It had tingled and stung for hours. This felt like the exact opposite of that. It was a pleasant tingle and he never wanted it to end.

Sadly, the source of it had just walked away, probably forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Power imbalances aren’t cool but this is a fanfiction.


	6. David

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very heavy chapter, fair warning. (I may or may not have thrown in a rant that isn’t entirely relevant but oh well.)

“Hello?”

“Rabbi? It’s me. It’s David.”

“David? Is everything all right?”

He choked on a sob. “No. I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right, you haven’t done anything. What's going on?”

David was sitting on the floor with his back against his desk. Nobody could see him from the bullpen though his efforts were likely futile; he imagined he had looked pretty disheveled and anxious when he walked through.

“I did something bad. Terrible.”

“Okay. Do you want to tell me what it is or should we just talk generally?”

“No, I’ll…I kissed my coworker. Actually, he kissed me but I kissed back.” He could still feel it. 

“David, I’m sorry but I’m not sure what you did wrong.” 

“I’m his boss, Rabbi. The decisions I make affect his career and I–” he sobbed “–I took advantage of him.”

“He kissed you?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I don’t see how you took advantage.”

“He caught me staring at him and maybe he thought I wanted him to.” The thought hadn’t even occurred to him until that very second. David and Jack had certainly had their differences these past few weeks. Did Jack think he needed to do something to make David like him more?

“You’re overthinking.”

“I’m not. I took advantage and the worst part is I’m not even crying because I feel bad about it.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because I don’t,” he mewled. “I- I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called.”

“I’m always here for you.”

“It’s not your responsibility to-”

“David. I’m your rabbi and your friend and I will always help you regardless of whether or not it’s a religious issue. And all issues can be related back to God when you think about it, no?”

“I can’t tell if you’re being funny or serious.”

“Apparently neither,” he grumbled. David chuckled despite himself. “Do you like this man?”

“No. Maybe? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m his boss and even if I wasn’t I can’t be in a relationship. I mean, it was a kiss, I don’t even think he’s interested in me, but even if he were and I was interested too.”

“Maybe you aren’t ready yet, but-”

“No, I can’t ever be in a relationship.”

“What are you talking about, David?”

“I’m not…I’m not fit to be in a relationship. I’m not suited for it.”

“How so?”

“I mess everything up. I’m terrible at it and I end up hurting people.” He sighed and then, much more quietly, added, “I’m not good enough.”

“That isn’t true. You’re going to judge yourself based on what he told you?”

“Yes! Of course I am! I was with him for three years, Rabbi, he got into my head.”

Rabbi Tobias sighed too. “I know. I also know that no matter how many times I tell you he was wrong you’re not going to believe me.”

“He…he ruined me, Rabbi. I’m sobbing on the phone to you while sitting on my office floor and hiding from my coworkers. If he hadn’t–” David double-breathed and had to start over “–if it wasn’t for him I’d still be…”

“Still be what?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I don’t know what I am without him.”

“I do. You’re the same kind and brave and intelligent and thoughtful and sweet man I’ve known for years. He never defined who you were, even if he tried to.”

“I just…I never understood before how people didn’t know. They’d talk about it in health class or on television and I never got how people didn’t realize.” He hated thinking about it. 

“Realize what?”

“You know.”

“I do, but have you said it out loud yet?”

“No. My therapist wants me to but it’s hard.”

“I know, boychik. You don’t have to say it to me - or to anyone, for that matter. You can say it to yourself or to-”

“I was in an abusive relationship. I was abused. I was manipulated and controlled by a person I thought loved me.” He got through it more easily than he thought he would.

Suddenly, his stomach lurched and David dove for the trashcan. “Sorry,” he said weakly when he was done.

“I’m proud of you. I know that was hard.” 

“I…yeah. It feels kinda good though.” He let his head lie back against the desk and closed his eyes. 

“Does it?”

“Yeah. Terrible, but good. I wasted three years of my life on him and I don’t want to be scared to say it.”

“That’s good, but you need to acknowledge that you didn’t waste three years. A lot of good things happened in those years too.”

“I meant romantically.”

“Did you?”

Before he could answer, someone knocked on his door and opened it without waiting for a response. David stood quickly, phone still clutched in his hand. He realized he probably looked like a disheveled mess.

“Oh my God. Are you all right?” Katherine asked.

“Rabbi, I have to-”

“I know. Go home and call me when you get there.”

“I can’t-”

“Go home.” He hung up. 

“Sorry about that. What do you need?”

She marched towards him and basically shoved him into his seat. “Don’t stand. You look like you’re going to pass out.” 

“I’m not.”

She glanced at the trashcan next to him. “Did you throw up?”

He blushed. “Yeah, a little.”

“I thought so. I’m going to get JoJo.” 

“Why?”

“He’s a nursing student. He takes classes at night. I’ll be right back.”

“No, I appreciate it, but-”

“Oh my God, please just shut up, sir! Stop being so stubborn.” She hurried out, her hair bouncing as she moved. David wasn’t sure what he was meant to be doing. He tied the garbage bag up so no one else would have to deal with it and waited.

Katherine came back with both JoJo and Charlie in tow.

“Are you all right, sir?” JoJo asked.

“I’m fine. I don’t need any help, Katherine’s just overreacting.”

“I’m not.”

“Yeah, she’s definitely not,” Charlie said. “You’re pale as a ghost.”

JoJo felt his forehead and frowned before taking his wrist. “When was the last time you slept more than five hours?” He looked at his watch as he took David’s pulse.

“I honestly don’t know. Friday night, probably.”

“That’s six days.”

“Yes, thank you, Katherine, I can do math.” 

“Six days!” she repeated angrily. 

“Do you have a heart condition of any kind?”

“What? No, not that I know of.” He pulled his wrist away. “Why?”

“Your heart rate is ridiculous.” He looked at their colleagues. “Would one of you get him some water?” Katherine nodded. “You should go home, sir.”

“I’m not going home just because my heart is a little fast.”

“You have a fever and you vomited. Your immune system is probably rundown because of exhaustion; you need to sleep to get better.”

“My immune system is fine.” He was reminding himself of his father but elected to ignore it. “Higgins will kill me if I’m not here for our meeting later.”

“If you show up to this meeting looking like that we’re not doing to be taken seriously,” Charlie told him bluntly. “You need to go home.”

“You should see a doctor, sir.”

“No. Like you said, I’m just tired and need sleep. I’ll go home a little early and be fine by the morning.”

Katherine came back in and made him drink. “Have you convinced him to leave yet?”

“No.”

“I already said I’d go home early but I have an important meeting.”

“And  _ I  _ already said that if you show up it won’t go well. Race will tell you the same thing.”

“Just go home, Da- sir,” Katherine corrected herself.

“You know you can all call me David, right? I don’t mind.”

“We weren’t really sure what you wanted to be called to be honest, but I’ll inform the troops.”

He chuckled. “Thanks, Charlie.”

“Stop trying to distract us. Go home,” Katherine fumed.

“Do you live with anyone? You shouldn’t be alone like this.”

“Uh, I have roommates?” he offered up awkwardly. “They’ll be home later.” 

“He’s asking if you have someone to take care of you.”

“Yeah, I know.” David would have liked to get out of this conversation with some semblance of dignity left but that was, evidently, a pipedream. “No, I don’t, but I’ll be okay. I’ll take some NyQuil and go to sleep.” They looked skeptical and unsatisfied. “Guys, I don’t know what else you want from me.”

“Fine. JoJo, get him in a cab, would you?” Katherine requested.

“I can hail my own taxi.”

“Right now I’m not sure if you could even hold your hand up high enough.”

He gave in. “JoJo, handed me the thick green binder on the shelf behind you,” he said, putting his bag on his lap to pack it. 

“You can’t go home and work!”

“I have stuff to get done.”

“Let us help.”

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to, but thank you.” He stood, slightly wobbly.

“I’ll carry that for you, sir.” 

“Thanks. Can you apologize to Higgins for me?” he requested. Charlie nodded.

“I’ll call every few hours and check in.”

“We won’t answer,” Charlie singsonged, smiling and waving.

“Fine. At least give me updates?”

“Nope!”

“Aren’t I supposed to be the boss?”

“Eh.” He shrugged. “Depends on my mood.”

David startled awake when Millie gently touched his forehead. “Sorry!” she exclaimed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“Hmm? What?”

She chuckled. “You’re really out of it. What’s going on?”

“My coworkers made me go home,” he grumbled. “I’m fine though.”

“Yeah, okay,” she replied sarcastically. “Can I get you anything?”

She was offering to help him? Why? She didn’t owe him anything and in David’s experience, unless somebody was related to him they didn’t want to help him when he was sick. Not that he minded. David liked being self-sufficient. It made him feel in control. 

“No thanks” was what he went with when he wasn’t sure what to say. He noticed that she had Tsfarde’a in one arm. “Why do you have my cat?”

“I’m stealing her,” Millie said, but handed her over nonetheless. Tsfarde’a curled up between his arm and chest and laid her head on his bicep. Millie smiled and took out her phone.

“What are you doing?”

“Taking a picture. You two are cute.” It was odd to hear a woman with a pink pixie cut, a nose piercing, and about eleven ear piercings call something cute, but David was coming to learn Millie didn’t exactly fit conventional standards. “Now let me ask you something, secret agent man.” She was using Buttons’ nickname for him but she didn’t sound happy.

“Okay?”

“All I wear are open-stitch sweaters but she hasn’t ruined any of them when I’ve picked her up. Did you declaw her?” she asked, accusatorial. David smirked at the fire in her eyes. 

“No,” he answered, “although I’m happy to hear you’re upset about it. Whoever had her before me did it.”

“She’s a rescue?”

“I think if she could talk she’d tell you I’m more her rescue than the other way around, but yeah.”

“That’s sweet. You’re sweet. If I was a little older and you had a heterosexual bone in your body, I’d want to jump you.”

“Thanks?”

“You’re welcome,” she said and lovingly pulled his blankets up a little higher. 

“Are you and Buttons not…”

“No!” She laughed as if the very notion was absurd. “Nah, he’s just my best friend.”

“With whom you make out?”

“‘With whom,’” she mimicked. “Yeah. You’ve never kissed your best friend just for fun?”

“My best friend is my sister so no.”

She cringed. “Yeah, good call. How long have you had her? Tsfarde’a, not your sister.”

“Two and a half years.”

“Was she a kitten?”

“The shelter said she was probably around eighteen months.” He scratched between her ears as he spoke. 

“She’s more attached to you than I’ve ever seen a cat be attached to a person.” 

“I guess. She’s technically my emotional support animal.” He felt the gentle vibrations of her purrs start as she drifted off to sleep. 

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “I have pretty terrible anxiety and depression. Although to be honest she’s super lazy so I’m not sure she encourages me to do much when I’m depressed.” Millie laughed. “But yeah…we’re attached to each other. It’s probably a little unhealthy.”

“I don’t think so.”

Millie bit her lip like she was contemplating something and then knelt next to his mattress. She leaned over and softly kissed his forehead.

“What was that for?”

She shrugged. “You don’t strike me as someone who would ask for affection if you needed it.”

“I-”

“Did you know scientists say you should have twelve hugs a day? Because they do. I know you don’t know anyone here but us so…”

“You and Buttons are going to hug me twelve times a day?” he asked jokingly.

“That’s probably not practical but you need some form of physical affection.” She stroked Tsfarde’a’s head absently. “Something obviously happened to you before you came here.”

“I don’t-”

“You don’t have to tell me, I’m just saying that we’re not idiots. Whatever it is, we’re here for you, okay? We’re your friends.”

“Are you?”

“Don’t you think so?” 

He smiled sadly. How had they known?  _ What _ did they know? David wanted to be annoyed but he was mostly grateful that his roommates were such kind people. He was also not a little relieved. He had been telling himself he didn’t want anybody to know, and he didn’t really, but it was nice that they at least knew he was struggling. In the past, he would have been ashamed but in recent years David had learned how to open up to people, if only a little. He imagined he would find it aggravating at some point but in that moment - sick, exhausted, and lonely - it felt like a blessing. “It’s been a very long time since I’ve had friends.”

“Then you’ll have to relearn it. Step one, let me get you some Tylenol and water to bring your fever down while you cuddle with Tsfarde’a, okay?”

“Okay,” he replied, trying not to sound too emotional. “Thanks.”

“What are friends for?”

The next time David woke up it was because his work phone was buzzing next to him. He groaned and answered it using muscle memory. His eyes stayed closed.

“David Jacobs.” Tsfarde’a expressed her unhappiness at being woken up by batting at his face.

“Sir? It’s JoJo.”

“JoJo, it’s–” he blearily opened his eyes and glanced at the alarm clock on his desk “–one in the morning.”

“I know. I’m sorry, sir, but you need to come in.”

“Why?”

“Diana Rogers is in custody.” He sat up ramrod straight.

“What? Whose?”

“Metropolitan police.”

“Is she okay?”

“Yes, she’s fine. She’s white.”

“Fair point. Okay, what did she do?”

“She was originally pulled over because her tail light was broken but she had a kilo of coke on the seat next to her.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No. Did you- Jack! Stop it!” There was a scuffle of some kind. 

“Davey? It’s Jack.”

“Okay?”

“Did you hear?”

“Obviously he heard!” JoJo shouted in the background.

“Are you coming in?”

“Yeah.” He rubbed his eyes. “I’ll be there in thirty minutes.”

“Do you know anyone at MPS?”

“Yeah, but I’ll call. I can’t- I’m still seventy percent asleep, I’ll be there soon.”

“Davey, you-” He ended the call and put his legs over the side of the mattress, trying to gather the willpower to stand. 

“Okay. Okay,” he huffed tiredly. “Obudź się, David. Się ubrać i umyć zęby,” he told himself. 

It took him three tries to button his shirt and four to tie his tie. His hands were still shaky and he felt a little faint. 

Millie and Buttons were watching television in the living room when he came out. Buttons fumbled for the remote and paused it.

“Where are you going at one in the morning?” she asked.

“You’re sick!”

“I know, but there’s an emergency at work. I can’t talk about it, Buttons,” he said preemptively. “Would one of you feed Tsfarde’a in the morning? Sorry.”

“No problem. Text us if you die or something.” Millie hit Buttons upside the head. 

“Sure, it’ll be the first thing I do. Bye.”

Still half asleep, he made his way to the closest busy intersection and hailed a cab. “Federal Plaza,” he told the driver.

One thing David really appreciated about taxis in New York was that nobody felt the need to chitchat. The lazy stereotype that New Yorkers were rude was dumb, in his opinion. What it was was that people were conservative about time and in a rush. It was a different culture but that didn’t mean it was rude. Getting into a taxi at one in the morning in D.C. always involved questions and, friendly as they were, David didn’t want to answer them. Here, he could make calls and get work done. He dialed Katherine’s number.

“David?”

“Do you have any details? What time did it happen?”

There was a shuffling of papers. “Eleven fifty-two.”

“And we just heard about it? Why?”

“Why would the Met know we’re looking into her?”

“We flagged her, didn’t we?”

“Yes, but it takes a while to process people. It’s fine, there’s no time crunch.”

“There absolutely  _ is _ a time crunch and it’s a little frustrating that you don’t get that,” he seethed, trying to keep his cool. “What if he’s her phone call? I want to talk to her before he does.” He heard beeping. “I’ll be there soon. I’m getting another call.” He switched over without looking at the caller id. “Hello?”

“David?”

“Les? What’s wrong?” His younger brother should have been asleep.

“Ima took Aba to the emergency room,” he said, sounding like he was about to cry. It knocked the wind out of David. 

“Okay, you’re okay. What happened?”

“I don’t know! She just woke me up to tell me they were going so I didn’t panic if I woke up in an empty house!”

“Where’s Sarah?”

“I don’t know! She wasn’t here when I went to bed and she’s not here now!”

“Shh, it’s okay.” He wanted to tell him that everything would be fine but he had no way of knowing that. “I’m going to call Sarah and then I promise I’ll call you right back, okay?”

“Okay.” He sniffled. “I love you.”

“I love you. Bye.” Luckily Sarah was speed dial one on his phone because David wasn’t sure he would have been able to dial all ten digits.

“David?”

“Sarah, what the hell is going on? Les called me.”

“I’m on my way to the hospital to meet them. I’m not sure what’s happening. Ima said he was sweating a lot and his chest was suddenly super painful.”

He held back an angry scream. “Okay. I told Les I’d call him back so-”

“Yeah. I love you.”

“I love you too. Keep me up to date.”

He tried to calm Les down as if he wasn’t internally panicking himself. When he got into the office people flooded him, shouting his name but he held up his hand, pushed his way through to his office, and locked everyone out. 

“I’m scared.”

“I know you are, żabko.”

“But you are too. You don’t know what’s going to happen otherwise you’d tell me it would be okay!”

David sunk to the floor and exhaled tiredly. “I’m sorry I can’t tell you it will be okay; it might not be, but no matter what we’re together, okay? We’re a family and we’ll always be there for each other.”

“But we’re not together! You’re not here! Sarah stayed in Chicago how come you didn’t?”

He was sure the subject change was Les’ subconscious way of trying to distract himself. It made David feel worse. 

“I…I got a job in D.C.”

“I heard Sarah talking about it,” he spat. 

“Talking about what?”

“A year ago. She said you could have transferred home but you didn’t.” David had been hoping Les would never know about that. It was one of his biggest regrets for a lot of reasons and he was ashamed. The fact that his little brother knew made him nauseous.

“Les…I’m sorry. You have to understand, I didn’t  _ not _ want to be home, but I-”

“You wanted to be with  _ Oscar _ more. Because you loved him more than you loved us.” 

Even the name made him feel sick. David had to take the phone away from his face so that Les didn’t hear him cry. He did his best to gather himself. 

“That isn’t true. I love you guys more than anything or anyone else in the world.”

“I don’t believe you. You might now but you didn’t then. You never came home and you never let us visit and you never called.”

“Not never. I swear I love you more than-”

“Whatever. I don’t care,” he lied. “If you still loved him after the stuff he said to you, you probably deserved it.”

David had lived a very full twenty-seven years. He didn’t like to think of himself as having had a hard life (so many people had it worse), but there were definitely some painful memories. Some of the things he had heard or felt or done were burned into his memory and would be with him for the rest of his life. Nothing, however, had ever hurt as much as that.

There was already a huge part of him that thought it and hearing Les agree was simply confirmation. Even if he knew logically that it wasn’t true (he wasn’t sure he did), it was  _ Les. _ If he thought that then it must be at least a little true.

“Boychik-”

“No, whatever! Just go back to him and leave us alone. It can’t have been that bad if you stayed. Fuck you.” The call ended.

David sat shaking for several minutes. Then he suddenly and desperately needed to get to a bathroom. He practically ran out of his office and down the hall before collapsing in a stall and emptying his stomach into a toilet. For a long time, his world was a gross mixture of vomiting and crying. He had nothing left in his stomach so every heave was painful.

“Davey?” came Jack’s voice softly from behind him. David quickly wadded up some toilet paper and wiped his mouth clean. “Are you okay?”

“Sorry. I’ll be there in a minute.”

“No, it’s fine, we were just worried.” Jack laid a hand on his shoulder and he turned to face him. His eyes held genuine concern and it made David want to cry even more.

“No need to be worried.” He tried to smile but couldn’t. “What time is it?”

“Almost two.”

“Okay. I have a guy I can call, just let me wash my mouth out and-“

“Hey. What’s going on? How can I help?

David shook his head. “It’s nothing. Help me by giving me a hand up.” On his feet, he felt dizzy.

“Woah.” Jack grabbed his shoulders to steady him. “Easy there. Let’s get you sitting down, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jack put an arm around his waist and, embarrassingly enough, took most of David’s weight. He didn’t have the energy to protest. When they approached the office he insisted on walking by himself. Jack seemed reluctant to let him, but agreed.

Inside, he stumbled to the conference room and basically collapsed onto his chair. He heard the sharp intake of breath that indicated that someone was about to talk but no sound came. When he looked up, Jack was glaring at someone, silencing them.

It seemed odd that Jack would do that for him, but he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Under normal circumstances, David might protest - he didn’t need a protector - but for tonight and only tonight, a little protection was called for. 


	7. Jack

David gathered himself frighteningly quickly and it made Jack wonder how often he was faking it day to day. How much of David’s neutrality was a facade? It was often the case that coworkers might seem a lot more serious or stiff at work than they otherwise would, but it seemed that David went in the opposite direction. Both in the locker room and in the bathroom, he had acted miserable. Maybe it could be chocked up to a bad day or that his sickness, but Katherine had said it herself just a few short weeks ago: their boss was lonely.

Jack refocused on the matter at hand.

“I’m going to call my guy at the Met and see if we can talk to her. Her bail hearing won’t be until morning so we have–” Jacobs checked his watch. “–seven hours.”

“What makes you think she’ll want to talk?” Finch asked.

“We can offer her a plea bargain.”

“The Met will work with us on that?”

David looked nervous as he said, “I’m saying we offer her a plea bargain on  _ our _ case and get her to testify against him.” Yelling erupted around the room and Jack was inclined to agree with the angry voices. “All right, enough!” They quieted down. “I get that you’re upset but I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t all shout at me.” His tone was stern and allowed no room for argument. “Thank you. Now, if we do this and she accepts, she’s agreeing to be found  _ guilty. _ So even though it’s not exactly what we want, she’s held responsible.” David took a moment to look at each of them and when his gaze landed on him, Jack felt warm. 

“For a long time, the United States Senate was considered to be the highest and most respected deliberative body in the world. Do you know what people from other countries do on Election Day in America? Or did, until recent years, I suppose. I remember watching the news in twenty-twelve and seeing people in China having mock elections - pretending to vote. I saw a story about a local representative in Nairobi throwing a watch party. Our government and our elections are the envy of the world.

“I’m not naive enough to think America is perfect or the greatest country in the world or whatever people say. Our government and, frankly, older generations have failed us.” He held up his phone. “In the last twenty-four hours alone I’ve gotten CNN notifications about police brutality, overcrowding in prisons, gerrymandering, campaign finance laws, poisonous water in Flint, climate change, the sugar lobby, and the Alabama legislature trying to limit the rights of transgender students even further.

“In school they have people come and teach about all the great things the Constitution promises and how we’re the freest country on the face of the earth. They say these things to to kids who are homeless, kids who have to worry about getting killed for the color of their skin, kids who can’t go to an airport without watching their parents get patted down. They pretend like our history isn’t based entirely on systematic oppression. And those of us lucky enough not to be constantly surrounded by hatred? They send us out into the world and to a failing economy, student debt, and no health care. I’m sick and tired of watching them do whatever they want without repercussions.

“So can we agree that an administrator at the DOI getting off easier than she should is worth telling the world that a member of that mighty deliberative body is not exempt from consequences?”

Rafaela briefed him while he threw stuff in his bag. “Are you sure you got all that?”

“Yeah, I got it.” Jack threw his coat on. “Have a little faith.”

“In you?” She wrinkled her nose. He laughed. “Maybe I should go.”

“Talk to him! He’s being stubborn and there ain’t no way I’m not going.” They had only been able to find two tickets on such short notice and David had insisted on being the one to go with him. 

“Neither of you are lawyers,” she argued.

“You think he’s not gonna read your briefing book a thousand times on the way down?” Jack knocked her on the shoulder in a brotherly fashion. “Relax.”

“Jack!” David called, coming out of his office. “Let’s go.” He walked out without waiting for him. Jack rolled his eyes and kissed Rafaella on the cheek before following. David was repeatedly jamming the down button on the elevators. 

“We’ve got time.”

“We’ve got forty minutes.”

“We’ll take a taxi, not the subway. Calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down,” he snapped as the elevator opened. Inside, David leaned back against the wall and exhaled. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I get it, you’re stressed.”

He nodded appreciatively. “Thanks.”

“Yeah. Hey, that was some speech you gave before.” 

“I stole about a third of it from Aaron Sorkin.” He answered his ringing phone. “Sarah? Co z nim?” All right, well apparently David spoke Polish. “Czemu płaczesz? Powiedz, co powiedział lekarz?”

Jack stood awkwardly, trying not to look like he was eavesdropping, which, he reminded himself, was stupid seeing as he didn’t understand a lick of what was being said.

David’s eyes were watery by the time they got out of the cab and his call ended. He apologized, sniffling.

“Is everything okay?”

“Uh…no, not really.”

“What’s-”

“I’d rather not talk about it in the middle of Penn Station if it’s all the same to you.” It was said kindly and Jack was becoming more endeared to David by the second. The other, more annoying side of that coin was that his worry increased. He tried to rationalize it by telling himself he just didn’t want to see such a pretty face looking sad, but Jack knew it was more about David than it was about superficiality.

“I’ll buy you a cookie to cheer you up?”

David laughed. “A cookie?”

“Yeah, there’s this stand in the middle of the Amtrak area and they make these really thick cookies that are like, basically cakes.”

“It’s three in the morning; they’re not going to be open.” 

“How about a slice of pizza then?” He was trying to keep him distracted but it only worked for a second, then he went back to staring off into space. Jack was surprised he didn’t trip jogging up the stairs.

Neither of them spoke again until they were on the train. Jack took the aisle seat, figuring it might help David to stare out the window sullenly. “I think my dad’s dying,” he said out of nowhere. Jack stilled.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Davey, if you need to go then go. The train’s gonna start moving any minute.”

He shook his head. “I won’t know if I need to leave for a little while. I can fly out of Dulles.”

“Right.” It sounded too logical and analytical for how dire the situation was. “You seem pretty casual about this. Not judging or nothing.”

“Yeah. I’ve had so many anxiety attacks in the last six weeks. I think I’m just shutting down to avoid another one.” He took his head off of where it was resting on his hand and looked at Jack. “He has metastatic cancer. Diagnosed eighteen months ago and he just went into the hospital with a blood clot.”

“Davey-”

“I was trying to comfort my little brother but he just told me to fuck off.” David laughed, sharp and humorless. “And now I’m telling this to you even though you’re the absolute last person I should be telling and-”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why am I the last person you should be telling?” David stared at him like he was an idiot.

“Are you serious? Because I’ve already crossed so many boundaries with you it’s not even funny and you hate me anyway.”

Jack was flooded with an overwhelming sense of guilt. He had made David feel unwelcome and hated. Two days ago he wouldn’t have cared but now it was the most important thing in the world.

“Who says I hate you?”

“Don’t play dumb.”

“I’m not! Look, Dave, I’m sorry I was a dick to you but it was just about…I don’t know what it was about! But you’re a good guy and you didn’t deserve it.”

“I…thank you. That means a lot.”

“Do you think I woulda kissed you if I hated you?”

“Yes? You’ve never hooked up with someone you can’t stand?”

“No! Have you?” David blushed. “Oh my God, Davey, have you had hate sex?”

“Shut up. It was college! Go back to telling me I’m a good guy.”

“Well, it’s true, even if you’ve still got a stick up your ass,” he mocked. 

“Caring about rules equates to me having a stick up my ass?”

“Seems to me you only care about the rules that keep you miserable?”

David tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t get mad when one of us messes up or breaks protocol or whatever but you care when you think you’ve done something wrong.”

“I don’t think that’s true. I just want to be professional and I wasn’t.”

“You didn’t care that we had champagne at ten in the morning or that we’re all hugging all the time or that Spot and Race make out in the staff room when no one’s around.”

“Okay, well that one I didn’t know about.”

“But do you care?”

“I mean, I wish I didn’t have the image in my head but…” He shrugged.

“Exactly. I’m not gonna bother you about it right now, but I don’t regret what happened yesterday.”

“You don’t?”

“Hell no. You’re hot.”

“I- what?” David sputtered. “ _ You  _ think  _ I’m  _ hot?”

“Duh. Do you think I would have kissed you like that if I wasn’t attracted to you? Christ, you’re down on yourself.” The statement obviously made David very uncomfortable so he moved on. “Whatever, point is, I like you. I’m just figuring it out - literally as we’re talking - but I do. I don’t know why. Everything you do makes me want to rip my hair out but I just do.”

It was true. Despite how crazy David made him, Jack’s attraction to him was more than just passive. He felt like a middle schooler with a crush: confused, excited, and like he might die if David didn’t like him back.

“I know this isn’t the time, but I wanted you to know.”

David took almost a full minute to respond and when he did, all he said was “Okay.”

“Okay? That’s it?”

“I told you, I’m shutting down. I’m not sure how I feel.”

“If you’re not into me you can say so. I won’t be mad or nothing.”

“It’s not that. I mean, it is but it’s also that I don’t know how I feel about the whole ethical thing and…to be frank, I just got out of a long term relationship about six weeks ago. It ended terribly and I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for me to get involved with someone else. I don’t know if that’s what you were suggesting.”

“It was. We can put that piece away for awhile if you want.” Jack rubbed his hands together anxiously and made a decision. “Do you have an outlet?”

“An outlet?” He moved and pointed to the power strip attached to the wall next to him. “You need it?”

“No. You’re the most stressed person I’ve ever met in my life and you need an outlet. How do you relax?”

David snorted. “I don’t.”

“Well, I’m around.”

“Around?” David repeated. Jack quirked an eyebrow and waited for him to understand. “Oh. You want to be…what, friends with benefits?”

“If you wanna call it that. When was the last time you got laid, Jacobs? Was it exactly six weeks ago? I’m willing to bet it was longer.”

“I…yeah, a lot longer.”

“There you go then.”

“Okay. Can I think about it? And can we talk about it another time?”

“Yeah, `course. I didn’t mean to be insensitive or whatever.”

“No, you weren’t, I just…”

“I get it. Why don’t you try and sleep?”

Surprisingly, David agreed right away and was out for over two hours. Jack skimmed through the stuff Rafaella had ordered he read but he couldn’t focus. Around five, David’s phone vibrated. “Davey. Dave. David.” He shook him but David just grumbled and turned over. Rolling his eyes, Jack took the phone out of his lap and answered for him. “Hello?”

“Dav- who is this?”

“I’m David’s coworker. Who’s this?”

“His sister. Give him the phone.”

“I’m trying. He’s sleeping and won’t wake up.”

“Flick his forehead.”

“What?”

“It works.” Jack wondered what his life was and did as he was told. David jerked awake.

“Ow! What the hell?”

“It’s your sister.”

“Oh. Thanks. Sarah?” Jack didn’t even pretend not to be paying attention this time. “Co z nim?” Whatever Sarah said must have been good news because David sighed in relief and slumped in his seat. “.ברוך השם”

Jack let himself relax a little and put in headphones. If David’s dad was obviously okay he felt like it would be rude to keep listening. For now, he spent his time the same way he had for the past two hours: telling himself to work and then thinking about how he felt about David. 

How could he go from hating someone to liking someone so quickly? The answer, he knew deep down, was that he never hated David in the first place. Katherine had been right, as per usual; Jack had forced himself to hate David because he saw him as someone who was trying to replace Denton. He had forced himself to hate his wit and quickness, forced himself to hate his deadpan humor and wonderful sarcasm, forced himself to hate his passion, forced himself to hate his utter genius, the list went on and on.

Now that he had time to sit down and think about it, Jack knew he was infatuated with David, much to his chagrin. Because despite all of this,David was still annoying, obnoxious, snooty, stubborn, and painfully formal. He made Jack so unimaginably angry. He wanted to shut him up sometimes and he wanted to do it by lying on top of him and kissing him senseless.

David tapped him hesitantly and he took his headphones out. He hadn’t gotten around to playing anything.

“What’s up?”

“I just…sorry, if you were curious, I wanted to tell you my dad’s fine.”

“That’s great!”

David cringed. “Uh, yeah, I guess. I mean, yes, obviously but by fine I kinda meant not going to die today? But it doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence when the doctors say they’re ‘ninety percent sure’ they fixed it.”

Without stopping to second-think it, Jack put an arm around his shoulders. David jumped back, eyes wide. 

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I was startled.” 

“Okay.”

The rest of the ride was silent.

Walking into Metropolitan Police Department headquarters made Jack itch with anger. In college, a professor had suggested police work based on his interests and he had to carefully and calmly explain that he wanted to go into law enforcement to help root out government corruption, not to be part of an institution that did far more harm than good. He didn’t like being there and he didn’t like being associated with it. He stayed silent and followed David’s lead.

“Excuse me, ma’am?” David said at the front desk. “I’m Special Agent David Jacobs, this is my colleague Special Agent Kelly. Sergeant Wiesel is expecting us?”

He knew it was very unhealthy but he had never seen David flash his badge before and there was something about it that sent Jack back to their messy kiss in the locker room the day before. In other words, it was not. And had it actually been less than twenty-four hours? It felt like a lifetime ago.

“I’ll let him know,” the woman said.

“That’s not your title,” Jack pointed out while they waited.

“What?”

“Your title. You said you were a Special Agent and you’re not.”

David shrugged. “Assistant Special Agent-in-Charge is a mouthful and makes me feel pompous.”

“But using the word pompous doesn’t?”

“David!” A heavyset man in an ill fitting suit ambled over. 

The first thing Jack noticed about Sergeant Wiesel wasn’t his thick New York accent, his receding hairline, or even his nicotine stained fingernails. No, the first thing Jack noticed about Sergeant Wiesel was how uncomfortable he made David.

“Sergeant. It’s good to see you. Thank you for accommodating us on such short notice.”

“Anything for you. It didn’t cost me anything but even if it did, the family owes you that much, huh?” Wiesel was teasing but something was off about it. David chuckled politely, though Jack could see it was to cover a grimace. “Who’s this?”

“Oh, uh, this is my associate Special Agent Jack Kelly. It’s his case.” 

“Right. Well, come on back. She’s in an interview room waiting.”

“Does she know why we’re here?” Jack asked.

Wiesel shook his head. “Nope. I told her a couple of FBI guys wanted to ask her some questions and she didn’t mind. I’ll be on the other side of the mirror.”

“I’m sorry, Sergeant but I’m going to have to ask you not to watch or listen. This is classified information.” It wasn’t, but Jack wasn’t about to contradict him.

Wiesel bristled. “I’m doing you a favor, Jacobs.”

“I know and I appreciate it but I can’t bend the rules.”

“I have a right to know what’s going on. I’ve invited you here outta the kindness of my heart and this is what I get?” He stopped them in front of the room where an officer was standing guard. “Disrespect.”

David’s jaw clenched. “Didn’t you just say the family owes me?”

“Fine,” Wiesel relented, eyes dark, “but don’t say I’ve never given you anything.”

Jack could tell if he didn’t intervene things were going to get ugly. “Sir? We should-”

“Yeah. Yes.” David turned away from Wiesel and the officer opened the door for the two of them. Jack shut it firmly.

He had been looking at pictures of Diana Rogers for months. She was always put together, even on the early mornings she was sneaking out of Mallory’s D.C. residence. Jack had probably seen pictures of her at thousands of different events in hundreds of different outfits with dozens of different hairstyles. It felt both anticlimactic and incredibly satisfying to be sitting across from her at a metal table that she was handcuffed to, her hair a mess. Jack didn’t care one way or another what she looked like but he knew  _ she _ cared and the sadistic part of him was happy that she was unhappy.

“Good morning, Ms. Rogers. I’m Assistant Special Agent-in-Charge David Jacobs, this is my colleague Special Agent Jack Kelly. If it’s all right with you, we’re going to ask you some questions.”

She nodded nervously. “Okay.”

“Can you sign this?” Jack slid her a pen and took out a form from a folder in his bag.

“It’s nothing bad,” David assured her, “all it’s saying is that you know that you aren’t being forced to answer anything and that everything you say you’re saying of your own volition.”

She gaped at them with surprise. “The man who told me you were coming made it seem like I had to talk to you.” 

“No. He’s- no, you don’t,” said David. “We’d appreciate it if you did though.”

“Why? What is this about?”

He looked to David, who nodded. “Ms. Rogers, do you know Senator Patrick Mallory?” Jack asked. She tensed.

“I know  _ of _ him, yes. He’s from Alabama, right?”

“Tennessee. So you don’t know him personally? Never bumped into him at a fundraiser or nothing?”

“Uh, maybe? I’m not sure. Can I see a picture?” Jack had to resist smiling. She couldn’t have said something more perfect.

“Sure.” He pulled a glossy out of his folder and placed it on the table. It was an eight by ten of Rogers with her arms around Mallory’s neck on a stoop somewhere in suburban D.C. “Do you recognize him now?”

She blanched and swallowed like someone out of a cartoon.

“Would you like some water, Ms. Rogers?” David asked.

“Yes, please.” David took an unopened water bottle out of his backpack, opened it because she didn’t have two hands to use, and handed it over. She looked at it skeptically. “I bought it at Union Station. We’re not like what you see on the television, okay? We’re not here to harm you in any way.” She took a sip, maintaining eye contact with David.

“What do you want to know?”

“How long have you been having an affair with Patrick Mallory?”

“It’s not an affair. That’s the only time I-”

“I have more than one photo with me.” Jack sighed exasperatedly. “Do you want to make this harder on yourself?”

“I- there’s nothing illegal about sleeping with someone! We’re both consenting adults.”

“No, you’re right there isn’t. Look, I’ve had flings before,” Jack told her, “I get it. None of my flings were married, but whatever. The difference is when I sleep with someone I don’t end up with two hundred million dollars in funding for my projects at work.”

“My projects received funding because they deserved funding. Are you calling me some kind of prostitute, Agent Kelly?”

“No. If you were a prostitute I’d have more respect for you.”

“All right, enough,” David ordered.

“What is this?” Rogers asked angrily. “Some sort of good cop, bad cop bullshit?”

“No, it isn’t, Ms. Rogers. We don’t need to get you to confess to anything because we already have more than enough evidence to prove it.”

“Pat didn’t even fight for that funding!”

“No, he just paid people to do it for him.” 

“What are you talking about?”

“Show her the call sheets,” David told him. “This is your work number, right?” He pointed to the top of the page. She nodded. “For what purpose did you have seventeen conferences calls in a period of two weeks with Senator Mallory and a Martin Stevens last year?”

“I-”

“You know Martin Stevens, right? He’s the founder of the Stevens Water Management Group? The lobbyists who have been fighting for you in the last year?”

“Don’t forget, David, he’s also come into quite a bit of money recently.”

“That’s right, isn’t it? You have too, Ms. Rogers. Correct?”

She went silent, caught with nowhere to run. Rogers took a gulp of water and shoved the records away. “What do you want from me?”

Smug, Jack cleared his throat. “Here’s what’s going to happen: sometime in the next few months a news outlet - probably the Times or the Post, depends on who I choose - is going to happen to pick up a wire report that our team gives to a low level journalist at AP. The next day the headline’s gonna be something like ‘Tennessee Senator Patrick Mallory Accused of Bribery, Embezzlement, and Tax Fraud’ and while everyone’s reading it with their morning coffee, David and I are going to be cuffing your boyfriend.”

“You have options,” David said. “You can cooperate; give us the information we need, resign quietly, and take the plea deal we’re going to offer you-”

“Or we can find you a matching pair to go with Pat’s.”

Rogers started crying and David pulled a box of tissues out of his bag. Jack stared at him, trying to convey his message of “seriously?”

“Am I going to jail?”

“You were going to jail no matter what; you had a kilo of coke in your car.”

“Yeah, where the fuck did that come from by the way?”

“It wasn’t mine.”

“Whose was it then?”

“Fuck you,” she hissed. “If I’m going to jail, I’m going to jail. You think I would give someone else up? Just tell me what the fuck I have to do and what I get out of it.”

Jack’s temper was flaring up and David must have known because he felt a gentle hand brush against his thigh in a way that was clearly intentional. His heart fluttered. It served to calm him down, though, and what an interesting development that was. 

“Ms. Rogers, if you help us we’re willing to offer seven years and a reduced fine, and the only prison time you’d serve for the drug charges would be from now until your case is officially settled. That’s unlikely to be more than six months.” Jack had never seen someone look so utterly destroyed by something that was so obvious. He almost felt bad for her.  _ Almost. _ “Obviously, you can have time to get legal counsel but I must ask that you don’t tell anyone else for the time being, all right?” She nodded numbly. “Do you have a lawyer you trust?”

“Yeah,” she replied absently. “Yeah, he’s coming for the bail hearing today.”

“Okay. Do you mind if we push that back? If you agree to our terms there won’t be a hearing and if not we can reschedule for later in the day? We’ll give you some time.” Jack wondered why David was so eager to leave. Then he heard the faint sound of a vibrating phone coming from his backpack and understood. He helped usher him out.

David stepped into an alcove to be alone and Jack took a moment to sit down. Even though there was a bench against one of the walls he ended up on the floor. He could practically hear Spot lecturing him about taking care of his suits. 

This was far from the first case Jack had worked on - far from the first case he had  _ lead _ \- but this was different. He wasn’t sure if it was because it was so big or David’s presence but it was overwhelming. He had expected that to a certain extent but in his imagination it had been a  _ good _ overwhelming. He wasn’t sure what this was.

All he knew was that he had been waiting for this moment for months and now that it was here, the only thing he could think about was David Jacobs.


	8. David

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David prioritizes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve added a cancer warning to the tags and I apologize for not having done so before. I’m sorry to the people I upset.

“What’s happening?”

“They’re going to keep him for a few days just to be sure,” Esther explained. David smushed himself into an alcove. “That’s not why I’m calling.”

“Is it an emergency? I’m sorry, I’m at work.” He regretted it the second he said it. It wasn’t that David wanted to lie to his mother, but he knew the reaction wouldn’t be positive. 

“You’re at  _ work?” _ She sounded appalled. “You thought your father might die and you’re at work?”

“I was already on my way when Les called. I’m sorry, there was an emergency and it was time sensitive-”

“An emergency, yes? A more important emergency than our family’s emergency?”

“No! No, I swear, Ima, I was prepared to run to Dulles or Reagan if I had to and-”

“You’re in Washington?” Her tone went from furious to terrified in a matter of seconds.

“Not like that,” he promised. “For work.”

“Nothing else?”

“Nothing else.”

“So you got on a train when your father was having an emergency?” She was back to being furious. “I can’t believe you.” 

“I only got on because I knew we wouldn’t know anything for a while anyway. What would you like me to have done, Ima? Stay home and panic? I’m perfectly capable of panicking while I’m at work,” he said bitingly. He rarely got upset with his family and when he did her tried not to show it, but he was too drained to filter himself.

“You should have gotten on a plane. We thought Aba was going to die! You should have come to see him.”

“By the time I got on a plane, landed, and made it to the hospital it would have been too late anyway.” David hadn’t meant to sound so nonchalant about it but it was true. 

“So you just weren’t going to come?”

“No! I was going to come! Christ, Ima. I was going to come but I didn’t think I would be able to see him before it happened.”

“We’re still not a hundred percent sure. You should be here. You’re a member of this family.”

“Ima–” he was working very hard not to sob while he addressed her. “–I don’t know why you’re being so cruel. I know you’re stressed but it’s not fair. I’m trying.”

“I’m not being cruel. I have to go, David. I’ll either see you later today or I won’t.” She hung up.

Only when he heard the crunch of glass did David realize he was holding his phone too tightly. There was a line that started in the bottom left quarter and went upwards. Hopefully it wouldn’t expand. He took a moment to breathe and then made a call. 

“Hello?”

“JoJo, it’s me. I need you to get me on a flight to either Midway or O’Hare as soon as possible.”

“All right. Reagan or Dulles?”

“I’d prefer Reagan.” A sentence he would never have used in any other context. “Text me the information.”

He returned to find Jack in conversation with Wiesel. Neither of them looked very happy.

“David, your man here was just explaining that Ms. Rogers might be in our company for a while longer?”

“She’ll be moved tonight after we speak with the DA. Excuse me, Sergeant, but I need a minute with-”

“She’s in police custody, David. Tell me what’s happening or I’m not letting you back in there.”

This was not happening. He could not deal with him being petty on top of everything else. 

“Due respect, but that’s not your choice.”

“My jurisdiction.”

“It won’t be two hours from now,” Jack retorted and Wiesel narrowed his eyes.

“I’ll have you both thrown out.” 

David seethed, unable to tolerate Wiesel after the conversation he had just endured with his mother.

“I don’t play your games anymore, Michael,” he spat. “You want to brag about your power? Be ostentatious? Fine. I’ll go over your head. Don’t try to show off your influence around me, it’s embarrassing. You report to a precinct captain, I report to a man who reports directly to the deputy director of the FBI. I promise you I’ll win this fight and every other professional fight we could have.

“I came to you because it was convenient. Trust me, you’re not the highest ranking  _ friend _ I have here. I’m not beholden to you anymore.”

Until he said that Wiesel had looked mortified and angry, but as soon as he had Wiesel looked pleased. His mustache twitched like something was funny.

“Maybe not to me, but you’re beholden to the contracts.”

“That has nothing to do with you or the situation,” he replied, trying to push past it and ignore Jack’s confused glance over at him. “Go ahead, throw us out.” He took out his badge and put it back in his pocket, open, with shiny metal sticking out. I’ll frame the page in the  _ Post _ for you so you can put it on your mantle. ‘FBI Agents Thrown Out of Met Headquarters; Officer Resigns.’” He put his hands in his pockets and rocked on his feet cockily, raising his eyebrows.

“Screw you,” Wiesel sneered. “Fine, do what you want with her.”

“Good. We’re going now and Agent Kelly will be back in a few hours.”

“You won’t?”

“I have more important things to do than deal with you. Kelly, with me.” 

“Yes, sir.” Jack took both of their bags and followed him down the hall.

“Should I tell Oscar you said hi?” Wiesel yelled after them. David didn’t look back.

“Tell him whatever you want.” He hoped his voice crack wasn’t noticeable.

“I’ll take that,” he said once they were outside. Jack handed him his backpack. “Sorry about all that.”

“Nah, don’t be. He’s a real jerk.”

David chuckled quietly. “Tell me about it. Why’d you call me sir?” Jack shrugged. “Why?”

“We’re in public and he was being condescending to you.”

“That’s sweet.” He wasn’t sure if he was mocking Jack or being genuine. 

“Everyone else calls you sir.”

“You’re not everyone else.”

“Mm. So what are we doing out here?”

“I actually have to go. I’m sorry. You know I want to-”

“Dave, it’s fine. Is your dad-”

“No, he’s the same but my mother is pissed at me for not being there and so’s my brother and…I don’t know. I’ll be available by phone twenty-four hours and I’m still going to be working, just out of my parent’s dining room.”

“Davey, don’t worry about it. Seriously. When do you leave?”

He checked his phone. “Fuck, ninety minutes. Okay, I have to go. Call me as soon as you know what her lawyer says!” he shouted as he ran towards the Hill to find a taxi.

After being told three times by the stewardess and lectured once by the co-pilot, David stopped contacting work, turned his phone on airplane mode, and hoped nothing happened for the remaining hour of his flight.

When they landed, the first thing he did was call Jack, but he got no answer. He called the office but nobody knew what was happening. Frustrated, and having resigned himself to waiting, David made his way home. He had no idea if anybody would be there but he figured he could put his bag down and head to the hospital.

The house was, in fact, empty and he got a little choked up upon entering. The familiar creak of floorboards under his feet relaxed him and the faint smell of his mother’s perfume made him feel almost like a kid again. He closed his eyes and imagined a seventeen-year-old Sarah chasing a two-year-old Les around while he squealed with glee. He imagined his mother laughing as he came back with his sister and father from the JCC soaking wet because they forgot towels for the pool. He imagined all the mismatched folding tables and chairs in the living room, and the laughter of his friends and family as they squeezed together to break their fast after Yom Kippur. He imagined what Chanukah might have looked like the last few years.

He shook himself out of it and went to set his bag down in his old bedroom. While he was up there, the front door creaked open.

“David? Is that you?”

“Coming, Ima!” He practically ran to greet her. Les was there too and he looked angry. He hugged his mother. “I’m sorry.”

She held him tight and said, “No,  _ I’m _ sorry. You were right, I was being cruel. I was going to call you when we got home and apologize and tell you you didn’t have to come.”

“I want to be here. And thank you.”

He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to hug Les so he stood awkwardly and waited for him to initiate it. He didn’t.

“Hey, Les. It’s good to see you, buddy.” His little brother pushed past him and stormed up the stairs.

“What-”

“Don’t worry about it. He’s just…yeah, don’t worry about it. How’s Aba?”

“Making terrible jokes.”

“So all’s well?” David stumbled back a little as Esther threw herself into another hug with him, shaking. “Shh. It’s all right, Ima; he’s feeling better.”

She shook her head. “I was awful to you, kochanie. I said awful things and I didn’t mean any of them but that doesn’t change that I said them.”

“I’m not upset with you.”

“That makes it worse.”

“You want me to be upset with you?” He chuckled incredulously.

“Yes! When someone says awful things you’re supposed to be upset with them! It makes me so sad that you don’t know that.”

“Of course I know that. You need to sit down, Ima.”

“Do I look that bad?” she joked halfheartedly.

“You always look beautiful.” David got her to sit on the couch. “Is Sarah with Aba?”

“No. The doctors say he won’t rest so they’re not letting him have visitors right now. Your sister is at the grocery store.”

“Okay. What can I do? I’m sure there are things to be done.”

“Not right now. I promise I’ll ask for help when there are, all right?”

David wasn’t sure that he believed her. He kissed her forehead. “All right. Why don’t you take a nap?” 

“You just got here. I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“I need to work at some point anyway.” He went to the linen closet and brought her back a blanket. “Here. I’ll wake you for dinner or if something happens. I’ll be in the dining room if you need me, okay?”

“Okay. I love you, kochanie.”

“I love you too, Ima.”

David’s chest felt a lot less tight. He hated it when his parents were angry and he already had Les’ anger to deal with. Knowing his mother was happy with him made David able to focus on what he needed to do. 

He set up at the dining room table. All he had with him was his laptop. He had left all the materials for the case with Jack and his other work was on the desktop in the office. David needed to know what was going on so he sent a quick text to Katherine and two minutes later a video chat request appeared on his screen.

“I meant you could send me an email or call or something.”

“This is better. See?” She tilted her camera up and she was surrounded by most of the staff.

“Hi, everyone. What’s going on?”

“Jack called a few minutes ago,” Charlie said. “Rogers agreed to the deal. Rafaella and JoJo are on the phones trying to find him a notary that can be there quickly.”

“Where the hell are you?” Albert asked. “Jack just said you had to go.”

“I’m at my parents’ house in Chicago. There was a family issue but I should be back by…” he paused to think. “I actually have no idea when. I’m sorry. But like I told Jack, I’m still working.”

“No worries,” Katherine told him. 

“Thanks. Okay, I’m going to try Jack.” He said goodbye and spent the next hour alternating between working and trying to reach Jack. Then the door opened and he ran to see Sarah.

“David!” She dropped the groceries and jumped into his arms, wrapping her limbs around him. He twirled her around and they somehow ended up falling to the floor, but that didn’t stop their laughter.

“Hi, Saz.”

“I’m so happy you’re here.”

“Me too.”

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too. So much.”

Being back with his sister was the greatest feeling in the world. He had seen her more recently than the rest of his family because she had come down to help him after the breakup, but until college they had been attached at the hip and going any length of time without her was hard.

Sarah was the other half of his soul and he was hers. Just her presence made everything a thousand times better. They stood and ended up in a silent hug for close to five minutes, both of them crying. He wanted to stay that way forever.

“Are you okay?” she asked as they put away the food.

“I’m okay. Are you okay?” 

“I’m okay. Ima says you were back in D.C.? How was that?”

“A little weird,” he admitted, “but we were in a rush and I didn’t have much time to think about it.”

“We?”

“My coworker.” David would tell Sarah about Jack and all of his complicated emotions surrounding the subject but now wasn’t the time. “How’s Les doing? He’s pissed at me.”

“Why?”

“Because he overheard you talking one time and he knows I could have transferred home last year.”

“Oh. I’m sorry,” she said. 

“It’s not your fault. Hey, why is the bread drawer filled with tupperware?”

“Hmm? We moved it because Ima read something about how if you keep bread in the fridge it’s less likely to go moldy quickly.”

“Oh.” He didn’t like that. He didn’t like that something so basic had changed and he didn’t know. It was the bread drawer when he left and it should have been the bread drawer when he came back, regardless of whether or not he hadn’t been home in over a year.

It turned out that lots of things had moved around. David almost screamed he noticed that the backsplash had changed. The fridge was almost entirely different, having apparently been reorganized by a very bored Mayer and Les one afternoon.

David and Oscar had always been moving things around in the fridge when they first moved in together. They couldn’t agree on where anything went. Sometimes they would put things in the wrong spot on purpose just to annoy the other one. Whoever did it would laugh and the other would glare and it usually ended with them kissing. Eventually David realized that he had been wrong and the fridge was kept how Oscar liked it. 

“David? What are you up to?” Esther inquired, coming and sitting down across from David while he worked. He quickly shut files and she blushed. “Oh. Sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry, Ima. I’m not allowed to-”

“It’s okay. Can you tell me anything?” She looked at him sadly. “I know so little about what you do.”

Feeling almost insurmountable levels of guilt, he did his best. “Um, okay, sure. I’m reading an analysis of housing trends and voter registration in a specific district.”

“What does that tell you?”

“It tells me about redlining.”

“I didn’t realize that was an FBI thing.” 

“It’s not, but election crimes are.” She looked confused. “There’s a company involved in real estate in the community that might be trying to push minorities out of the district. It’s gerrymandering without the legislature’s involvement.”

“I didn’t think you worked on election crimes.”

“I don’t, but I was asked to consult.” She smiled wide and David groaned. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Of course it is! I’m proud of you.”

“Ima, it really doesn’t matter. People consult on things all the time.”

“You need to be proud of yourself more,” she declared. 

“I really don’t.”

“You’ve been working for the FBI for four and a half years, David. You’re the youngest person in your role in the bureau by at least ten years. True?”

“True,” he grumbled, “but I don’t like talking about it.”

“Why? Aren’t you proud of yourself?”

He shrugged. “I just do what I’m told and I was lucky enough that the things I was told to do got me a bunch of promotions.”

“That’s not what happened. I wish you could see that, boychik. You have a brilliant mind and you’re the only one who doesn’t think so.”

“Not the only one,” he muttered. “I wish people would stop making a big deal out of it. I got this job because the last person to have it left at the same time I had expressed to my boss that I was thinking about transferring.”

“How many people work for the FBI?”

“It doesn’t-”

“Thirty-five-thousand. You think that you were chosen because you were the only option? No. We’re so, so proud of you, David. Your father is always bragging about you.” 

David sighed. There was no use arguing when she got like this. He just had to give in and let her think that he agreed. 

“Oh, and you don’t?” he teased, trying to make things lighter.

“It’s more fun when people ask and I say I’m not allowed to talk about it.”

David laughed. “You are.”

“They don’t know that. Don’t be surprised when all of Aba’s doctors know everything about your job. He doesn’t shut up about you.”

“Those poor doctors.”

“Hi, Aba.”

“David? What are you doing here?”

His father looked terrible. He was white as a sheet and had lost weight since David had seen him last. He hadn’t been able to tell from the low quality facetimes they had but now it was clear.

“I came to see you.” He kissed his cheek and sat down in the chair at his bedside. “How are you feeling?”

“Boychik, you shouldn’t have come all this way. I’m fine.”

“You’re not. I wanted to see you. Is there something wrong with me coming home?” 

“Don’t try that on me, David, you know I always want you here.” He took his son’s hand. “How’s work? Are you missing something important?”

“No.” Yes. “I’m free to be here with you.”

“Was your boss angry you had to leave so quickly?”

“Not at all.” Shit, he had to call his boss and let him know he was in Chicago. “Tell me how you’re feeling.”

“Much better. The doctors have me on the good stuff,” he said happily. David grinned. “I’ll be out of here by Tuesday, they said.”

“Good. Have you been eating enough?”

“Yes.”

“Because-”

“David. I haven’t seen you in months. Can we talk about this another time?” He looked exasperated and exhausted. He had probably been having this conversation over and over since two in the morning. 

David nodded guiltily. “Yes, of course.”

“Tell me about work.”

“There’s not much to tell.”

“Not much to tell or not much you’re allowed to tell?”

“Six of one, half a dozen of the other.” He tried to think of something that would make his father happy. “I’m getting along with my coworkers.”

“Yeah?” Mayer’s face lit up. “That’s wonderful news.”

“Yeah. I don’t know if I’d say we’re friends, but I like them and they tolerate me, at the very least.”

Mayer asked him questions about work for the next thirty minutes and David gave half answers and endured. He didn’t feel comfortable with his father’s constant praise. It was misplaced and made David feel more guilty that he wasn’t home. If he was going to leave his family like that he should have had an actual reason.

“So,” his father began when there was a lull in conversation, “have you spoken to a lawyer?”

David groaned and took several deep breaths that were not nearly as calming as Amelia kept insisting they could be if he practiced.

“No and I’m not going to. I’m not trying to get out of it, Aba. Please don’t make me argue with you about it. We’ve been doing it for months and I know you disapprove but it won’t change anything. I don’t want you to be disappointed in me but I have to do this.” Mayer looked heartbroken.

“Oh, sweetheart. I’m not disappointed in you, I’m proud of you. Do I think it’s the right choice? No, I think it’s terrible for you, but I know that you’re only doing it because you believe so strongly that it’s the moral thing to do. You’re better than all of us, David.”

He shook his head. “I’m not.”

“You’ve always had such terrible self-esteem. I wish you would love yourself more than you do. Come here.” David leaned forward and Mayer stroked his cheek lovingly. “Moim idealnym chłopcem. You don’t see how loved you are.”


	9. Jack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry if you read this earlier…I accidentally posted a rough draft of it and not only were there regular changes, I left a note to myself in it.
> 
> Oops.

David returned to New York on Wednesday night and they were meant to go back down to D.C.on Thursday to meet with Diana Rogers. He looked more exhausted than usual when he came in but flying could do that to a person, Jack supposed. 

“Hey, JoJo,” he said, leaning against reception. Jack got up to meet him. “Any messages from the last few hours?”

“Yeah. Bryan McKenna asked if you could meet Friday at noon.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Someone named Millie called to make sure you were alive because you wouldn’t answer your phone but she didn’t leave a last name.” David scoffed, amused.

“She’s one of my roommates; I’ll call her in a little while. Anything else?”

“Uh, yeah, but I’m pretty sure it was a scam?” JoJo took a post-it off his desk and read it. “Someone named Barbara Reese?”

“I don’t know a Barbara Reese.”

“She said she’s with the student account services office at GW medical? She was calling about a tuition payment? I told her you aren’t in med school, which seemed pretty obvious considering she was calling the FBI in New York, but she insisted. Should I-”

“Give me the message.” JoJo’s face morphed into something quizzical but he handed David the bright green post-it. “Thanks.”

“Davey,” Jack said, following him into his office.

“Hi, Jack.” He threw his coat and bag haphazardly on an empty chair and collapsed into his own. “What’s going on?”

Jack sized him up and wasn’t happy with what he saw. The circles under his eyes were far more prominent than they usually were and he was slumped in the chair in a way Jack had only seen him be when he was asleep on the train.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to go over our questions for tomorrow but I think you should go home.”

“I’m all right. I got your email and I think-”

“Seriously, Dave, we can do this on the train tomorrow.”

“In public?”

“We can type. Go home, get some sleep.” He shook his head.

“I need at least fifteen minutes before I can even consider getting up again.”

Why was it such an odyssey to get David to take care of himself?

“I’ll get you an Uber or something so you don’t have to walk.”

“That’s nice but no thanks. We can work.”

“If you’re not going to leave then at least take a nap.” He went and closed the blinds while David protested.

“I’m not going to nap at work. And you think people won’t guess that I’m asleep if the blinds are closed? I never have them closed.”

“I closed them to block out light not to hide you. Nobody cares if you take a nap, Dave.”

“I want to work. Let’s work.”

“Are you sure?” Jack was skeptical.

“Positive. But…would you mind terribly if I put my feet up on the desk?”

“Why would I mind? Actually, I’ll do you one better because I know from experience that ain’t the most comfortable angle.” Jack took David’s stuff off the spare chair and brought it around to his side of the desk. “Put your feet up here. Trust me, it’ll feel nicer.”

“Thanks.” He reached down to slip David’s shoes off. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m taking your shoes off; what does it look like I’m doing?” 

David huffed and amended his question.  _ “Why _ are you taking my shoes off?”

“Because you don’t need ‘em but you do need to relax.”

David’s eyes bore into him with something Jack could only describe as a mix of longing, misery, and hopelessness. He leaned down slowly to give David time to push him away but when he didn't, Jack kissed him. There was nothing indecent about it; it was soft and warm and sweet. It was Jack’s way of trying to comfort him and regardless of whether or not it worked, David seemed slightly more relaxed during it.

The fact that it wasn’t sexual was something Jack tried to push to the back of his mind. He had told David they didn’t have to deal with feelings yet and he would stand by that. At the same time, just because it wasn’t sexual didn’t mean it couldn’t be. 

“Davey?” He stood back up. “Are you sure you don’t want to go home now?”

“I’m-”

“It doesn’t have to be yours.”

Waking up next to David was a weird experience. It was wonderful to have another person’s warmth (especially when it was a person he cared about) but even in his sleep David seemed stressed. Jack woke up to his quiet groans and whimpers. He was on his side, facing away from Jack.

He wasn’t sure what to do but he knew he had to do something, so he laid a hand on David’s bicep. Immediately, he leaned into it. Cautiously, Jack turned onto his side and, inch by inch, he wrapped his arm around David’s waist. He leaned back into Jack’s chest, pressing up as close as he physically could.

It had become obvious the previous night that David was touch starved - and he brought a whole new meaning to the term. Jack had known plenty of people who needed more hugs or a hand to hold but David seemed to crave even a gentle brush on the shoulder. It was crushing. However much David let him, Jack would help. It would probably do more harm than good in public or at work considering David’s demeanor, so he would have to get him in private more often.

It was becoming really hard to deny how much he liked his boss.

“Mm.” David stirred. Jack felt his breathing change and knew he was awake. He let him extract himself and watched him turn over awkwardly.

“Morning.”

“Good morning. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’ll go now.”

“What? Dave, no, you don’t have to.”

“I slept in your bed without permission, Jack, you don’t have to be nice about it.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I invited you over to have sex and you thought I was just going to kick you out of bed after that?” David shrugged. “Well, I wasn’t. I’m not a dick.”

“I didn’t think you were.”

Jack didn’t doubt it either. It fit that David would think it perfectly reasonable for Jack to kick him out as soon as they finished. He had expressed surprise that he hadn’t.

“Was it good?” he asked. “Last night, I mean. Was it good for you?”

“Yeah, it was great. For you too?” he returned. David nodded quickly.

“Yeah. You liked everything I did? I tried to make it as good as possible.”

“It was.”

“Okay. Next time-”

“There’s gonna be a next time?” Jack smiled at the thought.

“Oh. Oh, fuck, I’m sorry I thought-”

“No! No, I want there to be, I just didn’t think you did.”

“Oh. Well, yeah? I think I do. For next time, is there anything I should do differently?”

“Dave, what the hell’s going on? I keep telling you it was great. You didn’t do anything wrong. Was there something wrong for you?”

“No, it was great. I only ask because I’m, well, I know I’m pretty bad at it.”

“Bad at it? What do you- what makes you think you’re bad in bed? Who told you that?” David just shrugged and rolled over, sitting up.

“Can I buy you breakfast? Before we leave for Washington, I mean. I have to go home and shower now.”

“You can shower here.”

“Really? It’s not an imposition?”

“I don’t care. Go for it.”

Jack stared at the bathroom door lazily and listened to the running water. He filed away what David had said to deal with later. Just as he was about to go to the kitchen for some water, someone pounded on the door. Cursing, he threw underwear and a t-shirt on. “Yeah, I’m coming, hold your horses!” he yelled as the knocks persisted.

“I’ll pick the lock if I have to!” Race yelled. “Hurry up!”

“Guys, what the fuck are you doing here at seven in the morning?” he asked as he let his brother and Spot in. Their arms were laden with groceries. “And what’s all that?”

“It’s not for you,” Spot said, “it’s for the office.”

“Is the office having a fucking festival?” Jack took some of the bags and placed them on the kitchen island.

“No, but there are no good snacks so I put a list on the fridge yesterday for me to pick up.”

“And by that he means drag me out of bed at six in the morning to pick up.”

“It was fun! We-” Race stopped talking and his eyes went wide. Jack cringed. “Is that the shower running?” He laughed excitedly. “Yes! Get some!” He threw his hand up.

“I’m not high-fiving you. Can you go? Why are you even here?”

“Spot refuses to take all this on the subway and I needed a break. Who is it?” He hopped up on one of the bar stools on his knees and leaned in close to Jack. “Come on, you know you want to tell me!”

“I really don’t. Spot, can you deal with him?” His brother-in-law ignored him. “I’m not telling you, which is why you have to leave before he gets out of the shower.” The water went off. “Leave  _ now.” _

“Nope. I have a right to approve of my brother’s dates.”

Jack wanted to rip his hair out. He loved his brother but he could be infuriating. 

“He’s not my date.”

“Ooo, a guy? It’s been awhile.”

Spot got himself a glass of water which meant he wasn’t planning on leaving yet. Race followed his eyeline and grinned. “Tell us. You know you want to tell us!” It went on like that for two more minutes and then Jack got really fed up. 

“I swear to god, Racer, if you don’t get out of my apartment in the next thirty seconds I’m gonna-”

“Hey, Jack, do you have a charger I could borrow?” David came out of the bedroom buttoning his shirt. “I don’t think my-” He froze. 

Race’s jaw dropped. “Oh my god. Spot, did you get me a gift? It’s not my birthday!” 

Jack saw the panic and fear in David’s eyes. “Dave, they just showed up, I tried to get them to leave, I swear.” David nodded. His hands hadn’t moved and he was still mid-buttoning. Jack looked at Race and Spot. “Guys, get the fuck out.”

“No, it’s- it’s fine. I’m sorry,” David said. It wasn’t a lot, but he was definitely shaking. Race seemed to notice too and his shiteating grin fell away. “I’ll just…yeah.” He escaped back to the bedroom and shut the door.

“Are you kidding me, Race? Can you not be a dick for two seconds?” he hissed.

“I’m sorry! I thought he would laugh it off. I didn’t realize he’d look like–” he gestured vaguely towards the bedroom door. “–that.”

“Well, he did. He probably feels like shit now.” 

Spot placed his glass down on the counter loudly. Jack finally realized that he had been glaring at him the whole time. “Race is the reason he feels like shit?” he whispered, voice cold. “How about the fact that you slept with a guy who you clearly shouldn’t be fucking sleeping with?”

Jack scoffed incredulously. This coming from the man who had married his colleague. “Are you kidding me? You’re such a hypocrite. You and Race-”

“First, we were dating before I worked with you guys; second, he’s not my boss. But that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” He better have had a point because otherwise Jack was going to lose it. He wanted to go make sure David was okay but he couldn’t do that until they left. 

“Have you spent six seconds with him? The guy’s a mess! He’s obviously going through some shit. You’re a bitch to him for a month and now you’re fucking?”

“Maybe they were fucking the whole time.”

“We weren’t. I still don’t know what-”

“Jack, he’s lonely. How many times does Katherine have to tell you before you get it?” Jack clenched his jaw. “Don’t give me that look, Kelly; of course we’ve talked about it.”

“I don’t get what your problem is. You’re saying he's lonely? I’m giving him company.”

“Then be his friend! Fuck!” Spot’s eyes darted towards the bedroom and he lowered his voice. “You’re rude to him all the time and then you turn around and sleep with him. Do you not get what kind of mixed signals that sends? What if he wants to do it again? You’re telling him that if he tolerates you being mean then you’ll have sex with him!”

“I am  _ not. _ I don’t like what I’m being accused of.”

“Well that’s too damn bad!” 

“Sean,” Race said softly, and they had a whole conversation that way.

Jack’s mind took a break from being angry and let his heart feel a pang of jealousy. He wanted something like that, even if he’d never been able to admit it to himself before. He wanted to have someone who loved him as much and as ferociously as Spot loved his brother and his brother loved Spot. They already had their happy ending so who were they to judge him? He was back to being angry pretty quickly.

“Look,” Spot began, tone softer, “I’m not trying to say that you…I don’t know, took advantage of him or whatever. I wasn’t trying to make you think-”

“I would never do that,” Jack said, voice shaky.

“I know.”

“I would never pressure someone or do something without consent.”

“I know and I don’t doubt that David consented.”

“Then what is it?”

“I know the signs of a broken heart when I see it and this is…Whatever happened to him before Denton left, before he got promoted, before he came here…do you honestly think it was just heartbreak?”

Jack didn’t have time to process or respond because David entered the room. He had his backpack on one shoulder and his eyes pointedly looking in any direction but at them.

“Davey, you don’t have to leave. We’re taking the same train, we might as well go together.”

“No, that’s all right, I’m-”

“We’re going,” Spot said.

“Yeah, don’t worry about us.”

David nervously fiddled with his bottom lip between his teeth and asked, “You’re not going to use Jack’s name, are you?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I know he’s family, but I just wanted to double check.”

“Use his name in what, David?” Spot sounded kinder than he ever had before (or at least than he ever had in Jack’s presence).

“If you report me. Can you not give Jack’s name? He shouldn’t get in trouble too.”

“What?” Now he wanted to punch something or someone. David was so obviously uncomfortable and in distress. He thought they would report him? How could he think that? How could they have let him think they cared so little about him? It made Jack irrationally angry. “Dave, they’re not gonna report you.”

“Yeah, of course not. Why would we?”

“You’re not?” Relief seemed to wash over him. “Thank you. I swear this is the only time it happened and-”

“We don’t care,” Spot told him. “You’re both adults and you can make their own decisions.” He said it to David but was looking at Jack.

“Yeah, have at it. Just so you know,” Race said as he and Spot gathered the groceries back up, “even if he faked it today, he’s a terrible morning person. My go to is ice water on his face.”

“Leave.”

Spot sent him one last meaningful glance and they were gone. David groaned as soon as their footsteps receded. 

“I’m sorry that happened. I swear I tried to make them go.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.”

“How would you have embarrassed me?” He shrugged just as he had the last time Jack had asked a question he didn’t like. “Can I make you breakfast to make up for it?”

“I already said I’d-”

“Next time. What would you like?” He went to the fridge. “I don’t have much.”

“I’m okay. You don’t need to-”

“Dave.” David sighed and acquiesced. He sat down at the island. “What do you want?”

“What do you have?”

“I’ve got eggs and…eggs. You’re not vegan, are you?” David laughed.

“No, I’m not. Eggs sound good.”

“Great choice. You know,” he said, setting a pan on the stove, “I’ve never seen someone look so put together on the second day in a suit.”

“It’s a skill I’ve perfected,” David joked.

“Yeah? Lots of hookups?” He didn’t answer. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be invasive.”

“You weren’t. Before we moved in together I stayed over at my ex’s a lot.”

“You didn’t think to leave clothes there?”

“We rarely planned on me spending the night, it just sorta happened. We would get distracted at ten and suddenly it was two in the morning.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Mm.” David came to stand next to him as he cracked the eggs. “Thanks for last night.” He leaned against the counter.

“No need. Trust me, I had a  _ very _ good time.”

“Still–” he shrugged “–I needed that.”

“See? What did I tell you? Outlet.”

“Yeah. Is it something you’d want to do again? I know you said you might but…”

Jack did want to do it again. He wanted to do it again more than he’d wanted anything in a long time. After all, David had looked beautiful lying there. It was like one of those terrible romantic movies Crutchie made him watch. He had never seen a person in that way before.

Besides, David was an adult and could make his own choices. If he wanted to be with Jack (in whatever capacity) then he could be. Spot didn’t know him and Spot didn’t get to tell Jack what to do. Yes, David had said he had just gone through a bad breakup, but he had said he would think about it and clearly he was done thinking. 

“I’d love to. I don’t do much outside of work these days cause of the case and everything so if I’m not there I’m here. Text me and I’ll tell you to come over.”

“Just…whenever?”

“Why not? Did you want to make a calendar?” he mocked.

“No, I guess not, I only meant I’d feel weird asking.”

“I’m telling you to ask. It’s not like you’ll be annoying or anything.” David flinched. Jack pretended not to notice but wasn’t sure what he had done.

He ate breakfast and took a longer shower than he normally would have. Jack contemplated David as he washed his hair. Every time he thought he had him figured out, he went and surprised him. He showed such fire and passion sometimes but only ever about work. It was like a light had burned out somewhere within him and he wasn’t even trying to get it back. 

What happened to him?

Diana Rogers, now in DC Central Detention Facility, was waiting for them when they arrived, cuffed to the table. Despite how cold out it was, it was humid and sticky in the interview room. Jack was eager to glean as much information as he could, but he could already tell it was going to be a long day.

“Is there a reason I’m cuffed?” she said in place of a greeting. “I’m not a violent criminal.” 

Jack suppressed the bizarre urge he had to pull out David’s chair for him. 

“Good morning, Ms. Rogers,” his boss said. “How are you?”

“Peachy. Why am I cuffed?”

“Protocol. Would you like to begin?” He wasn’t looking forward to how difficult she was going to be. 

“If I’m helping you why am I in jail? Shouldn’t I be released? You’re saying you trust me anyway.”

“We don’t trust you,” Jack told her, “but you’re a bad liar.”

“As far as you’re aware.” Her sarcastically jovial tone was obviously meant to irritate Jack, but just because he knew that didn’t mean it didn’t work.

“You’re helping us but we’re helping you too,” David answered before he could retort unprofessionally. “Can we begin?” 

“Or do you want to complain about accommodations some more?”

They spent a few hours asking her about her relationship with Mallory - how it began, how she got him to agree to help her, that sort of thing. Finally, Jack got to start asking her about the mysterious man who didn’t exist, Martin Stevens. Jack thought it was an incredibly dumb fake name. If he were to change his name he wouldn’t pick one that was so inconspicuous as to be conspicuous. In fact, he hadn’t.

“You’re telling us you never saw him in person? Did you see a picture or did you video call or something?” She shook her head.

“No. We spoke on the phone a few times and then we just exchanged emails.”

“So if you heard his voice you’d recognize it?”

“It’s been awhile but probably.”

David was taking diligent notes as she spoke, even when she said something they already knew. Jack admired his dedication but he never would have been able to focus if he were the one writing. It was nice to have a partner like him.

Jack chided himself. David wasn’t his partner, he was his boss. Just because they were working together on one case didn’t mean they were equals at work. Jack didn’t care that much about hierarchy but he knew other people did and he had to be careful of that depending on who was around. Whatever was happening between him and David was throwing him off and he was worried it might affect how he acted at work (Katherine would likely have pointed out that he always acted that way).

“What information do you have about where he lives?”

“I don’t really. He has a New York accent but the few times I sent him paper mail it was to a P.O. Box in Tampa. I received stuff from him a lot though. I put all this info on my laptop and you guys can look at it.”

“Do you know the address by heart?”

“Yes. Three hundred and nineteen Kelly Street, Anastasia.” They waited for her to continue but she didn’t.

“Which state?” David prompted.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“The abbreviation wasn’t real. It was CN. I thought at first it was an accident and he meant to put CO but it’s not like it didn’t get sent. I searched on google maps and there’s no Anastasia, Colorado. I checked Connecticut and California too but nothing.”

Jack groaned. This whole case had felt like this mystery man was just playing with them and he was at the end of his rope.

“Let’s be done for the day,” David suggested. “Thank you for your time, Ms. Rogers. We’ll be back tomorrow.”

He was tired and hungry and in a bad mood. Jack thought of the hotel room bed waiting for him. He was planning on taking a long soak in a hot bath, ordering room service, and sleeping for a year.

David looked at him with concern when they got outside. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he replied curtly.

“You don’t seem fine.”

“I am.”

“Are you sure? I feel like-”

“Jesus Christ, you’re annoying! I said I’m fine!”

Jack’s temper got the best of him more often than he liked to admit, but his friends and family understood. He worked hard to keep himself calm and he saw a therapist but sometimes it was unavoidable. He hadn’t meant to take it out on David though.

He scrubbed a hand over his face and looked over at him, ready to apologize. David was shaking - not like he had been that morning but full on, actual shaking.

“Davey?” He stepped closer but David stepped back and nearly tripped. “Are you all right? I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay. I’m really sorry.” His eyes were so welled up with tears that Jack didn’t know how he was keeping them from falling. “I didn’t mean to be annoying. I’m sorry.”

“No, you weren’t being annoying, Davey,” he said in as sweet a tone as he could manage, “I overreacted. You were being nice.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I already told you, you shouldn’t be. Are you okay?”

“Of course I’m okay.” He said it as if there wasn’t an option for him not to be. “Thank you.”

“What for?” 

“Forgiving me. Come on, this way.”

Jack was (understandably, he felt) rattled during their walk to the hotel. He had no idea what had just happened and David seemed almost back to normal, if a little subdued, within minutes. He supposed he should be grateful but it only made him feel worse.

His mind kept wandering back to Spot. Was there some truth to what he was saying? Was it cruel to sleep with David? He still didn’t think so but he was less confident than he had been before.

Regardless, his brain was too fried to even begin thinking about it. Jack wanted to figure it out, he really did, but more than that he wanted to not have to think anymore. About anything.

At the hotel, they stood awkwardly at David’s door. Jack felt like staying was a mistake but knew he would regret leaving.

“Would you like to come in?” David finally asked.

“Yeah. Thanks. Let me just ask now and get it out of the way: are we working or are we sleeping together?”

David closed the door behind them.

“We’re off the clock.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my favorite chapter but there were some pieces of plot I had to get in and it wouldn’t work with me so here we are.


	10. David

Around three o’clock, David started thinking the FBI should invest in a giant bedroom for each office with enough beds for everybody. It was the third night in a row most of them had been there past two and everyone wanted to go home.

One of the interns had stopped by around ten with coffee for them just to be nice and he was seriously considering hiring her full time based only on that. Now, people were flagging. A bunch of them were debating who should go out and get more, but David gave up. 

“If nobody finds anything in the next ten minutes, I’m calling it.”

“Are you sure?” Charlie asked. “There’s a lot to get through.”

“I’m sure.” He pointed across the table to Elmer, asleep on his binder. “We got the computer Monday, we’ve been at this for basically the last seventy-two, and we’re all going to be like him in twenty minutes. If anybody drove, I’ll give you money for a cab tonight and tomorrow. In fact, let’s just-”

“Fuck!” Jack’s yell startled Elmer awake, making his papers fall to the floor and Finch and Specs went to help him gather them. “No, stop moving! Everyone shut the fuck up for two seconds!”

“Jack, what is it?” Katherine asked.

“Two seconds!” He was on his feet and staring intently at the page in front of him. After a few seconds he yelled “Fuck!” again. He turned around and kicked his chair over.

“Woah!”

“Hey!”

“What’s wrong?”

Charlie went over to him and put hands on his shoulders. “Jack, look at me and breathe, okay? Calm down. Tell us what happened.”

“It’s him! He’s just been fucking with us! With me!”

“Who?” Katherine asked in an almost shout.

“Him!”

David had no idea what was going on. It seemed everybody else except Charlie and Jack was lost too. He was breathing heavily and he was more worked up than David had seen him before. Katherine picked up his chair and forced him to sit in it with only a look. 

“Good,” she said, “now explain.”

“We can’t find CN anywhere in the world because it’s not a place.”

“Yeah, we know, that’s why-”

“Let me talk, Albert. This guy, this  _ mystery man,” _ he said sarcastically, “wasn’t trying to throw us off. It’s not an address, it’s a fucking clue.”

“A clue? Why would he give the FBI a clue?” Mush asked. 

“Because his goal isn’t to get away with it.”

“What’s his goal?” David urged. He didn’t appreciate the dramatics.

“You know how the name Martin Stevens kept bothering me?”

“Yes. You haven’t stopped complaining about it for months,” Rafaella said.

“Right. This guy is smart, we know that, so why would he choose such an obviously fake name?”

“I don’t know. Are you going to tell us?”

Jack got up and went over to the whiteboard. On the top, “319 Kelly St, CN” was written in green marker. Jack uncapped a red one. He circled “Kelly” and raised his hand. “Hi, that’s me.”

“It’s a common name, Jack. Why the hell would you think-”

“All of you,” Charlie interrupted, “shut the fuck up and let him talk.”

“Three nineteen.” He circled it. “What does that sound like?”

“Your birthday,” Katherine breathed. “March nineteenth, it’s your birthday.”

“Jack, I don’t understand. What the hell does this have to do with you? It’s a coincidence.”

“It’s not, Dave.”

“Prove it. What’s CN mean then?”

“Racer?” He didn’t take his eyes off of David.

“It’s…holy shit, Jack. Are you saying? Are you serious? Then…Cosa Nostra.”

David took a second to process and then looked between the two of them incredulously. “Wait, the mafia? You can’t just assume it’s the mafia based on two letters.”

“I’m not.”

“Then fucking explain it!”

“I’m trying!”

“You’re kinda just being dramatic, but whatever,” Charlie said. Jack glared.

“Fine,” he huffed. “Martin Stevens is the name he used to sign a lease on a one bedroom in Manhattan in January of two thousand.”

“We already knew it wasn’t his real name. And how do you know that?”

“Because I was there when he signed it. Ladies and gentlemen, meet our mystery man.” He took the marker and wrote over all their previous writing in big, red, capital letters. “Francis Sullivan.”

David’s jaw dropped. Francis Sullivan was arguably the most famous criminal of the last thirty years. Though organized crime still existed, it was a lot more hush hush than it had been in the beginning and middle of the twentieth century. Nobody who didn’t work in law enforcement heard that much about it or knew the names of big bosses - except for Francis Sullivan.  _ Sixty Minutes  _ had dubbed him the modern day Al Capone in the late nineties and it stuck.

David backtracked and realized what had come before Jack said his name. 

“What, why the hell were you with Francis Sullivan? And how does he know who you are? You weren’t on the team that brought him down.”

Jack snorted and rolled his eyes. “Please, no one brought him down. If he didn’t want to be in prison he wouldn’t be. Right now it works for him.”

“Jack!” David shouted, fed up. “Get to the point!”

“Francis Sullivan is my father.”

There was silence for at least thirty seconds as David opened his mouth and closed it again when he couldn’t think of what to say. He wasn’t sure his brain was working anymore.

“You look like a fish,” Race said, breaking the atmosphere. When David instinctively turned to him, he realized that nobody else looked more than mildly surprised.

“Why aren’t any of you shocked about this?”

“They knew,” Jack answered nonchalantly.

“They knew?”

“Yeah. We’ve all been friends for years, Dave. Now can we get back to-”

“Yes, sorry, okay. Let me just compartmentalise that and deal with it later. So why is he giving us clues? Or helping Rogers and Mallory, for that matter?”

“He probably knew Jack would likely be investigating it if a senator was caught taking bribes or embezzling government money,” Katherine explained.

“But it’s not a New York thing. It’s unusual that we’re even in charge of this. It’s only because Jack noticed the numbers were off in the DOI allocations for the New York branch of the renewable energy task force…okay, I’m hearing it as I say it.” They all looked at him like he was an idiot. “But how would he have known you were going to be looking at it?”

“Because I’m friends with a guy at the Bureau of Ocean Energy Management at DOI and he asked me to go over it.”

“Did you tell him about your friend?”

Jack rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “I haven’t spoken to him in almost a decade. Where are you right now?”

“It’s three in the morning! Give me a break.”

“Whatever. He knows because he knows fucking everything.”

“How would he get Mallory to agree to something like this?”

“Mallory might not know it’s him,” Mike pointed out. “It advances his career by getting re-election help and puts some extra money in his pocket, so why would he care? Sullivan probably picked him because he knew about the affair with her and she was in a position he could use.”

“How did he know about the affair?”

“How does he know anything, Elmer? He’s a fucking mafia boss and that doesn’t stop just because he’s in prison,” Spot growled. David didn’t think he was angry at Elmer, probably just tired and pissed off in general.

As everyone continued to theorize about how Mallory got involved and talk over each other, David sat back down. Jack was Francis Sullivan’s son. Okay, he could handle that, right? He didn’t think for a second that Jack was anything like Sullivan but it was still disconcerting. Like Spot said, he was still a mafia boss and Jack might be in danger a lot because of it.

Then it occurred to him that he was sleeping with the son of a mafia boss. He really needed to stop canceling his appointments with Amelia because his current way of coping was biting at hangnails and making the pieces of bluish gray carpet that were coming up beneath his feet worse.

Eventually, he’d had enough of the team focusing on the wrong thing and told them “Enough. I don’t care about the how. That’s for a time when we’ve all had more than six hours of sleep in the last two days. Right now I want to know why.” He swiveled around to Jack. “Why are his clues so obvious and childlike? Why does he want you to know what he’s doing?”

“He doesn’t just want me to know what he’s doing, Dave; he’s doing it to get my attention. He’s being obvious because he wants to be and it’s fun for him to fuck with people’s heads.” Jack seemed done with talking because he went to collapse in his seat and close his eyes.

“He’s been writing to Jack for years,” Charlie explained. “He wants him to come visit. Jack hasn’t responded.”

“So he creates what could be the biggest government scandal since Watergate to get his attention?” It seemed implausible to David. He obviously didn’t know much about Sullivan but that was one of the most ridiculous things he’d ever heard.

Jack laughed bitterly. “My father once made me watch a guy get his teeth drilled as punishment because I woke him up after I had a nightmare. I was six and I’m not talking about no goddamn root canal. So yeah, he’d spend a year fucking around with the appropriations committee just to make me talk to him.” Nobody had a response for that.

“Okay, we’re done,” David announced. They all hopped up and gathered their stuff. “Get some sleep.” Jack was out of the room in seconds.

David’s phone said it was six but it had to be wrong. There was no way he had gotten more than a minute of sleep. He groaned and turned the alarm off. As usual, Tsfarde’a batted his face to convey her displeasure. He kissed her head and started getting ready for the day, trying to remember what it felt like to be well-rested.

In the kitchen, he struggled to stay awake while he made his coffee. Millie trudged into the room followed by Buttons and they looked like he felt.

“Want some?” he asked, gesturing to the pot.

“Yeah, thanks,” Millie said.

“Yes, please.”

“Did I wake you guys?”

“No. My cousins are getting into JFK a little after seven and we’re going to meet them because they don’t know how to navigate from there to here.”

David handed them each a mug and set milk down on the table. “Here?” he asked anxiously, sitting down to drink.

“Yeah. Don’t you remember us talking about this like two weeks after you moved in?” He stared blankly. “It’s been on the calendar for a month!” Millie exclaimed.

“Until this second I didn’t know we had a calendar.” She pointed towards the cabinets. In fairness to her, there was a pretty decent sized calendar hanging on one of them.

“How do you do your job? Aren’t you supposed to investigate shit?”

“Well, if the calendar was a public official using government money to fund its new vacation home maybe I would have noticed it.”

“Whatever. Point is, they’re coming. I’m sorry.” She sounded genuinely apologetic. “I thought you knew.”

“That’s okay.” David liked to have routine at home so he could be relaxed but it wasn’t Millie’s fault he hadn’t remembered, and it was her apartment too. “How many of them are there?”

“Four and all four of them are going to fall in love with you.”

“What?”

“They used to be in love with me,” Buttons said, “but then they realized that I’m out of their league.”

“And by that he means they figured out how gross he really is. Don’t worry, they’re nice and I’ll tell them to leave you alone.”

“No, that’s okay. Umm, are they all adults?” He wasn’t sure he could handle children. He loved them but he was too stressed to have to watch his behavior all the time. He wanted to come home, have a beer, and watch the news that night. Not that he couldn’t still, but it would be uncomfortable and kids weren’t generally fans of  _ All In with Chris Hayes. _

“One of them is twenty-two, one’s nineteen, one’s sixteen, and one’s eleven.”

“Oh.”

“I promise they’ll only be here a week.” She obviously thought that was positive but a week was a lot longer than he had been hoping for.

“That’s fine,” he told her, smiling falsely. “It’s your place too. I can give one or two of them my bed if you want.”

“No! No, I’d never let you do that. It’s sweet of you to offer though. God, sometimes I really wish you were straight.” She picked Tsfarde’a up and stopped paying attention to him.

“Umm, thanks?”

“She’s joking. She isn’t into you or anything.” 

“I didn’t think she was.” David rubbed his eyes and poured himself another cup of coffee. “How are classes?”

“Fine. Finals are coming up so that’s not great but at least it means there’s only one more semester to go.”

“Do you know what you’re doing next?”

“Not really. It’s not a very lucrative career path I’ve made for myself but whatever. I’m trying not to think about it too much.”

“I’m sure you’ll find something.”

“Is the FBI looking for an aspiring elementary school teacher?” he asked, dejected.

“Even if it were, you’re not going to be twenty-three when you graduate.”

“Isn’t a Master’s enough? Wow, you guys have too many rules. You can’t talk about work, you have to be a certain age…other examples that I can’t think of.”

“You’re an idiot,” Millie told him. “Here, take your cat while I go get dressed.” She plopped her in David’s lap.

“You’re the only person I know who never talks to their pet,” Buttons commented, splashing milk into his mug.

“I talk to her constantly, just not around you guys.”

“Why not?” His head was tilted in a cartoonish display of confusion.

“Don’t know. I guess I didn’t want to seem crazy.”

“Have you met us? Go for it, secret agent man, talk to your cat.” 

“What, right now?” He nodded. David sighed. “Nasz współlokator jest dziwna.” Buttons gasped.

“Woah! That wasn’t English!”

“It was Polish,” he responded, laughing. “I’ve spoken it on the phone in front of you.”

“Let's be real, I was probably high.”

“Well, I can speak Polish.”

“That’s amazing. You’re amazing.”

“Thanks, but it’s not. I was born in Poland.”

“You were?”

“Mmhm.” He scratched behind Tsfarde’a’s ears and she purred happily. “I didn’t move here until I was nine.”

“I didn’t know that! I keep learning more and more awesome shit about you. You’re a really cool guy.”

“I’m not, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short! You’re smart and funny and nice and you’re a great roommate and you’ve got the best cat ever and you work for the FBI and apparently you speak Polish!”

“Oh…well, thanks.” He didn’t know how to respond to that kind of thing. He hadn’t heard anything like that from anyone except his family or his rabbi in a very long time.

“Of course! We’re lucky to have you.”

He hadn’t heard that in even longer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this seems very obvious but please bear with me. There’s more.


	11. Jack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short.

When Jack got into the office around eight on Thursday morning, he was treated to the irritating sight of Race, Spot, and Katherine crowded around Crutchie’s desk, whispering. He threw his bag down quickly and joined them.

“What are we talking about?” They all jumped apart. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“We’re worried about you, Jack,” Katherine said. “Is there something so wrong with that?”

“No, but you shouldn’t be worrying because I’m fine. I’m fine!” he repeated when he saw their skepticism. “Look, I’ve been dealing with him trying to get me to talk to him for years, okay? It’s not a big deal, he’s just doing it in a more inconvenient way now.”

“Inconvenient?” Race repeated.

“And illegal but as long as we finish the case and take Mallory down, I don’t care.”

It was true, for the most part. It was a little embarrassing that this was all about his dad trying to force him to visit or write to him but otherwise it didn’t make him feel much different than he normally did when it happened. He would be upset for an hour or two, maybe talk to Medda, and then drink too much and go to bed. By the next day, he was fine. His therapist said that it wasn’t a healthy coping mechanism but he rarely got the letters anymore so Jack didn’t think of it as a priority to sort out.

“Jack?” David called from the doorway of his office. “Can you come here for a minute?”

“Yeah, be right there.” He looked at his family and friends again. “Seriously, guys, I’m fine.”

David was reading something on his computer and his face was eerily stoic.

“Everything okay?”

“Hmm? Yeah, sorry.” He clicked on something and turned the computer off. “Do you know anything about real estate law?”

“You looking to buy a house?” David smiled and handed him a folder. “What’s this?”

“It’s a case I’ve been consulting on that I think you could help with. There’s a New York based company operating out of-”

“Dave, I’ve sorta got a lot going on right now with our case.”

“Jack.” David looked at him with a level of sympathy that made him uncomfortable. “I thought you knew. You can’t work the case anymore.”

“What? Of course I’m working the case. It’s my case.”

“It’s a conflict of interest. He’s your father.”

“So what? I hate him! I’m not going to be soft on him just because he’s my father.”

“That’s worse,” David said with a sigh. “Or at least it will seem worse.”

“Why?”

“Jack, you have a personal vendetta against our prime suspect! Do you know how detrimental it could be for any case we can make if the defense counsel can say that? Do you want to risk the whole thing being ruined because of that?”

Jack seethed. He was so sick of Francis Fucking Sullivan ruining his life. For as long as he could remember, every aspect of it had been dominated by his father. His childhood, his time in the system, his goddamn career; no matter what it was, Sullivan’s reputation followed him.

He had mandatory therapy once a week that was supposed to help but it made him feel like the bureau didn’t trust him. And they didn’t, not fully, otherwise they wouldn’t have made him take a quarterly polygraph test. It made sense, he supposed. He was the son of one of the most dangerous men in America, after all. It still pissed him off though.

And now he was losing the case? No. Unacceptable. He had been working on this for six months and spending every waking moment on it for the last two.

“I’m already the one who did most of the investigating so it ain’t like it won’t come up in court anyway. Let me do my job, Davey. It’s my fucking job! It’s my fucking case!”

David shook his head. “I’m sorry, but it isn’t. Not anymore. I truly am sorry, Jack. I know how-”

“No. Stop. You don’t seem very sorry considering how casual you were!”

“I thought it was obvious! I thought you knew!”

“Why would I have known?” Jack hissed. “Why would I assume my case was being taken away from me? Nobody else seemed to think so either!”

“Then they should have.” It was obvious that David was becoming increasingly frustrated but Jack didn’t care. He didn’t have a right to be pissed when he was the one doing this to Jack. “I’m not risking this case just because you want to hold onto it. It’s bigger than you. It’s bigger than any of us!”

“Exactly! You think it’s going to be thrown out because my father’s involved and so am I? You’re a fucking dumbass!”

David stood abruptly, his hands clenched so tightly on the desk that his knuckles turned white. He looked angrier than Jack had seen him before. It reminded him that David wasn’t just the guy he was sleeping with or the guy he was working on a case with - David was his boss. His boss whom he had just screamed at.

“Close the door,” he said sternly.

“Davey-”

“Close the door  _ now.” _ Jack nodded anxiously and did as he was told. “First of all, don’t you ever speak to me like that,” he hissed.

“I- I know, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize the door was still-”

“No!” He slammed a hand down on his desk.  _ “Ever! _ Not in this building. I’m your superior and you report to me, not the other way around. You don’t get to curse at me or insult me!”

“Davey-”

“Listen to me when I’m talking to you!” Jack startled and had the fleeting thought that the walls of the office weren’t soundproof. “You’ll treat me with respect and do what you’re told. I don’t know how Denton did things but while I’m in charge, I will  _ not _ be yelled at! When I was a special agent, my boss would give me orders - and not with an explanation like I gave you - and if I didn’t follow them there would be consequences. If I ever yelled at my boss, I’d be lucky to ever step foot in the bureau again.

“This is the third time you’ve yelled at me while we’re working, did you know that?” He hadn’t. Somewhere along the way, Jack had gotten so comfortable around David that he had stopped paying attention to his behavior. “If we weren’t severely understaffed I would suspend you.”

“Davey-”

“Look me in the eye and know how serious I’m being.” Jack believed him. “Wait here.” David went to the door and called for JoJo.

“Yes, sir?” He sounded stilted and Jack knew that everyone must have heard.

“Put the book on Jack’s desk and let whoever’s on the roster this week know they won’t need to worry about it.”

“Yes, sir.” JoJo pointedly didn’t look at Jack.

“You’re on book duty for a week. You’ll be on time and undisruptive if you know what’s good for you,” he said, walking back to his desk. “We’ll speak after that.” He started reading something and it was a clear sign of dismissal.

“Davey,” Jack tried one more time, ready to apologize, “I didn’t-”

“You’re benched, Kelly. Get anything you have pertaining to any active cases to Charlie.” He didn’t even bother to look at Jack.

Every eye in the room was on him as he walked to his desk. He tried to block them out but it was hard. He was a cross between ashamed and infuriated, and it wasn’t a good look. He was sure his face must have been red and shiny.

Fuck David. Who did he think he was, embarrassing Jack in front of his friends and family? Maybe he shouldn’t have yelled but it was a gross overreaction. Was he trying to prove something? Did he think Jack didn’t realize that David was the boss just because they were sleeping together? Jack knew that and David could go to hell.

The book was waiting for him and while he didn’t groan, it was close. The book was a binder filled with every call and report their office got every night (and as there were millions of people in New York, they got a lot of calls about potential public corruption). It also had every news story from every major news outlet in the world in the previous twenty-four hours that contained keywords that had to do with any of their department’s active cases. It was always hundreds of pages of ridiculously small text and it was draining to go through. They almost never found anything and it felt like a huge waste of time that took up a whole day. Usually, they took turns, but now it was Jack’s job for the next week.

Whatever he and David had had going, it was finished now. Jack didn’t have any interest in being with someone who had such a complex (he wasn’t sure if it was superiority or inferiority but it was one of the two). David would have to find another outlet because Jack was done.

The pain in his chest persisted all day no matter how many antacids he took, but it was only heartburn. There was nothing else it could be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry.


	12. David

The rest of Thursday was awkward. People were tiptoeing around him like he was going to blow up at any minute. He thought he might if they didn’t start treating him normally.

Part of him felt bad for yelling but another part of him didn’t care. David had a right to expect respect and cooperation. He didn’t mind informality to a certain extent or that everyone was friends, but there was a line and Jack had crossed it.

His anxiety attack after their meeting only lasted half an hour, so that was good. He told himself that he wasn’t sure why he had panicked but that was wrong. He knew.

Just like he had the previous week in Washington, for a split second, Jack turned into Oscar. David hadn’t been able to differentiate between them. The only difference between D.C. and this time was that he let himself be angry. Maybe some part of him knew it wasn’t Oscar because if it hadn’t, he never would have been able to yell.

But he wouldn’t let anyone else treat him that way. If he and Jack were whatever they were then he couldn’t let himself be treated that way, even if it was easier to.

He spent most of the rest of the day in his office, only coming out when it was absolutely necessary. He usually stayed late but he left at five on the dot. He rushed to the door as quickly as he could without it looking like he was rushing.

Meeting Millie’s cousins was overwhelming, to say the least. They were all sweet, yes, but four was too many and there was something they clearly didn’t know. They were Norwegian and lived in France. David was in the middle of teaching himself Norwegian and he spoke French fluently so he understood what they were saying when they spoke about him.

“He’s hot in a nerdy way.”

“He’s too lanky for me.”

“Lanky’s my type.”

“He’s got muscles under that shirt, don’t you think?”

“Are you going to try and sleep with him, Laura?”

“Definitely.”

It took a lot of effort not to drop the silverware he was holding as he loaded the dishwasher. It was bizarre to hear people talking about him like that, but too late to say anything. If he had said something when they first started speaking to each other in French, he wouldn't have to pretend. As it was, he was trapped.

“Hi,” Laura said and sat down across from him at the table a little while later. He was trying to get some work done and was sick of being cooped up in his room. He should have just sucked it up.

“Hi,” he replied politely. He kept his eyes on the computer.

“How long have you known Millie?” she asked. 

“I just met her when I moved in, so about two months.”

“Oh, so you hadn’t met? Well, she must have been happy to see such a handsome stranger.”

“Uh…thanks?”

She giggled like he had said something funny. David didn’t know how to handle giggly flirting when it was a man, let alone a woman. Not that he had any interest in Laura but he hadn’t flirted at all in years. With Jack it had just…happened.

“Why don’t you come out with us tonight? We are going to many different bars.”

“Thanks, but I have stuff to do for work, so…”

“Tomorrow night? We’re going to a club.”

He smiled tightly.

“It’s Shabbat.” She stared at him blankly. “I can’t go out Friday nights.”

“Well, we’re going Saturday too. Surely you want to come then?”

“To be honest, clubs and bars aren’t really my thing. I’m more of a library guy.”

She giggled again.

“You’re funny.” He hadn’t been joking. “You live in the city that never sleeps and you spend your time at a library or synagogue?”

“I spend most of my time at work or asleep, but yeah. New York’s got some of the most beautiful public libraries you’ve ever seen.”

“I’m from Europe.”

“New York’s got some of the most beautiful public libraries in the United States.”

“Why don’t you show me one on Saturday?” she suggested, leaning forward slightly. 

“I thought you didn’t want to spend your time-”

“Yes, but I’d like to be in your company.”

He swallowed.

“I’m right here.”

“Mm. What about you go be right there–” she jerked her head towards his bedroom. “–and I’ll go be there with you?” Laura reached for his hand and he snapped it back.

“I…I’m sorry, no.”

“Why not? Do you not think I am attractive?”

“No! I mean, yes! Yes, you’re very attractive but-”

“But what? Not your type?” She asked it like she had never not been somebody’s type before.

“I’m gay! I like men. I’m sorry, I’m not…I’m not interested in women. It’s not you, I swear. You’re very nice and charming and attractive but you’re not a man.”

“Oh. Do you have a boyfriend?” Boy, she moved on quickly. “Uh, no, not really.”

“Not really? That is not a no.”

David scratched the back of his neck.

“Well, there’s this one guy I was seeing. Or not seeing, I guess. We didn’t go on dates.”

“You were fucking?”

Shocked at how blatant she was, David was only able to stutter out, “Uh, y-yeah.”

“But not anymore?”

“I don’t think so. I screamed at him today.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m his boss and he fucked up one too many times.”

“You’re his boss?” Laura laughed. “And you people say we are the promiscuous ones.” She reached for his hand again and beckoned it forward when he hesitated. “Good. Who have you spoken to about this?”

“No one. It was this morning.”

“It’s been many hours.”

“Yeah. Listen, I appreciate it and I don’t mean to be rude but I really have to get this done.” He gestured to the computer.

“It’s not rude. I’ll leave you alone.” She frowned at him but David didn’t think she was offended. He couldn’t figure out why she was sad. 

“Can you do me a favor and not tell Millie or Buttons about this?” 

“Of course I won’t! Your secret is safe with me.”

Her promise seemed genuine, which was why David groaned two hours later when his roommates sat down at the table and Millie opened with, “You’re sleeping with an employee?”

David groaned and gave up on working. 

“Laura said she wasn’t going to tell you.”

“Laura also said she wasn’t going to shave my eyebrows off in my sleep, but there I was, eyebrowless for two months,” Buttons said.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Wait, go back, your eyebrows?”

“Answer the question, Jacobs,” she ordered.

“It happened suddenly and he approached me! I tried to make myself end it but…”

“He was hot and you needed to get laid?” Buttons suggested. David blushed and nodded. “Have you considered Tinder?”

“I’m don’t think I’m allowed to have Tinder and even if I was, I don’t like anonymous sex. Either way, that might have been all it was at first, but I like him now.”

Buttons frowned. He reached down and got Tsfarde’a from where she was lying under the table and held her out in front of him, moving her paw.

“Don't be sad, David,” Buttons said as Tsfarde’a. “There are plenty of other fish in the sea.”

David laughed and took her from him, resting her in his lap.

“What the hell kind of accent was that?” Millie asked. 

“Polish! She speaks Polish.”

“She’s a cat, she doesn’t speak anything, and that sounded a lot more Australian than Polish.”

He escaped to his room while they bickered. He appreciated Tsfarde’a’s tolerance as he held her close and tried to fall asleep. He would deal with the work tomorrow. For now, he was going to squish his cat to his chest and drift off to her soothing purrs.

“Fix this for me, will you, Tsfarde’a? I don’t even know what. Please just fix one of the things.” David sighed and kissed the top of her head. “The fact that I’m looking to you for solutions indicates that I should stop canceling my sessions with Amelia. Not that you’re not great at giving advice,” he assured her. “I’m sure you’re very well respected in the cat community.”

Tsfarde’a stared at him unhappily. She clearly wanted him to stop talking and let her sleep. He kissed her again just to annoy her.

David took a second to analyze the conversation he had just had with his cat. “I need some serious help and maybe a medication adjustment.”

The next day, David had to meet with his boss to discuss their newest lead and get permission to interview Francis Sullivan. Special Agent-in-Charge Daniels was…tough. There was really no other word to describe him. He was tough to work with, tough to be around, tough to convince of things.

Presenting him with the evidence didn’t exactly go over well.

“You’re telling me that Francis Sullivan is helping a United States Senator embezzle money just to mess with his son?”

David swallowed nervously.

“Yes sir. I know it sounds crazy, but–”

“Good.” He leaned back in his chair. “I’d be worried if you didn’t think it was crazy. Do you know how long it took the bureau to get him on something? Twenty fucking years. You show up here with a bunch of  _ clues _ so simple my seven-year-old grandson could figure it out and expect me to believe it’s him? And you want to go to fucking Florida to interview him on the off chance that you’re right?”

“Yes sir. We think the point is that they were easy to figure out. He wanted Agent Kelly to know it was him.”

David sat stiffly as his boss’ eyes flicked back and forth between him and the paper in front of him for an uncomfortable amount of time. Then, Daniels sighed.

“Fine. Leave as soon as possible. I’ll give you three days and if you don’t get anything substantial, you come back and do some  _ real _ investigative work.”

“Now? Sir, we haven’t even–”

“Now, Jacobs. Get going.”

“Do you want a piece of gum?” Katherine offered him as the plane taxied. “Or maybe a Xanax?”

“What? Katherine–”

“I’m joking. Seriously, you seem nervous. Do you not like flying?”

“Flying’s fine.” He looked back down at the paperwork in his lap, trying to hint that he didn’t want to discuss it.

“Then what is it?”

“Nothing.”

She gave him a side eye that meant she didn’t believe him but he wasn’t bothered. The only thing David had the capacity to worry about was the one thing he was trying desperately not to think about. The mind-numbing paperwork he was doing wasn’t as successful a distraction as it usually was, but it would have to do.

They had already been told to turn their cellphones on airplane mode and David was eager to be able to check it again. Any time he was away from his phone these days was stressful. What if something were to happen and he didn’t find out until it was too late?

Lately, flights seemed a lot longer. In the past, he had loved flying. For years it had meant Les in his lap when the seatbelt light was off. He would look out the window, mesmerized by the clouds and patches of land. When he started feeling too old to sit on his big brother’s lap, David had still had the memory to associate with air travel. It didn’t do much for him now.

When they landed, Katherine went to rent a car while he checked his phone for messages. He only had one.

**Sarah**

**12:02 PM**

_ Call me _

His heart was in his throat. That had been almost an hour ago. He listened to the grating ring, bouncing on his heels as he waited for his sister to answer.

“David?”

“Sarah! What’s going on? Why did you want me to call you?”

“Calm down, everything’s okay.”

“It is?” He let go of some of the tension in his shoulders.

“Okay. Sorry. What’s up?”

“Aba’s blood test showed improved levels of proteins and the doctor said it’s a good sign.”

“Really? Sarah, that’s great!”

“I know! I’m sorry I sent such a cryptic text. I was distracted and half listening to Ima. I should’ve realized who I was texting.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“How’s work?”

“It’s okay. I’m in Florida.”

“Florida? Why?”

“Long story.”

“How’s that thing with that guy going?”

David kicked a rock across the cement.

“I think it’s over.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay. I’m sorry, neshama. That sucks.”

“Yeah, well, what else did I expect? Even if it wasn’t a bad idea for a relationship, it was inevitable.”

“Why?”

“Because love and romance aren’t in the cards for me, it seems.”

“David, you can't possibly know that. I’m sure you’ll–”

“No, I know. I’m just not meant for love, I guess.” He laughed bitterly. “I was stupid for a while but I realize that now.”

“That’s bullshit. You’ll find love. Anybody would be lucky to have you.”

“If that were true, I’d have someone, wouldn’t I? It’s fine, Saz.” Another rock. “It is what it is, you know?”

“It isn’t. I know you don’t believe me right now but I’ll make you believe it someday.”

David sighed fondly. He appreciated his sister’s efforts but she was blinded by her affection for him.

“Okay. I should go, but keep me updated. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Don’t answer any questions he asks that aren’t related to the case,” the guard said as he walked David and Katherine to where they were meeting Sullivan, “don’t give him any personal information, and don’t let him talk you into telling him more than you need to.”

“Is this a…standard warning?”

“For him, not for others. I swear to god, it’s like silence of the fucking lambs with that one. You’re FBI agents, I’m sure you’re not stupid enough to think he doesn’t have power just because he’s locked up.”

“Has he done anything to prison staff?” Katherine asked.

“No, he’s not violent himself, he sends people to do his dirty work. As far as I know he hasn’t, but he did get ninety days in solitary last year when a guard’s daughter got a noose sent to her dorm room.”

“A  _ noose?” _

__ “Yeah.” He chuckled without humor. “Guard pissed him off somehow and he had a goddamn pre-tied noose sent to her daughter. And we know it was him because he asked about it.”

“Jesus.”

It was hard to imagine anyone who fit that description being Jack’s father. It didn’t click. But then the guard opened the door and he saw Francis Sullivan and knew they had to be related. He had seen pictures and footage of him before, sure, but he looked different in person. He looked more like Jack. They had the same face shape, the same hair color, the same sparkling eyes. It made David nauseous.

“You brought me visitors, Richie? How nice.”

Richie didn’t respond, just turned to David and said, “I’ll be right outside. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you.”

Katherine took the lead as they approached. 

“Mr. Sullivan, I’m Special Agent Katherine Pl–”

“Katherine Plumber and David Jacobs. I know who you are. Have a seat! Join me.”

Sullivan was obviously very comfortable with the situation and made it clear from the second they had stepped in that he was in charge. It was infuriating.

“We didn’t realize you had been told we were coming,” he said.”

“Not by Richie and his friends if that’s what you mean.”

“Then by–”

“Let’s make a deal, shall we?” He dropped the pretense of being happy and his face was sinister and deadly in an instant.

David tried to look casual as he uncapped his pen and took a file out of his bag. Katherine seemed to have the same strategy.

He nodded to her and she clicked the record button.

“For the sake of the tape, this is our first meeting with Mr. Francis Sullivan. It’s one fifteen in the afternoon on Friday, November twentieth. The only people in the room are Mr. Sullivan, Special Agent Katherine Plumber, and myself.

“Mr. Sullivan, we’re going to ask you some questions. We’ll be recording as we do so. You’re under no legal obligation to answer, though be aware that should you choose not to, you may be called to testify under oath,” David informed him.

“First, can you confirm that you are, in fact, Francis Sullivan?”

“Well, would you look at that?” he asked condescendingly. “The freshman thinks himself a lawyer.”

He bit his cheek.

“Mr. Sullivan?”

“Yeah, I’m Francis John Sullivan. Let’s skip the formalities and get to the nitty gritty questions, okay? I get bored quickly.”

David would never have believed that a man with his hands and feet cuffed to a table could be so imposing, but here he was, right in front of him.

“Do you know of Senator Patrick Mallory of Tennessee?” Katherine started. “He was elected in–”

“I know him personally.”

David exchanged a glance with Katherine. It shouldn’t have been that easy.

“How do you know him?”

“I’m helping him embezzle millions from the American government. Next question.”

“Uh…” David wasn’t sure what to say and it seemed neither was Katherine. Sullivan had an angle but he couldn’t figure out what it was. Regardless, they had been in there for less than three minutes and they already had a confession.

“I’m assuming by now you’ve got Rogers to agree to testify? I knew she’d flip easy.”

“Um, we have more questions for you, Mr. Sullivan.” Katherine stumbled a little at the beginning but was regaining her ability to speak far more quickly than David was.

“I’ll answer any of them.”

“Why? Why are you admitting to this so easily?”

“Are you complaining, Agent Plumber?” He chuckled. “I’ve got a life sentence already, kids. So listen, I’ll tell you about whatever you need to know. I’ll tell you about how it started, how I did it, what names the other accounts are under - oh, it looks like you didn’t know about that one.”

“Cut to the chase, Sullivan,” David ordered. “You’ve made this easy for us every step of the way. Like you said, you already have a life sentence, so a plea bargain isn’t going to do you any good. What’s in it for you?”

Sullivan leaned over and stared at his eyes intently for a moment, then Katherine’s. He was smirking and in control. That thought kept coming back to David: Sullivan was in control here. 

“I’ll do everything I just said and I’ll testify. All you have to do is get me ten minutes with my son.”

David was surprised. He had believed his team when they said Sullivan would do this just to get in contact with his son, but having it confirmed felt different. Katherine, on the other hand, seemed furious. Sullivan noticed too.

“Oh, don’t be like that, Kitty.”

She went rigid.

“I know you’re protective of him, but he’s my son. Why would I ever do anything to harm him?”

“You’re not seeing him,” she barked. “Ever.”

David wasn’t sure he agreed. Regardless of how he felt personally, it wasn’t ethical to throw away something like this just because it might negatively affect a team member. As he had said on multiple occasions, the case was bigger than all of them, even if it only happened because of Sullivan’s fucked up plan to see Jack.

“What happened to him making his own decisions? That’s what you’ve been telling him to do since college, right?”

“Mr. Sullivan,” he tried, “we need to discuss–”

“But  _ you _ get to make the decision, really. Oh, poor boy. I can see the fear in your eyes. The analyst promoted beyond his measure, desperate to please.” He laughed darkly. “How will you fail this time, hmm? There are so many different ways to, aren’t there? What will it be?”

David’s hands were clenched, his knuckles completely white. Katherine said something but he couldn’t hear it. The only thing he processed was Francis Sullivan staring him down with a smile that could only be described as maniacal.

“Come on, David. Is it that difficult a choice? Let me talk to my son and take down Mallory, or don’t and give in to being the pussy you are.”

David flinched.

“Ooo, he didn’t like that, did he? I’ll admit it’s an unpleasant word, but that was a disproportionate reaction, don’t you think?”

He leaned in as close as he could and whispered in David’s ear.

“He never liked it when you flinched, did he?”

David was up and out of the room before he had even realized what was happening. He was halfway down the hall, hands shaking as he pulled out his phone. He was nauseous, humiliated, angry, confused. It wasn’t the worst way he had ever felt but it came pretty damn near it.

He sunk to the floor and barely glanced at the screen as he hit buttons, heart racing. 

“Hello?”

“How the fuck does he know?” he shouted.

“Know wh–”

“Get on a fucking plane, Kelly. Somebody wants to see you.” 


	13. Jack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Denton interlude.

Jack was approaching hour four of flipping through the book and he would have been willing to do almost anything to get out of continuing. The other annoying part of his day was that everybody was treating him like he was going to have a breakdown or go into a fit of rage.

“Hey, Jack,” Specs said sweetly, “I brought you some coffee.” He placed it down on the desk and shifted awkwardly. Jack stared up at him, making his annoyance as clear as he possibly could.

“I’m not gonna explode.”

“Nah, I know, but you’re having a shitty week and I figured you could use a coffee.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course. JoJo says there’s a call for you.”

“Who is it?”

“I’m not sure,” he lied.

“Specs.”

“Denton.”

“Who called Denton?” he yelled across the office, exasperated. Nobody answered. “I’m fine!”

His phone started blinking. He picked it up and hit the button for line one, glaring at Specs. “Hello?”

“Jack! It’s me.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry they bothered you about this, ’cause I’m fine.” He shooed Specs away.

“What’s going on Jack? We’re all worried about you. Katherine told me you shouted at your new boss? What’s that about?”

“More like he shouted at me,” Jack grumbled. “I can’t tell you why but he took my case away from me.”

“Did you do something wrong?”

“No! Nothing! It’s a stupid technicality thing,” he defended.

“So you shouted at him?”

“Yes? Maybe? I don’t know, it’s a blur. He got pissed about that and I think I mighta cursed at him too.”

“Christ, Jack.”

“It’s gonna be fine. I know him; he’ll get over it.”

“And what if he doesn’t?” Denton sighed. “Jack, buddy, you’ve gotta try harder, okay? I know it’s hard but from what I’ve been told you haven’t been making much of an effort with him.”

Jack couldn’t stand it when he disappointed Denton. Race had once teased that it was because of his daddy issues, and even Jack had to admit that he was probably right. 

“I’m sorry. I swear, I am trying.”

“I know you don’t like him–”

“That isn’t true anymore.”

Denton paused and Jack tried not to snap. He hated his contemplative silence. It had always made him uncomfortable.

“It’s not?”

“No. It’s whatever, okay? He was stressed, I was stressed, it’ll blow over and I’ll make more of an effort. He wasn’t wrong about everything he said, so…”

It was true. Jack had come to the realization (after a few beers and a lot of anger) that he needed to start treating David better at work. He was a guy who definitely needed some kindness in his life and Jack hadn’t done a very good job providing any.

He was going to apologize when David got back. He missed him and it had only been a day. Jack had to stop lying to himself. He wanted more out of a relationship with David than just sex (and one very memorable makeout session in his office at four in the morning). Hopefully, David did too.

“Jack…what’s the nature of your relationship with David Jacobs?”

“He’s my boss.”

“It seems like more than that. Any time I’ve spoken to you about arguments you’ve gotten into or times you’ve gotten in trouble, you were a lot less defensive about how the other person may have felt. You forget that I’ve known you for almost a decade. I know what you sound like when you’re interested in someone. Are you having an affair with him?”

“I– What? No! Why would you– Denton, how the fuck did you put that together so quickly? Are you Sherlock fucking Holmes?”

Denton laughed.

“No, Race told me,” he admitted. “I thought I’d have a little fun.”

“Race? I’m going to kill him.”

“He thought I knew. You used to tell me everything, Jack.” 

Jack took a long sip of his coffee to avoid answering. Denton may not have been able to see it, but he needed to do something to occupy himself.

“It’s okay that you didn’t tell me but–”

“Don’t lecture me about the ethics of it, okay? I already get it enough from him.”

“I wasn’t going to. I was going to say that I’m here if you ever need advice about it.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“Of course. I don’t have any experience with sleeping with my boss–” Jack groaned. “–but I’ll do my best.”

“Thanks. I’ve never done this before.”

“Had an affair?”

“It’s not– it’s not an affair,” he hissed under his breath. “Neither of us is married. I meant try to win someone back.”

“You’re going to?”

“I think. I don’t know if I can say ‘back,’ though, ’cause we weren’t exactly together.”

“You weren’t?”

“No. He just got outta a relationship and said he wasn’t ready for that or whatever but I want more, you know?”

“Yeah. He seemed like a nice guy when I spoke to him, but you never know, so be careful you don’t lose your job if this ends poorly.”

“Appreciate the optimism, Dent.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.”

Line two was flashing on his desk.

“Hey, can I call you back tomorrow? Sorry, I’ve got another call and you’ll be asleep by the time I get off.”

“Sure,” he said. “Good talking to you.”

“Yeah, you too. And thanks.”

Denton hung up and Jack took a second to compose himself before picking up the other call.

“Hello?”

“How the fuck does he know?” David shouted. Jack’s ear rang and he pulled the receiver slightly away.

“Know wh–”

“Get on a fucking plane, Kelly. Somebody wants to see you.” 


	14. David

He left. At the end of the day, that was what had happened. No big showdown, no confrontation, no story about running away in the middle of the night.  _ He _ left. Left was probably generous. In reality, David had been told to move out. That was the end of their story.

David remembered calling his sister and sobbing incoherently into the phone. He remembered the door slamming and the single day he was given and the blame laid on him by both of them. He remembered his begging and pleading and promising to be better. He remembered lying on the floor for hours afterwards and Tsfarde’a’s obvious concern and only getting up when Sarah arrived and the cool washcloth on his head. Most of all, he remembered the shame.

He couldn’t deal with him knowing, because him knowing meant other people knew. And he couldn’t call Sarah this time. He couldn’t call anybody.

So he left. Katherine could handle it herself for a little while and he couldn’t be in that building anymore. After a quick internet search, he got an Uber of all things, unable to think of anything else. He wasn’t cognizant of what was going on around him and the ride felt seconds long.

Taking a deep breath, he went inside, but not before shutting off his phone completely. There were only two reasons people would contact him and he couldn’t handle either of them. It was cool inside, a nice reprieve from the sticky Tampa air. It smelled musty in the way old libraries and historical sights did, a smell David loved. He had always loved old things.

He was reaching into his bag to get what he needed when somebody cleared their throat.

“Can I help you?” The woman who had spoken looked more concerned than annoyed at his interruption, and that was how David realized he was crying.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked, then cleared his throat, too. “I’m sorry. I…I know I’m not a member but I needed to come. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” She approached him cautiously, like she was trying not to frighten a small animal. “Is everything okay?”

He nodded, then he remembered who he was talking to and shook his head. 

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s…I can’t talk about it. I don’t know how to talk about it.”

She nodded sagely.

“I can understand that. Sometimes it’s a process.”

Oddly, she reminded him of Millie, but maybe that was because she was kind.

“Would you like to go inside? I’ll join you if you’d like, but you’re free to go in alone too.”

“You don’t mind that I’m here?”

“Not at all. Should I?”

He shrugged.

“What’s your name?”

“David. David Jacobs.”

“Nice to meet you, David Jacobs. I’m Sarah Berkowicz.”

David couldn’t help but chuckle as he wiped a stray tear away.

“Sorry. My sister is Sarah and she’s who I usually go to for something like this. It’s ironic that even when I can’t I end up talking to a Polish Sarah anyway.”

She smiled sweetly.

“The universe works in funny ways.”

“Would you? Come in with me? I’m sorry. I don’t want to be alone and I could use some guidance.”

“You keep apologizing but there’s nothing to apologize for.” She jerked her head towards the inner room. “Come on, let’s go in.”

“Thank you, Rabbi,” he said, affixing his kippah. “You don’t know how much I appreciate it.”

He had several messages from Katherine when he turned his phone back on. There was nothing he wanted to do less than respond but he had to. The decision as to how was made for him when the phone started ringing.

“Hello?” His voice was still raw and crackly.

“David! Where the hell are you? Why did you leave? What happened?”

“I’m…I’ll be there soon, okay?”

“Did you call Jack? We can’t make a decision that quickly! Especially one that compromises his safety like that.”

David sighed.

“It doesn’t compromise his safety.”

“Emotionally.”

“And you want to risk not convicting Mallory because Jack will be upset?”

“It’s not about  _ upset,  _ it’s–”

“I get that and it isn’t fair to him but life isn’t always about fair. Sullivan is our Martha Mitchell except more credible because he’s involved, and I refuse to lose that. Look, we can’t talk about this on the phone. I’ll be there soon.”

“Where are you?”

“I’ll be there soon.”

“David!” Katherine rushed over to him. “There you are!”

“Is Jack on his way?”

“Yeah, but–”

“Good. What else did you get from Sullivan?”

“Are you joking? Nothing! He knows he has us.” She sat violently down in a chair and huffed. “What the hell did he say to you in there?”

“Nothing.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes.

“That’s obviously not true.”

“Nothing you need to be concerned about.” 

“I need to know. We need to work as a team, David.”

“No, you need to do as I say and trust my judgement. God, why don’t any of you ever listen to me unless I’m yelling?”

“That isn’t–”

“It doesn’t count if you agree with me. Of course you’re going to do something when you agree with me, but you have to listen to me even when you don’t. Do you think I was given this job for no reason? That I’m unqualified?”

She shook her head.

“Nobody thinks that.”

“Then act like it. I’m not asking you to follow me blindly, but I give the orders, not you or Charlie or Jack or anybody else. I do. I swear to God, next time somebody doesn’t follow a direct order, I’m writing them up. Are we clear?”

It was obvious that he had upset Katherine but he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. When will he be here?”

“His flight gets in in an hour, so probably two hours by the time he gets through the airport and in a car and everything.”

“Fine. Text me when he’s here.”

“Where are you going?”

“To the hotel to take a fucking nap.”

David didn’t feel much better when he woke up. His head was pounding like he had a bad hangover, not to mention the chills and the nausea. It was pouring and the thunder shook the building slightly. It was comforting.

He felt alone. He wanted Tsfarde’a. He wanted his mother. He wanted to quit and go home. He wanted Les to forgive him. He wanted a lot of things that weren’t going to happen and that he wasn’t going to get.

He checked his phone but he didn’t have any texts from Katherine. He decided to get up anyway and take a shower before he had to go back. The second he stood, he knew that wasn’t going to happen.

Falling back into bed and pulling the blankets over him, David didn’t even have the energy to text Katherine and tell her he wouldn’t be coming back.

The next time he woke up someone was knocking on the door. He groaned and rolled out of bed. He had to lean on the nightstand for a moment to steady himself. Without even looking through the peephole, he opened the door. Jack and Katherine were on the other side.

“You look like shit,” was the first thing Jack said. Katherine smacked his arm. “What? He does.”

David gave them the opportunity to follow him in but went back to the bed without saying anything.

“Are you okay?” Katherine asked. “You wouldn’t answer your phone but I guess this is why.”

“Sorry. Slept through it.”

“It’s all right. Did you take anything?”

“Nothing to take. I’m just tired.”

He closed his eyes. He felt a weight on the bed and a hand on his forehead. He shifted away.

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem it,” Jack said.

“Do you have any other symptoms?”

“I don't know. Can you let me sleep? I’m sorry I wasn’t there but I can’t keep my eyes open. Just let me sleep.”

“You have a fever.”

“I’m going to run out and get you some Tylenol, okay?”

“You don’t have to do that, Katherine.”

“It’s okay,” she said softly. “I’m happy to.” 

The door clicked shut but the weight next to him remained.

“You pissed at me?” he slurred despite his effort to be articulate.

“Not as pissed as you are at me, I’d imagine.” Jack stood and came around the other side of the bed. He kicked off his shoes and settled next to David.

“I’m gonna get you sick.”

“What happened to ‘I’m just tired,’ huh?”

“But we’re mad at each other.”

“Yeah. That don’t mean I don’t care about you. Dave, I’m really sorry. I haven’t been treating you right.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not. And I’m not just talking about work. I know you said you weren’t ready for feelings or whatever but I really like you and–”

David couldn’t keep it together anymore and he sobbed.

“Whoa, hey. Come here.” Jack brought him into his side. He willingly buried his face in Jack’s thigh. “What’s the matter?”

“I don’t…it’s been a long day,” he said in between sobs. Jack rubbed his back.

“I know. It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

He shook his head.

“It’s not. I’m not.”

“Shh. I promise.” He let him cry for a while and David was grateful. He barely had the energy to do that, let alone talk throughout. When he was all cried out and hiccuping and double-breathing against Jack’s leg, Jack said, “There we go. I got you, Dave. I’m gonna be here for you.”

“But I’m making you see your father! I don’t want to, Jack, I don’t, but I have to and–”

“Shh. I know. Let’s not talk about that right now, okay? I know you don’t want to. It doesn’t make me like you less.”

“Why do you still like me? I was horrible to you.”

“You weren’t.  _ I _ was horrible to  _ you.” _

He couldn’t deny it. He was sure Jack hadn’t meant to be but he toyed with David’s emotions and made him even more confused and disoriented than he already was.

“If you give me a second chance, I promise I’ll treat you like you deserve. I’m not saying I won’t ever mess up but I’m going to try. I haven’t liked someone the way I like you in a long time, Dave.” 

David shivered. Nobody had spoken to him with such affection in a romantic context in years. He wanted to be with Jack, he really did, but he had to be honest with him about his past if he wanted to have a successful relationship.

He sat up and wiped his eyes.

“I want to be with you.”

Jack’s face lit up.

“You do?”

“Yes–” He nodded. “–but if we’re going to try then I have to tell you some things first. I haven’t ever told anyone, the people who knew just found out. I don’t know how to talk about it.”

“It’s okay. We can wait if you need time.”

“No, I want to do it.” David took a deep breath. His nausea was getting worse. “My last relationship– the one I told you about that ended recently– it was…fuck.”

“It’s okay.”

“No! No, I should be able to fucking say it.” He was ashamed. He knew he shouldn’t be but he was ashamed. “He was cruel. Abusive. It was an abusive relationship.”

David couldn’t look at Jack, so he looked at his lap instead and fiddled with his hands.

“Dave…I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t. Please don’t.”

“I–”

“I know.” He got the confidence to look him in the eye. “But don’t.”

Jack nodded.

“Your father knows. That’s what I was asking about. Do you have any idea how he knows?”

“No. I’m sorry, no. I’m not surprised, though. He’s good at getting dirt on people.”

He was a little disappointed but more than that, he was happy Jack hadn’t known before and his father hadn’t found out that way. It had been cruel of him to assume it was Jack after what he had told him about his father.

“Do you want to talk about it? We don’t have to.”

“It wasn’t…he didn’t  _ hit _ me or anything. It wasn’t that severe.”

“Just because it wasn’t physical doesn’t mean it wasn’t severe.”

“Okay. Fine, whatever. I thought you should know that I’m pretty messed up before you committed to anything.” David laughed darkly. “I know I yelled at you and this is hypocritical, but…those two times you snapped at me — in D.C. and in my office — you were him. You were Oscar. And I know that isn’t fair to you because you’re not anything like him and people yell sometimes but my brain couldn’t tell the two of you apart. I’m sorry.”

_ “Never _ be sorry about this. It isn’t your fault and I promise to– Dave, I have anger management issues. I have for years. I understand if after what you’ve gone through you don’t want to be with someone like me.”

David hesitantly reached for his hand. It was one of the hardest conversations he had ever had and he wanted Jack to know it was okay and, selfishly, to be grounded by him. 

“I want to be with you.”

“Really?” Jack breathed a sigh of relief. “Fuck. Okay. I promise I’ll try harder than I’ve ever tried. I…I’m not violent, I swear, and I’m much better at controlling my temper than I used to be. I promise I’ll try my best to never yell at you again.” 

“Thank you. I understand if you do, though. Nobody’s perfect.”

“Yeah.”

“Jack? Can we take things slowly?”

“Uh, sure, but we’ve already–”

“I meant more in a relationship sense. With Oscar–” He still hated saying his name. “–it was too fast. We met and four months later we were living together.”

“Of course. Do you want me to get up? I–”

“No. No, I don’t mind this sort of stuff. This morning I was talking to my sister about how I’m never going to be in another relationship, so I need to– I mean, that was just because I was upset about our fight, but I need…I don’t even know what I need.”

“That’s okay. We can figure it out as we go.”

“Okay.”

“Can you promise me you’ll tell me if I do something wrong?”

“I can promise I’ll try.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you for being okay with this.” For some reason, the statement seemed to upset Jack.

“Dave, you don’t have to thank me. It’s not like you did anything wrong.”

He shrugged.

“I know, but I’m damaged goods.”

“What? You are  _ not. _ Did he say that? Don’t listen to him. You’re not damaged goods.”

David cringed.

“Please don’t tell me not to listen to him. Don’t you think I know that? And please don’t ask me if he said something specific. I…fuck, I know I’m being stupid and hypersensitive. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not being either of those things. I promise I won’t and I’m sorry I upset you.”

“You didn’t know.”

“Point is, you’re not damaged goods. You’re Davey, and that’s a pretty damn good thing to be. You’re a pretty damn good person.”

David smiled but his face turned somber quickly.

“What’s wrong?”

“I know what I just said, but will you stay? I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“I’d be honored.” 

David gave him a short, soft, barely there kiss.

Everything hurt and he was redder than he’d ever been, but David was relieved to have gotten it off his chest. He was quickly falling for Jack and, scary though it was, they had needed to have that discussion.

The rest of the day would be hard. The next, even harder. But for now, Jack was holding him and that was all he wanted. 


	15. Jack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gents, this is the moment you’ve waited for.

Jack didn’t get much sleep that night. He was too busy worrying about David and the very, very strong chance that he would have to see his father come morning — mostly about David.

He should have seen it. All the little signs. David was desperate to please and nervous to disappoint and full of anger that he couldn’t express. He had seen it in his office. There was a fire behind his eyes that was all consuming. Jack knew the feeling.

David started shifting around five thirty. His head was still resting on Jack’s chest but his face was twitching. He looked unhappy. When it became obvious that he was going to wake up, Jack rubbed his back, hoping to soothe him out of whatever pain he was in, be it from his sickness or his mind.

“Jack?” he mumbled.

“Yeah, Dave, it’s me.”

“Mm. Time?”

“Early. Five thirty. Why don’t you go back to sleep?”

David sat up and shook his head. He brought his knees to his chest and rubbed his eyes. He still seemed distressed so Jack sat up too.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry, I just don’t like mornings.”

“Really? I thought you were a morning person.”

“No. I’m good at pretending to be cheery.”

“Oh. You don’t gotta do that around me.”

David looked at him, eyes red, and gave a small smile. “I know.” 

“Okay. I’ll give you a minute.” He went into the bathroom, despite not really needing to, and wasted time by washing his face. He was going to shower anyway but maybe the sound of the water running would make David feel like he had more privacy.

There was only so long he could stall, and when he went back out David was still sitting up in bed. He had a hand in front of his eyes and he was whispering something softly.

“Uh, Dave?”

He didn’t answer. Jack stood watching him, unsure of what was happening or what to do. It only took a few more seconds for David to open his eyes and respond.

“Sorry.”

“It’s…fine. What were you–”

“I was praying. Sorry.”

“Oh.” He hadn’t known that David was religious. “Don’t apologize. Is that…do you do that every morning?”

David nodded.

“I didn’t notice the other times.”

“I didn’t do it.”

Jack sat back down next to him.“Why not?”

“I don’t know.” David shrugged. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.”

“I’m not uncomfortable. I’m sorry if I did something that made you think I would be.”

“You didn’t.” He bit his lip and seemed to contemplate something. “My ex didn’t like it. He said it was weird and I didn’t do it for a couple of years.” He blushed. “I don’t want you to think I’m weird.”

Jack felt nauseous, and he couldn’t convince himself that it was because he had caught whatever David had. 

“I don’t think you’re weird. I only asked because I didn’t know you were religious.”

“I am. Is that a problem?” David played with a loose thread on the sheets.

“No. Course not. I didn’t…I didn’t pressure you into anything did I? We’re not married or nothing and I don’t want you to–”

“No!” David laughed. “I’m sorry, I appreciate the concern but no. That’s not that big of a deal.”

“It’s not?”

“At least not in the way you’re thinking. Seriously, I wouldn’t have agreed to sleep with you if I didn’t want to sleep with you, okay?”

“Okay. Is there anything I can– I’m sorry, I just really don’t know anything about it and so I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

David took his hand. “You’re not supposed to do anything. Letting me pray without judgement is already more than I expected.”

“It shouldn’t be.”

“Jack–”

“I’m just saying you deserve better. Can’t I say that?”

David stared at him for a moment before nodding.

“Thank you,” Jack said.

“Thank you. Do you want to use the shower first?”

“Go ahead, Dave. Have at it.” He got out of bed and started walking away but Jack called, “David?”

He stopped. “You never call me that.”

“I know. Just…thank you for giving me a second chance. I know I don’t deserve it but I promise I’m gonna be better.”

David came back and kissed him innocently.

“You do and you already are. Thanks for staying last night.”

“Course. I’m always gonna be happy to spend time with you.”

While David showered, Jack googled Jewish morning prayers and if he should leave the room while David said them. He didn’t want to make him feel like he had to change anything for Jack.

His phone rang next to him and he reluctantly picked it up. He wanted to stay in his bubble with David for a little while longer but ignoring his phone was a bad idea. If it was work, he needed to answer and if it was family, they would be upset if he didn’t. He didn’t check to see who it was before answering.

“Hello?”

“Jack?”

He relaxed and leaned back against the headboard. “Hi, Mama.”

“Hi. Did I wake you? I was going to leave a voicemail.”

“No, I was up. What’s going on?”

“Charlie told me yesterday that you were having a bad day but that he couldn’t tell me why. He said you were busy or I would have called then. Is everything okay, baby?”

Jack felt all of his nervousness and anxiety in his stomach and it climbed up into his throat. “Not really, but I can’t talk about it yet. In a few weeks, maybe, but not yet.”

“Do you want me to come over? You sound like you could use a hug.”

“I’m in Florida.”

“You’re in Florida? Why?”

“Ma, I can’t tell you.”

“All right. Where in Florida?”

Jack knew that if he told her, she would know. She was a smart woman and there was only one reason Jack would logically be that broken up about being in Tampa. Still, it didn’t count as him telling her. Under normal circumstances, he would never say it but he needed his mother right then and she wasn’t a security risk. Besides, she wouldn’t have any idea why he needed to visit his father.

He inhaled sharply and said, “Tampa.”

“Oh. Oh, Jack…”

“Yeah.”

“Does–”

“Ma, you can’t ask me any questions.”

She sighed. “Okay. I won’t. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.” He heard the shower turn off. “I can’t talk about it. Please don’t make me skirt around it because it’ll just make it worse.”

“Okay. When do you get back?”

“I don’t know. Maybe tonight.”

“Text me when you know. Come stay with me for the night, okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. Thanks, Ma.”

“I love you, Jack. Very much.”

“I love you too.”

“You’re a good person and your past doesn’t define you.”

He breathed shakily. “Thanks.”

“I’ll talk to you soon. Call if you need me.”

“Yeah. Bye.”

“Bye.”

He did the breathing exercises he hated until David got out of the bathroom and opened the closet.

“Did you hang your stuff up?” he asked, trying to distract himself.

“Yeah, why?”

“You’re the only person I’ve ever met who uses a hotel closet.”

“How do you keep your shirts smooth?”

“I don’t. Sometimes I have to iron.”

“Well, use the closet and you won’t as much.”

“You look nice,” he said. He hoped it didn’t make David upset.

David faced him and glanced down at himself. “In my underwear?”

“Yeah. Boxer briefs are a good choice for you. Very flattering.”

David blushed and turned back around. “Thanks,” he whispered.

Jack didn’t know how to take it so he apologized. “Should I not have said that?”

“I…it’s nice of you to say, I’m just not used to people complimenting me on my body. On anything, really.”

He stood, desperate to comfort David. He approached and slowly wrapped his arms around David’s waist so as not to startle him. He kissed his shoulder.

“People are stupid, then. You’re fucking gorgeous.”

“Uh…thanks.”

“You don’t think so?”

David shook his head.

“Come here.” He gently guided David by the shoulders and brought him in front of the large mirror. “Tell me one thing you like about your body.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I think you think you’re unattractive. Am I wrong?”

“I guess not. Yeah, no. You’re not.”

“Well, I think you’re beautiful and I want you to too. I know I’m not gonna be able to convince you right now, maybe ever, but there’s gotta be one thing you like.”

David stared at himself for a concerning amount of time.

“I…I guess I don’t hate my eyes.”

“See? I’d prefer you liking ’em instead of just not hating ’em, but I’ll take it for now.”

David immediately turned away from the mirror and went back to the closet. He seemed to be getting more and more agitated as he buttoned his shirt until he finally gave up and, with an exasperated huff, asked “Why are you being so nice to me? I don’t just mean polite. Why are you so worried about what I think about myself? Why are you telling me I’m beautiful?” He wasn’t crying but he sounded like he might be about to.

Jack put his hands on either side of David’s face and kissed his forehead. His eyes fluttered shut.

“Because you’re beautiful. Because you’re a great person and I wish you could see it. Because you deserve more than politeness. Because I like you a lot and I want you to know that. Because I want to be good to you and make you happy. Because you’re a person.

“Come on,” he said because David was practically shaking, “let’s go lie down. Why don’t you take off your shirt?”

“We have to get dressed.”

“We’re not leaving for another two hours. If you don’t want to, that's fine, but why don’t we lie down?”

“Why?”

“I think you need it. I think you need to be cared for and held for a while.”

David scoffed.

“I’m not a child.”

“Do you think only children need comfort?”

David acquiesced and lay down next to Jack. Jack asked if he could put his arms around him and as soon as he did David started crying.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head emphatically and repeated the word over and over.

“Okay, it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. Do you want me to stop touching you?”

“No. Please don’t.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

David cried himself out and he was asleep within twenty minutes. Jack felt lost. He wanted nothing more than to help him. The question that kept running through his head: how did he miss this?

Katherine, David, and Rafaella (who had met them that morning) stood with him in anxious silence as they waited for someone to come tell them Sullivan was ready. Katherine held his hand and it took all of his strength not to either break down and cry on her shoulder or run away and never look back.

David was still. In the few nights they had spent together and the last twelve hours especially, Jack had learned that David was a major fidgeter in his free time, but completely still while he was working. He had his long, gray overcoat on and his hands in his pockets like he usually did. It was November, but it was also Florida and too hot for a coat like that. He looked out of place. 

“Jack,” he said suddenly, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

The door opened and a guard stuck his head in. “He’s ready for you.”

The four of them looked at each other and moved as one.

“Are you sure you don’t want someone in there with you?” Katherine whispered.

“I’m sure. Just…” He changed his gaze so he could address everyone.

“Just what?”

“Just try not to think of me any differently when I come out, okay?”

They nodded, not daring to reply verbally. He couldn’t blame them.

Katherine gave his hand one last squeeze as she was led into a room with David and Rafaella. The guard told Jack he could go in but he needed a minute. He bounced on the balls of his feet and breathed quickly. He was trying to relax himself but it felt more like he was in a Lamaze class. He finally nodded and the guard pushed open the door. Jack masked the emotion on his face and put his hands in his pockets.

Walking into the room was like slipping out of reality. Seeing him again made him feel like a little kid. He didn’t look much different, but he had more wrinkles and he was skinnier. His big smile was either entirely false or based on some malicious plan, Jack was sure. No matter what, it wasn’t going to end well.

“Jack!” he greeted.

“Ten minutes,” the guard said.

Jack nodded and waited for the door to close before replying with, “Hey, Pops.” His plan was to be as overconfident as he could be. His father would surely see right through it, but maybe he wouldn’t be able to tell  _ how _ nervous Jack felt.

“It’s good to see you, son. Sit down! Let me get a look at you. You haven’t visited your dear old dad in a while.”

“I haven’t ever visited.”

“I haven’t seen you in a while, then.”

Jack reluctantly pulled out the chair, taking comfort in the normalcy of the metallic scraping sound that he had heard so often lately, and sat.

“Your friends are listening, I presume?” He jerked his head towards the mirror on the side of the wall. “Which ones? Kitty-Kat and Professor Polski? I like them, they’re cute.” 

Jack clenched his jaw.

“How’ve you been, Jack? I–”

“What do you want?”

“Excuse me?”

“What do you want? You wanted ten minutes with me and I’m here. What do you want?”

Sullivan smiled, snake-like and distributing. “Can’t a father want to spend some quality time with his son?”

“Most of our quality time when I was a kid was you bringing me along to watch someone get tortured or killed, so excuse me if I’m not super excited about the idea.”

“You learned a lot of valuable lessons. It helped prepare you for your career. How’s the family?”

“The same as they were last time we spoke.”

“By spoke do you mean you wrote me a letter and then told me not to reply?”

Jack didn’t dignify it with a response.

“I’m a man of my word, Jack. Say what you will about me, but I stick to the deals I make.”

“I’m not sure Pat Mallory’s gonna be saying the same thing a few weeks from now. This isn’t exactly going to help his campaign.”

Sullivan laughed. “I never said I would. Implying something and saying something aren’t the same thing. I taught you that, Jack. Don’t tell me you forgot what I taught you.”

“Between pressure points when I was five and cauterizing my own wound when I was seven, there was a lot to remember. Some of it might’ve slipped through the cracks.”

He glanced at his watch. “You’ve got seven minutes.”

Sullivan sighed and stared at him analytically. “People say you look like me but you look so much like her, Jack.”

He slammed his hand on the table.

“Shut the fuck up,” he hissed. “You don’t get to talk about her.”

“I loved her too, Jack.”

He stood up so quickly that his chair fell to the floor.

“No, you didn’t. You have a twisted fucking idea of what love is. You never loved her and you sure as fuck never loved me.”

“Of course I do. You’re my son. If you have kids, you’ll understand. You share a special bond with the other parent that–”

“Shut up! For once in your life! You think you’re so fucking smart, well guess what? It doesn’t matter how much power you have or money you steal because you’re going to die unloved and alone. Nobody will care.”

“What, you’re gonna celebrate?” His father scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Save the dramatics. I get it, you hate me.” He drew out the word “hate” to mock him.

“No, I’m not gonna celebrate. The day you die is going to be a normal fucking day for me. And I don’t hate you. You want to know what I hate? I hate that hotdog packages and hotdog bun packages never have the same number, and how the subway is always delayed, and the Red Sox, and when I think I plugged my phone in at night but then I wake up and it turns out I didn’t. I hate those things. I don’t care enough about you to hate you.”

Jack picked up his chair and slammed it back into its spot. He sat back down. 

“You’ve got five and a half minutes left.” 

His father was smiling again, this time like he was proud. The five-year-old version of Jack buried somewhere deep within him was jumping for joy.

“Francis–”

“Don’t call me that.”

“You and I both know you were never made for this. You’re trying to fit the image they want you to. That’s why you took those anger management classes, right?” He chuckled. “You and I both know there’s a better way of managing it.”

“Are you sitting here trying to fucking recruit me? In front of FBI agents? Did you think that would ever work?”

“No, but–” He leaned forward a little. “–it’s always fun to sew some seeds of doubt, isn’t it? Picture them lying in bed at night thinking ‘Jack’s loyalty is to the FBI and us’ and each night it sounds more and more like a question,” he whispered and then sat back.

“You’re wrong.”

“Am I? All humans doubt. You really think your friends are special? Harder to manipulate? Smarter than the average bear?” He wasn’t whispering anymore. “Don’t be naive, Frankie, I taught you better than that.”

“That’s not my name!”

“It is. You’re Francis Sullivan Junior and you’re my son. As your father, it’s my job to give you some fatherly advice: you’re never gonna be like them. You were born into the family and you’re one of us. You want to waste your life working for them? Fine, have it your way. But I hope you know that they’re always going to be suspicious. You’ll always be the first one suspected and the last one trusted. You’ve been there almost five years and how many times have you led a case? Not a lot, if what I’ve been told is true.”

“I led this one.”

“You  _ found _ this one. And quite the leader you are, you didn’t even come talk to me until you had to. You know why? Because you’re a pussy, Frankie, and you always have been. It’s why your mother’s dead.”

And then Jack punched him as hard as he could.

In seconds, someone was in the room and restraining him and there was yelling. It may have lasted a minute, it may have lasted five minutes. Jack couldn’t tell. Francis looked pleased, of all things, even with blood trickling down the side of his face. Jack had let his anger get the better of him once again.

David. He had done it in front of David. On the other side of the mirror, he was probably thinking about how he could never be with Jack now.

“Thatta boy, Frankie!” Sullivan turned and looked directly into the mirror. “You didn’t even give me time to flinch.”

Jack struggled and jerked away from the guard.

“It’s fine! I’m not gonna do it again. Leave.”

The guard looked between him and his father skeptically but left.

“Two minutes,” Jack spat after checking his watch. “I’m a man of my word too. Tell me what the fuck you want.”

This time, his father’s smile was sadder, more resigned.

“Sit.”

Jack stayed put and glared.

“Please?”

That changed things. Jack couldn’t remember a time in his life when his father had ever used that word if he wasn’t being sarcastic. He gave in.

“What do you want?”

“I really did just want to see you, Frankie.”

“That’s not–”

“I know. Let an old man have it, okay? If this is the last time I see you, I wanna call you by the name I gave you.”

“I’m not coming back, if that’s what you mean. I’ll have to see you for the case, I’m sure.”

“Our last time alone then.”

He sighed. “Why did you want to see me?”

“Because you’re my son. I know you think I was a shitty father but I did what I thought was best.”

Jack snorted. “Yeah, okay.”

“I’m serious! I get that you don’t believe me, though. Can I tell you a story?” He didn’t wait for a response, which was fine, because Jack wasn’t going to give him one. “When you were three, you told me you wanted to be a fireman when you grew up.”

“I remember. You took me to see an actual fire. I was coughing for weeks.”

“Right.”

“And I’m pretty sure you started it.”

“It was Louis. Anyway, I asked the next day if you still wanted to be a fireman and you said yes. You wanted to save people. What changed?”

“Nothing. Kids change what they want to be all the time. What’s your point?”

“You’re not saving anyone like this.”

“What, and you are?”

“My job lets me save the people I care about. It protects the people  _ you _ care about.”

“Yeah, from you! The deal was you wouldn’t hurt my family! If you weren’t who you are, they wouldn’t be in danger in the first place! One minute!”

“Are you protecting anyone?”

“Yes. I’m protecting the public from people like you.”

“Are you?”

_ “Yes,” _ he hissed. 

His father nodded and settled back in his chair, seemingly more relaxed. “Okay then.”

“Okay?”

“I’m dying, Jack. That’s why I wanted to see you. Have your trial soon because I won’t be around a year from now.”

Jack felt frozen. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel. He had said only minutes earlier that he wouldn’t care if Sullivan died. Was that true? Because in the split second since his father had said he was dying, Jack had felt about a thousand different emotions.

“What?”

“Don’t let any of my guys know, all right?”

“What are you talking about? You’re dying?”

“I’m an old man, Frankie.”

“You’re sixty-five.”

“Doctors say I got the heart of a ninety-year-old. Do yourself a favor, would you, kid? Lay off the beer and go on a run every once in a while.”

“I…I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

“You’ve never cared about that before,” he said in a soft tone that Jack would never have associated with him. “I wanted to see you again. I know we’ve had our differences, but you’re my son and I love you. I don’t expect you to say it back.”

“I wasn’t gonna,” he assured. “Can I just…if you were so desperate to see me again why didn’t you tell me in your letters that you’re dying?”

“I didn’t think you still read them.”

Jack shrugged.

“I didn’t want to tell you and have you not come. I know you don’t care about me but I didn’t want that level of proof.”

It was the most emotionally vulnerable Sullivan had ever been with Jack. It was what he had craved his whole childhood. Now, though, it felt wrong. 

“If you…why would you say that thing about her? Like you always do?”

“Force of habit.”

Jack scoffed. His watch beeped.

“Times up.” He stood and walked towards the door.

“Frankie,” Sullivan said. “You were two. It wasn’t your fault, I’m just an asshole.”

Jack needed to get out of there if he didn’t want to cry in front of Sullivan. When he turned around, though, he saw a tear escape his father’s eye.

“Yeah. Yeah, it wasn’t. See ya, Pops.”


	16. David

When Jack entered the room, David stayed silent. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to say anything specific and even if he was, he was happier saying nothing than he would have been saying the wrong thing. Katherine led him to a chair and Rafaella got him a glass of water.

“How are you feeling?”

“How do you think I’m feeling?” he snapped.

“Jack–”

“Sorry, I’m sorry.” He sighed heavily. “I know. Thanks, Raf.”

Katherine crouched down in front of him and rested a gentle hand on his knee.

“I know that was hard, but you did it and it’s over and you helped the case.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Should I be sad? I’m not sure if I’m sad. Maybe I’m neutral.” He looked more confused than anything else.

“There’s nothing specific you’re meant to be.”

“He’s my father.”

“Biologically. You don’t owe him anything, especially not your worry. If you’re sad that’s okay, but you’re not a bad person if you’re not.”

David felt very much like he was intruding on a private moment. Katherine started speaking more softly and Rafaella came over and stood next to him.

“That was intense.”

“Yeah.”

“What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know.”

He was thinking that Jack deserved better than what he had. That it was selfish of him to have been talking to him about his sick father or his asshole ex when he had it so much worse. That he wanted to make everything better but didn’t know how. That he wanted to sleep.

“Yeah, me neither,” she said and took a sip of her coffee. “Listen, we have to make sure this doesn’t get classified as an interrogation.”

“Isn’t it already not?” David didn’t understand. “I thought it was just a meeting. We made a deal with him and we held up our end.”

“Yes, in theory, but defense might try to say it was an interrogation.”

“Why would they?”

“Because Jack punched our star witness in the face.”

Oh. That.

“Well, he punched him either way, right? Meeting or interrogation.”

“First of all, I need you not to ever say anything like that again, especially in front of people who aren’t me. You can’t imply there was an ambiguity. Second, Sullivan didn’t correct Jack when he mentioned Mallory’s next potential campaign.”

“I’m sorry, I’m still lost. He admitted to that anyway.”

“Yes, but it doesn’t matter. The more he says it the more they’re going to say it swayed us.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

Rafaella sighed. “Not if one of the times Jack punched him in the face.”

“That happened after.”

“It doesn’t matter either. The defense could use him saying that as an excuse to inquire about the whole meeting. That’s why I didn’t take notes and that’s why it can’t be classified as an interrogation. In fact, Jack can’t have been here in an FBI capacity. He agreed to help as a son speaking to his father, not as an agent speaking to a witness.”

David looked to Jack. He was standing now and Katherine had her hands on his biceps. She was still speaking and he occasionally replied or nodded.

He certainly didn’t look like the stereotypical FBI agent in that moment. Of course, David knew better than most that the cold, calculating, sunglass-wearing agents depicted on television had no basis in reality. He’d lost track of the amount of people he’d seen asleep at their desk or crying on the phone or spilling coffee on their shirt. They were human, and right now, Jack looked more human than ever.

“Okay. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

“You don’t have to do anything. In fact, please don’t. The three of us can’t go back and discuss this in the office or anywhere else.”

“He can?”

“I’m not gonna tell him he can’t talk to his  _ mom, _ David. Or his brothers, if they’re not working. If it comes up at all during the trial, which is unlikely, no jury is going to like a lawyer making a witness testify about something just because he told his mom.”

“Right. Okay.”

“I don’t know that Sullivan said anything useful, but we can’t use any of it in the course of our investigation anyway, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Guys?” Katherine addressed them. “Do you want to get going?”

“I’m gonna run to the bathroom,” Jack said. “You were here yesterday, Dave. Show me where it is?”

David hadn’t been to the restroom there but he understood the significant look Jack was giving him and followed.

He shifted awkwardly as Jack splashed water on his face at the bathroom sink.

“Sorry you had to see that,” he said.

“Sorry you had to go through it.”

“Nah, that’s just a good, old fashioned Sullivan family reunion,” he joked darkly. Jack turned the faucet off.

David wanted to comfort him somehow but when he moved an inch forward, Jack moved an inch back. He tried not to be hurt by it.

“I…I’m sorry, Davey. It’s been less than twelve hours and I already broke my promise.” He laughed again. “I’m a mess. I understand if you can’t be with me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I told you I’m not violent. I swear, it’s just him. I got into fights as a teen, but nothing real. It’s just him, but I get it if you can’t.”

“Jack,” he exhaled. David was shocked by his consideration. It was unnecessary and overly thoughtful. “I think you get a pass on this one.”

“Really?”

“Really. I’m honestly surprised you stopped after one punch. You could’ve taken that guard,” he teased.

Jack smiled wide. “Thank you. Thank you, Dave. I was so worried that you weren’t going to want to try this anymore.”

“I do want to try this.”

Jack startled him with a hug. He reciprocated as best he could but he wasn’t entirely sure how. It felt different than hugging a family member, but Oscar had almost never hugged him so he had no way of knowing what he was supposed to do.

“Are you okay?” Jack asked. “You tensed up.”

“I’m okay. Don’t worry about me, right now. Worry about you.”

“I’m fine. I need some time to process or whatever but I honestly expected something like that. Not the dying part, but everything else.”

David didn’t reply.

“We should go.”

“Let me look at your hand first. You might have broken something.”

“I didn’t.” He let David take his hand anyway.

He was as gentle as he could possibly be while he searched for signs of broken bones but Jack still hissed in pain.

“Sorry. I think you’re okay. We’ll get you some ice or something.”

“Thanks.” He kissed David’s cheek. “You’re a good guy.”

He felt his face turn scarlet. “Um, thanks. Can I do anything for you? To make you feel better?”

Jack shook his head. “Nothing will. I promise I’m okay, though. When I get back to the hotel I’ll have a few beers and go to sleep.”

“That’s not…that doesn’t seem healthy.” He didn’t want to criticize Jack but that was a scary answer. He needed actual help, not self-medication.

“I know, but it doesn’t happen that often. You don’t have to but you’re welcome to join.”

“I am?”

“Yeah, course.”

David didn’t quite understand why Jack wanted him to be there when he was going through something like this but he was honored.

“Okay. Yeah, I’ll join you. Why don’t you go back with Katherine and Rafaella and I’ll run to the store and get you something to drink?”

“I’ve got stuff in my room.”

David raised an eyebrow.

“I got some on my way from the airport to the hotel, Dave. I knew I was gonna have to see him.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry about me, okay? I don’t drink that much.” He frowned. “Is it a problem? Because I won’t if it’s a problem.”

He shook his head. “It’s not a problem.”

Oscar wasn’t a huge drinker, but if David had ever asked him not to drink around him, he wouldn’t have listened. Jack had just offered. He had dated Oscar for three years and known Jack for two months, but Jack was the one who offered.

David wondered what he had done to deserve Jack’s interest and, on the other end of the spectrum, what he had done to deserve Oscar’s. He took the thought back after only a few seconds. David didn’t think that Oscar deserved that level of destain. There were a lot of good memories to go along with the not so good, and he didn’t want to tarnish that.

In the hotel, David waited until Katherine and Rafaella went into their rooms so he could sneak into Jack’s. They seemed to chat forever before going inside. When he was finally about to leave, Jack knocked on his door.

“I thought I was coming to you.”

“We can go there if you want, but we’ve both got most of our stuff in here. Figured it was easier.”

“Oh, yeah, right. Well, come in.”

“Thanks. Want one?” Jack asked, putting the six pack down on the desk.

“Desperately.”

Jack made himself comfortable on the couch. He was freshly showered and in pajamas. David felt out of place in his suit, and was suddenly grateful he had thought to take the jacket off.

“Should I not have come?” Jack asked.

“No! No, I mean, yes. Yes, you should have come. I’m happy you came. Why?”

“You look super uncomfortable, Dave.”

“Oh.” He looked down at himself as if Jack had pointed out a stain on his shirt and not his general demeanor. “Should I change? Because you’re in pajamas and I don’t want to be weird.”

Jack did a poor job of concealing his sadness, but David wasn’t sure what had caused it.

“If you want. I can go get in real clothes if you want us to be the same.”

“No! No, it’s fine. I’m gonna go…” He gestured to the bathroom.

“Okay. You know I’ve seen you change before, right?”

“I…forgot. Okay.”

“You don’t have to–”

“It’s fine.” He changed into pajamas, a little self-conscious despite Jack’s logic. He thought back to that morning when Jack had used the words beautiful and gorgeous to describe him. Looking at his pale, untoned stomach as he put a shirt on, it was laughable. 

“You know,” he said, trying to make conversation as he joined Jack on the couch, “I don’t think I’ve been drinking in pajamas at ten in the morning since college.”

Jack laughed. “Me neither. Were you a big partier in college?”

“Have you met me? No, not really. I went if I was dragged but I hated them.”

“Why’d you agree then?”

David shrugged. “Guys are more willing to makeout with you if they can tell their friends they were drunk.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Jack smiled. “You have any boyfriends in college?”

“I had one junior year but only for a few months. You?”

“Yeah, a couple boyfriends and then Katherine.”

“What? Really?”

“Briefly. Is it that shocking?”

“She’s out of your league,” he joked, which only served to remind him how out of his league Jack was. He had dated Katherine? Katherine was drop-dead gorgeous, smart, witty, and emotionally available. David tried to put it out of his head. “No, you just seem close in the way siblings are close.”

“We are, but we didn’t really get to know each other until after we broke up. Ironic.” He took a long swig. “I had two more girlfriends after her, but I haven’t dated for real in the last couple of years. Flings, mostly.”

David felt panic start to set in and he worked to keep his breathing steady. “And this? Is this a fling?”

“I don’t want it to be.” He put his beer down. “That’s what I meant last night. Isn’t that what we talked about? Do you want it to be a fling? Because I don’t know if I can do that.”

“I don’t. I don’t want a fling, I was just checking. But…I don’t know how to have a real relationship,” he admitted. “I’m pretty terrible at being a boyfriend, truth be told. I know that’s not what this is yet, but if it becomes that, I think it’s only fair to tell you.”

“Why do you think you’re terrible at being a boyfriend?”

“Both of my ex-boyfriends thought so and I can be selfish.”

“Everybody’s selfish sometimes, and I promise your ex-boyfriends were wrong. You’re a great guy, and I’m sure you make a great boyfriend. I hope we get there at some point because I’d like to try to be a good boyfriend, too.”

“I’m sure you are. Have been. Would be. You know what I mean.”

They moved on and, for a while, they spoke about nothing in particular. At some point, Jack had moved closer to him. David only noticed when he shifted, lay down, and put his head in David’s lap.

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” he breathed. “Yeah, it’s okay. Can I…”

“Go ahead.”

He put his fingers in Jack’s hair and slowly started to move them. Jack hummed and closed his eyes. David wondered what it might feel like to have this done. He hadn’t felt it in at least two years and he couldn’t quite remember the sensations. He wanted to feel Jack’s hand in his hair.

“Hey, Jack? Do you want to talk about earlier?”

“No. Appreciate it, but no.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. You apologize too much.” Jack’s eyes opened as soon as he said it and they were filled with guilt. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s okay, but, yeah, that sorta comes with the territory.” He tried not to be bitter. It was hard to get used to the idea that the things he thought were fuck ups on his parts didn’t phase anybody else and that apologizing for them was considered unnecessary. It was a vicious cycle, because then he felt bad about apologizing.

Jack nodded slightly in his lap and closed his eyes again, so David resumed threading his fingers through his hair.

“Thanks for letting me stay. I usually want to be alone after I hear from him but this time feels different. I hadn’t actually seen him face to face in almost ten years, you know? It’s weird. I’m twenty-eight and seeing him made me feel like a little kid again.” He laughed. “I just said I don’t want to talk about it and now I’m rambling.”

“That’s okay. You’re allowed to change your mind.”

“Mmm.” He turned sleepily. His head stayed on David’s lap, but now Jack was on his side and facing him. His hands were tucked up under his head and it only took him another few minutes to fall asleep. David wasn’t sure what to do so he stayed there, very still, like he did when Tsfarde’a slept on his lap. He didn’t generally like being alone with his thoughts, but it wasn’t so bad with Jack near. 

“That was a bad idea.”

“A very bad idea.”

“Yeah. Want to do it again?”

David found the energy to roll his eyes but not much else. He felt Jack’s head come to rest on his shoulder.

“I’m tired,” he complained.

“Then go to sleep.”

“And what? Miss you looking so pretty?”

David blushed harder than he could ever remember blushing.

“Who am I kidding?” Jack yawned. “You always look pretty, this is just different pretty.”

David pinched his leg. He would  _ not _ cry again. He was sick of crying. He hadn’t used to be so emotional all the time but now he cried most days. He noticed he was shaking again and unfortunately Jack did too.

“Hey, you’re okay.” He kissed his shoulder. “Everything’s okay. Come here.” They shifted so that Jack could hold him. “There we go. I’ve got you, Dave.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Shh, don’t be sorry.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not upset with you.”

He slowly calmed down as Jack kissed his tears away. He felt guilty. He should be the one comforting Jack, not the other way around. 

“Sleep, Dave. I’ll be here.”

“But don’t you need–”

“I don’t need anything. I told you I’m fine.”

“But–”

“It’s okay not to be okay.”

David wasn’t sure he believed that. It hadn’t been okay not to be okay in years. The rules were different without Oscar and he had yet to learn them completely. 

He fell asleep to the soothing sound of Jack’s voice and the warmth of another person next to him.

He woke up to a knock on the door, a recurring theme in his recent life, it seemed. Jack groaned and pulled a pillow over his head.

“Coming!” David threw his pajamas back on as the knocking continued. “What’s wrong?” he asked, answering the door. 

“It’s seven thirty and you didn’t answer your phone.”

“Neither has Jack,” Rafaella added. “I’m going to try him again.”

It took David too long to process what she was doing. He could barely get out a startled “Don’t!” before the familiar sound of an iPhone ringing started behind him. He closed his eyes and sighed.

“No!” Rafaella gasped. “Oh my god.” She and Katherine moved past him and into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of filler but don’t worry, there’s more plot coming up.


	17. Jack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one gets pretty dark at one point, fair warning.

“Jack Kelly!” Katherine shouted. “What is wrong with you?”

“Hey, I– Hey!”

Katherine snatched the pillow from under his head and hit him with it repeatedly. “You’re–” Hit. “–going–” Hit. “–to–” Hit. “–compromise–” Hit. “–this–” Hit. “–case!” She hit him one more time and threw the pillow down.

Jack spluttered and moved his hands around in a frantic, frustrated series of gestures. “Fucking  _ ow.” _

“Get over it, you crybaby.”

David was standing quietly like he was waiting for somebody to address him.

“How long has this been going on and who knows?” Rafaella asked.

“Does it matter?”

“Very much so.”

“Like six weeks,” Jack admitted.

Katherine rounded on David. “You benched him for a reason! Because he couldn’t be involved! The whole time, you were sleeping with him? You think that’ll look good if it comes out in court?”

“Don’t yell at him, yell at me.”

“I’m perfectly capable of yelling at both of you,” she hissed. “Fuck!”

“I love you, Kath, but it ain’t your business.”

“No, your love life isn’t my business, but your work life is. We’re on a team together!”

It was a fair point, but he didn’t care. He liked David in a way that he hadn’t liked anyone in a very long time.

“Tell you what, Ace: you talk to  _ your _ dad for the sake of the case and then you can talk to me about my love life.”

She jerked back, hurt, and slowly retreated off the bed.

“Don’t imply that I don’t care about the case,” he said. 

She seemed somewhat mollified and somewhat embarrassed. Katherine didn’t say anything else.

“Okay,” Rafaella tried, “why don’t we take a step back for a second? Katherine and I will go get breakfast and coffee and we’ll meet you downstairs, okay?” She didn’t wait for an answer. Katherine followed her out.

He sighed and scrubbed his right hand over his face, wiping the remaining sleep and frustration from his eyes.

“You okay, Dave?” He was standing in the same spot he had been since the girls barged in. “Dave?”

“Hmm? Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.”

Jack could tell he needed it, so he forced himself out of bed and towards the other man to give him a hug.

“It’s gonna be okay. They don’t care.”

David scoffed. “Seems like they do.”

“They care about how it looks, not how it is.”

“Maybe. You know them better than I do.”

“Yeah. Want to relax for a little while?”

David’s phone rang before he could answer. “Sorry, I’ve got to see who it is.”

Jack let him go and threw himself back down on the bed. He caught a glimpse of the book on David’s nightstand out of the corner of his eyes and picked it up. It was a thick hardcover that must have been at least fifty-years-old by the feel of it. The pages were yellowing and the spine was worn out. It was thick and entirely in Hebrew. He wondered briefly if he should be touching it.

The idea that David brought his Torah with him on a business trip to Florida made an impression on Jack. How could someone that religious want to be with someone who’d seen so much death? Someone with a past like Jack’s? It didn’t make a whole lot of sense.

“That was JoJo,” David said when he got off the phone. “He wanted to make sure you were done. You’re flying back at noon.”

“I am?”

“Yeah, unless you want to sit in a hotel room for the next couple of days.”

“Waiting for you to get back? Maybe.”

David rolled his eyes.

“What are you looking at that for?” he asked. 

“Oh.” Jack handed it over. “Sorry.”

“No, I was genuinely asking. I don’t mind.”

“I was seeing what it was. It’s a Torah, right?”

“A Tanakh, actually, but yeah, the Torah’s in it.”

“And you bring that with you everywhere?”

David shrugged and placed it on the nightstand. “Not everywhere. I don’t carry it around, but I usually bring it with me if I’m going somewhere overnight.”

“Hmm.” He took David’s hand.

“What?”

“I’m learning more about you. Nice, is all,” he said, playing with their intertwined fingers. “Before the other day we didn’t do much else when we were together except, you know…”

“Fucking?”

Jack let out a startled laugh and pushed himself up. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

“Why? It’s true. That and you making me endure your terrible dancing to sixties rock as you got dressed in the mornings.”

“That ain't gonna change. The only reason I’m not doing it here is there are no hardwood floors to slide on.”

“Thank God for that.”

They didn’t speak for a long time and Jack found that they didn't need to. At first, David was stiff, but Jack could tell he wanted to be closer. He gently guided David’s head to his shoulder and after a moment, there was a wonderful exhale and his body relaxed marginally. True to form, he seemed shaken by the physicality and Jack offered to move. David shook his head emphatically and Jack silenced his pleas for him to stay with a squeeze of the hand.

“When you get back, can I take you on a date?”

“I…yes, I’d like that a lot.”

Back in New York, Jack spent the remainder of his afternoon flipping through the book and drinking too much coffee. He thought about his argument with Katherine and how apologetic she had been afterwards. He apologized too. Jack wasn’t dumb and he could tell that there was still a lot of worry and tension there but there was nothing he could do about it, because he certainly wasn’t dumping David. (Could someone dump someone they weren’t in a relationship with? Was he in a relationship with David?)

Instead of going home, he went to Medda’s after work like he had promised. He chuckled as he walked up the steps to the front door. Even though it wasn’t more than a degree or two below freezing and there was no sign of snow falling anytime soon, she had salted the steps. She always did when it was below freezing. Medda wasn’t paranoid, but nobody wanted a repeat of the time a thirteen-year-old Race had tried to sled down the icy steps and broken his arm.

He leaned forward to ring the bell but the door swung open before he could.

“Jack.”

He smiled wide, suddenly realizing how much he had missed his mother. “Hey, Ma.”

“Come here.”

He stepped inside and let her hug him tight. He had to bend down to rest his chin on her shoulder, but only a little and it made him feel warm and protected the way only she could make him feel.

“Were you waiting by the door for me?”

“You said you’d be here around now and your sister is asleep. I didn’t want the bell waking her.”

“Makes sense.” He yawned.

Medda released him and chuckled. “Sounds like you could use some sleep too.”

Jack shrugged. “A little.”

“Well, go change into something more comfortable and come tell me about your trip.”

He crept upstairs slowly so as not to wake his sister. His room was just as he’d left it the last time he’d stayed over. He loved this room. It was the first place that was ever truly his. He took some time to look at a few of the photographs on his dresser. Crutchie and him on their first day of school; Race, Crutchie, and him on Christmas morning; him holding Lucy when she first came to live with them; the whole family at Race and Spot’s wedding. He had copies of all of them around his apartment, too.

_ This _ was his family, not the one Sullivan wanted him to be a part of. Sullivan may have been his father, but he wasn’t his dad. Jack knew that didn’t exactly make sense but it meant something to him. Medda was his parent and that was what mattered. His siblings were his siblings even if they weren’t biologically. Katherine was his family too.

He remembered the deal he had made with Sullivan over a decade earlier. Jack would allow him to write to him on the condition that his family and Katherine were safe from harm and entirely off limits. He had gotten a lot for a little, which probably should have clued him in to how desperate his father had been to keep in touch with Jack. It had already been implied that his family would be safe, but Jack knew what he had said the day before was true: Sullivan was a man of his word. Jack wanted his word. 

When he’d told David that he hadn’t spoken to his father in a decade, it hadn’t been entirely true. The day of Race’s engagement party, he’d sat down and forced himself to write a letter. He still had a copy of it in his drawer, just in case. All it said was Sean Conlon had to be added to the list of people protected and not to expect any more replies.

“Jack?”

He spun around.

“Are you okay? You’ve been up here for almost twenty minutes.”

“I didn’t realize. I was just…I didn’t realize. I’ll change now.”

“It’s no rush, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m okay. Hey, Ma?” He made a decision. “What was I like when I got here? I remember most of my first day with you but it’s a little blurry.”

“You were overwhelmed,” she answered. “Scared. You wouldn’t leave Charlie alone for a second. I heard you talking to him in the hallway that night, telling him to lock his door and that if he needed to use the bathroom he should knock on the wall between your rooms so you could stand outside the door while he did.”

Medda sat on his old bed.

“You were jumpy for a long time. Both of you were. You were protective of Antonio too, even though you didn’t know him yet. I got frustrated with him one time over something or other and you rushed into the room and stood in front of him.”

“I don't remember that,” he said, settling down next to her.

“It wasn’t the only time. If you ever thought I was even a little mad at one of them you did it. Lasted about a year. Charlie felt safe around me more quickly and he said you’d done it in every house he’d seen you in.”

“Mm.”

“You screamed at me once during your second month home.”

He looked up from his lap to her quizzically. “I did?”

“It was the first time you and I were alone together. Charlie and Race were at…gosh, I don’t even remember, maybe the library. We were home alone and you dropped a glass. You were apologizing and trying to pick up the pieces but I shooed you away because you were going to hurt yourself.

“You were crying. You were–” Her breath hitched. “You were so scared, Jack.”

He took her hand. “It’s okay, Mama.”

She gave him a watery, halfhearted smile. “I wouldn’t let you help clean it up and you started screaming at me. You said…you wanted me to hit you. You wanted me to hit you because you were sick of surprises and you would’ve rather been hit than live in fear. I didn’t know what to do and you were standing there just  _ begging _ me to hit you so you could know what your punishments would be like.”

“I think I remember that. I must have suppressed it.” He chuckled sadly.

“I don’t blame you. It was the first time you let me hug you. You cried for hours. Antonio had been with me for four months and you boys for two and I don’t think I fully understand what it was going to mean to be a parent until then. Don’t get me wrong, I loved you boys the second I laid eyes on you, but I was truly terrified for the first time that night.”

“Terrified?”

She nodded. “Terrified that I wasn’t going to be a good parent or be able to protect you from the world.”

“You’re a great parent, Ma.”

“Thank you, Jack, but every parent feels that way. Every parent is constantly terrified for their children.”

“That sounds…kinda awful.”

Medda laughed. “It’s worth it. Taking you boys in was the best decision I ever made. Your sister too, but I knew how great it was by then.

“I love you, Jack. No matter what, you’re my son.”

“I know. I love you, too. No matter what,” he echoed, “you’re my mother.”

“Fuck Sullivan.”

“Mama!” Medda almost never cursed.

She laughed and kissed his cheek.

Instead of worrying about work and Sullivan and all the things that were overwhelming him, Jack let himself enjoy a night with his mother and fall asleep in his childhood bedroom. As he lay in bed, he decided that when he woke up the next morning, he would make his sister pancakes and surprise her.

After the previous few days, he had needed this reminder of who his real family was. Being tucked in by his mother at age twenty-eight made it pretty obvious. 


	18. David

When David got home, he was looking forward to making himself a cup of tea, curling up with Tsfarde’a and a good book, and going to sleep. Unfortunately, he had completely forgotten about the temporary extra roommates he had and upon entering the apartment, was surprised to see six people instead of two.

“David! Hi!” Buttons exclaimed in greeting. “How was your trip?”

“Hi. It was…productive.”

“You look like shit,” Millie said. Nobody seemed to care that there was a child in the room. A child who, incidentally, was holding his cat.

“I know. It was also a long trip.”

“Want a drink?” Buttons asked.

“Maybe in a little while.” He asked how the visitors’ stay was going but he couldn’t focus on the answer. He was trying to find a way to politely get Tsfarde’a, who looked miserable, out of the eleven-year-old’s grip.

She stroked her tail.

“She doesn’t like that,” he said, interrupting Lauren’s answer. “Please don’t do that, she doesn’t like it.”

“Nora, why don’t you give her to David?” Millie asked her cousin sweetly.

The girl in question pouted and looked to her sisters. “Je veux caresser la chat.”

David was trying very hard not to have a breakdown. Nora was certainly a sweet girl, and couldn’t be blamed for her childish behavior considering she was a child, but David needed Tsfarde’a desperately.

“La lui donner, Nora,” Maria said.

“Non, je ne veux pas le faire.”

“Sois sympa avec notre hôte. Allez.”

“Non.”

David had enough.

“Donne-la-moi,” he said sternly.  _ “Maintenant, _ s’il vous plaît.”

He walked over and took Tsfarde’a out of the surprised girl’s arms.

“You…you speak French?” Marie asked.

He nodded.

“So you heard all the things we said about–”

“Yes. I wasn’t trying to lie, I just didn’t want to embarrass you.”

He kissed Tsfarde’a’s head. Even though she would normally be annoyed, she leaned more heavily into him and purred. “Tęskniłam za tobą...tak za tobą tęskniłam.”

Embarrassed by his miniature outburst, David went to his room. He would apologize later and thank his roommates for taking care of her, but for now he was going to bed. He didn’t care that it was only seven thirty.

Tsfarde’a even curled up under the covers with him, head poking out in her best imitation of a human.

“You’re a much better cuddler than he ever was. Although, no offense, Jack’s better. It probably helps that he’s bigger and it’s hard for you to hold things without opposable thumbs. Does that count for cuddling? Whatever. My point is, Jack is a very good cuddler. You are too, though. You’re warm and soft. God, I love you, Tsfarde’a.” He sighed. “If people knew how much I talk to you, I’d probably be committed.” He scratched between her ears, listened to her purrs, and fell asleep.

The next day, David was sitting in his office, video chatting with his therapist, and getting thoroughly frustrated.

“I’m telling you, it was rude. You don’t have to make me feel better about it by saying it wasn’t.”

“Just because she’s a child doesn’t mean you can’t expect her to be polite. Your roommate asked her politely and so did her sisters. Tsfarde’a’s yours David.  _ And _ she’s your ESA. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting her back.”

He slumped in his seat and mumbled, “I guess.”

“Is there a reason this is bothering you so much?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? Because it was the first thing you told me about today and you forgot to mention that you ended your affair and started it again since we last spoke until five minutes later, but this is still the thing you want to talk about.”

“It’s not an affair, it’s…maybe it is, I don’t know. We can talk about that if you want,” he offered. 

“No, I want to talk about what  _ you _ want to talk about. This is your time and you get to choose. I mentioned it because it seems pretty significant but you're hung up on the eleven-year-old.”

David fiddled with his Rubik’s Cube. Amelia didn’t mind when he used it during their sessions — his hands needed something to do — but he was thoroughly embarrassed by it, so it usually stayed locked in the bottom drawer of his desk. He’d been using one for a long time. When Les was five, he was mesmerized by it and begged David to teach him. Every Chanukah since then, David had bought him new, increasingly difficult ones.

He looked at the screen again and Amelia was waiting patiently.

He sighed. “I don’t like asking for things.”

“Why, do you think?”

“We’ve discussed this before.”

“But it’s bothering you again, so let’s talk about it some more.”

“I don’t like to be an imposition.”

“What makes you think asking the girl for your cat would have been an imposition?”

“She was enjoying petting her,” he said. “And she’s Millie’s cousin! I don’t want to be rude to her family. Or anyone, really.”

“Why is what you did rude?”

“I snapped.”

“Only after she wouldn’t give you Tsfarde’a,” Amelia reasoned. “Do you think they’re upset?”

“No. I don’t know. I’m going to apologize to Millie when I get home.”

“For what exactly?”

“For being rude.”

“How? You said Tsfarde’a was uncomfortable and you wanted her back. Neither of those things seem rude to me.”

“Amelia…I don’t like asking for things.”

“I know,” she said sympathetically, “but you have to be able to, especially if you’re pursuing a new relationship.”

“Jack’s different.”

“I never said he wasn’t.” She paused for a moment. “Do you think Jack would be upset if you asked for something?”

David shrugged. “Probably not. I guess that depends on what it is.”

“Okay.”

“But Oscar didn’t either when it wasn’t something ridiculous.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, like–” He sat up. “–if I asked if I could have a bite of whatever he was eating or something he wouldn’t care. He would only care if it was a dumb request.”

“What qualifies as a dumb request?”

“Amelia…”

“Just give me an example.” Even with the slight fuzziness and pixelation, David could tell by the look on her face that she wasn’t going to back down unless she had to. 

“I don’t know. If I asked him to go out of his way on the way home to pick me up something from the store or to get me something from the other room when I could get it myself, that type of thing.”

“Can you give me an example of a specific time?

David sighed. “Like two months before we broke up I had a cold and my boss sent me home. I asked him to stop and get medicine and tissues on his way home from class but he said — and he was right — that I should’ve thought to get it on my way home.”

“So he didn’t get it.” It was the type of statement that could have been a question, but definitely wasn’t.

“He was exhausted, you know? I was already making trouble for him because he had a test the next day and he was pissed that I would keep him up all night with my coughing and sniffling.”

“And did you?”

He shook his head. “He’d been studying for weeks and I didn’t want to ruin his chances of doing well so I slept on the couch. Anyway, that’s an example.”

“Do you not see anything wrong with that story?”

He shrugged.

“In a healthy relationship, how do you think that night would’ve went?”

David hated when she asked that. Half the time he had no idea how to answer because he hadn’t realized there was anything wrong with it and he ended up being embarrassed.

“I…I don’t know. I know what you want me to say but I don’t see why him saying that stuff was wrong. I  _ volunteered _ to sleep on the couch.”

“Do you want me to–”

“In a healthy relationship he would have gone to the store and I would’ve slept in the bed. Is that what you want me to say?” he asked, feeling agitated.

“I don’t want you to say anything. If you don’t feel that way–”

“I don’t! He had been in classes all day, the store wasn’t on his way home, and he had a huge test to study for!”

“Did he ask you how you were feeling when he got home?”

“Yes,” he answered a little too quickly.

“David.”

“He was pissed at me, all right? I’m sure he would’ve if I hadn’t messed up. You’re being ridiculous. Nothing happened that wasn’t okay.”

“When he was sick, did you snap at him for asking for help?”

“He didn’t ask me to do stuff like that.”

“No. But you did it anyway, right? Because you loved him and you wanted to help him feel better?”

“If you’re trying to tell me he didn’t love me, please save it. We’ve been over it already. I get it, he never loved me and I was just some pathetic guy being abused.”

“You are  _ not _ pathetic. It’s hard to see when you’re–”

“Right, but I saw it. Remember? I was sitting in your office crying? I saw it and I stayed. Three months later he broke up with me and, by the way, if he hadn’t, I’d still be with him. I never had any intention of leaving.”

“That doesn’t make you pathetic.”

He dropped the Rubik’s Cube in the bottom drawer and shut it aggressively.

“It does.”

“You think survivors of abuse are pathetic?”

_ “I’m _ pathetic. It was only abusive in a very loose interpretation of the word, okay? He cared about me and I cared about him!”

“David.” She said his name softly and he realized he was breathing heavy. “Who made dinner that night?”

“I don’t…I don’t remember.”

“I think you do.”

“Amelia, it was months ago, all right? You asked for an example and I gave you an example. I don’t remember all the specifics.”

“David.”

“Can you stop saying my name like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re disappointed in me.”

“I’m not disappointed in you. In fact, I’m proud of you.”

He scoffed.

“I am. You’ve made a lot of progress, and you’re settling into your new job, and–”

“And nothing. I’m sleeping with someone and now I think we’re probably going to go out and I really like him, but if Oscar came to me and asked if I wanted to get back together I’d almost definitely say yes. Are you proud of that?”

“That’s not uncommon. It’s easier to go with what’s familiar. It’s scary to be with someone new, even if you like them.”

“It isn’t fair to him.”

“You told me he had a hard childhood?”

David nodded. “More than hard.”

“I’d be willing to bet he’d understand. And if you don’t want to, you don’t have to tell him. There’s nothing wrong with how you’re feeling right now.”

“How do I know I’m not just making it out to be worse in my mind?” he asked suddenly. “I mean, I stayed, didn't I?” 

“Is this coming from what your brother said?”

“I thought it before Les said anything, but if he thinks it too…”

“First of all, Les doesn’t know everything that happened, does he? What did you tell him?”

He wasn’t entirely sure. David hadn’t wanted to be involved in that conversation. In fact, he had originally protested that it didn’t need to take place at all. In the end, though, he had agreed because Les would’ve been furious if David had refused to tell him why he was suddenly single. 

“My parents told him that…I’m not even sure. I think they told him that Oscar was being mean to me. He’s twelve, Amelia.”

“Right. He’s twelve and doesn’t understand relationships.”

“Our relationship was fine until you went and convinced me he was abusive,” he spat.”

She exhaled longsufferingly. “I’m sorry, David, I don’t mean to be rude, but that’s just not true. I didn’t change your relationship. Nothing changed from before we talked about it after. All the things you told me remained the same. Relationships are meant to be mutually beneficial and–”

“It was.”

“How?”

David didn’t answer.

“You worked two jobs to pay for  _ his _ medical school. How is that fair to you?”

David scoffed. “You make it sound like I was working all the time. I had my actual job and I tutored a few nights a week. What’s the big deal? I liked tutoring and he didn’t exactly have the time to work. We weren’t struggling, it was just nice to have some extra cash. We probably would’ve been fine even if I hadn’t tutored.”

“Regardless, you did and you paid all the bills.”

“The Bureau doesn’t exactly keep me destitute.”

“That isn’t my point and I don’t think you think it is either. You had all the responsibilities.”

“Not all of them.”

“What were his responsibilities in the relationship?”

“He did half of the housework.”

“Did he?” She sounded skeptical. 

“I did it for him sometimes if he was busy with school, but…don’t give me that face. You don’t get it, okay?”

“Let’s go through a couple of facts: you were working two jobs to pay his tuition, you got sick, he got angry that you asked him to pick up medicine, he didn’t take care of you. Don’t you think if you’re paying for a medical education that ends up costing you ninety grand a year, you’re entitled to some medical care? And by that I mean tissues and NyQuil?”

David looked away from the screen. He wasn’t sure if he was angry or ashamed.

“I’m not trying to upset you, David.”

“Then what are you trying to do?” His voice was thick. He swallowed several times, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat.

“I’m trying to show you that you have the right to be treated like a human being and that most people aren’t going to treat you the way he did. Your request wasn’t ridiculous.”

“Yeah, well–” He sniffled. “–I just don’t like asking for things.”

The next few weeks flew by quickly. The holidays were fast approaching and David was set to fly home that Friday morning. He hadn’t used many vacation days in his time at the FBI and they rolled over, so he had a whole week off to look forward to.

If all went well, they would have an arrest warrant within the next few days. Unfortunately, Congress was in recess and they would have to fly to Tennessee to arrest Mallory. Nobody was too broken up about it. They were too distracted by the feeling of Christmas surrounding them. Even David and the few other non-Christians in the office were excited. Christmas meant time off.

In order to maintain the appearance of a professional workplace, the bullpen wasn’t decorated with anything except a few small things on people’s desks. When David walked into the breakroom, however, he was greeted by a tree that was way too big for the room and garland everywhere.

“Race!” he shouted into the bullpen.

Race rushed over excitedly, practically skipping. 

“Do you like it?”

“How did you even get it in here?”

“It’s fake, it was in pieces. What do you think?”

“I  _ think _ that on the off chance that the custodial staff doesn’t kill you, the ACLU will.” 

“It’s mine, for the record. Bought it with my own money.” He was bouncing on his toes like a child with a sugar rush.

“Look, I don’t really care that it’s there, but I’m not sure how strict people are about it here or if anyone in the office will be upset by it.”

“I do it every year. Do you want me to take it down?” he asked. He looked so disappointed.

“No, I just…if you’re going to decorate it, secular ornaments only, okay? I don’t feel like getting in trouble today.”

“Aye, aye, cap’n!” He ran off.

David sighed fondly. He was used to Race’s shenanigans by now and found them endearing and annoying in equal measure. In fact, he was beginning to find something he loved about everyone he worked with. Charlie was sweet and pleasant, but also the sassiest, most sarcastic person David had ever met, bar maybe Sarah; Spot pretended to be uncaring and cold, but, in reality, he cared about everybody there; Katherine was quick, smart, and determined while helping those around her; Mush had a kind word for everybody; Ike was cripplingly funny when he wanted to be; Finch was dedicated; JoJo could do everything that was asked of him in no time at all, the list went on and on. They were all brilliant; more importantly, they were all kind. David could safely say that he liked working at the New York office more than he had ever liked working at the Washington office.

He went to make more coffee, the reason he had gone into the breakroom in the first place.

“Hi.”

David startled and jumped, hand on his chest, heart beating quickly. He most definitely did not yelp. “I didn’t notice you when I first came in.”

“Sorry,” Jack said, “didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine. Want some coffee?”

Jack lifted his mug, indicating he already had some.

“What are you doing?”

“Avoiding work.”

“You probably shouldn’t tell your boss that,” he pointed out.

Jack grunted.

“What are you doing?” 

“Avoiding work,” he said with a grin.

Jack laughed. “You’re cute, Jacobs,” he whispered, “very cute.”

David blushed. “Thanks.”

“What are you doing tonight?”

“My plan was to read over some reports and drink a whole bottle of wine. Why?”

“I was going to see if you wanted to come over.”

“Why don’t you come to my place?” he suggested.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. My roommates are away and you haven’t been before. You’re welcome to stay the night.”

Their relationship had progressed steadily over the three weeks since David had returned from Florida. They had quickly realized that they couldn’t go out anywhere fancy or stereotypically romantic, at least not in the area, for fear of being seen together.

_ “What are the chances we’d run into any of these guys? They’d never tell, anyway.” _

_ “I oversee hundreds of people, Jack.” _

_ “What? You do? You’re always talking to us.” _

_ “Yes, because my office happens to be here and the twenty-five of you cause the most problems.” _

Jack had cooked for David on their first date. With the exception of when he visited his family, nobody had cooked for David in years. They’d gone to the movies a few times and Central Park once or twice (what was life without a few risks?), but, for the most part, their dates had consisted of sitting around Jack’s apartment and talking. David didn’t mind. He liked getting to know Jack.

“I’d love to.”

“You’re not allergic to cats are you?”

“Nope. What’s her name again?”

“Tsfarde’a.”

He looked at him blankly. “Okay. What time?”

“Seven? I can make dinner.”

“Sounds great. Thanks. Looking forward to it.”

David smiled. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Je veux caresser la chat. – I want to pet the cat.  
> La lui donner. – Give it/her to him.  
> Non, je ne veux pas le faire. – I don’t want to/I don’t want to do it.  
> Sois sympa avec notre hôte. Allez. – Be nice to our host. Go.  
> Donne-la-moi. – Give it/her to me.  
> Maintenant, s’il vous plaît. – Now, if you please/please. 
> 
> Tęskniłam za tobą...tak za tobą tęskniłam. – I missed you…I missed you so.


	19. Jack

Jack arrived a few minutes after seven. He was a little nervous, but mostly excited. David buzzed him up and he bounced a little in front of the door, a habit he had picked up from his brother.

“FBI, open up!” he shouted from outside. David laughed hysterically and let him in.

“Do you know how many of my neighbors are calling the landlord right now? Hi.”

“Hi.” He gave David a short kiss. It was done so casually that he forgot that he hadn’t done it before. David didn’t seem to mind, though.

“Come in,” he said. “Dinner will be ready in less than five minutes.” He took Jack’s coat. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“I’m okay for now. Is this your cat?” He pointed to where Tsfarde’a was perched on the back of the couch. “I mean, unless it’s a random cat that broke in, I’m guessing it is.”

“Yeah, this is Tsfarde’a.”

Jack approached her and slowly reached out to pet her but she batted his hand away aggressively.

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. I take it she don’t like me?”

“She doesn’t like men who aren’t me,” he said. “It took her a couple of days to warm up to my roommate and she’s fine with him now, but in general…”

“Gotcha.”

“She’ll warm up to you. Her last owner was an asshole and declawed her, so you don’t have to worry about scratching.”

“Biting?”

“No. Sometimes she nips my ear or my finger if I’m not feeding her in what she feels is a timely manner, but it’s playful.”

From everything David had said about her, Jack knew he thought she was beautiful and that he loved her deeply. She  _ was _ beautiful for a cat, but she had hate in her eyes as she looked at him (Jack wasn’t sure that was possible for a cat, but it seemed that way). It was creepy as hell.

David put Jack to shame with his cooking skills. He made a dish that Jack couldn’t pronounce the name of but it was delicious. Afterwards, Jack offered to help clear the table. David was awkward about it, but eventually gave in. Jack didn’t press.

David was washing and he was drying when he asked, “What’s a guy like you doing with roommates?”

“A guy like me?”

“A successful guy with career prospects and such.”

David shrugged. “I moved pretty last minute and they were desperate for a roommate. And…I don’t know, I haven’t ever lived alone.”

“Ever?”

“I don’t have the desire to. Don’t get me wrong, I like having the place to myself sometimes, but I think I’d get lonely if I was alone twenty-four seven. How long have you lived alone?”

“Just about three years.”

“Roommates before that?”

“Nah. Lived at home. I only got my ma when I was fourteen and four years at home wasn’t really enough for me. My brothers did too, until Race got engaged. Charlie left the next year to live with his girlfriend and I left a few months after that.”

“I didn’t know he had a girlfriend.”

“Didn’t work out. They broke up two years ago.”

He put the last dish on the pile. David took them gratefully and started opening cabinets and drawers, putting stuff away. It was nice. Domestic, even.

They ended up on the couch, discussing everything and nothing. At some point, the cat jumped into David’s lap and David didn’t even seem to realize. Jack tried not to be upset. He had been about to make a move, but it didn’t look like that would be happening anytime soon. At the very least, he thought he could move closer to David and maybe put an arm around him, but when he tried, the cat hissed loudly.

“Tsfarde’a! Przestańcie!” David reprimanded. Jack didn’t know what it meant but he assumed he was telling her to stop. “I’m sorry, Jack, she’s normally not like this.”

“I don’t think she likes me much.”

“Like I said, she doesn’t like most men.”

“Why?”

David shrugged. “Don’t know.”

“Do you think she’s being protective of you?”

“Maybe? I guess.” He scratched between her ears. She leaned into his touch and purred, somehow still glaring at Jack. “She really hated my ex and she’s my ESA.”

“What’s that?”

“Uh,” David began, blushing slightly, “emotional support animal.”

If that’s what it was then Jack really couldn’t blame the cat. Many animals could sense emotions, he knew, and it made sense that David would be so attached to her for that reason. From the very little bit he had heard about David’s ex, it was clear that he was a terrible guy, even if David didn’t always seem to think so.

“Is she gonna be pissed every time I try to touch you?”

“Sorry. I’ll make sure she isn’t.” Maybe Jack had sounded mad because David certainly sounded miserable.

“I’m not mad,” he tried to explain, hoping it wasn’t patronizing. “I promise, I’m not.”

“Okay. Okay, sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for.” 

A little while later, they decided to go to bed. They were both exhausted from a long few weeks and wanted a good night’s rest. With the exception of the first night in Florida, it was the first time they had spent a night together without the occurrence of sex. Not that Jack would have been upset by any means if David had suggested it, but he felt a little giddy about the idea that they didn’t need it to spend the night together. They could just do it because they cared about each other. Because they were dating. (Because they were a couple?)

When Jack tried to get in bed, the cat hissed at him again.

“Sorry. Do you mind if she sleeps up here?”

“No, but I don’t think she’s as okay with me sleeping up here.”

David chuckled. “She’ll get over it.”

He pet her as Jack lay down and she remained where she was, but not without glaring at him.

They easily joined together in their usual sleeping position, but quickly ran into a problem. The cat climbed in between them.

“Tsfarde’a,” David said with a sigh. “She usually sleeps on my other side.”

“I don’t think she wants me touching you.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, Jack.”

“Nah, don't be. I appreciate that she’s trying to protect you.”

When Jack leaned in to kiss David good night, the cat hit him again.

“Christ, she’s like a human.”

“I know. She hits me too, although not for real. You okay?”

“No offense to your cat, but the strength of a paw really isn’t that much.”

Davic chuckled and initiated the kiss himself.

He moved her to his other side several times before she finally stayed put, but even then she didn't stop expressing her displeasure until David paid attention to her. They ended up spooning so that Tsfarde’a would still have David, but Jack could too. He couldn’t believe he was compromising for a cat, but if it made David happy then he didn’t care too much.

Part of it was a little depressing. He’d heard of animals being protective of abused owners but if what David said was true and he wasn’t ever physical, there must have been a lot of trauma for a cat to be able to understand even a little. He sighed.

“What’s wrong?” slurred a sleepy David.

“Nothing.” He kissed the back of his neck. “Go to sleep, Dave.”

“Mm. Okay. Night.”

“Good night.”

“Jack. Jack, you have to get up.”

Jack groaned.

“Sorry, but it’s already seven.” David kissed his cheek. “I made breakfast.”

“You did?”

“Mmhm. Get up if you want some. Eggs and turkey bacon.”

“Mm.” He opened his eyes. David was holding the evil cat that wasn’t evil. He was still in pajamas and he looked cute as hell. He said as much.

“So do you, sleepyhead. Now, up.”

Jack groaned again as he stretched and made his way to the kitchen.

“There’s an article in the  _ New Yorker _ about Congressional corruption and pork barreling if you want to read it. It’s somewhere in that pile of mail.” He gestured with the spatula towards the pile.

Jack nodded and sifted through it, stopping when something caught his eye.

“Dave?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you go to medical school in your spare time?” he joked. “Because someone at GW seems to think you do.”

David turned off the burner and got plates down. Jack worried he’d said something wrong. He didn’t answer for close to thirty seconds.

“Oscar does.” He didn’t look at Jack. “I pay for it.”

“Oh.” Jack wasn’t sure what he was supposed to think or say. David paid for his abusives ex’s education and that wasn’t exactly normal. “Why?”

“Because I said I would when he started.”

“But…you broke up.”

“Yes. I signed something with the school and I’m financially responsible for the payment. Even if I hadn’t, I gave Oscar my word.”

“Dave, that’s–”

“Let’s not talk about it.”

“But–”

_ “Please.” _

Jack was dying to discuss it but he would never try and make David do something he didn’t want to do. He nodded reluctantly.

“Thank you.”

As they sat down to eat, the door opened.

“We’re home! Oh.” Two people stood frozen, staring at him and David. “Um, hi.”

“I didn’t think you’d be back until this afternoon,” David said tensely and with a false air of ease.

“Change of plans. Who’s this?” the woman asked.

“Millie and Buttons, Jack; Jack, Millie and Buttons.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Get some, secret agent man!”

Millie whacked Buttons in the arm. “What is wrong with you?” She huffed. “Nice to meet you too, Jack. David, do you want us to go?”

“No, it’s fine. There’s extra food if you want.”

“Great, I’m starving.” Buttons went right to the food and Millie rolled her eyes.

“Sorry about him. Sorry to interrupt…whatever this is.”

“What is this, by the way?” Buttons asked as he sat down. Jack really wished he hadn’t asked, because it made David look at him with fear in his eyes.

“It’s…we’re dating.”

Millie raised an eyebrow.

“Okay. Buttons and I are going to go to our room now.”

“I’m eating.”

She grabbed the back of his shirt and forced him out of his chair and down the hall. 

David groaned. “I’m so sorry about that.”

“I don’t mind, as long as I didn’t embarrass you.”

“No! Not at all. I only hesitated because I’m not sure what you think we are.”

Jack reached across the table and laid his hand on top of his.

“What do  _ you _ think we are?”

David shrugged and moved his food around on the plate.

“Dave. What do you  _ want _ to be?”

“I want to be in a relationship with you,” he said after a moment of shaky breathing and heavy silence. “I want you to be my boyfriend.”

Jack felt a smile form on his face.

“Then I am.”

“Really?”

“Course. I like you a lot, Dave and I want to be your boyfriend, even if your cat hates me.”

David chuckled. “Okay. Great. Good. Awesome.”

Jack kissed his hand. David looked startled.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, that was just uncharacteristic.”

“I’m a lot more romantic than you think, Jacobs.”

“Is that so?”

“Oh yeah. You’ll see now that we’re officially in a relationship. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable before but now I’m going to woo you like you’ve never been wooed.”

David laughed sadly. “That’ll be easy. I don’t think I’ve ever been wooed.”

At that moment, David’s phone buzzed. “It’s JoJo. I should see what he wants. Hello?”

Jack waited anxiously, then, David smiled. “I’m on my way.”

“What’s happening?” he asked once he hung up.

“Pack a bag, Kelly. We’re going to Tennessee.”


	20. David

A not insignificant chunk of the team went with David to Tennessee. They didn’t need to, strictly speaking, but they were able to justify that they should come and David didn’t care much. It would be better, in the long run, to have more people because he imagined there would be an uproar after the arrest. He wasn’t looking forward to the sea of reporters that would surely form outside the field office. The more trained agents, the better.

Jack had seemed shocked when he’d told him he could come. David figured that he was already so deeply involved in the case that no matter how much he stayed out of it going forward, it wouldn’t matter. Besides, Jack had worked so hard for so long on the case and he deserved to be there when they made the arrest. He’d thought about letting one of them do it, but David had worked for the Bureau long enough to know that being responsible for the downfall of a public figure could earn a person some enemies. He himself hadn’t ever experienced it, but he’d seen it happen to other people. He was responsible for his subordinates and he wouldn’t let them be put at risk.

The Knoxville field office provided them with cars and within an hour of touching down in Blount County, they were on their way to Mallory’s house. He was in a car with Jack, Katherine, and Finch, all of whom were anxious. Beyond the obvious, David could tell because Katherine was biting at her nails, Finch was fiddling with a rubber band, and Jack was bouncing his leg. Spot was driving, eyes focused intently on the road.

“What did he say?” Katherine asked when David was off the phone.

“He offered backup, which I tried to explain we don’t need and will cause more of a scene, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they showed up. He was resistant at first but he doesn’t have a say, so…” He shrugged. The police department wasn’t very happy that they only had five minutes of warning and yes, maybe David should have called earlier, but he didn’t want someone there tipping anyone off. He was off to a rocky start with the police chief.

“We’re here,” Spot said. “Gonna read him his rights now or wait until we wanna question him?”

“Might as well do it now in case somebody films it.”

“You’re not legally required to until you question–”

“I know, Katherine, but not all of the public realizes and I’m picking my battles.”

“We need to worry less about optics,” Finch said.

“We need to worry  _ more _ about optics,” Jack countered. “Nothing’s gonna to happen to him if the public thinks he’s innocent or that we did something wrong.”

They got out of the car and David couldn’t help but feel a little excited. This would be the most important thing he’d ever done — maybe ever would do — and it was about to begin in earnest. He could tell the others were feeling the same way.

They stayed by the cars while David and Jack walked alone to the large front doors.

“You want to do the honors?”

Jack grinned. “I’m gonna try not to have fun doing this, ’cause I know that’s a bad thing, but–”

“It’s normally a bad thing, but this situation isn’t normal. He screwed the American public.”

“The bad part of catching him is that it’ll make people trust the government even less.”

“We caught him, didn’t we? We’re part of the government. Let’s worry about the Reaganites later.” He jerked his head towards the door.

Jack banged on it loudly several times in quick succession. “This is the FBI!” he called.

David rolled his eyes and whispered, “You couldn’t have used the doorbell?”

“That was more fun.”

A frightened looking teenage girl opened the door and suddenly it wasn’t fun or exciting anymore. In half a second, it was all put into perspective. No matter how terrible of a person he was, Mallory  _ was _ a person. A real person with a real life and a real family that would be affected. David felt hot shame burn within him for having ever been happy about it beyond what it meant for the country.

“Hello?” She sounded terrified.

“Hi,” he said as sweetly as he could, “I’m Special Agent Jacobs and this is Special Agent Kelly. May I ask who you are?”

She clung to the half open door like it was a lifeline. Jack was a little pale.

“I’m Brooke.”

“Brooke Mallory?”

She nodded.

“Is your father home? We’d like to speak with him.”

She nodded again. “I’ll go get him.”

“Fuck, Dave,” Jack whispered as soon as she was gone.

“I know.”

“I mean,  _ fuck. _ How could we have–”

“I know! Let’s talk about it later.”

“Special Agents, can I ask the purpose of your visit?”

And there he was. Pat Mallory. His southern drawl sounded relaxed and warm. It was the kind of voice that made David want to talk to someone for hours. He was in a tan suit and his hands were in his pockets, completely at ease.

“Are you Senator Patrick J. Mallory?” he asked, even though he knew it was him.

“That’s me.”

“Patrick Mallory, you’re under arrest for–”

“What?” he screamed.

“–bribery, tax fraud, obstruction of justice, aiding and abetting tax fraud, aiding and abetting obstruction of justice–”

“Now, you wait just a damn minute!”

Jack gestured for him to put his hands behind his back as David spoke and cuffed him. His daughter was crying and David felt sick.

“–criminal conspiracy, unauthorized disclosure of classified information, embezzlement, and money laundering.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He yelled for his daughter to get his wife and then started hurling a series of words at David and Jack that, had David’s mother heard, would have gotten his mouth washed out with soap.

David looked to Jack, who nodded encouragingly.

“You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to talk to an attorney and have them present with you while you are being questioned. If you cannot afford to–”

“This is outrageous! I’m a United States Senator, goddamn it! Let me go!”

“–hire an attorney, one will be appointed to represent you before any questioning, if you wish. You can decide at any time to exercise these rights and not answer any questions or make any statements.”

“Fuck you!”

“Do you understand each of these rights I have explained to you?”

“Yes,” he hissed.

“Having these rights in mind, do you wish to talk to us now?”

“Fuck you.”

“All right,” Jack said, “enough. Let’s go.”

“Let me go! I swear to–”

“Go ahead, add resisting arrest to the charges. Make my day.” Jack forced him to walk down the front steps and towards the car.

By this point, neighbors had gathered. Romeo, Albert, and Mike were trying to keep them as far back as possible.

“Ready to see yourself on CNN in fifteen minutes?” Katherine whispered in his ear as he walked by.

“Less ready to see myself on Fox. People definitely filmed it then?”

“Oh yeah. I saw at least four cell phones.”

“Good.”

Jack put him in the car, drowning out his yelling.

“You’d think he’d try to look better,” she commented. 

“He knows we’ve got him and there’s no way he’s getting off without the world knowing,” Spot said. “What’s the point? I’d yell too.”

“Yeah, well, just do us all a favor and never embezzle any money.”

“It’s all over the news,” Finch said as they got into the car.

They had just spent three hours in the field office sorting things out and David felt like he might collapse. Everyone except for him and Finch was back at the hotel and David couldn’t wait to join them. He wanted to sleep.

“People who know you recognized you, I guess, and told other people, so they have your name.”

He groaned. He would get questions, he was sure, but hopefully the FBI Press Secretary would do most of the talking. He wasn’t even sure he would be allowed to.

“Jack’s?”

“Not yet. Matter of time.”

His boss called once he was in the car and he had to pretend not to be falling asleep for another fifteen minutes. Thankfully, he hadn’t been calling to yell at him. The second he hung up, however, he got the call he’d  _ really _ been dreading.

“Hi, Ima.”

“David! You’re on the news!” she cried. David’s ear rang.

“I know.”

“What did he do?”

“I can’t talk about that yet. You’ll know tomorrow, I’m sure.” He tried to keep his voice down; Finch was already half asleep.

“But you were leading it? I’m so proud of you, boychik.”

“Ima, you don’t even know what it is yet.”

“No, but he’s a senator! And  _ you _ were the one doing it.”

He thought back to Brooke.

“Yeah. It’s not that exciting.”

“It is! You need to–”

“Ima, can we please not talk about it?” He rubbed his eyes. “I’m too tired.”

“Are you okay, boychik?”

“Yeah, like I said, I’m tired.”

“Are you sure that’s it?”

“I’m sure.”

“But–”

“Please, Ima.” He became aware that his voice sounded shaky. He cleared it. “I’m just tired.”

“Okay. Okay, boychik. Call soon?”

He realized he’d hurt his mother and wanted to curl up in a ball. Esther Jacobs was the strongest woman he knew and wasn’t fragile by any means, but David knew her family could hurt her easily. He had to be more careful about his attitude with her. 

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s all right. I love you.”

“I love you.”

He leaned his head back against the seat mournfully. Why did he have to fuck everything up? He could’ve just talked to her. His mother was handling so much and he’d been incredibly rude.

“Are you okay?” 

“Sorry.” He sat himself up and looked to Finch. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I wasn’t asleep. Are you okay?” Finch asked again.

David nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”

Finch studied him. David felt like he was under a microscope.

“I saw it,” he said.

“Hmm?”

“In the car before, I saw it.”

“Saw what?”

“How he looks at you and how you look at him. You’re into Jack.”

David spluttered and Finch gave him a knowing look. Fuck. He had to control himself. He’d always been too emotional and vulnerable and this was just more proof of that.

“What? No, I–”

“It’s okay. I won’t tell anybody.”

David breathed a sigh of relief. He knew he wasn't going to be able to convince Finch otherwise so it was pointless to argue.

“Thank you.”

“Although I can’t guarantee I’m the only one who’s noticed.”

In the hotel lobby, a few of the team members were hanging out (drinking) and playing cards. David took a second to enjoy the air conditioning before following Finch towards them. 

“Hey, guys,” Mike said. “We checked you in.”

“Yeah. David, there was a mixup with the rooms and we didn’t get enough,” Katherine told him. “One of them is a double so Jack said he’d share with you if you were okay with it.” She gave him a knowing grin and he had never been more thankful for her.

He nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Great. Here’s your key.” He started to leave but she stopped him with a hug. “Good job today.”

“Thanks. You too.”

David felt relief wash over him when he made it to the room.

“Hey, good looking. Fancy seeing you here.”

He smiled.

“Hi, Jack. That was really nice of you, with the rooms.”

“Katherine’s idea. I think she had JoJo book the wrong number on purpose.”

David collapsed on the bed Jack was on.

“Well, we have an extra bed. That’s good.”

“Why?”

“If you piss me off I’ll sleep there instead.”

Jack laughed and kissed him.

“Hi.”

“Hi, again.”

“You’re gonna fall asleep. Want to change first?”

“Mm.”

Jack laughed again. “Okay. So…are you going to?”

“Mm.”

He felt Jack pull his shoes off for him and an exhausted smile spread across his face. “Thanks.”

It was odd. When he had been little and he’d fallen asleep in the car, his parents would carry him to bed and get him in pajamas. Other than that, he couldn’t think of another time when someone had taken his shoes off for him. It was oddly intimate. 

Reluctantly, and very slowly, he got up and changed. He barely had the energy to hang his jacket up and brush his teeth.

“Are you really gonna sleep? I was joking.”

“Sorry. Do you want me not to?” His head was already pillowed on Jack’s chest and he wasn’t sure he would have the energy to move if Jack wanted him to.

“No, course not. You don’t need my permission to sleep, Dave.”

“I know that. I’m not an idiot,” he defended.

Jack’s hand had been stroking his back but now it paused.

“I wasn’t trying to say you are.”

“I…I know you weren’t. Sorry. Can we forget about it?”

“Sure.” He started stroking again. “Thanks for telling me, though. I want to know when I…yeah.”

“Yeah. Do you want to do something? We can–”

“Shh. It’s okay, Dave. Sleep if you want to sleep. I’ll be here in the morning.”

“Mm. Thanks. Good night.”

“Good night.”

After he said the evening prayers, he lay back down. He felt gentle lips on the top of his head and he drifted off to sleep.


	21. Jack

Someone was pounding on the door. That was the first semi-coherent thought Jack had upon waking up. Someone was pounding loudly and repeatedly on the door.

“Wake up!” they yelled. “Jack, David, wake up!”

“Hmm? What’s going on?” David asked drowsily. Even half asleep, Jack registered how adorable David looked with his head resting on Jack’s chest.

“Get out here!”

There was some muffled conversation in the hallway, presumably other guests coming out of their rooms to tell people off for screaming at — Jack checked his phone — seven in the morning. 

“I don’t know, but we have to get up and go.” Jack jumped out of bed and threw on his clothing. He was jacketless and still buttoning you his shirt when he got to the door.

“What the hell, guys? It’s seven.”

“Where’s David?”

“He’s coming. What’s going on?”

“We don’t know!”

“Yes, we do,” Rafaella clarified, “Elmer’s just dramatic. Executive order.”

“What?”

“The president. He’s signing an executive order saying you can’t prosecute a sitting member of Congress.”

“What? He can’t fucking do that!”

“I think the Supreme Court is going to agree with you, but for the time being…” She shrugged. 

“Fuck! Davey!”

“What’s happening?” He came to the door rubbing his eyes, still in pajamas.

“Executive order. You can’t prosecute a sitting member of Congress.”

“That’s…”

“Yeah. Raf, what are the chances the FBI can sue the executive branch?”

“This isn’t a suing thing. Don’t worry, the Supreme Court has judicial review of executive orders and they’ll definitely look at it.”

“Who will argue?”

“Maybe regular FBI counsel. Maybe me. Maybe someone else.”

_ “You? _ You’re going to argue in front of the Supreme Court?”

“Shit, Jack, I don’t know! I’ve known about this whole thing for maybe three minutes longer than you have. Look, it’s clearly unconstitutional and he’s just doing it to create discourse. I have calls to make but we wanted you to know ASAP, David.”

He nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”

Jack followed him back inside. He was getting dressed.

“Why’re you being so casual about this?”

David shrugged. “You didn’t expect something like this?”

“No. Should I have?”

“I guess not. I’m a pessimist,” he joked, but there was definitely some truth to it. He pointed to Jack. “Your tie is uneven.”

He rolled his eyes playfully. “Then fix it, Jacobs.”

“Fine.”

If asked, Jack wouldn’t have been ashamed to admit that David’s hands on his chest made his stomach warm and his heart flutter.

“You look gorgeous this morning.”

David looked at him skeptically. “Thanks?”

“I’m serious. You always look gorgeous, though.”

“Thanks,” he said again and blushed. “You do too.”

“I wish we could lie in bed together all day.” He kissed the corner of David’s mouth when he looked back up.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing. You’re pretty, is all. What’s wrong with acknowledging that?”

“I…I have to go brush my teeth. Excuse me.”

Jack, a little confused but mostly worried, went and stood in the doorway to the bathroom.

“Did I do something?”

David gestured to his mouth. 

“Right.” He sighed. “I’m sorry, Dave. I just wanted to tell you how nice you look. I was only flirting.”

David spit and rinsed while Jack waited anxiously.

“Yesterday you said you were my boyfriend.”

“I am. Aren’t I?”

“But you were flirting.”

“Yeah?”

He was very obviously confused. Jack had a feeling that he was about to hear something devastating.

“You already have me, you don’t need to flirt anymore or compliment me like that.”

Yep. Devastating.

“Davey…why wouldn’t I flirt with and compliment you?”

“I didn’t realize that was something people did in relationships. Not people our age, anyway. My college boyfriend and I probably flirted a little, but…” He shrugged.

“You know I wasn’t just saying it for the sake of it, right? I really do think you’re gorgeous.”

“Oh.”

“Does it upset you when I compliment you?”

“Not upset, no,” he said as he sat down on the edge of the bed to put his shoes on. “It makes me confused.”

“Why?”

“Because no one’s ever seen me like you do.”

His heart broke.

“First of all, you don’t know that. Second, if that’s true then people are dumb as shit.” He put a hand on both of David’s arms and smiled gently. “You’re beautiful and you deserve to be complimented as often as possible. Okay?”

“Okay.”

It didn’t seem very okay.

In the lobby, people were milling about eating breakfast and Jack and David pushed through to stand near the giant television. CNN was on and, for once, everyone was relatively quiet.

“…and Senator Mallory can be heard hurling homophobic and antisemitic slurs at the the arresting officers. Ken, do you think the senator’s behavior will affect the public perception of his arrest and the president’s executive order?”

“Yes, I do. There is plenty of psychological evidence to suggest that…”

“Jack?” Romeo approached from behind. “Phone call for you and David.”

“Thanks.” He took the cellphone. “Hello?”

“It’s me,” Crutchie said. “Security wanted to call you but I figured it was better if you heard it from me. They’ll brief you later.”

“What is it?”

“People figured out who David was within hours but they figured you out around three this morning. You both broke the office record,” he joked sadly.

“Death threats?”

“Yeah. About two hundred for David, seventy for you. It’s early, though.”

“Oh. Was there an office record or were you joking?” he asked for lack of something better to say.

“Joking, although I’d be willing to bet David set it. Two hundred in twelve hours is…”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway, it’s probably nothing but don’t walk together when you're outside and be with at least two others at once, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Give the phone to David.”

They had to spend the day going through the Mallory’s home and taking evidence, which Jack wasn’t at all looking forward to. It was hard to not be awkward with the family of the man you’d just arrested. His bail hearing was later in the day and Jack just hoped they would be done by the time he arrived home.

Local agents he didn’t know were there to help, seeing as only a few of the members of their team had done much field work before. Many of them stayed behind at the field office or the hotel sorting out logistics.

David took the lead and he radiated confidence. It was an interesting contrast to see David at work versus David outside of work. Jack liked both of them, but he wouldn’t lie: there was something incredibly attractive about David standing there with his hands in his pockets, instructing a group of agents. He looked like a fifties detective minus the hat. Jack shook himself out of the thought.

Jack knew that their jobs required them to fake a certain amount of confidence but he wondered how David could fake it so  _ well. _ It made him think that he hadn’t always been as timid as he was outside of work and that Oscar — that  _ asshole _ — had had something to do with it. He felt rage rise in him just at the possibility. 

“Agent Kelly. Agent Kelly!”

“Hmm?” All eyes were on him. “Sorry, sir.”

“It’s fine,” David said. “You’ll accompany Agent Reid and myself to speak with Mrs. Mallory.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Get to work, everybody.”

Reid wasn’t an uncommon name, which is why Jack startled and laughed when he laid eyes on the man David had referred to.

“Darcy?”

“Jack! Good to see you!” He energetically shook Jack’s hand.

“You too. I didn’t know you were here now. Thought you were still in Chicago.”

Darcy shrugged. “I was trying to get back to New York but this is where I ended up.” He smiled. “How are you?”

“I’m sorry,” David interrupted, “you know each other?”

“Yes, sir,” Darcy said. “One of my best friends in the world is Katherine Plumber.”

“Oh. Well, she’s at the office. I’m sure you can see her later.”

Darcy nodded.

They made their way to the kitchen, where Ethel Mallory and her two children were sitting nervously.

“Mrs. Mallory?” David said. “Would you mind if we asked you a few questions?”

“It doesn’t seem like I have much of a choice.”

“You do,” Jack said, “but you’ll have to at some point.”

“Why? There ain’t gonna be a trial,” she stated confidently. “The president said so.”

“Unfortunately for your husband, the Supreme Court is going to overturn that.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s blatantly unconstitutional, ma’am,” Darcy told her. “Can we ask you some questions?”

“I ain’t leaving my children alone.”

“That’s fine,” David said, “but I’m not curtailing the questions I need to ask because they’re here.”

“Like what?”

“Do you know Diana Rogers?” Jack asked. 

She froze.

“Kids, go to your rooms.”

“Mom!”

“Go.”

David glared at Jack. He wasn’t sure what he’d done wrong.

They questioned Ethel Mallory for about an hour. It seemed that she didn’t know anything about the actual crimes, but that she did know about the affair.

“I don’t believe in divorce,” she told them. “You can’t let my children find out.”

“They’re going to,” David said. “This is going to be on the news for months to come. I’m sorry. Truly.”

And the thing was, David did seem genuinely sorry. That moment in which he showed concern for the family of an awful man who had done terrible things and didn’t judge them, that was the moment Jack knew he was falling in love with David Jacobs.

He hadn’t been in love in a very long time. He was scared to be again. He was terrified. He wanted it desperately.


	22. David

David was in Mallory’s study with a few agents, looking through documents when he heard yelling. It was a girl, so almost certainly Brooke Mallory, and he rushed towards her voice.

“Stop it!” she was shouting. “That’s not yours!”

Agents were rifling through her room indiscriminately and making a mess.

“Hey!” he shouted. “What the hell are you doing?”

The agents stopped, startled.

“Sir,” one of them began, “we’re looking for any sign of–”

“She’s fourteen, not a criminal.”

“Yes, sir, but we need to look through–”

“I’ll do it,” David barked, cutting her off. “Get out.”

“But, sir, you’re–”

“Get out.”

Reluctantly, the three agents left, leaving him alone with Brooke.

“I’m sorry about that,” he said. “I’m sure they didn’t mean to scare you.”

“They didn’t,” she lied. “I don’t want you looking through my room either.”

“Well, they weren’t wrong: someone has to. I’m sorry.”

“Why?” She crossed her arms. 

Because it was possible her father had hidden incriminating documents in his daughter’s room. He didn’t want to tell her that, though.

“Procedure. Tell you what, we’ll keep the door open and you can stay with me while I do it, okay?”

“Fine.”

“Thanks.”

She was mostly quiet for the first few minutes as David opened and closed drawers and shuffled through papers.

“He’s innocent, you know,” she said after a little while. “He didn’t do anything.”

David didn’t respond.

“He didn’t do anything,” she repeated. “Why did you arrest him?”

“Brooke– can I call you Brooke?”

“Sure.”

“Brooke, I have a twelve-year-old brother.” A twelve-year-old brother who, at the moment, hated him. “He gets upset when I don’t tell him the truth just because of his age. There are some things I’m not going to speak to him about because, well, he’s twelve but there are other things…I think sometimes adults forget that kids are smarter than we give them credit for.”

She scoffed. “Tell me about it.”

“You’re fourteen and I’m not going to lie to you. He’s guilty, Brooke. I’m sorry, but he is.”

“Of what?”

“Of everything he’s going to be charged with.”

“What does…what did it mean when the news says he embezzled?”

“It means he stole money from his job. Which, in this case, means the United States government.” David bent down to look through a bin on a low shelf, trying to avoid making eye contact. He’d never had to do this part of it. Explaining arrests to families wasn’t exactly in his job description.

“Why?”

“I don’t know for sure, but probably for his campaign and for…well, it doesn’t really matter.” He wasn’t about to talk about her father’s mistress with her.

“Oh. Is my mother in trouble?”

“No. She won’t be unless she did something.”

“Did she?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Are we in trouble? My brother and I?”

He looked at her to try and convey how serious he was being when he said,  _ “No. _ You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But what if…” It looked like she was about to cry. “But what if we knew something?”

“Did you know something, Brooke?”

She shook her head.

“I don’t think so, but what if it turns out something I knew was illegal?”

“First of all, no one is going to blame you if that’s the case.”

“Yeah, but what if they  _ do? _ Will I go to juvy?”

It was a ridiculous notion, but she had no way of knowing that. She was terrified. David could see it in her eyes.

“No. No one will try to send you to juvy, but if they do,” he said, preemptively answering her inevitable question, “I’ll protect you.”

She sniffled. “You will? Why?”

“Because you’re a kid and because it’s the sins of the father, which I don’t believe in. Have you heard of that?”

“Isn’t that in the Bible?”

He smiled softly. “Yes, but that’s not what I mean. I actually mean the opposite. You aren’t responsible for what your father does. You’re a child and even if you weren’t, it’s his fault not yours.”

Brooke nodded and he went back to searching the room.

“Why do you care so much? Why would you help me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you hate my dad.”

“I don’t hate your dad.” He did. “My job is to fight public corruption and I’m doing my job.”

“But you believe that? That I’m not responsible for what my dad did?”

“I do. Someone I care about has a father who’s done some pretty awful things, but I still care about him. He knew about them, but it’s still not his fault. Having said that, if you’re asked questions by officers or other adults you need to be honest. Okay?”

“Okay. Thanks, Agent Jacobs. Don’t tell my mom, but I don’t hate you.”

“I won’t,” he laughed. “Cross my heart.”

“Two days.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Nope. Two days and we’re going to the Supreme Court.”

“Are you prepared?” David asked Rafaella.

They were sitting next to each other on the plane and she’d just gotten off of a phone call with the office.

“No, but I will be. They let you practice first. Plus, it's the easiest case I’ll ever argue, just, you know…”

“In front of the Supreme Court?”

“Exactly.”

She spent the flight going over the case, while David spent the flight doing what he usually did: freaking out that his family wouldn’t be able to get in contact with him for a few hours. He tried to sleep to distract himself, but it didn’t work. He could almost always sleep through chatter but not when he was overwhelmed or stressed. He wondered if sitting next to Jack would’ve made it easier.

David wished they could be more open. He wanted to use Jack’s shoulder as his pillow and doze off happily with Jack’s arm around him. Oscar never would’ve let him do that. If David had fallen asleep on his shoulder he would’ve been shrugged off. That was fine, Oscar just wasn’t fond of physical contact, but it had still hurt his feelings sometimes. He’d learned quickly not to complain about it.

“David,” Albert called. He was standing up in the row behind David. “We landed.”

He hadn’t thought he’d fallen asleep but that was the only explanation. He was glad for it, though, and quickly turned his phone on.

**Sarah**

**4:52 PM**

_ Aba wasn’t feeling well before his appointment today. They’re moving up his next round of chemo to Monday. Don’t worry, it’s just routine. _

Are you sure? That’s exactly what they said?

_ Yes. Just routine. It’s what he’s had before. Prognosis is good. _

Okay.

_ Don’t think you’re off the hook just because of that, mister. _

It’s not a big deal.

_ You’re the lead investigator on a case that ended up with a senator being arrested and then there was an executive order and now it’s going to the Supreme Fucking Court. Not a big deal? _

I guess. Can I call you later tonight? I’m in the airport.

_ Yep. Love you _

_ I love you too. _

Nobody had seemed to mind the idea of working through the weekend when it was for something as big as this, but that didn’t mean they were ecstatic. Everybody was exhausted and stressed out of their minds. David brought in every lawyer under his employ to help Rafaella so the conference room was crowded and noisy, which made everybody else antsy. Race had even snapped at an intern, something so uncharacteristic that Spot had insisted on taking him home to get some sleep. David hadn’t been inclined to object.

It was only around eleven o’clock on Sunday night when David realized how tired he was, too. Realized was an exaggeration, in fact, because the event that brought it to his attention was Jack coming into his office, draping David’s coat over his shoulders, and standing him up.

“I’m gonna take you home, okay?”

“Why?”

“You’re dead on your feet, baby.”

“Mmm, baby,” he echoed, leaning into Jack, “I like that.”

He felt Jack chuckle.

“Then I’ll call you it more often. Come on. Tommy Boy took Mush home so his car is here. He said I could borrow it. Let me drive you back to your place.”

David forced his eyes open and stared up at him. His eyes were so kind. Before he and Jack had kissed for the first time, he’d thought they were steely and cold, but now he could see he had been wrong.

“Okay.”

By car, getting to David’s apartment took about twenty minutes. Jack walked him up. Normally, he would have protested, but he wasn’t sure he would be able to do it himself. David fished through his pockets for his keys, but Millie opened the door before he could find them.

“Oh. I thought you were a very loud serial killer or something.”

“Who is it, Smalls?” Buttons asked from the couch.

“David’s boyfriend and a zombie.”

David glared while Jack laughed. His laughter turned into a yawn and Millie smiled. “Make that two zombies.” She moved out of their way.

“How was the trip? You left before we could ask this morning.”

“Fine.”

“Yeah? Nothing too eventful? No, say, historic arrest of a senator prompting the president to have a hissy fit?” 

David yawned. He registered that he was leaning against Jack again but he didn’t care. 

“Oh. Yeah.”

“Oh. Yeah,” Millie mimicked. Then, oddly enough, she reached forward and hugged him. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Before she could answer, another voice joined the conversation.

“Cześć, właściciel.”

Buttons was holding Tsfarde’a out in front of him. For some reason, his accent for her was now that of a French man.

David laughed.

“Cześć, Tsfarde’a. Why are you suddenly French?”

Buttons stood up and David saw his disappointed face.

“That was supposed to be Polish.”

David laughed some more and reached out for her. She purred as he gathered her into him.

“I should get going,” Jack said. “Dave, see you in the morning?”

“Yeah. Thanks for getting me home.”

“Course.”

He leaned in hesitantly, which David appreciated, and let him decide if they kissed in front of his roommates. He knew that they wouldn’t care, but it felt weird nonetheless. He couldn’t help but be proud of himself for doing it, even if it was something so small.

“Seriously, are you okay?” Buttons asked once Jack was gone.

“I’m fine. Exhausted, but fine.”

“You looked badass on the news.”

“Thanks.” He offered up a small smile. “And thanks for watching her again. I know I’m gone a lot and you didn’t sign up for–”

“We’re happy to, David.” Millie kissed his cheek. “Get some sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Cześć, właściciel” means “hello, owner.” Buttons googled it because he’s extra.


	23. Jack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and full of plot.

Jack sat next to David on their way down to Washington. He had to. David was freaking out and he wanted to be there for him. Besides, he was pretty sure  everyone in the office knew. Everyone who was traveling with them, at any rate.

“We’re gonna win, Dave,” he whispered in his ear for what must have been the fifth time, “you’ll see.”

David shook his head.

“We are.”

“It’s not that. My dad’s getting a treatment today and it’s just a routine thing but he’s not feeling well and I’m nervous.”

He took David’s hand.

“What are you doing?”

“Nobody can see us. Do you want me to stop?”

David shook his head.

“Okay. Let me know. I can’t promise that everything’s gonna be okay but I can promise that I’ll be here for you no matter what.” 

He breathed shakily and nodded.

“Thank you. That’s very kind.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Well, you didn’t have to say it. I appreciate it a lot.”

“You're my boyfriend, Dave. Of course I’m gonna be there for you.”

David looked at him like a confused puppy. It would have been adorable had it not been so heartbreaking.

“I knew that, I just didn’t realize it extended that far.”

“It extends as far as anything. There ain’t a limit.”

David giggled.

“What?”

“I’m sorry. I know it’s rude, but it’s really funny to me that you’ve lived in New York your whole life and you say ‘ain’t.’”

Jack bumped him playfully.

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

“I'd like to, but not here.”

David spluttered. “That’s not what I meant!”

“It ain’t?” He emphasized the second word, sending David into another fit of giggles that made Jack’s stomach flip.

He was happy to provide David with a distraction, no matter how small. And if he could listen to his laughter forever? Well, that’s what he would do, then. 

“No, Hearst and Reid are on our side, and it’s straightforward enough that Pulitzer wouldn’t dare vote the wrong way. That’s six-three,” David said. “It’ll be fine. Right? Yeah, it’ll be fine.”

“You sound real convinced, boss,” Albert said. “Sure you don’t want to head to a casino and put some money on it?”

“There aren’t any casinos in Washington,” David replied absentmindedly, clearly having missed the sarcasm in his state of panic.

“Dave.” Jack put his hands on either of his shoulders. “It’s gonna be fine.”

“Okay.” He nodded. “Yes, okay.”

“You should’ve gone in with them.”

“Absolutely not. No.”

“Why not?”

“I would've panicked.”

Albert leaned over and stage whispered to Jack, “This isn’t him panicking?” David glared and Albert threw up his hands defensively.

Luckily for him, the doors swung open before David could say anything else. Rafaella and her team came out looking very satisfied. She herself had a huge smile spread across her face. They all rushed forward to meet her.

“So?”

“It went really well.” The lawyers around her nodded in agreement. “ _ Really _ well. It won’t take long for them to render a decision.”

“How long is not long?”

“The court only has conferences on Wednesdays and Fridays, so we’ll have to wait, but there’s no way we didn’t win. I’m not trying to brag; it’s a really simple case.”

“You  _ should _ brag!” Race said. “My girl just argued in front of the Supreme Court!”

“Shit, Tony, can you not yell in this building?” Spot asked.

“Can you not curse in this building?” David said. Jack resisted the urge to take his hand, but just barely. He knew he was more stressed than usual and he wanted to try to make it better in any small way that he could.

“We’ve got a press conference in–” David checked his watch. “–fifteen minutes. Let’s head outside.”

Nobody objected. Walking outside and about halfway down the steps, Race stood by his side.

“Is he okay?” his brother whispered in his ear. “He’s more tense than Raf is.”

Jack shrugged. He knew it was an obvious lie, but his brother was smart enough to know when to leave something alone.

It was cold outside and Jack could see his breath. Race stood close to Spot and held his hand. They looked warmer than the rest of them. He wanted David’s arm to be around his waist and to be able to put his hands in David’s pockets.

He couldn’t go on like this forever. Sooner or later, they would have to have a discussion about how they were going to proceed. Jack didn’t plan on being in a secret relationship forever and he was sure David didn’t either. There would be complications with work, yes, but he had confidence that they could figure it out. Maybe after the case David would be more open to the idea.

He looked over to his boyfriend, preparing to go ask how he was feeling, but he was white as a sheet. He shuffled forward nervously and down the few steps separating them. David’s phone was to his ear but he slowly took it away just as Jack reached him.

“Dave? What’s the matter?”

“I– I have to go.”

“What? Why? You’ve got a press conference to give.”

“No.” He shook his head. “My…my dad’s dead.”

Jack stood frozen, completely caught off guard and unsure of how to react. His mind was moving at a million miles a minute and also at a snail’s pace. Nothing was processing at the right speed and he was sure it was worse for David.

How could the universe be so fucking cruel? Hadn’t David been through enough? He knew it was a cliche, but still.

David deserves happiness, not whatever shitty hand of cards life had dealt him. He hoped he could be a part of that happiness in some way. 

Jack unfroze when he saw a tear roll down David’s cheek and drop to the ice cold marble below. He stepped forward and reached a hand out but David stepped back.

“We can’t be…we can’t…”

“Okay, all right, it’s okay,” he soothed. “Don’t worry about it.”

He nodded, bottom lip between his teeth. He was going to start bleeding soon, Jack could tell.

“I need to go.”

“Dave, if you go now, the Washington office is gonna take all the credit. Your name won’t even be mentioned.” He didn’t mean to be insensitive, but he didn’t want David to not be recognized. 

David paused, shifting on the balls of his feet in a Jack-like manner. He wondered if he had gotten it from him or if it was a nervous tick he hadn’t seen until that moment. Eventually, David shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter. I have to go.”

“Davey–”

“You do the press conference.” He turned around and started down the steps. Jack went after him.

“Davey! Stop for a second!”

“What? I have to–”

Jack hugged him. He knew they shouldn’t have been touching but he didn’t care. David needed physical comfort desperately and he probably wouldn’t get another hug for hours. And, knowing David, he was about to go home to be the caretaker for the rest of his family. He needed his own support.

“Call me anytime and I’ll pick up,” he whispered in his ear. “I’m so, so sorry, Dave.”

He felt David begin to shake. He wanted to wrap him up tight in a blanket and shelter him forever. 

“I have to go. If I don’t go now I’m going to start sobbing and–”

“Okay. Go.” He squeezed him once. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

He watched David jog down the steps and out of sight.

“What happened?” Rafaella asked, appearing next to him.

Jack knew David wouldn’t want to have to explain to everyone what had happened, so he saved him the burden.

“His dad died,” he breathed. “His…yeah.”

“Oh my god. Is he okay? Of course he’s not okay, but–”

“Yeah. Yeah, I don’t know.” He still hadn’t turned his eyes away from where David had disappeared.

“Are  _ you _ okay?”

“Me? I didn’t know him, Raf.”

“No, but you’re in love with his son.”

Jack didn’t even think about denying it. There was no point.

“Yeah. I’ll be okay once he’s okay.”

Rafaella hugged him quickly.

“That could be awhile. Take care of yourself. I’m going to get Race.”

“He doesn’t have to–“

“Stop talking. He’s your brother, he’ll want to be with you. Do you want to come to him instead?”

Jack finally looked at her and nodded. She took his hand. “Come on. David’s strong, Jack. He’ll be okay.”

_ “Of course he’s strong,” _ Jack wanted to say,  _ “but he shouldn’t have to be.” _


	24. David

In the end, he didn’t remember most of it. The time between walking away from Jack and opening the front door to his family’s house was a blur. He knew he’d gotten in a taxi, on a plane, in a taxi again, but none of it felt real.

“David.” He’d texted Sarah when he’d landed and she was waiting for him by the front door nearly an hour later. “David.” She ran to hug him.

“Sarah. I’m…Sarah, I’m so sorry.”

She cried into his shoulder. He rested his chin on top of her head and cried too.

“I’m sorry, David.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not yours either.”

They held each other for a while, tight and comforting. They only pulled away when Sarah said she needed to lie down.

“Where’s Ima? I have to go see her.”

“Their room. Her room. Oh my god, David.”

“I know. Shh, it’s okay.”

“Can you come with me? Please?”

“I promise I’ll come after I see her, okay? And Les. Then I’ll come take a nap with you.”

She nodded and they made their way up the stairs. Sarah kissed his cheek on the landing and made her way to her bedroom.

David knocked softly on the doorframe. The door was ajar and Esther was sitting on the bed, staring at her hands. She looked up when he knocked.

“David?”

“Hi, Ima.” He then noticed that he was still wearing his coat, so he took it off, carefully laid it down on the end of the bed and sat next to her. She laughed and he looked at her, confused.

“He loved that coat of yours.”

“My coat?”

“He was ridiculous about it. Whenever you wore it he would always turn to me and say, ‘See that, Esther? Our son’s a working man.’ He thought it was very fancy.” His mother laid her head on his shoulder. “Oh, David. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

David put an arm around her.

“You’ll be okay, Ima, I promise. Maybe not now, but eventually.”

She wept (for what he assumed was at least the third time) and kept weeping into his shoulder for almost an hour. Eventually, she cried herself out and fell asleep. David gently lay her down and took her shoes off. He covered her with a blanket and kissed her forehead.

He went to speak to Les but he was asleep and David wasn’t about to interrupt. Sarah was asleep too. David went into his old dresser and was happy to find some pajamas he’d left there. He changed and joined Sarah in her bed like she asked him to. She stirred as he got under the sheets.

“David?”

“Go back to sleep, neshama.”

“He’s gone, David,” she said before dropping back off.

He cried himself to sleep as quietly as he could.

Planning a funeral in one day was hard, especially when his sister — his partner in everything — was breaking down in tears once an hour, his brother was caught somewhere between furious at him and wanting comfort, and his mother was too sad to leave her room. David felt like doing and being all of those things too but he couldn’t be.

Their cousins lived in California, his mother’s aunt was basically evil, and everybody else lived in Poland. Some of them were coming on last minute flights but they couldn’t exactly help, especially because none of them spoke English well. That left David to make every phone call. He started with the relatives, then friends, then his father’s coworkers (luckily, the first one he spoke to volunteered to let the rest of them know). 

Then he moved on to the cemetery, flowers, and his parents’ lawyer. He had to choose a casket. The rabbi had told him the night before that one of the members of their shul offered to be the shomer and David was fine with that. Grateful, even. He certainly couldn’t do it. He’d asked his mother what she thought but she’d only shrugged.

The chevra kadisha had been informed by the rabbi the previous night as well. David was so grateful that he’d done it, because it hadn’t even occurred to David to call the burial society.

Mr. and Mrs. Feinstein called and offered to prepare the seudat havra’ah. David cried, babbling about how much he appreciated it. They hushed him and told him not to worry. They would come over with the meal right after the funeral.

He spent about an hour on google trying to find shiva benches before giving in and calling Rabbi Tobias for help. He told David that he would arrange it and not to worry.

He took a break around noon to make lunch for himself and Les. Sarah and Esther refused to eat. They sat quietly, eating their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Les didn’t speak until he was already halfway done.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Why?”

“For what I said on the phone last month.”

“Oh.” David took another bite and chewed slowly. “Don’t worry about it. I know you’re angry.”

Les shook his head. “Not anymore. I spoke to the school guidance counselor about it.” He picked at a piece of crust. “Was Oscar abusive?”

David froze briefly, glass halfway to his lips. He put it back down. 

“What makes you think that?”

“Ima and Aba said he was mean to you. I don’t…that’s what they meant, right?”

“The guidance counselor shouldn’t have said that to you.”

“I didn’t ask her about you. I asked her why someone would rather be with someone who’s mean instead of their family.”

David didn’t respond. He wanted to but he didn’t know how. 

“She talked to me about abusive relationships. Then I told her about you.”

“Right. Well…yeah.” He tried not to look away but he had to. He couldn’t face his little brother. He was too ashamed.

“So you didn’t dump him because he abused you?”

He inhaled sharply and replied, “Yeah, I guess.”

“Were you scared?”

“No. I didn’t want to break up with him because I was in love with him.”

“But he was abusing you.”

_ “Please, _ Les. Please stop saying that. I know that already and…please?”

Les nodded. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just sensitive about it.” He took a sip of lemonade, stalling. “I didn’t know it was what it was,” he forced out. “I loved him because I thought he loved me.”

“Did he?”

David sighed. He wasn’t sure how to share what he was feeling without possibly hurting his little brother. He never wanted him to think what Oscar had done to him was okay. If any girlfriend did to Les what Oscar had done to David, he didn’t want him thinking any of it was normal. It was also important to tell the truth, though.

“I think he did, in his own, misguided way. At least I think he thought he did.  _ I _ thought he did.”

“Why did he break up with you, then?”

“A bunch of reasons. It wasn’t working for him anymore.”

“But it was working for you?”

“I thought it was.” He smiled weakly.

“Ms. Keyworth said sometimes people think it’s their fault or that it isn’t…I don’t know. I’m sorry, David. I didn’t mean what I said, I was just so mad. I didn’t realize what I was talking about and please, please, please forgive me.”

“Oh, buddy, come here.” He pulled Les into his lap even though he was getting too big for it. “I was never mad at you so there’s nothing to forgive. I know you didn’t know. Thank you for apologizing but there wasn’t a need to.

“I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I should’ve come home more. I should’ve transferred when I could.”

“No! You didn’t do anything wrong!”

David chuckled at his conviction and kissed the top of his head.

Thank you, boychik. I regret it, but I can’t change the past. Are we okay?”

“We’re okay. And I never told Aba I was mad at you. Don’t worry, he didn’t die thinking we were fighting.”

“Oh. Uh, thanks.” He shivered. “But remember, you can always be honest, okay? If you’re mad at me it’s okay to tell Ima or Sarah or whomever you want.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Do you want to help at all? It’s okay if you don’t, but I want you to have the option.”

Les nodded. “I want to help.”

“Then come upstairs with me and we’ll pick out a kippah for Aba to wear.”

Jack called that evening. David had been about to corral his family into eating dinner when his phone rang. He used it as an excuse to sit down for a few moments more.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Dave. We don’t have to talk, I was just calling to see if you wanted to. No pressure.”

David chuckled. “I want to talk. I’m sorry I rushed out like that yesterday.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You had a good reason.”

“How did the press conference go?”

“Fine. I didn’t accidentally start a third world war so that’s good.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to talk about what happened?”

Desperately. He didn’t know why, but he did. 

“He went in to start another round of chemo and he unexpectedly developed what’s called a pulmonary embolism. It’s a…”

“It’s a blood clot.”

“Yeah.” He exhaled shakily. “It went to his heart and there was cardiac arrest.”

Jack sighed. “I’m so sorry, Davey.”

“Yeah.”

“Can I do anything?”

“No, but…Jack, I’m gonna be gone for more than a week.”

“That’s okay, we’ll work it out.”

“But it’s shiva. I won’t be available by phone.”

“I know. We’ll work it out.”

“There’s…promise me you guys won’t work through Christmas?”

“Promise. Promise me you’ll get some sleep at some point?”

“Promise. I should go. I have to force feed my family.”

“Have someone call me if you need anything.”

“Thanks. Bye.”

“Bye.”

He sat with his head in his hands and cried.

David gave the eulogy. It was short and simple and less than his father deserved, but it was the best he could do. He said that at the end. He talked about how words, no matter what order they were put in, couldn't adequately describe the person Mayer was. People cried. David didn’t. He didn’t have any tears left.

When they got home, the mirrors and television screens were all covered in black sheets for them. Esther lit the shiva candle and the mourning period officially began. 

The seudat havra’ah was no less depressing than he had thought it would be. People tried to get him to eat more than he did but he ignored their advice.

The first three days of shiva are filled with somber laughter and happy memories of Mayer. People told him stories — some he’d heard and some he hadn’t — about his father. It was as nice as a shiva could be. Rabbi Tobias was there every day and offered to lead the minyans. It wasn’t usual for a rabbi to come every day but people didn’t mind because everyone knew how close he was to David.

David spent the days reflecting like he was supposed to. He took comfort in his faith and in God. They lit candles for Chanukah when it started on the second night of the shiva. It was subdued and somber. There were no gifts exchanged, no celebrations, no festive decorations or food. None of them would have wanted those things anyway.

Day four was different. The first three days were traditionally the busiest. Having a few people drift in and out every once in a while was a weird feeling after that. He knew it was done out of respect but it almost felt like people had stopped caring.

Day five brought with it Shabbat. Shiva was paused for Shabbat and they walked as a family to shul. Sarah held Les’ hand and David held Esther’s. Day six was Shabbat too, and few people came around. That was okay. Selfishly, David had wanted a break from the condolence calls.

Les fell asleep sitting on his bench and Sarah carried him to bed. She didn’t come back down, and David assumed she’d fallen asleep with him. Esther went to bed around nine but David stayed, intending to think for a while longer. He didn’t realize exactly how long until Sarah came downstairs the next morning.

Day seven concluded shiva with the morning service for Mayer at shul. Les and Sarah uncovered the mirrors and screens when they returned home. David helped his mother to bed.

“David?” she said as he went to turn off the light.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been…I haven’t been a good mother this past week.”

“Yes, you have.”

“No.” She shook her head. “I left everything to you. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so, so sorry you had to do this on your own.”

“It’s okay. You’re grieving.”

“So are you.”

“Not my husband. Ima, don’t you think I understand how crippling depression can be?” he asked. “I don’t blame you. Everyone reacts differently to death and I needed a distraction anyway. I didn’t mind.”

“Still. I’m sorry, boychik.”

He flinched.

“Please don’t call me that.” 

She nodded. “Right. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Sleep, Ima. I’ll wake you later.”

“You sleep too.”

The seventh day ended up being the hardest, because it was over. Everyone else’s lives went back to normal. Only the four of them still lived differently. It felt like the world had stopped caring about his father and had decided to move on.

There were twenty-three days left in the mourning period. He was allowed to go back to work after shiva and there was no way he could avoid it. He would have to fly to New York and then back to Chicago at the end of the thirty day period following Mayer’s burial.

He wondered how his coworkers would react. He could bathe for more than hygienic purposes now, but he still couldn’t shave or cut his hair. He was going to look exhausted — more exhausted than normal, that was — for almost a month. Would they be uncomfortable when he locked himself inside his office at lunch to say the Kaddish? He couldn’t bring himself to care much.

After his siblings fell asleep, David went back downstairs and opened his laptop. He cried for a while, devastated at the thought of going back to work when the grass hadn’t yet grown over his father’s grave. Then, he called the office while he read emails.

“FBI.”

“JoJo? It’s me.”

“David? Oh my gosh. It’s so good to hear from you. Are you okay?”

“Fine. What’s been going on?”

“Have you seen the news?”

He sighed. “I haven’t seen anything. I haven’t looked at my phone or watched television or read a newspaper.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry, sir. The Senate is trying him starting next month! Rafaella has been working with the lead prosecutor and they’re building a really strong case.”

“Good. Can I speak to Katherine or Charlie or Jack?”

“Yes, sir. Jack’s here, I’ll transfer you to him now.”

“Thanks.” He bit his lip and slammed the edge of the phone against his forehead several times. He’d barely stopped himself from screaming at JoJo. He didn’t understand how anybody could sound so cheerful. David’s world was crumbling — post-apocalyptic — and JoJo’s world was fine.

“Davey? Hey.”

“Hey. JoJo said we have about a month? Has anyone spoken to the Director yet? Anyone from our office, I mean, not one of the higher ups.”

“No, they haven’t. Dave, listen–”

“Why not?”

“He wants to speak to you, not us. He’s got no interest in us.”

“Oh.”

“How are you feeling? I thought today was the last day.”

“Yeah, it ends the morning of the seventh day. I’m…terrible. My family’s the same and I have to leave tomorrow.”

“What? Why?”

“If you haven’t noticed, the eyes of the country are all on something we’re involved in right now.” He huffed and closed his laptop. David stood and made his way to the kitchen to look for something to drink, suddenly very thirsty.

“But you should stay a few more days.”

“No. I have to be back in three weeks. How was Christmas?”

“What? Dave, it’s the twenty-third.”

“Oh. Lost track of the days, I guess. Great, that means I’ll be in the airport on Christmas Eve. That’s always fun,” he said sarcastically.

“Yeah. How about Chanukah? Is that going well, at least?”

“It’s depressing,” he spat. “Most of our celebrations and holidays are based on narrowly escaping death at the hands of someone who hated us, and it’s hard to celebrate that when we didn’t this time. He didn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” he said softly.

David sighed. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t snap. You’re trying to be nice, I’m just exhausted and sad and angry.”

“Angry?”

“With the world. With God. With the exception of rabbis, I’ve never met anybody who studies Torah as much as he does. Did. He was a good Jew! I know that’s not what determines it. Jews aren’t more worthy of not dying than anybody else or anything, I’m not saying that, but you’d think God would take it into account that he did what he was told to by his faith. You know, I don’t think God sits down and makes a decision about when each individual dies, but He could’ve prevented it, right?” He held the phone between his shoulder and ear while he twisted the cap off of a water bottle.

“Sorry, I know I’m ranting. Cause, you know, I’ve met plenty of people — Jewish and not — who used to be religious but something terrible happened in their life and they lost faith. I’m mad at myself for not. Does that make sense?”

“It–”

“I know it doesn’t.” He took a huge gulp of water. “But it would be easier to not be so reliant on God right now. I can’t stop praying just because I’m angry. And I don’t mean can’t as in not allowed, I mean can’t as in I won’t let myself. And I don’t really even want to. Whatever. I just– ah, shit.” He’d squeezed the bottle too tight and spilled water all over his lap. “I just spilled water everywhere, I’ve got to go.”

“But–”

“Keep me up to date. Bye.”

It wasn’t until he was trying to fall asleep that night that he realized he had probably called in the first place because he’d been hoping to speak to Jack and talk about how he was feeling. What did it say that he hadn’t wanted to talk about it with his family? What did it say that he hadn’t wanted to talk about it with his  _ sister? _ What did it say that he had wanted to talk about it to the guy he’d been dating for less than two months?

David wasn’t sure he wanted to know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The explanation for the cause of death may or may not be the explanation for the cause of death of Josh’s father in the West Wing.


	25. Jack

David had been back for all of twenty minutes when Jack became pretty sure he was going to pass out if he didn’t go to sleep. His boyfriend looked like he was about to drop. He even ended their meeting early and escaped to his office. Everyone mumbled about their concern so Jack used it as an excuse to go see him.

“David?” he asked, locking the door behind him and approaching the desk. The chair was swiveled around and facing away from him. “Are you okay?”

It turned out that David was a silent crier. Jack quickly shut the blinds so nobody could see in. He knelt in front of David. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

David shook his head.

“It’s gonna be okay, baby.”

“No, it’s not. Stop saying that.”

“Sorry.” He put a hand on David’s knee. “I know. I know it isn’t okay right now. You don’t have to be okay.”

“Yes, I do. If I’m not okay…then…then…” He trailed off, double-breathing and sniffling. 

“What?”

“I don’t know.”

“Let me take you home,” he suggested. “You need to get some sleep.”

“There’s work to do.”

“You can do it tomorrow or delegate it, for once. You’re terrible at delegating.”

David laughed. “Yeah, I am.”

“So practice. I’ll take you home and make you a cup of tea. You can get into comfortable clothes and your cat that hates me can cuddle with you on the bed.”

David laughed again. Jack couldn’t recall a time he had felt prouder of himself.

“Okay. Are you sure? I don’t want to put you out. It’s not your responsibility to take care of me.”

“Oh, baby, of course it is. And I want to.”

“Why?” he asked incredulously, like it had never occurred to him that someone might want to. 

The answer was that he loved David. He couldn’t say that, though. It wouldn’t be fair to tell him that when he was overwhelmed by emotion and his father’s death. 

“Because I care about you.”

David shook his head, eyes closed tight.

“You shouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m doing something bad.”

“What are you doing that’s bad?” Whatever he was about to say wouldn’t change Jack’s mind. He rubbed his thumb over David’s knee.

“I swear, Jack, I’m interested in you and only you, but…part of me still loves Oscar,” he admitted. Jack swallowed nervously. “I’m sorry! I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it! If he came here right now and asked me to go with him I wouldn’t want to, but I might do it.”

Jack stood and bent down to envelop David in a hug. It was an awkward angle, but hopefully it brought him some comfort.

“That’s okay. You were…it was a bad relationship and he did awful things. It’s normal that you would feel that way.”

“How do you know?” It sounded less like he was questioning Jack’s authority than it did like he was desperate for it to be true.

“Most people spend about a third of their life sleeping, right?”

David nodded into his shoulder.

“Well, I’ve spent about a third of my life in therapy. I’m not talking how long I’ve been going, I’m talking hours wise.”

David chuckled sadly.

“I’ve learned a thing or two. I ain’t a therapist or nothing but I’ve done that and I…”

“What?”

Jack released him and sighed. “I’ve never told anybody this except my ma and Crutchie.”

“I won’t tell anyone.”

He smiled halfheartedly. “I know you won’t, baby. I miss my father sometimes. A lot. I save every letter he sends me. I keep them in a box with the only picture of us I have together. And I hate him, Dave, I really do. It gets easier, but it’s been what, three, four months since you guys broke up?”

“Yeah, four.”

“Do you think it’s wrong of me to miss my father?”

“Of course not!”

“Then why is it wrong for you to miss Oscar?”

“Because it’s different! He’s your  _ father, _ Oscar was just my boyfriend.”

“It don’t work like that.”

David’s breathing was getting heavier and the conversation came to a close — although Jack suspected it was more of a pause. He shushed him gently and rubbed his back for a few minutes. “I’ve got you.”

It was only when David was in his room changing and Jack was making him tea that he realized he probably shouldn’t have talked about missing his father. It was unfair. David was the one who had lost a father — a  _ real _ father — less than two weeks prior.

He sighed, chiding himself, and poured the water into the mug. He went into the drawer where David had said the tea was and scoffed when he saw it.

“Did you know your roommates have weed in your tea drawer?” he asked, sitting down on the bed next to where David was lying.

David sat up and took the mug gratefully.

“Thanks. Yeah, Buttons tried to hide it because he thinks I’m going to arrest him, but he always puts it in obvious spots.” He held the tea with one hand and scratched between the cat’s ears with the other. “Thanks for doing this, Jacky. You didn’t have to and I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t thank me. Calling me Jacky is thanks enough.”

Jack leaned forward to kiss the adorable blush off of his cheek.

“You should sleep.”

He shook his head and whispered, “I don’t want you to go.”

Jack’s heart shattered in two as David focused on a seemingly very interesting spot on his solid gray sheets. 

“I won’t go just because you're asleep. I’ll stay with you, I swear. Hey.” He wiped a tear off of David’s cheek. He gently placed his hand under his chin and tilted it up so their eyes met. “I’ll stay, okay?”

“Okay.” He set his mug down on top of a coaster on his nightstand (because of course he had a coaster on his nightstand). “Do you mind if I keep her on the bed?”

“You don’t need to ask. I won’t ever mind. Can I lie down with you?”

“Please. Want to borrow pajamas? They won’t fit, but…” He shrugged.

“Thanks.” He kissed David’s forehead. It was upsetting how surprised he seemed each and every time Jack showed him some form of physical affection without prompting. Unless they were in bed together, it was like David didn’t realize he was allowed to touch Jack. He’d tried to make clear that that wasn’t the case with kisses and hugs and held hands, but it suddenly occurred to him that maybe David thought the privilege was reserved to Jack and Jack alone.

“Hey, baby?”

“Mhmm?”

“You know you can touch me right?”

David let out a startled laugh. “Of course I know that.”

“Okay, good. And…you know I mean outside of bed too? You never start it and I wanted to make sure that–”

“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “I didn’t realize that you would want that.”

“Nothing to be sorry ’bout, I just want you to know that it’s okay. Unless you don’t like it when I do it. I can stop.”

“No! No, I enjoy it. I love it. It’s…nice in a way I can’t describe. My therapist said it means I’m touch starved,” he said quietly, “which seems sorta dumb. I mean, she’s really smart, but the concept itself seems dumb.”

“Why?” Jack almost tripped over the flannel pants as he went to get into the bed. The mere inches between them obviously made a difference.

“Because people don’t die if they aren’t touched, but people die if they don’t eat. You can’t say someone’s starved if they aren’t at risk of death.”

“Babies can die if they don’t get physical affection.”

David turned onto his side and they faced each other.

“That’s…morbid.”

Jack shrugged. “It’s true. People need it, Dave.”

“Fine, people need touch. I get it, though. Every day.”

“How?”

“I shake hands with people, I brush by people in the hallway, I hand people things.”

Jack scoffed, trying desperately to mask his horror.

“That ain’t affection, Dave. That doesn’t count.”

“Why not?”

“It just doesn’t. It’s not enough.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Don’t it feel different when we cuddle to how shaking hands feels?”

“Yeah, but that’s just because I like you a lot.”

Jack smiled. “I like you a lot too, but that’s not it. Shake my hand.”

“What?”

“Just shake my hand.”

David did so.

“Okay, now can I hold you?”

“Yeah, please do,” David replied. 

Jack proceeded to wrap his arms around David and kiss his cheek once more before resting his chin on his shoulder.

“Doesn’t this feel different?”

David nodded.

“Doesn’t this feel nicer?”

“Yes,” he breathed. “Much nicer.”

“There you go then. So touch me whenever you want and tell me if you need or want to be touched, okay? I’m always happy to. And if you ever want me to stop touching you for a while, tell me that too.”

“Okay. Thank you. You’re amazing.”

_ “You’re _ amazing. I’ve got a feeling you don’t get told that enough.”

“My parents– my mom, I mean, tells me that.” He rolled his eyes. “She thinks anything her children do is amazing, though.”

“My ma’s the same way,” he chuckled. “I’m gonna have to start telling you that then.”

“What? Jack, no. I’m not amazing or anything. Don’t pretend.”

“Of course you are, darling. You’re the most amazing–”

David inhaled sharply.

“What?”

“Please don’t call me that. I’m sorry, just–” He shook his head. “I just don’t like to be called that.”

“Okay, that’s okay,” he soothed. “I’m sorry. Is there anything else I shouldn’t call you?”

David fidgeted with the edge of the comforter nervously. Jack put a hand over his in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture. 

“I don’t…I don’t usually like sweetheart. Sometimes it's fine, but not a lot. Is that okay?”

“Of course it’s okay. I would never call you something you don’t want to be called.”

David breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you. While we’re on the subject, is there anything you don’t want me to call you?”

Jack thought for a moment.

“Not any specific pet names, or anything, just, you know…I know you know them now and I’ve had people call me them jokingly, but please don’t call me, like, Francis or Frankie or Frank of whatever.”

“I wouldn’t. I promise.”

“Thanks. If I’m never called Francis again it’ll be too soon.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Dave, you can ask me literally any question you want whenever you want.”

“When did you start going by Jack?”

“My first group home. I met Crutchie and he told me that since my father and I had the same name and I hated him, maybe I should change it.”

“And why Jack?”

“Crutchie suggested it. We were brainstorming and it was his idea.”

David looked like he wanted to ask something else. Jack gave him time to work up to it without pressuring him. He occupied himself by staring at the cat, who was still glaring at him. He would have to google if cats could glare.

“What about Kelly?” he eventually asked.

Jack stroked his hand. His thumb was starting to memorize the skin of David’s hands. It was a bizarre feeling, but one that made him happy. It made him more confident in his place in David’s life, especially after what he’d said about Oscar before. He’d believed everything he’d told David about how normal it was, but it still stung a little bit. He knew he’d have to work through it and maybe mention it to David at some point, but this was far from the right time. 

“It’s what my mother wanted to name me if I was a girl.” 

“Oh.”

“Not like she would’ve ended up with much of a choice,” he said bitterly. “He always got the final say.”

“Was he…”

“Abusive? Not to her, I don’t think. A dick, maybe, but not abusive. They just liked traditional things. My mother was sorta free-spirited in some ways, I guess you could say, but she didn’t mind that my father wanted them to have traditional roles in the house. She wanted to be a mother more than anything.” He smiled fondly. “She was a great one.”

“Yeah?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Used to make up all sorts of games for me to play if we were stuck at home bored. She was kind and beautiful and I have no idea how they ended up together. He never deserved her.”

“He never deserved you either.”

Jack paused and gazed into David’s eyes. He kissed and nuzzled the side of his neck, trying to express his love.

“Thanks.”

“When did she pass? If you don’t mind my asking.”

“When I was four. April eleventh. Don’t remember much of the funeral except the cherry blossoms. It was in D.C. because that’s where her brother was buried and it was cherry blossom season. Christ, Dave, they were everywhere. There’s a gorgeous tree right by her grave. I always go at some point in those two weeks and see her.”

“That’s really beautiful, Jacky.”

David was crying.

“Aw, hell, baby, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry, that probably wasn't a good subject for you right now.”

He shook his head. “No. No, it was nice to hear about. Thank you for sharing that with me.”

“Course. I’ll share anything with you.”

“Me too,” he promised. Then, he smirked. It was beautiful. “Except a toothbrush, underwear, or deodorant. I don’t understand the people who do that.”

Jack laughed softly. “You’re pretty amazing, Davey Jacobs.”

“You’re pretty amazing yourself, Jack Kelly. Thank you for taking care of me.”

“My pleasure. You ready to sleep now?”

“More than. Good night, Jacky.”

“Good night, baby.”


	26. David

Christmas morning dawned bright and early with Jack quietly getting out of bed. David was a very light sleeper and woke upon hearing it.

“Jacky? Where are you going?”

“My ma’s house. Go back to sleep.”

“Time is it?” he slurred, accent probably coming out a little bit.

“Six thirty.”

“What? What’s wrong?” He sat up. “Is your mother okay?”

Jack smiled and sat back down on the bed. He gave him a kiss, which David reciprocated sleepily.

“Nothing’s wrong. It’s Christmas morning, baby.”

“Oh. Right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you last night. Did you have Christmas Eve plans?”

“None as important as you.” He caressed David’s cheek.

“Jack…”

“I’m serious. By the time we got off work last night, I would've wanted to go to sleep anyway. It’s been a long few weeks.”

“Okay.”

“What are you doing today?”

David shrugged. “Catching up on some paperwork, probably. Buttons and Millie are going to his grandparents in Westchester, so it’ll be quiet.”

“No,” Jack said.

“No?”

“It’s Christmas, you can’t be alone.”

“I’m Jewish.”

“But I’m not. I care about you and I don’t want you to be alone today. Please?”

“What do you want me to do?” he asked, resigned.

“Come with me?”

“What? You want me to come to your family home? No.”

Jack deflated. He was obviously trying to not look upset.

“Okay. Sorry.”

“I don’t mean I wouldn’t like to, but your family isn’t expecting me and your sister and mom don’t know me. I don’t want to ruin Christmas.”

“Baby…you wouldn’t ruin Christmas. They’d love to have you.”

“Your brothers and Spot would love having their boss around for Christmas?”

“You know how we are in the office. Everyone’s friends with everyone. Denton came to holidays sometimes. I won’t pressure you or nothing, but you’d be more than welcome.”

David smiled, feeling unsure. He knew he couldn’t go but not how to express it. On one hand, Jack seemed genuine and he obviously knew his family better than David did, but on the other, it would be awkward. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how people celebrated Christmas — America and Poland were both so christianized that it was impossible to escape it — he’d even been to a few parties with Oscar, but this felt different. Really though, it was for another reason. 

“My brother knows, if that’s what you’re worried about. He figured it out.”

That wasn’t great, but he could think about it another time.

“It’s not that. I’m not supposed to attend celebrations right now.”

“Oh.” Jack took his hand. “Want I should keep you company?”

David chuckled. “That’s very sweet, but no. You should go see your family. I might go to the shul later.”

“You sure?”

David nodded. “I’m sure. I’ll see you at work in a few days.”

Jack’s concern was written on his face but he smiled and nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you then.”

“Merry Christmas, Jack.”

“Thanks. Merry regular day, Davey.”

They laughed and, for a single moment, the world felt depressingly normal. 

The problem with being in the office during his mourning period (one of many, actually) was that if he was saying the Kaddish and people started banging on his office door, he couldn’t answer until he was done.

“David! David Jacobs! Daaavid!”

“What?” he snapped, swinging the door open when he was finished praying.

“Looks like the defense counsel is starting with us.” Race handed him an opened manila envelope and he fished out the papers inside.

“When did this come in?”

“This afternoon. JoJo opened it a couple of minutes ago.”

“There’s…okay, get Rafaella, Katherine, and Jack in the conference room. You too. And bring Spot.”

“Okay. You okay?”

“Yes. Oh, and Charlie.”

“David. Are you sure?”

“Yes! Yes, just get them in there would you?”

As they stood around the conference table, glaring at the pictures in front of them, jaws were dropped.

“So…this is bad,” Race said unhelpfully. 

“Yeah. I’m sorry you guys had to find out this way that–”

“We all knew,” Rafaella said, waving David off.

“What?”

“Did you think we didn’t?” Charlie asked. “You’re not exactly subtle, sir.”

David glanced at Jack, who looked just as tense as he felt.

“Right,” Jack said after a sharp inhale, “why would they care about this?”

Rafaella rolled her eyes. “Are you joking? They know your father is Sullivan.”

“So?”

_ “So, _ you’re biased, and now you and the person who’s leading the investigation — your  _ boss _ — have been caught kissing–”

“Making out, more like,” Katherine mumbled.

“Yeah, really going at it,” Race said.

“–and that’s a problem, because now the entire investigation is based on two people going after revenge.”

“It is  _ not!” _ Jack yelled. “The whole thing fucking started before we knew it was him! Before Davey was here!”

“It doesn’t matter. The investigation sped up when he got here. We all know that’s because we got new evidence, but that’s not how it’s going to play out.”

“Why are they even telling us they have this?” David asked.

Rafaella shrugged. “Don’t know. Possibly to taunt us, possibly so that when they ask if you’ve seen it before, you have to say yes.” She turned to Race. “What was the name on the envelope?”

“There wasn’t one. It was blank.”

“Well, it probably isn’t the defense then. It’s someone warning us.”

“Who?”

“That doesn’t matter right now.”

“Of course it–”

“Jack!” she snapped. “I don’t want to know. I’m working on the basis that these were obtained legally, not stolen from the defense.”

“They hired someone to stalk us! That isn’t legal in the first place.”

“We can’t prove that. You’re on a public sidewalk kissing!” Nobody replied. “Look, I have phone calls to make now.”

“But–”

She turned to David.

“Are we done, sir?”

David looked around the room and nodded hesitantly. He stayed after they’d left and didn’t notice Jack had too until a hand came to rest on his shoulder.

“That was a shit show.”

“Yeah.”

“Think they’ll let me keep a copy of the picture?”

“Jack!” He laughed incredulously, which had probably been Jack’s goal.

“What? We look good! Well, I look good. You look  _ great.” _

“Whatever.”

“I think we should frame it.”

_ “Jack.” _

Jack sighed and hugged him. “It’s okay. We’re gonna be fine.”

“I know. I have to get going,” he said.

“Davey…”

“I’m serious. It’s Friday and sunset is in an hour.” He hummed contentedly when Jack kissed the space between his eyebrows. “I’ll see you Monday, okay?”

“Okay. I can’t see you Sunday?”

David smiled sadly. “I’m sorry. I’m really not supposed to be doing social things right now. I’m supposed to be with my family and I’m not going to break another rule.”

He called Sarah on his walk home. “How are you today?”

“Shitty.”

“Yeah. Going back to work Monday?”

“Yeah. How are you doing?”

“About the same. Les?”

“Yeah. About the same.”

David sighed. “Yeah.”

“How’s the face? Itchy?”

“Incredibly. Thanks for reminding me.” David ran a hand over his stubble. “I’m going to be very sad for a lot of reasons at the end of this but shaving isn’t one of them.”

“Mm. Yeah, Les needs a haircut desperately. Anyway…” She sighed too.

“Yeah. I miss you.”

“We miss you, too.” Sarah hummed. It was a hum David had heard his whole life, and usually signaled that his sister was plotting something. He was pretty sure it was subconscious, but the tell was scary.

“David, when was the last time you spoke to someone who wasn’t one of us in Polish?”

“What? Last week. But before that, a while ago, I guess. Why?”

“I know you’re feeling a little lonely. Do you think speaking your native language would help?”

“Um, maybe? I don’t know. There’s no one to speak it to.”

“That could change.”

David didn’t like where the conversation was going.

“I know not now, but after shloshim. A friend of mine from work has a brother who lives in Manhattan. He’s pan, Jewish, and Polish. Also a nerd and pretty cute.”

“Sarah, are you trying to set me up while we’re in mourning?” he asked shortly.

“He texted me,” Sarah huffed, “and mentioned it because he knows I have a single brother who lives in New York.”

“And you thought now would be an appropriate time?”

“Just because your way of mourning is shutting yourself off completely doesn’t mean other people don’t want to distract themselves instead of being miserable every second of every day. I mentioned it because I thought it might be a good distraction.”

David deflated.

“Sorry. You’re right, you were just trying to help.”

“So that’s a no?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, it’s a no. I kinda…have a boyfriend?”

“What!”

He explained to Sarah an abridged version of his relationship with Jack. She gasped and teased him the whole way through.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was going to tell you when I came home on vacation but then Aba and…you had more important things to think about.”

“You should’ve told me, neshama. You’re my most important thing.”

“You’re mine,” he told her earnestly. He was embarrassingly verklempt. “It’s been a weird few months.”

“Yes.”

“I should go. I’m almost at the apartment and I have to change and get to shul.”

“Okay. I love you. Ah gutten Shabbos.”

“Ah gutten Shabbos, neshama. I love you too.”


	27. Jack

Watching David mourn came with a lot of different emotions for Jack. He was obviously devastated for him. He knew David had been close with his father, that the whole family had been close. They still were, but David said it was like there was a gaping hole in their relationships with one another.

He was also proud. David was bad at looking after his own emotional well-being and great at looking after others’, but he was letting Jack help him. He was talking to him and it made Jack proud.

He was honored that David trusted him, too. He knew it was probably very hard for him to trust people or speak up about how he was feeling — especially to his boyfriend — but he was doing it.

David and Jack had officially reported their relationship to HR. Over the next two weeks, press had gotten wind of it through a leak. It had been hard, but the good news was that they could spend time together in public without worrying about being discovered. They had been asked by a public relations representative to be seen together as little as possible, but nothing was going to make people think they weren’t together.

They were lounging on David’s couch one Saturday night and having drinks with his roommates. David’s legs were crossed on the couch and Tsfarde’a was sitting in the middle of them as David petted her. Jack sat close to him. The cat seemed to be getting used to Jack, though she was still wary. He had yet to comprehend her endearing qualities, but David, Millie, and Buttons all seemed to love her.

“Are you staying the night, Jack?” Buttons asked. “I was gonna run and get bagels in the morning, so let me know if you are.”

He nodded. “I am. Right, Dave?”

“Mm.” He was staring at his phone.

“Dave?”

“Sorry, what?” He put it face down on the arm of the couch.

“Nothing. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just trying to book a flight home for Wednesday. I shouldn’t have waited this long, but I wasn’t thinking.”

“Having trouble? Can’t your secret agent powers swing you a secret ticket?”

“What the hell is a secret ticket?” Millie asked. “Do you think there’s an invisible seat on planes?”

“There is,” David said.

Buttons gasped and Jack had to focus very hard on stifling his laughter.

“What?”

“Yeah. Special seats reserved for Jewish FBI agents flying home for their father’s shloshim memorial service.”

Buttons frowned. “Oh. You were joking. You got me excited.”

“Maybe it’s his way of deflecting your question,” Millie suggested.

“Really?”

“No! God, for a straight A student, you sure are an idiot.”

“Hey!” he protested. “Straight  _ B _ student, thank you very much.”

“I love your roommates,” Jack said quietly to David while the other two bickered.

“Me too.” He was tense.

“What’s wrong, baby? Is it about the flight?” He held his hand.

“Kinda. I’m not looking forward to going home alone. They were really lonely flights last time.” He shrugged. “It is what it is. Plus, I’ve got to deal with my great aunt and all the hullabaloo that inevitably accompanies her. Nothing’s ever good enough for her.”

Jack rubbed his knuckles.

“I just want it to be good for him, you know?”

“I’m sure anything you do will be good for him.”

Jack weighed an important choice in his mind. It was a long time before he spoke again. “Do you want me to come with you?”

“What? No, you don’t…no. You shouldn’t have to do that.”

“I’m offering.”

“You’ll hate it. It’s sad and depressing. Why would you even want to come?” he asked incredulously.

“Because it’s sad and depressing and you shouldn’t go through it alone. You’re supporting your family, but you need some support of your own, Dave.” He kissed his temple. “If you don’t want me to come, I won’t. Of course I won’t. I just want you to have the option. I know we haven’t been dating long and we–”

“Yes.”

Jack stared for a moment. “What?”

“Yes. Please come.” David didn’t even look at him when he asked, presumably too nervous or embarrassed.

“I’ll come.”

If Jack had thought he didn’t like Tsfarde’a when he was sitting next to her on a couch, he absolutely  _ hated _ sitting next to her on a plane. It was one of the longest flights of his life, both because David was overwhelmed and because the cat kept scaring him. Jack had grown up around a group of murderers and gangsters, but it was the clawless cat that scared him. Of course.

David held his hand tight as they walked through the airport. He didn’t let go in the cab or when they walked up the front steps to the house. It was the most nervous Jack had ever seen him.

The outside of the house seemed very David. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was the type of nice, family home Jack had longed for all his life. He had it now and he was happy, but a part of him that he didn’t like was jealous that David had had this his whole life while Jack hadn’t. A larger part of him was happy for him, though.

“I’m sorry if my family isn’t made up of the best hosts right now.”

“Don’t apologize, baby. I’m here to help you, which means helping them, too.”

David smiled shakily and put his key in the door. Jack entered behind him with the suitcase and Tsfarde’a’s carrier.

“Ima? Sarah? Les? Tu jesteśmy!”

The sound of feet bounding down the stairs rang in Jack’s ears and a little boy who looked vaguely like David appeared.

“David!” He threw himself at his brother. David picked him up and twirled him around. Jack often did the same thing with his sister.

“Hi, boychik. How are you feeling?”

The boy shrugged and stared at Jack.

“Les, this is Jack. Jack, this is Les. Jack is my boyfriend.” 

Les looked up at David, concern apparent. “Jest dla ciebie miły?”

Jack wasn’t sure what he had said, but David bent down, looked him in the eyes, and kissed his forehead.

“Very.”

“Hi.” Les stuck his hand out and Jack shook it. “If you hurt David, you’ll have me to answer to.”

“Les…”

Jack thought it was adorable and heartbreaking that he was so worried about his big brother.

“Yes, sir,” Jack said. “I don’t have any intention of hurting him.”

“Good.”

“Les, where are Sarah and Ima?”

“Ima’s asleep and Sarah’s at shul talking to Rabbi Tobias about tomorrow night.”

“Okay. We’re going to put our stuff upstairs. Have you had lunch?”

Les nodded. “There’s soup in the fridge if you want. Can I go in the backyard?”

“Put a jacket on first. Don’t use the swing on the left; I still have to fix it.”

It was bizarre to Jack how quickly Les had started deferring to David. He was suddenly in charge even though he’d been home for less than two minutes.

He took the cat and Jack took the bag. He followed David upstairs.

“Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. Sweet kid.”

“Yeah. I forgot to tell you, but I share a room with my sister.” He led Jack to the room.

It wasn’t too small for two people to share but all of their stuff (or Sarah’s stuff and David’s remaining stuff) seemed mingled together. In other rooms Jack had seen siblings share, there was a divide down the middle, but not in this one. There were two desks and two beds but it was otherwise hard to tell that it belonged to more than one person.

“Is that okay? We can work something else out.”

“That’s fine. She won’t mind?”

“No. She didn’t mind when he stayed with us.”

Jack didn’t need to ask who “he” was.

David took Tsfarde’a out of her carrier and, to Jack’s disappointment, didn’t put her down. Jack laid the suitcase on David’s bed with his permission. They had decided to share because neither had much to pack.

“I’m going to go see my mom. I’ll bring her out, but I don’t want to startle her by waking her up with another person.”

“Course. Go ahead. I’ll be here.”

“Help yourself to anything in the kitchen. I’ll make us something in a minute.”

Jack wandered around the bedroom. There were lots of pictures of the family and a few of some people Jack didn’t know. There was David as a little kid, which was something he had never seen. He was adorable. The picture was of him and a group of other kids (Jack assumed one of them was Sarah) and he was smiling shyly. He looked at all the pictures in the room and then ventured into the hallway, where he’d noticed frames along the walls on their walk upstairs.

The first one he saw was of a teenage David with Sarah, in the bed of a truck filled with hay and pumpkins. David had a toddler in his lap who was smiling wider than should have been humanly possible. David’s smile was shy and Sarah’s was friendly. She had her arms draped around David. They looked happy.

Jack briefly thought about his wish to have pictures of his brothers as toddlers, but shook the thought away.

All of the photographs were beautiful, but none more so than the one right next to David and Sarah’s room. David, no older than ten, was standing in a field that seemed to stretch on forever. The grass was almost as tall as him. Sarah was on his back and they had clearly been laughing at the time the picture was taken. He looked happier than Jack could recall having ever seen him. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

“Jack? What are you looking at?” David came out of his mother’s room and stood next to him. 

“When was this?” He pointed to the photograph, not taking his eyes off of it.

“Oh. I think we were eight.” David squinted at it. 

“Where is it?”

“Our village in Poland. Córchawa.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“It is. It’s my favorite place in the world.”

“Have you been back there since you left?”

“Once,” he said wistfully.

“Do you want to go back again?”

“Yes. I think…I think I need to go back soon. We all do.”

Jack put an arm around his waist and kissed his cheek. “I’m sure you will, baby. How’s your ma?”

David shrugged. “Not great. She’s depressed. I think Sarah and I are going to have to clean out his side of the closet while I’m home because she certainly isn’t going to.”

Jack frowned. “Will she be okay with that?”

“Definitely not, but it has to be done. It’ll get harder the longer she waits. I went to get her an Advil from their bathroom and his side of the counter hasn’t been touched.” David leaned more into his hold. “Anyway, she’ll be out in a minute.” 

“David?” a female voice called from the bottom of the stairs.

A happy look unlike any other Jack had seen on him (with the exception of the photograph) spread across David’s face. “Sarah.”

She ran up the stairs and hugged him. The cat jumped out of David’s hold. “Cześć, Neshama. .ברוך הבא הביתה”

”טוב לשוב הביתה.“

“Sarah,” he said, pulling back, “this is Jack. Jack, this is Sarah.”

Sarah sized him up. She was far more intimidating than a twelve-year-old boy ever could be. Jack gulped, which was not something he realized people did in real life. She shook his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sarah.”

“You too. David’s told me a lot about you.”

“All good things, I hope,” he joked.

“Kissing your boss in the locker room? I wouldn’t qualify that as good.”

“Sarah!” David hissed at her. “Don’t.”

She threw up her hands defensively. “Mea-culpa! I’m sorry. It’s very nice to meet you, Jack. Thanks for coming.”

“Thanks for having me, although I wish it was under different circumstances.”

David took and squeezed his hand.

“Have you spoken with Ima yet?” Sarah asked her brother.

“Yeah. She’s…”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to go make Jack and myself something to eat. Do you want anything?”

“I’m okay. Sorry, we don’t have a lot in the house. I have to do a grocery store run at some point.”

“I’ll do it.”

“Let me, boychik,” she said softly. “You’ve got enough to worry about.”

She bent down and picked up Tsfarde’a. “Well, hello, madam. Have you been taking good care of our David?”

David rolled his eyes and pulled Jack downstairs.

“Sorry again. She’s protective.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I like her.” He was being honest. She clearly loved David very much and anybody who loved David was good in his book.

“What do you want to eat?”

“I’m not picky.”

David heated up some soup and they ate together quietly. A clock ticked somewhere in the house and Jack heard the patter of Tsfarde’a’s paws upstairs. It was nice. It was domestic. It was sad.

David refused to let him help with the dishes. Jack gave in eventually because he knew David would be willing to let him help with a lot of things throughout their stay and maybe he needed the control just then. As he put the bowls back in the cabinet, his mother came down the stairs.

She was young. Younger than Jack had expected. She couldn’t have been even fifty. She must have given birth to David and Sarah at a very young age.

She was also incredibly pretty. Jack could see the resemblance to Sarah and the similar facial structure to all of her children. She wasn’t quite as pale as they were, but it was obvious that they were related. She was wearing itchy looking black pants and a gray turtleneck. She looked miserable.

“Ima,” David said, and pulled out a chair for her, “sit down.”

She allowed herself to be ushered into the seat.

“Ima, this is Jack. Jack, this is my mother, Esther Jacobs.”

“It’s lovely to meet you, ma’am. I’m very sorry for your loss.”

She nodded. “Thank you, Jack.” Her accent wasn’t very thick and Jack was grateful that he could understand what she was saying and wouldn’t end up embarrassing himself. “It’s good to meet you.”

David shifted anxiously. “Why don’t I make you a cup of tea? Chamomile?”

“Okay.”

“Great.”

“Want me to do it, Dave?” Jack offered. David shook his head and went about filling a kettle with water.

“You work with David, Jack?” It was clear that Esther was forcing herself to talk to him. He wanted to let her know she didn’t have to, but he didn’t know how to do that without being rude.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“He’s your boss?”

“Yes, ma’am, and he’s great at what he does.”

“I’m sure, although I don’t really always know what that is. I’ve learned more from the news than I ever have from him.”

David tensed.

Jack cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well, we aren’t allowed to say a lot.”

“I tell you everything I can, Ima.”

“Mm. Where are you from originally, Jack?”

“New York. Never lived anywhere else.”

“Are you Jewish?”

_ “Ima…” _

“What? He doesn’t look very Jewish.”

“I’m not.”

She nodded. “But you came here for the shloshim. Why?”

“Because I care about David. Because I want to support him in any way I can and help him and the people he cares about.”

Esther smiled a small smile. “Good answer.”

She didn’t speak again and David gave her her tea a few minutes later. He sat down between Jack and his mother, looking at her like she might break.

“Why don’t you watch a movie or something with Les and Sarah and I can deal with some of his things?” he suggested.

“No.”

“It needs to be done.”

“Not yet,” she said, staring into space. 

David sighed. He offered his hand and she took it.

“The longer you wait the harder it will be. Do you want that reminder every day?”

“Yes.”

“It isn’t healthy to act like he’s still here.”

“After shloshim.” She looked at her son. “Please.”

He nodded. “Okay. That’s a fair compromise.”

“Thank you.”

He kissed her forehead. “Of course.”

“I’m going back to sleep,” she said, standing up.

“Okay. Do you want me to help you to bed?”

“No.”

She left and David put his head in his hands.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“You don’t need to apologize, okay? You’re all grieving. I don’t expect sunshine and rainbows.”

“Thanks for being here.”

“Thanks for trusting me to be here.”

The rest of the day had continued to be sad and strange. David and Sarah had kept forgetting that Jack wasn’t fluent in Polish or Hebrew or French or whatever language it was they had been speaking in. It was cute, in a way, but also frustrating. He wanted to be able to help and he couldn’t do that if he didn’t know what they were talking about.

Getting in pajamas was a little strange. He did so in the bathroom, not wanting to risk Sarah walking into the room, and knocked upon his return. Sarah was sitting in bed, scrolling through her phone, and David was doing what he often did at night. His laptop was in his lap and he was staring at something with intent.

His glasses were on, which Jack absolutely loved. They were rectangular. Big and thick and nerdy. David thought they made him look like he was a secretary from the seventies, but Jack tried to assure him that they weren’t nearly that big. Not that Jack would mind either way; he loved David in everything.

“Oh,” David said when he saw him. He shut his laptop and stood. “You can take the bed.”

Jack paused, perplexed. “You don’t want to share?”

Subconsciously, he glanced at Sarah. She was obviously pretending not to be listening.

“We can,” David said, “but it’s small and I don’t want to take up your space.”

“Dave, it’s your bed. If you don’t want me to sleep on it, then I won’t,” he told him sincerely. He wouldn’t want to do anything that made David uncomfortable.

“No! No, I’d love to share it.” He smiled. “Okay. I’m just going to brush my teeth.”

He left, leaving Jack confused.

“Oscar didn’t want to share the bed with him,” Sarah explained, looking up from her phone. “It’s a twin bed and he thought it was too small for both of them. I volunteered to share mine with David but that didn’t go well. He only visited the once.”

“Where did he sleep then?”

“The bed.”

“And where did David sleep?”

“The floor.”

“What?” Jack felt a little nauseous. “Why?”

“I wasn’t involved in the discussion,” she said, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and sitting up, “but I assume Oscar volunteered to and did his very best to make David feel guilty and like a bad boyfriend if he didn’t offer to too. Not to mention there’s a couch downstairs, but whatever.”

“Fucking asshole.”

Sarah smirked. “I’m glad we agree. David told me he told you about him. And I say this next part — even though it’s really David’s business — because you need to hear it: whatever he told you, he undersold it. You weren’t there for the immediate aftermath. It was…let’s just say I’ve never seen my brother like that. You better be good to him, Jack, because if you’re not, I will ruin your life.” She smiled. “Are we clear?”

He nodded. “Yes, ma’am. Crystal.”

“Good. Oh, and I know it’s going to be a tight squeeze with the two of you, but he’s still going to want to sleep with Tsfarde’a. Object at your peril.”

Jack shook his head. “Never crossed my mind to.”

He lay in bed while David got some work done. He rested a hand on his thigh and rubbed lovingly to get his attention.

“Baby, why don’t we go to sleep?”

“You can. Just want to get this done.”

“You’ve got a long day tomorrow and it’s not going to be fun. Why–”

“This is a distraction for me.”

“You think a distraction from sleep is gonna help? If you need one tomorrow, do it then. Or I can distract you.”

“How?”

“However. Talk to you. Hold your hand. Watch tv with you. Go for a drive. Whatever you want. Please, can you get some sleep?”

David sighed, then nodded. He put his laptop and glasses on the nightstand and lay down. He gave Jack a short and kiss, and then turned over. Tsfarde’a jumped up onto the bed and into his arms. Jack smiled fondly and cuddled up to his boyfriend.

“Thank you, baby,” he whispered in his ear. “I love it when you take care of yourself.”

“Thanks, Jacky,” he yawned. “Mm, that’s nice,” he added when Jack kissed the back of his neck.

“Good. I’d hoped it would be.”

David let out a sleepy giggle. “You’re ridiculous.”

Maybe it was because of how tired he was or because he was home and had been speaking all day, but David’s Polish accent slipped through. It seemed off that he would have it after so many years, but Jack was pretty sure he’d worked to keep it. Plus, he’d told Jack the only people he’d spoken to much before college were his family. Either way, there was something so intimate about getting to hear it.

He got to hear more of it the following morning when he woke up. David and Sarah were whispering in Polish across the room from each other. Jack decided he’d announce his presence by kissing David’s neck like he had before they’d gone to sleep. David shivered.

“Morning, Davey.”

“Morning, Jacky.”

“What’s going on?”

“We’re avoiding going downstairs because our great aunt is here,” Sarah said. “I just let her in and came upstairs to get David–” she did air quotes around the last two words “–and now we’re procrastinating.” 

“Is she that awful?”

“Yes. She hates us, especially me.”

“What? Who could hate you, doll?” 

David smiled goofily and let Jack kiss him good morning.

“Nonetheless, she hates us. Well, she hates David, she’s neutral on me, and she loves Les.”

“There’s no point avoiding it. It’ll only be worse,” David declared. “Just let me get dressed.”

Sarah trudged out of the room and down the stairs. David was changing back into his suit, so Jack put one on too. It seemed odd that he would want to be so formal early in the morning, but maybe it was all about the aunt.

“Ah, so you’ve decided to join us,” a woman Jack didn’t know said when they made it to the living room. “Oh, and you’ve brought a new one. You’ll have to find a girl, David. You’ll be old and wrinkly like me soon enough. What’s your name?” she jerked her head towards Jack.

“Jack, ma’am. Jack Kelly.”

“Well, I don’t know how the whole gay thing works, but it seems like my nephew is the reacher.”

“On the contrary, ma’am,” he replied coldly, “it’s David who’s too good for me.”

“I was talking about looks, honey.”

“That’s not–”

“David!” she snapped suddenly.

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Are you ever going to put that damn cat down? I’m not convinced  _ he’s _ not your boyfriend.”

“Tsfarde’a is a girl.” David said it quietly and in a very disconcerting way. Jack thought he sounded like a little kid being scolded rather than Assistant Special Agent-in-charge David Jacobs. How dare someone have spoken to him like he was less than?

“Okay,” Sarah said, “let’s not talk about that.”

“Do you want breakfast, Aunt Muriel? Jack and I are going to make some.”

“I ate. I’m only here to see Les before tonight. Where is he?”

“Asleep.”

“Then go get him! You’re so slow sometimes, David. Keep up please.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Hey, wait a–”

David squeezed his arm and he stopped, though he wanted to keep going more than anything else in the world. While David went to get his brother, Jack sat down awkwardly.

“What do you, Jack?”

“I work for the FBI. I work with David.”

“Ah, yes. The FBI. You know, since he was born, everyone’s been talking about how smart David is and how many great things he’s going to do. You’d think if that were true he’d choose to be more than a glorified analyst.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. Maybe she was used to it, but Jack wasn’t. He stopped himself from clenching his fists but didn’t have enough energy leftover to stop himself from keeping his mouth shut.

“He’s not. He’s one of the highest ranking agents in New York and oversees hundreds of people. He’s brilliant.”

Muriel smiled. It was unsettling.

“I see now. He’s your boss.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Yes,” Jack admitted, his tone icy.

“So that’s why you’re with him. He couldn’t ever get someone who looks like you otherwise.”

“Aunt Muriel!” Sarah exclaimed. “That’s too far.”

“Is it? Tell me, Jack, why are you with him? Because you wanted to get in good with the boss?”

“I’m with him because I love him,” Jack argued back. “David would never take advantage of someone that way.”

“You love me?” David was standing on the bottom step. “You didn’t say you loved me.”

Jack, shocked, nervously approached him. It was too late to go back now and David didn’t seem very upset. He should’ve been more careful, but he figured playing it off casually was his best bet. 

“I love you. I’m sorry I haven’t said it yet.”

“Me too. I love you too, I mean. You’re great.”

Jack laughed. “I’m great?”

“Yeah.” He kissed Jack very briefly. “You’re great.”

“Don’t do that in public, David, it’s disgusting.”

He didn’t look away from Jack. “Keep your opinions to yourself, Aunt Muriel. Les will be down in a minute. Jack and I are going to make breakfast now. Please be gone by the time it’s ready.”

The memorial itself had been beautiful and moving, as was the speech David and Sarah had given. A bunch of people whom he didn’t know had introduced themselves but he could remember less than half of their names. Still, he had met people that were a part of David’s life and that was very important to Jack. It was why he desperately wanted to introduce Medda and Lucy to David.

David had cried silently into Jack’s shoulder that night. He woke up expecting David to still be curled into him, but he was gone and so was Sarah. His first thought was that he’d overslept, but his phone said it was only seven. He got up to go downstairs and see if they were there, but Esther’s door was open and as he walked by, he saw all four Jacobs curled together in bed. His heart broke.

Jack spent the next hour cooking (most of that time was spent scouring the kitchen for supplies) and when the Jacobs came down they came down to pancakes. Les was ecstatic and David kissed his cheek.

“I love you,” he whispered in his ear, not like it was a secret, but like it was holy and needed to be said.

“I love you too.”

After breakfast, things felt off. Esther sat next to Les on the couch but didn’t she seem fully present. Sarah went to do laundry and Jack followed David upstairs.

“I’m going to shave,” he said. “Finally get rid of this annoying stubble. Then I get to take a hot shower.”

“You couldn’t take a hot shower before?”

“Nope. Lukewarm.”

“Mm.” He stood, leaning against the doorframe, watching him.

David’s hands started shaking and he had to put the razor down before he started.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. I’m just exhausted.”

“Do you want to take a nap?”

A sad smile adorned his face. “Not that kind of exhausted.”

“Well, I could do it for you,” Jack offered.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Just get a chair and a towel.”

“Have you done this before?”

“Shaved? Yeah, most days.”

David rolled his eyes.

Jack had him sit down on the flipped around chair and lean back, his head resting on a second towel that was rolled up. “Just relax and close your eyes.”

“Close my eyes?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Implicitly.” His voice sounded honest in a way that Jack wasn’t used to. David often sounded that way. Jack had lived with hardened criminals for most of his childhood and then worked looking for criminals. He wasn’t used to a lot of people being vulnerable around him. His family could be, but even they were, it wasn’t like what David did. David was always genuine, even if he was lying.

He closed his eyes and let Jack take care of him. He hummed happily on occasion and Jack almost jumped for joy. “Thank you for this,” he mumbled.

“Course. You could use some TLC, Davey Jacobs. Some pampering.”

“I don’t know that that’s true, but tha–”

“It  _ is _ true. You deserve it, too. More than anybody I know. Relax, baby. No need to get so tense.”

“Just a little overwhelmed. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The fact that David trusted him enough to let him do something so intimate for him made Jack feel more confident in their relationship than anything else had, including David having let him come with him to the memorial service.

He looked at peace and content. The rest of the day would be hard — hell, the next few months would be hard — but for now, David was content and relaxed. That was really all Jack could ask for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tu jesteśmy! – We’re here!  
> Jest dla ciebie miły? – Is he good to you?  
> Cześć. – Hi.  
> .ברוך הבא הביתה – Welcome home.  
> .טוב לשוב הביתה – It’s good to be home.


	28. David

The next two months went by both quickly and slowly. Quickly because they were always busy with the case and with new cases piling up, and slowly because David and Jack made a point of savoring their personal time together. The trial was beginning that morning, which was why David needed to get some of his nervous energy out.

“I don’t know why I agreed to this,” Jack panted. “You’re insane.”

“I didn’t ask, Jack, you offered to come. Want to stop?” he asked. They’d only run a quarter of a mile, but Jack was breathing heavy. 

“No, let’s keep going. How far do you normally run?”

David shrugged. “Depends on the day. Between four and six miles.”

Jack groaned and sat down on the ground. “That’s it. We’re breaking up. I can’t be with someone who likes exercise.”

David laughed. “I don’t  _ like _ it, but it’s good for you. When I stop consistently exercising I get more depressed, but today won’t kill me. Come on.” He offered his hand to Jack and pulled him up. “Let’s go find a bench to sit on and I’ll buy you breakfast on our way back to your apartment. Deal?”

“God, I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.” He practically dragged Jack over to the nearest bench. “Sit.”

“This is embarrassing. I used to be in good shape.”

“You still are, running just isn’t your strong suit. You go to the gym most days.”

“Mm.” He accepted the water David offered him and chugged. “I’m just not feeling great today.”

“I don’t blame you. We’re all super stressed. Testifying in your dad’s case was probably the hardest part, right?”

“Felt that way in the moment, but it was actually surprisingly easy. I got to say a lot of what I’ve wanted to say for a long time.”

Jack had done very well at Sullivan’s trial. It had been mostly for show, as he was going to be convicted easily and didn’t even try to hide what he’d done. David suspected he’d only pleaded not guilty because the trial would be another excuse to see Jack, which was sweet, in a terrifying sort of way. Jack had been civil and factual, not showing many emotions. David hadn’t even been called to testify. They had so much evidence that it would have been overkill.

Diana Rogers had pleaded guilty and received a dramatically reduced sentence. That meant Mallory was the only piece left and David tried to prepare himself for the idea that he would get off. Jack hadn’t seemed as prepared the last few days.

“What time is it?”

He glanced at his watch. “Ten past seven.”

“Okay. Do you mind if we walk back instead of run? Sorry.”

“Fine with me.” Fearing rejection, he anxiously asked “Hold my hand?” To his surprise, Jack beamed.

“Course.”

“Great.”

“You know,” Jack said as they walked, “we’ll be back Thursday afternoon.”

“Mhmm.”

“There’s that new fancy place on the corner of fifth and thirty-third. Looks good.”

“Yeah.”

“I just so happen to have a reservation there Thursday night. Want to go?”

David eyes him skeptically. “Why do you want to go?”

“What, a guy can’t take his boyfriend out for no reason except he wants to show him off?”

David groaned. “Who told you? Sarah?”

Jack shrugged.

“Jack…I don’t like my birthday.”

“So you admit it! It  _ is _ your birthday!”

“You’ve found me out. Only took you three months of asking and one of the most well equipped investigative agencies in the history of the world at your disposal, and you’ve done it!”

“Shut up. Why don’t you like it?”

“I don’t know. I like birthdays in general. Everyone deserves a day to be celebrated, you know? I like it for my sister. I just…don’t like it for me.”

“Because you don’t like being celebrated?”

David took the water bottle from Jack and shrugged, drinking to put off having to give a real answer. “I guess. It doesn’t feel like there’s much to celebrate.”

“Are you kidding? Davey, you’re worth celebrating. You–”

“I’m not fishing, Jack.”

“I didn’t think you were. If you don’t want to go out, that’s fine, but let me celebrate you at least a little bit? We don’t even have to mention it at the office.”

It obviously meant a lot to Jack, so he nodded. “Okay.”

“Thanks. Just a little something, I promise.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Probably smart.”

Busy swimming in his own personal sea of nerves and vomit-inducing anxiety for most of the preceding week, David had forgotten one thing about testifying: it was, for the most part, excruciatingly boring. Getting asked about names and dates and numbers for an hour and a half was tedious and fatigue-inducing. It was in front of Congress that time, yes, but the anxiety quickly wore off anyway.

After that hour and a half, the anxiety reappeared. It suddenly came back to him that the judge was the Chief Justice Joseph Pulitzer of the Supreme Court, that the jury was all one hundred United States Senators, and that the country was watching.

“Agent Jacobs, on November twentieth, you met with Francis Sullivan for the first time, is that correct?” the defense counsel asked. 

“Yes, sir.”

“At the time of this meeting, had you spoken to Mr. Sullivan before?”

“No, sir.”

“Why did you run out of the meeting after only seven minutes?”

“Objection, argumentative!” the lawyer for the prosecution said.

“Sustained,” Pulitzer announced. “Please refrain from being openly judgmental of the witness, counsel.”

“Apologies, your honor. I’ll rephrase. Agent Jacobs, why did you leave the meeting early?”

David swallowed nervously. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t expected the question — or why the lawyers hadn’t — and he didn’t know how he was supposed to answer. He had to tell the truth, but he’d only talked about the nature of his relationship with Oscar with his family, his rabbi, his therapist, and Jack. Now he had to do it in front of everyone. And that meant  _ everyone. _ The whole world.

He swallowed again and spoke. “He made reference to a former relationship of mine, sir. He’d apparently learned about it somehow.” Of course the one time he wanted a lengthy fight about hearsay where it wouldn’t make sense, nobody objected.

“What sort of reference?”

“He…he was talking about something to do with me — I honestly don’t remember what off the top of my head — and he mentioned that he didn’t like it when I flinched.”

“Who is the he in this situation?”

“He didn’t say, but I took it to mean my ex-boyfriend.”

“Why would Francis Sullivan mention your ex-boyfriend?”

“Objection! Beyond the scope.”

The lawyers went round and round as David tried not to vomit into some poor page’s wastebasket while live on C-SPAN.

“Your honor, this whole line of questioning has no relevance to the matter at hand!”

Pulitzer apparently disagreed and allowed the defense to pursue the line. David wanted to die.

“Agent Jacobs, why did Sullivan’s mention of your ex-boyfriend make you want to leave the meeting?”

“Because my ex-boyfriend was abusive and it panicked me that Sullivan knew that,” he admitted. It was like his mouth was moving without his mind’s consent. It was an out-of-body experience.

“Abusive how?”

“Sir, I–” he turned to the judge even though he knew he wasn’t supposed to “–your honor, do I have to answer this?”

“We’ll take a recess,” Pulitzer said. “Ten minutes.”

He didn’t process most of the first two minutes and then someone handed him his water and he chugged.

“What the fuck is happening?” he asked. “This shouldn’t be allowed!”

“I know,” Rafaella said sympathetically. “I’m so sorry, David. They want to prove your bias and they’re going further than I expected them to.”

“Fuck. Okay, fuck.” He felt like he had sweat through his suit. “Do I look as bad as I feel?”

Rafaella and Katherine exchanged nervous looks. “Only if you feel like you’re on fire and about to pass out,” Rafaella said.

“I do feel that way.”

“Then yes.”

“It’s Race,” Katherine said when her phone rang. “I’ll be right back.”

The recess ended far too quickly for David’s liking and he was back to answering questions. Thankfully, Pulitzer made the defense counsel end his inquiry into David’s past relationship. He wasn’t sure he liked the next questions much more.

“Do you know Special Agent Jack Kelly?”

“Yes, sir.”

“How long have you known him?”

“About five months.”

“And what is your relation to him?”

“He’s one of the agents I oversee.”

The lawyer practically sneered. “Is that the full extent of your relationship to him?”

“No, sir. We, um, also see each other in a romantic capacity.”

A note appeared next to him from Katherine. “Race says ‘Stop hesitating and saying ‘um.’ It makes it look like something hinky is going on.’” It didn’t make him feel any better and wasn’t particularly helpful. It served to make him more nervous, though.

“And how long has this been going on?”

There was another pointless fight about relevance that they were obviously going to lose and David was starting to get pissed at the prosecution. He eventually had to answer.

“About four months.”

“When did you inform the FBI of your relationship status?”

“Last month.”

“I see. Do you know who Mr. Kelly’s father is?”

“Yes, sir.” He’d known this was coming. They’d talked about it. They’d prepared for it.

“Who is he?”

David swallowed and gripped the table. “I won’t answer that question, sir.”

“Why?”

“I don’t see why it’s anybody’s business.”

“I don’t see why it’s up to you to decide what the court’s business is, Agent Jacobs.”

“Objection, your honor,” his lawyer said, “Argumentative.”

“Sustained. But, Agent Jacobs, I’m going to have to instruct you to answer the question unless you can think of a legitimate reason not to.”

“It jeopardizes his safety, your honor. And his right to privacy.”

And that was how the session was adjourned for the day. The prosecution, in conjunction with the FBI, had agreed that they would admit to Jack’s relationship with his father. Even Jack had agreed. Sitting there, being questioned, however, David hadn’t felt like he could say it. Jack had been given the option to go into witness protection at age eighteen; surely, the government knew why he needed his privacy.

“What the fuck was that?” one of their lawyers yelled at him as they walked out via a private hallway. “Do you know what you just did? Do you know how fucking suspicious that looks?”

“We can fix it, but you have to be willing to–”

“I won’t.” He continued walking forward as they spoke, Rafaella and Katherine on either side. “Don't ask again.”

The lawyer turned to Rafaella. “What the fuck is wrong with this guy? Control him.”

“What the fuck is wrong with  _ you? _ He outranks you by about a hundred degrees.”

“I swear to god, if–”

“All right, enough!” David shouted. “We’ll regroup in a few hours.”

“A few– no! We need to talk about this now!”

“My answer won’t change, but have fun trying.”

For appearances sake, David and Jack had two rooms in the hotel, but they were only using one. Jack was there when he got back. He was greeted with a tight hug.

“Thank you. Oh my god, thank you. Fuck. Fuck, Dave. I love you.”

“Of course, Jacky. You’re not mad?”

“Mad? No! No, I was scared shitless about it and you…even if it comes out, you tried and…I’m just really in love with you.”

“I’m in love with you too.” 

Jack didn’t let him go for several seconds. “Oh, sorry,” he said, peeling back. “Are you okay? You look like shit, baby.”

“Mm. Feel like it. I’ll take a power nap and then I’ll feel better.”

“How long is a power nap?”

David shrugged. “About twenty minutes.”

“Nah, not good enough. Come on, want to get into something comfortable and curl up together?”

David nodded. It sounded heavenly. It was everything he wanted and more in that moment.

“Yes, please.”

Jack sat patiently on the bed while he changed and then let David collapse into his arms. He pulled the covers up to David’s shoulders. David let out a happy (or neutral, at the very least) sigh.

“I want to go home,” he admitted. “I want to be lying in bed with you and Tsfarde’a, and listening to Millie and Buttons bicker in the kitchen.”

“Soon, baby. I promise.”

“I want to never go to work again. I don’t want to face the office now that they know.”

Jack rubbed his back. “Nobody is gonna judge you.”

He shook his head. “You don’t know that. Either way, they know.” He choked on a sob. “They were never meant to know.”

“Shh. It’s okay. You’re real brave, Davey. You did such a good job. I’m proud of you.”

“You are?”

“Yeah. Course I am.”

At that moment, his phone rang. He groaned.

“Want me to answer it for you?” Jack offered.

He nodded.

“Hello? Hi. He’s okay. Baby? Do you want to talk to Sarah?”

David reached blindly for the phone. “Hello?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. No. I don’t know.”

“I’m on my way to Midway. I’m coming to D.C.”

“What? Saz, no. You don’t have to. You have your own life to worry about.”

“Yeah, and you’re the most important thing in it. The kids can do without Ms. Jacobs for a few days.”

“They need routine, though, right?”

“David, shut up and let me be there for you,” she ordered. “Do you not want me there?”

“No, I do,” he admitted.

“Then I’m coming. Let Jack take care of you and rest. I found a flight that leaves in an hour. I’ll probably make it, so hang tight and I’ll be there in a few hours. Why don’t you take a warm bath or something?”

“I’m just going to lie here. Thank you, neshama. I love you.”

“I love you too. Get some rest. I told Ima to let you sleep so she won’t call for at least another couple of hours.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it.”

“Give the phone to Jack.”

He did. David tried to focus on Jack’s side of the conversation, but he was too lost in thought. He hated Oscar so much. He’d ruined his life. He hated him. He loved him. He wanted him back. He never wanted to see him again. He wanted to be done paying for his fucking medical school. He made a promise and he had to keep it.

“Course,” Jack said. “Course, I will.” Then, he threaded his fingers through David’s hair and combed them through it over and over again.

David couldn't stop himself from moaning. He melted into Jack and he shook with unshed tears. It felt so good. He felt cared for and loved in a way he hadn’t in years.

“Bye.” Jack hung up and quickly asked “What’s wrong? Am I doing something wrong?” He pulled his hand back and David whimpered.

“No! No, please keep doing that. Please, Jacky.”

“Okay, okay.” He started up again. “What’s wrong?”

“I…no one’s done this for me in so long. I’m sorry. I know it’s stupid.” It was. How stupid was it that fingers in his hair made him cry? Made him feel better than anything else had since the breakup almost six months earlier?

“It’s not stupid. Nothing you feel can ever be stupid.”

“It just feels really good. I like it a lot.”

“Okay. That’s okay. You’re so tense, doll. Try to relax.”

He shook a little bit. Christ, he was so sick of constantly double-breathing and he could feel it coming on again.

Jack rubbed his back some more. “Shh. It’s okay. I got you, Dave. I love you.”

“Fuck. I hate crying.”

Jack chuckled. “I don’t know anybody who likes it.”

“It gives me a headache and I feel off for the rest of the day.”

“Want an Advil? I got some.”

“No. Don’t want to move.” He’d regret it later, he knew, but that was a problem for future David.

Unfortunately, he moaned again when Jack lightly scratched his scalp as he went. “Oh, Jacky. That feels nice.”

“Good. You deserve to feel nice.”

That made him cry more.

“Shit, I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?”

“No! No, of course not. I’m always tied up in that word.”

“What word?”

“Deserve.”

“Oh.” Jack didn’t say anything else. He continued his soothing movements. He started humming at some point and David couldn't recall a moment when he’d felt happier.

True to form, David’s mind strayed to all the times he’d wanted it in the past. So desperately wanted to be held and comforted. It seemed silly, in hindsight, that he hadn’t realized what was happening sooner, but David’s vision had never been very good.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. I should, though, shouldn’t I?”

“Maybe. It don’t have to be with me, though.” He took his hand off of David’s head and placed it on his shoulder blade.

“Yes, it does. Oscar constantly told me I didn’t deserve him — that I didn’t really deserve anything. He made me feel so lucky to have his love and attention.

“I didn’t realize how much he controlled me. After he was gone I didn’t know how to do a lot of basic things. Still don’t, really.”

“Like what?” he asked in a whisper, his fingers dancing lightly on David’s shoulder.

“Like…I don’t know. When I moved into my new place, I slept on my mattress on the floor for a week because there was no one to tell me which bed to buy. My room doesn’t have decorations except for pictures because he’s not there to tell me what I like. I kept asking my roommates where I could put stuff because it felt normal, but then Buttons said to me ‘Dude, it’s your apartment too. Put your shit wherever you want.’”

“Did you?” Jack asked after a moment of hesitation.

“Some. I mostly avoid keeping things anywhere outside of my room. I don’t want to disturb their area. I know logically that it’s mine too, but…” David shrugged. “I don’t know. It feels wrong to make decisions.”

“That’s…I’m not even sure what to say to that, baby, other than ‘I love you.’”

“I love you too.”

David, who’d been trying his best to learn to ask for things at both Amelia’s and Jack’s insistence, reached and took Jack’s hand off of his shoulder and placed it back down on the back of his head. Immediately, Jack started combing through his hair again. A wave of relief washed over him. Oscar would’ve asked what the fuck he was doing and then told him he was a selfish bitch. Jack was so much better than that. So much better than Oscar. So much better than him.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Oh, baby, that ain’t true. You deserve the world and the moon and the stars. I’d get ’em for you if I could.”

“Thanks.”

“Rest, okay? I’ll wake you if anything happens.”


	29. Jack

Jack woke up to a knock on the door. He must have fallen asleep with David at some point. He carefully extracted himself and went to answer it.

“Sarah,” he whispered with immeasurable relief. “Hi.”

“Hi. Your friend Katherine said if David wasn’t in his room he’d still be here. Is he?”

“Yeah, he’s napping. Come on in.”

“How long has he been asleep?” she asked as Jack took her bag for her.

“Couple of hours.”

“Okay. I’m going to wake him and see if he needs anything.”

Jack frowned, skeptical that it was the right choice. “Are you sure? He’s pretty exhausted.”

She nodded and Jack backed off. He figured she knew what she was doing better than he did. She kicked her shoes off and got on the bed next to him. She sat in the middle. Jack stayed standing.

“Neshama,” she whispered, stroking the hair on his forehead. “Neshama, czas wstawać.”

David groaned and opened his eyes ever since slightly. “Sarah?”

She smiled. “Tak, to ja.”

He smiled a little too and it was the most beautiful sight Jack had seen in days. He sat up quickly and hugged his sister.

“Sarah.”

“Cześć, boychik. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit. Thank you for coming.”

She pulled back and kissed his cheek. “Of course. I’m always here for you.”

Jack’s phone rang and he let the siblings have some time alone together while he spent twenty minutes being screamed at by lawyers. When he got back, Sarah was in pajamas and one of David’s sweatshirts and they were laughing at something.

“Hey, Jacky.”

“Hey, baby. What’re you laughing at?”

He gestured to the television. Fox was on and the reporters were discussing that day’s portion of the trial.

“They were talking about what David said about Mallory’s taxes,” Sarah said through her laughter, “and one of them said ‘Why do we trust someone like Jacobs to be honest about money anyway?’” she said in a deep, booming imitation of a man’s voice. The two of them were still laughing.

Jack didn’t see what was so funny. “What the fuck is wrong with that guy?”

David shrugged. “Who knows?”

“And you’re okay with it?” he asked, trying to keep the anger out of his voice.

“Woah, what’s with the hostility?”

“It’s fine, Sarah. Jack, did I do something wrong?” He grabbed the remote and turned off the television. “You’re just okay with people saying that? Because you’re…you’re…”

“You can say Jewish; it isn’t a curse word.”

“Don’t be so fucking condescending,” he hissed.

“I’m not trying to be!” David defended.

They both sat up, but Sarah put herself slightly in front of her brother.

“Jack, I don’t understand why you’re mad at me.”

“You think that shit was funny!” How could anybody act that nonchalant about someone saying something like that? Jack would never have thought it was funny if someone said something as offensive as that to him.

“What else am I supposed to think? If I was offended by every little thing people said — subconsciously or otherwise — I’d be exhausted. There’s nothing to do but find it funny.” 

“Of course there fucking is! Be offended or angry or upset!”

“I’m confused,” Sarah said, “you want us to be offended?”

“I don’t get why you aren’t!” He seriously didn’t. How could they listen to people saying hateful things about them and find it funny? He kept asking himself variants of the same question, but it was all he could think. Their attitude defied logic.

“It’s Jewish humor, Jack.”

“Jewish humor is laughing at people making fun of Jews?”

The twins looked at each other.

“I mean, sometimes,” David said.

“Why?” he asked incredulously.

“If Jews let every terrible thing someone said about them affect them, we’d have been dead a few thousand years ago because we’d have been too busy being depressed to fight the people trying to kill us.”

David laughed.

“Are you kidding me right now? You thought that was funny? She was being serious.”

“I know, but still.”

“This is ridiculous,” he seethed. “I can’t believe you right now. I’m going for a walk.”

David got up to come after him as he walked out.

“Jacky, wait! I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for, David?” Sarah asked.

“I–”

“Whatever. I’ll be back later.” He slammed the door behind him.

“I don’t understand why it’s a big deal,” Katherine said.

She was sitting with him at the hotel bar. He was on his third whiskey and starting to feel it. The clinking of glasses and the chatter of patrons helped to distract him from the issue at hand. Katherine, however, seemed determined to make him think about it.

“It’s weird! They were laughing about their own suffering. It makes me uncomfortable.”

“Have you ever heard of a coping mechanism?” she asked sarcastically.

Jack rolled his eyes. “They said it was a Jewish thing. A shared coping mechanism for an entire religion?”

“Well, yeah. Isn’t that what you said his sister said?”

“I don’t know.” He tossed back the reminder of the finger before gesturing to the bartender for another. “Did your father ever make jokes like that?”

Katherine tensed slightly, as she always did when he brought up her father. “No, but he never really made jokes of any kind.”

“I just…I don’t like him laughing at his own pain.”

“But it’s  _ his _ pain to deal with and laugh at, not yours. And it’s a part of his culture. Do you want to take that away from him?”

“I’ve never seen it before. It shocked me, is all.”

His main worry, though he wouldn’t admit it to Katherine, was if David thought things like that were funny, did he think every terrible thing his ex had said was funny? Logically, Jack knew the answer was no, but it was frustrating that David didn’t ever seem to grasp the significance of what had happened to him. Or maybe he did and he was in denial. Either way, Jack found it frustrating, even though he knew it wasn’t his place to.

“Isn’t it good that you saw it? That he’s comfortable enough around you to let that side of himself out?”

The bartender poured.

“Thanks, man.”

“That’s it, right?” she asked. Her stare was halfway between concerned and incredulous.

“What?”

She jerked her head towards his glass. “That’s the last drink you’re having? If you’re going to go back there then–”

“Yeah. Actually–” he downed the drink in one and stood “–I should go up now.”

“It’s scary that you can do that.”

He shrugged and threw some money on the bar. “That’s for yours, too. Thanks for listening to me.”

“Of course. You’re my best friend, Jack. And hey, if his sister needs somewhere to stay, I have room.”

“I’ll let her know if it turns out she didn’t get her own room. Thanks.”

Sarah was still there when he returned. They were on the couch, speaking quietly in Polish. Jack had no idea what they were saying, but neither of them sounded particularly happy. David sounded outright depressed.

“Dave?”

They turned around.

“Jack.”

“We should talk,” he said.

David nodded. “Yeah.”

“Sarah, could we have the–”

“No.”

“No?”

“No,” she repeated. “I’m not leaving the room.”

He expected David to tell her it was okay and for her to leave reluctantly, but that wasn’t what happened. It made Jack feel even more guilty. Was he nervous? Why would he be nervous?

Then again, it was the first real argument they’d had since getting back together. Their first argument as a real couple. It made sense that David would have some fears after his last relationship.

“Um, okay.” He took a deep breath and steadied himself. “Davey, I’m sorry, okay? I just don’t get it. If you were laughing at something about me like that, I’d be upset and I don’t get why you weren’t.”

“But it wasn’t about you, it was about me.”

He nodded. “I get that now.”

Jack sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He tossed his keys and wallet on the desk. As soon as he did, David took Sarah’s hand in a way he must have thought was discreet. She inched forward on the couch protectively.

“I’ve never been around a culture where you take that shit lightly.”

David shook his head and Sarah basically growled.

“We don’t take it lightly,” David said, “not any of it. Please, Jacky, don’t imply that I take the suffering of my ancestors and my, my  _ people, _ I guess, for lack of a better term, lightly. I don’t.” He looked closed to tears.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t…Shit, Dave, I don’t know how to talk about this stuff. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have judged.”

David gave him a weak smile. It was heartbreaking and Jack disregarded Sarah’s glare in order to sit on his other side and hug him.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t realize how much this would affect you.”

“Oscar hated everything about my religion and my culture and my heritage, and I don’t want you to.”

“I don’t. I promise. I didn’t get it, but I’m trying, okay? I’ll always try.”

“It’s not all that, you know. Jewish humor. It’s not all like that.”

“I know.” He kissed the side of his head. “Don’t worry, I don’t think that. I would never think that.”

Sarah smiled at him. It was small and sad, but meaningful. He nodded to acknowledge it and went back to comforting David.

“You’ll have to explain this kind of stuff to me. I promise to listen.”

“It’s just a coping mechanism, okay? I promise I don’t take it lightly.” He was repeating himself and undoubtedly wasn’t aware of it. Jack knew because Jack had used to do the same thing.

By the time he’d made it to Medda at age fourteen, Jack’s version of explaining himself or apologizing had basically been curling in on himself and saying he was sorry over and over again. A hollow ache settled in his chest as he heard David say the same thing over and over again. It didn’t have to be an apology to be a sign that he wasn’t nearly recovered.

And Jack didn’t expect him to be. It’d been less than six months and he knew from personal experience that there would always be things that stuck with a person, even though they could go on to live very happy lives and have successful relationships. He wondered if there was something he was supposed to do. He wanted to consult Medda. Medda’s relationship with him and his relationship with David were obviously of very different natures, but he hoped he could glean some wisdom as to how to help him.

He didn’t want David to have to struggle with it alone. He wanted to be there for him in any way he could. In any way David let him be there.

“Shh, I know, baby.”

“I swear.”

“I know.” He moved his flat hand in circles on his back. He hoped he was being comforting.

He looked at Sarah. She was still holding her brother’s hands. She shook her head and Jack knew what that meant. They simply had to wait for the storm to pass.

Later, when David was asleep and Jack was brushing his teeth, Sarah approached him.

“We need to talk,” she whispered.

He gestured to the toothbrush in his mouth.

“Good, it means you won’t interrupt.”

He rolled his eyes.

“I appreciate what you did back there, but what he said wasn't enough. Remember how I told you he would undersell things to you?”

Jack nodded.

“Oscar didn’t just hate David’s faith, okay? He completely cut him off from it. He would get pissed if he went to service so he only really went for holidays and when he was home. That may seem normal, but it’s not for David. He’s deeply religious.”

Jack spat and rinsed. “Yeah, I’ve gotten that impression. I don’t know how to…I’m happy that he has his faith and it doesn’t bother me at all, but I don’t know how to be supportive. I’m trying, you know? It’s just hard to figure out. I’ve never been with someone this religious before. Plus, there’s all the cultural things I don’t get.”

She nodded sympathetically. “I know. I appreciate you trying. He doesn’t mind if you ask questions and I’ll give you my number, so you can text me if there’s something you don’t want to ask him.”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, no problem.” She idly played with the frayed sleeves of David’s old college sweatshirt. “He’s sensitive, you know? More than he’d have you believe.”

“I know,” he said softly. “Is that new since…”

“Oscar? No. It probably didn’t help, but he’s always been like this. When we first came to Chicago he was terrified. His English wasn’t great and he thought kids would make fun of him.”

“Did they?”

“Yeah, a little. Me too, but not as much because I wasn’t as much of an obvious target. He was always looking down, always reading, always quiet; three things kids love to pick on people for. And he wore a kippah every day.”

“He did?” Besides for the ceremony, Jack wasn’t sure he’d ever seen him in one.

“Yeah. He stopped when we moved to New York. He didn’t want the kids at the new school to hate him too. And it’s not like there aren’t plenty of Jews in Chicago and New York, but it still stands out, you know?” She shrugged. “Anyway, he stopped.”

“Do you think he wants to?”

“Maybe. I know him better than any person in the world and even I can’t read him sometimes. I want to talk to him about it, but there’s never a right time.”

She stood awkwardly in the doorway. “Hey, can I ask you a completely unrelated question?”

“Sure.”

“Is your friend Katherine single?”

Jack raised his eyebrows. “Thinking about moving to New York?”

“Thinking about tonight.”

“Ah. Yeah, she is.”

“Is she–”

“Bi, yeah. She’s probably still down in the hotel bar.”

“Yeah. I should change.”

Jack shook his head. “No. She’ll like it if you go as you are. Honesty and shit.”

“Yeah? Okay. Text me if he needs anything?”

“Course. You’re…you’re an amazing fucking sister, Sarah Jacobs,” he said genuinely. He was extremely grateful for her presence in David’s life.

She kissed his cheek. “He’s an amazing fucking brother.”

“I’m what?”

“You’re not testifying anymore.”

“Why the fuck not?”

Jack wasn’t nearly okay with what he was hearing. He’d been getting ready for the day when Rafaella and Katherine had showed up at the door to his room, Sarah in tow. David had still been in bed and she’d collapsed next to him there, pulling the wrinkled sheets up to her shoulders and taking Jack’s warm spot. He’d rolled his eyes.

Now, he was being told possibly the most frustrating thing he’d ever been told in his life. After all the preparation, all the time put into the investigation, all the nights he’d spent trying not to have a breakdown, he wasn’t even testifying.

“Because you were our witness. The defense doesn’t want you to testify because you have a lot of incriminating information, but our lawyers have decided what you have doesn’t outweigh the negative effect of your bias.”

“Then why the fuck did they have me prepare? Why the fuck was I called?”

“It changed after David’s testimony,” she explained. “They’ll spend the whole time skirting around who your father is because they know. They’ll also talk about how you’re sleeping with your boss.” She sighed. “Listen, it wasn’t my decision, but for the record, I don’t disagree. I’m sorry.” She and Katherine made their way out.

The second the door closed, Jack screamed in frustration. He kicked the bed frame, but he didn’t have shoes or socks on, so it hurt like hell.

“Son of a bitch!” he cried and threw himself down on the end of the bed. “Why does the universe hate me so much?”

Neither of the other people in the room answered. He grumbled and gave his attention to the ugly popcorn ceiling above him. He counted the cracks, trying to calm himself down. Counting was a strategy he’d used in the past and though it had never worked, he was willing to try just about anything to keep himself from screaming again in front of David, and his regular strategies had escaped him.

“Sorry,” he croaked. “Sorry.”

“Are you okay, Jacky?” David asked. He shifted onto his knees so he was sitting by Jack’s head. “I’m sorry that this happened.”

“It’s fine,” he breathed. “I mean, it’s not like I really wanted to testify anyway. It would’ve been really painful, you know? I’ve just been psyching myself up for it for months and now all that work was for nothing.”

David emphatically shook his head, a look of determination in his eyes. “No, it wasn’t. Not only did you help with the case, but you dealt with so many of your fears and worries really, really well.” He smiled. “I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jack swallowed. He wasn’t sure why, but David saying that made it more worth it than testifying would have. He sat up and pulled him into a delicate kiss.

“Thank you.”

Sarah cleared her throat. “Should I go? Not that I’m not happy you guys are happy, but I don’t want to see this. I don’t need the image.”

Jack snorted. “Please, as if you didn’t give me images knowing you slept with my best friend last night.”

“You what?” David spun around.

Sarah shrugged, smiling mischievously and jumped off the bed. David jumped too and chased after her.

“Sarah! Sarah Ruth Jacobs, get back here!”

Jack followed them out to the hall, where they continued their chase, laughing all the while. He took a video. Jack didn’t have many recorded moments of David being silly. Most of the time David blushed and put his head down if Jack started recording, and while that was cute, it was nice to have some of this kind of stuff too.

He sent it to the groupchat he had with his brothers and Spot with the caption “My boyfriend is cuter than yours.” They pointed out that none of them besides him had boyfriends, but his point still stood. His phone rang.

“Hey, Spot.” It was unusual to get a call from him. He preferred calls to texts, yes, but he rarely called Jack unless he had to.

“Hey.” That was all he said.

“So…is there a reason you’re calling?”

“I wanted you to know that I’m…proud of you.” He sounded pained.

Jack laughed. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

“Shut the fuck up and let me finish. I’m proud of you for taking a step back and being good to him.”

“The step back wasn’t exactly my choice, but thanks.” He tried not to let his voice convey how much Spot’s approval meant to him. Spot, like Jack and Crutchie, had grown up in the foster system and hadn’t had the greatest experience with it. He’d picked up a lot of protective instincts at an early age and though sometimes Jack was offended by the things he said — like what he’d said about David when he’d discovered their affair — he knew his brother-in-law meant well. There was a high bar for being a good person in Spot Conlon’s book and Jack was embarrassed to admit to himself that whenever it was confirmed that he was in it, he felt pride.

“Well, thanks. Of course, I’m gonna be good to him. He’s Davey, you know?”

Spot chuckled. “I do know. I’ve got one of my own.”

“I swear to God, Sarah, I will tell Moritz Freidel about the crush you had on him in middle school if you don’t stop!” David shouted, running past him.

Sarah tripped over her pants and fell to the carpeted floor, laughing. David jumped on her and she screeched. He started shouting at her in an angry mix of Polish and Hebrew, but Jack could tell he was trying not to laugh.

“Was that him?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s two different people at work and out of it.”

“Yeah. It’s…he’s great at his job and it’s awesome to see him be so badass, but sometimes it feels like he’s shutting himself down emotionally and it’s– I don’t know why I’m talking to  _ you _ about this. Sorry.”

“Eh, don't be. I’m here if you need me.”

“You sure? I don’t want to–”

“Jack,” Spot said, stopping him. A heavy sigh crackled through the speaker. “We’re not teenagers anymore, okay? Can we stop pretending to hate each other?”

Jack grinned. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Okay, good. I should go; I heard your brother shouting from the kitchen and that’s never a good sign.”

“I should go too. I think I have to tear the Jacobs twins apart.”

He was feeling a lot of emotions relating to unaddressed problems he’d had with Spot over the years, but it wasn’t the time to figure them out. Instead, he pulled David off of Sarah and dragged him back to their room. Sarah waved cheekily and knocked on Katherine’s door.

“You two are crazy.” Jack threw him down on the bed. He still had a goofy smile on his face. “What’s got you in such a good mood?”

“Lots of reasons. We’re done. The trial is out of our hands now, I’m in a hotel room with you, my sister is here and I just wrestled with her like we’re still twelve,  _ and _ you’re about to kiss me.”

Jack laughed. “Oh, am I?”

“Yup,” he said, popping the p. He made grabby motions and Jack joined him on the bed, kissing him firmly and lovingly. David sighed into the kiss and Jack wasn’t sure he’d ever been happier than he was in that moment.

“You know,” David said after they broke apart, “not to bring down the mood or anything, but…you know we’re about to lose, right?”

Jack nodded. He knew. He’d been in denial, sure, but he had to be realistic now that they were so close to the end. He lay down next to David.

“How are you feeling about it?”

“Shitty.”

“Me too, but even if the case had no flaws, Republicans control the Senate and they’ll keep him. The public will still know, though. Isn’t that what matters?”

“It’s  _ part _ of what matters, Dave, but aren’t you always talking about proving there’s consequences for everyone?”

David gave him a very small smile. “It’s more about proving there should be.”

“Yeah.”

“And I think…I think we have to prepare for something else.” His voice was uneven.

“What’s that?”

“The FBI is going to be under attack for being biased and corrupt. If we lose, the Bureau can’t afford to  _ not _ give them something.”

Fuck. He somehow hadn’t thought of that. David took his hand and Jack took several deep breaths.

“You’re right. But no matter what happens, we’re in it together, right?”

“Really?”

How long would it take to convince David that he wasn’t going to leave his side? He would try for as long as it took, but for David’s sake, he hoped it wasn’t much longer.

“I promised, didn’t I? And I keep my promises.”

“I do, too. Are you sure it’s a promise you want to keep, though?”

Jack released his grip. He rolled over and cupped David’s cheek. Tension seeped out of David as he gave him a delicate angel kiss just below his browbone, then repeated the action on the other side.

“I wish I could convince you that I’m in love with you. So, so in love with you.”

“I’m in love with you too,” he whispered. “So, so in love with you.”

“Then that’s all we need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Czas wstawać — Time to get up
> 
> Tak, to ja — Yeah, it’s me


	30. David

Mallory had done a pretty terrible job of defending himself against the prosecution, but David knew it didn’t matter. Sarah stayed with him for a few days when they headed back to New York. She, Buttons and Millie got on like a house on fire.

Wednesday night, the night of the floor vote, they gathered on the couch to watch CSPAN. Jack was there too. David rested against Jack, his cat in his lap, his sister leaning into his side. Jack had an arm around him. It was nice. Comfortable. It would have been perfect had they not been sitting around, waiting for an inevitable failure.

They had two armchairs, but Buttons chose to sit on the floor while the other four squished together on the couch so they could face the television head-on.

Buttons had gone to the kitchen for something and he was walking back in when Millie asked “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Nothing! I just wanted some popcorn.”

“Some popcorn to watch the news that’s going to devastate our friends.”

He shrugged guiltily.

Jack chuckled. “We don’t mind, do we, Dave?”

David shook his head.

“Pass me some.”

By the time the vote started, they were out of popcorn.

As the senators called out their votes over the course of the next forty minutes, David slumped further and further into Jack’s hold. He’d known they were going to lose, but it was painful to see it.

“Turn it off,” he begged. It wasn’t over yet but they’d officially lost because enough votes had been cast against them.

Buttons hit the button and the screen went dark.

“How are you feeling, guys?” Millie asked.

How was he feeling? Mallory had been acquitted and his job was in danger, but he was doing surprisingly okay.

“I’m feeling…fine. How about you, Jacky?”

“About the same. I mean, I knew it was gonna happen and at least the world knows, right?”

“Right,” Millie confirmed.

Sarah put her head on David’s shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay, boychik?”

“I think so. I don’t think there’s much in the world that’s going to make me feel worse than I have since Aba died.” It still hurt to say out loud. He couldn’t be completely miserable, though, because Jack kissed the crown of his head.

Sarah had been sharing his bed, but she’d told David to let her sleep on the couch that night. She wanted to give him some alone time with Jack and that way he could stay over.

After a very long talk about the possibilities of what the next day could bring, they curled up together. Their legs were intertwined and their foreheads touched as they whispered in the dark. 

“I’m sorry, Jack. You worked on this for so long and…”

“That’s okay.” He took David’s hand in his and rested them on the pillows.

“But if I hadn’t—“

“Hadn’t what? Hadn’t gotten together with me?”

David shrugged with one shoulder. “That and I made you talk to your father.”

“First of all, nothing will ever make me not want to be with you. Second, you didn’t make me and even if it was awful, it was also good, you know? I don’t regret it.”

David exhaled tiredly. “Okay.”

“And we would’ve lost either way because even if the public don’t know who my father is, the defense does and you better bet it was leaked to senators.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. So you’re okay, then?”

“I’m great. Relieved it’s over. Happy I can be with you at the end of the day. Grateful your cat lets me be.”

David laughed. “Yeah. She’s coming around to you slowly but surely.”

“Yeah, she only hissed at me twice tonight. Isn’t that right, Tsfarde’a?”

David was struck, once again, by how in love he was. How lucky he was. Despite hating her, Jack was always kind to his cat. It may have been something small, but David was grateful for it. He kissed Jack, just once, short and chaste but sweet.

“Mm,” Jack hummed and closed his eyes. “More of that, please.”

David laughed and gave him one more.

Jack pouted. “That’s it?”

He kissed the pout away and whispered “That’s it” into Jack’s mouth.

“Okay. I’ll take all I can get. You kiss real nice, Jacobs. Anybody ever tell you that?”

“No.”

Jack opened his eyes. David stayed still as Jack briefly extracted his head from their position and kissed his forehead before returning.

“Well, they should’ve.” He sounded only half awake.

“Go to sleep, Jacky. I love you.”

“Mm. I love you too. I love you too, Tsfarde’a,” he joked.

“I’m sure she appreciates that. Seriously, we’ve got a long day tomorrow. Sleep.”

When David and Jack walked into the office the next morning, they were greeted with the sight of everyone in the conference room and squabbling. They exchanged anxious and confused glances and made their way in.

“Good morning, everyone,” David said.

They all stopped talking.

“What’s going on?” Jack asked.

“Daniels wants to see you,” Katherine said. “Both of you.”

“Okay. If you guys—”

“We’re going to resign,” she said.

“What?” David wasn’t sure he understood what she had said. He must have misheard her.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“They’re going to ask you both to resign and if you don’t, they’ll fire you,” Spot said.

“We know.”

“So we’re going to tell them that if they do that — to either of you or both of you — the whole team goes.”

“What? No! No, absolutely not. Don’t do that. That’s an order.”

“Due respect, sir,” JoJo said, “but if you’re getting fired, we don’t need to follow your orders.”

David looked around the room. Six months ago, he hadn’t ever met any of them and now they were willing to quit their jobs if he got fired? He’d never had friends like that before. Ever.

“Guys…no.”

“We’re not gonna let you give up your careers for us.”

“But you shouldn’t get fired just because Mallory won! That isn’t your fault!” JoJo argued.

“Yeah,” Albert agreed. “Even if the investigation had been perfect, he woulda won. It’s politics.”

“Why should you get in trouble for that?”

“Have you seen the news this morning?” Katherine asked. “You two are getting blamed. Especially you, David.”

Jack took his hand. “Yeah.”

“Why do you look so okay with this? Don’t you care?”

“Course we care, Racer, we just don’t agree with you guys.”

“What? About what?”

David gave them all a small smile. “It was an arbitrary and capricious investigation. It became that the second we figured out that it was Jack’s father. We should have given it to another team right away.”

“Yeah. I was caught up in my father and we were all invested, but Davey’s right.”

“The second we started dating, actually, is probably a more accurate point on the timeline for when it became a flawed investigation.”

Jack nodded. “That’s our fault. We’re sorry.”

The team tried to correct them and convince them they were wrong, but David held up a hand and silenced them.

“We stayed in each other’s hotel rooms, too. That’s misuse of funds.”

“Kinda difficult to investigate public corruption when you’re busy being corrupt,” Jack added.

David snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Why are you guys so calm about this?” Specs asked.

“Because we’ve already discussed it. Because it’s the right thing to do.”

“What’s the right thing to do?”

David let go of Jack’s hand so that they could reach into their jacket pockets. They each pulled out a pristine, white, standard envelope.

Rafaella shook her head and Katherine looked devastated. So did Jack’s brothers.

“What the fuck are those?” Mike asked. “Don’t tell me they’re what I think they are.”

“Letters of resignation,” Jack confirmed.

Everybody started yelling.

“Guys! Guys, listen for a second. If we do this, you guys get to stay here and fight the good fight.”

David nodded. “And if we don’t go, every step we take and every investigation we conduct will have a thousand more hurdles to jump over.”

“We love you guys,” Jack said. “Let us do this. Not just for you but for ourselves too. If we don’t, we’re pretty big hypocrites.”

David gripped his hand again.

“But…who’s going to lead us then?”

“Please don’t say one of us,” Charlie said, gesturing between himself and Katherine. “We’ve been asked before and we don’t want to.”

“I know.” David looked at someone else. “That’s why in my letter I recommend Spot.”

Spot, for the first time in David’s experience, looked surprised. “Me?”

“Someone else named Spot around here?”

“Shut up, Jack. Why?”

“Because you’re passionate and capable and about a thousand times smarter than you give yourself credit for.”

“But…Tony.”

“You’re already married, so it won’t be much of a scandal.”

“Guys,” Katherine interrupted. “Are you sure?” 

David and Jack looked at each other for a single moment. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re sure,” Jack told them.

“What are you gonna do?” Race asked.

“In the long run? We don’t know. Right now, we’re going to go upstairs and resign. Then we’re going to go get breakfast. We’ll take it from there.”

“You ready, Dave?”

“Ready.”

They made for the door.

“Wait!” Katherine hugged David.

He stood frozen, unsure of how to react. It only took a few seconds for him to sink into it.

Before they could leave, every person in the office took turns giving them each a hug. David felt more like a member of the team than he ever had when he’d led it.

When they tendered their resignations, they weren’t holding hands. They went into the office together, spoke together, and left together, but they didn’t hold hands. They wanted it to be clear that they were doing it because it was the right thing to do, not just because part of the reason they would have been fired was that they were a couple.

As they exited the building, David wasn’t sure why, but he started laughing. His laughter made Jack laugh. They got strange looks from people on the street, but they laughed most of their way to the restaurant. Before they went in, Jack cupped David’s cheek and kissed him tenderly.

“I love you,” he said.

“Prove it by buying me pancakes.”

“Deal.”

They didn’t discuss their resignations during the meal and David felt freer than he had in a long time. He’d loved his job, he really had, but there had been times when it had felt like it was his whole life. Maybe he could find something less stifling to do. Would it be hard to get a job after what had happened? Quite possibly. He had to do some research. He should have had a backup plan, but he’d never thought he would work anywhere but at the Bureau.

“Davey.”

“Hmm?”

Jack smirked. “I can see you thinking, baby.”

“Sorry. Distracted.”

“Are you worried about getting another job?”

He nodded.

“When was the last time you had any real time off? And December don’t count.”

David scoffed. “The summer before my junior year?”

“I have a suggestion then,” he said, stealing a bite from David’s plate despite having the same meal. 

“Okay?”

“Let’s take a few weeks to ourselves and go to Europe.”

David raised an eyebrow. “Europe?”

“Yeah. Let’s go backpacking like we’re grad students except with more money, so we can sleep in hotels and not hostels.”

He chuckled.

“I’m not joking, Dave. Don’t you want to see Paris and Venice and Rome and Prague with me? We can go to Athens to see all the nerdy stuff for you and then go to those Greek beaches for me.”

David smiled. “You’re serious?”

He nodded. “One hundred percent. When was the last time you did something spontaneous? Don’t give me that look,  _ I _ kissed  _ you, _ not the other way around.”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t know. I’m not a spontaneous person. I like to know what I’m doing.”

“Then let’s go plan it. Everything you want to do, we can do. Just name it. We’ve both got savings.”

David searched his face and saw only love and excitement. He started thinking about how Oscar had never looked at him like that, but scolded himself. He was done comparing them, even if in every comparison Jack came out on top. No, Jack was Jack. David refused to continue to compare his relationship with him to his relationship with Oscar. It was like comparing apples and some sort of rotten fruit.

He nodded. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

“For real?”

“Yeah. Yes! Yes, let’s do it,” he said, getting more excited by the second.

“Great! Okay, one more thing, and tell me honestly what you think. If you don’t like the idea, please say something. Okay?”

“Okay. I promise.”

“How would you feel about the idea of at the end of our trip maybe meeting your family in Poland?”

David choked on his own saliva and had to drink a full glass of water to recover. Fellow patrons asked him if he was okay.

“Poland?”

“Yeah. I spoke with Sarah while you were in the shower this morning just to see if it was even possible. She hasn’t told your mother or brother yet, so there’s no pressure. She’ll understand if—”

“Yes.” David stood and moved to Jack’s side of the booth. He kissed him firmly and didn’t care that they were in public. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. Yes, please.”

“Yeah? Okay. Sure. And if you don’t want me there, I can—”

“Of course, I do,” he assured him. “You won’t be bored out of your mind?”

“You kidding me? I want to see where you grew up.”

“Well, not all of Poland is where I grew up,” he teased.

“So? It’s still your home country, ain’t it?”

“It is. It’s got some of the most beautiful sights in the world.”

“I can’t wait to paint them. Can’t wait to paint you at them.”

David couldn't help himself. He kissed Jack again and left his hand on his cheek. “I’m in love with you.”

“That’s a happy coincidence ’cause I’m in love with you.”

“Mm. Take me home? I want to spend the day in bed planning our vacation.”

“Sounds perfect.”

It took David a minute to realize what he’d done. What he’d done several times that morning, actually. He’d asked for something.


	31. Jack

Jack woke David up the next morning by kissing his naked shoulder and slowly but surely moving over his collarbone and up his neck to his jaw. It caused David to make happy sleepy noises and he smiled, satisfied with himself.

His boyfriend turned over and gazed into his eyes. He was still mostly asleep and so he didn’t say anything, just stared.

Jack chuckled. “Morning, gorgeous. How’d you sleep?”

“Mm.” It wasn’t an answer, but it was adorable.

“Happy birthday.”

“Oh,” David said. “Thanks.”

Jack glared, not really meaning it. “Did you forget your own birthday?”

He shook his head lazily. “I knew it was this week, but in all the craziness of the last few days it slipped my mind. Don’t worry.” He pointed to his dresser, which had a box with a neatly tied bow resting on top of it.

“For Sarah?”

He nodded.

“What do you want to do today?” Jack asked. “Anything you want.”

“I want you to kiss me. I’ve already been awake for two minutes and you haven’t yet.”

Jack smiled and leaned down. There wasn’t a type of kiss with David that he didn’t love, but he reveled in his half-awake kisses. His mouth moved languidly and he didn’t try to stifle any noises that he made like he normally would.

Jack wouldn’t qualify what they did as a make-out session (partially because he wasn’t nineteen) because it wasn’t intense, but it lasted a good long while. He stroked David’s cheek and then up and down his arm. After a few minutes, David ended the kiss and rested his head back on his pillows, eyes closed.

“Mm. That was nice.”

Jack tittered. “Yeah? Good. What do you want for breakfast?”

“Not hungry yet.”

“You sure? Can I bring you anything?”

David opened his eyes. “I know it’s not a high bar or anything, but you’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.”

Jack hadn't been expecting to hear that. He knew that David knew logically that Oscar was a terrible person and had been a terrible boyfriend, but he also knew that David had a lot of unresolved feelings about the subject. It was nice to know that David thought that. More than nice.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and replied “You're the best boyfriend I’ve ever had too. Best partner in general. Not that I’m saying we’re partners,” he rushed to clarify. “I just wanted to be clear because I’ve had girlfriends and—”

David chuckled. “I understood.”

“Great. Seriously, can I get you anything?”

“Not hungry, but thanks. I’m going to go take my medicine, okay? I’ll be right back.”

“Nope.” He quickly kissed his nose. “I’ll get it for you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to. You just stay here and relax.”

Sarah was drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper at the kitchen island. “Good morning.”

“Morning. Happy birthday.”

She smiled. “Thanks. He up?”

“Yeah. I’m getting his pillbox.”

“Juice, not water,” she said, not really paying attention. “It makes him nauseous if he takes it with water.”

“Oh. Okay.”

It amazed Jack how in tune with each other the twins were. He’d heard about things like that before, but they seemed different. Mike and Ike knew a lot about each other’s behavior, but not like David and Sarah did. It was like they had telepathy exclusively with each other.

Jack loved it. He loved that David had that in his life. He loved him deeply and he knew that Esther and Les did too, but Sarah understood him on a level Jack never would. He wasn’t jealous because he knew it was an important aspect of David’s life. As long as David was happy, so was he. 

“What are you guys doing today?” she asked.

“Not sure. I was going to take him out for a fancy dinner, but he doesn’t want that.”

“Yeah, he’s not one for that kind of thing.” She sipped her coffee. “I’m assuming he didn’t tell you if he wanted to do anything?”

Jack scoffed. “Please.”

“Yeah.”

“You guys will want to spend time together, right?”

She nodded. “That doesn’t mean you can’t join us. David would love it if you did.”

“Oh, uh, thanks. You don’t mind?”

“Why would I? I like you, Jack, and you make David happy. There isn’t anything more important to me than David’s happiness.” She said it in a threatening way and glared at him over the top of her mug.

“I’m not…Sarah, I—”

“Relax, I’m teasing,” she assured. “No, but seriously, if you ever hurt him, I’ll cut you open, take out your entrails, dry them and use them as a replacement for the leather cover for Les’ soccer ball.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“I’m not joking.”

“I don’t doubt it.” He poured David a glass of apple juice and took the pillbox down from the cabinet. “See you later.”

“Yep. I’m probably going to come in and tackle him in the next few minutes, so do me a favor and don't be naked when I do.”

“Your sister is the most terrifying person I’ve ever met,” he told David as he handed him the glass, “and I grew up in the fucking mob.”

David laughed. “Yeah, I know. She’s great.”

Jack got back in bed. He reached over and scratched between Tsfarde’a’s ears, but she jerked away and hissed. “I thought she liked that.”

“Not when you do it, apparently.”

“Whatever.” He kissed David again, slow and sweet. “There’s literally nothing in the world I like to do more than kiss you.”

“Mm. The feeling’s mutual.”

“Really? Not even reading?” he mocked.

“Not even reading. Although, if we’re talking about long term benefits—”

“Shut up.”

David gave him a smug grin. “Never.”

Jack wrapped an arm around his waist and kissed the side of his neck. “Seriously, what do you want to do today?”

“Is it lame and boring if I say I want to lie in bed with you for a few hours and then have lunch with you and Sarah?”

“Not at all. I would never say no to lying in bed with you. Especially when you’re shirtless.”

“You’re a menace.”

“I know,” he said, kissing his bare shoulder again. “How dare I want to spend all day lavishing you with kisses?”

“Exactly. Honestly, though, Jacky,” he said, his tone serious, “nobody makes me feel as good about myself as you do. I mean, there’s Sarah, but she’s biased, you know? Plus, it’s different to hear that from someone who’s related to you and someone who you’re seeing romantically. But you…you wake me up with kisses and call me gorgeous.”

“Only because you are, sweetheart—” he said the nickname carefully, cognizant of the fact that David liked it, but only sometimes “—and I’m glad I make you feel that way. You’re fucking beautiful.” He punctuated it with a kiss to his jaw, his clavicule, his chest. “Most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

David stared at him in awe. “I can’t believe you think that.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” David didn’t answer so he moved on. Running his fingers through David’s hair, he asked “What do you normally do on your birthday?”

He shrugged. “Work if it’s a workday, nothing much if not. It’s different if I’m with Sarah, but otherwise it’s a pretty normal day. Like we talked about…I don’t really like to be celebrated.”

Jack sighed and kissed his temple. “I wish you did. I wish you could see what I see.”

“And what’s that?” he asked, his volume barely above a whisper.

“A smart, kind, funny, beautiful person who dedicates his time to helping others and deserves a break. You deserve to be celebrated. Even if you wanted a giant party it wouldn’t be enough for how great you are. There’s nothing and no one that I want to celebrate more than you, Davey.”

David sighed in a relaxed manner. “Is it wrong of me to have enjoyed hearing that?”

“No, baby. Not at all. Fuck, Dave, I’m so happy you enjoyed it. I love it when you accept compliments.”

“It’s a weird feeling, but I’m trying.”

“I’m proud of you. All you can really do is try.”

Even though he wanted to spend all his time with David, Jack had to go home at some point. The day after David’s birthday, Jack found himself lounging on his own couch, half-watching the news as he scrolled on his phone. He’d zoned out for a few minutes and when he zoned back in, the reporter was discussing a protest happening outside the Capitol and in some of its buildings.

“…sparked by the controversial sixty-three to forty-seven decision Tuesday night. Protesters have occupied the Hart Building’s lobby for the last two hours. Protests there before have led to such changes as…”

His phone rang and he picked it up. “Hey, Crutchie.”

“Are you watching the news?”

“Yeah.”

“Pretty great, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Cheer up, Jack. Look at what you did.”

David’s mailbox was full, so on the way up to the apartment, Jack grabbed the mail to bring to him and his roommates.

“Hey, baby,” he said when David let him in. He gave him a kiss. “Mail.” He handed it over.

“Thanks.” David put it down on the counter. “I’ll get us some wine?”

“Sounds great. How was Sarah’s flight?” he asked. An envelope caught his eye.

“It was fine. She said they hit turbulence and so it took a little longer than—”

“Are you still paying for his fucking medical school?”

David froze for a few seconds and then spun around. “That’s none of your business.”

“Oh, it’s not?” he asked, sarcastic and angry. “It’s not any of your boyfriend’s business that you’re paying for your ex-boyfriend’s education?”

“No. It’s not.”

“How do you think it makes me feel? More importantly, why the fuck are you still doing it?” He tried to keep his voice even and steady, but he was furious and had become that way very quickly. It hadn’t occurred to him that David might still be doing that. He wasn’t jealous, per say, but it was another reminder that Oscar wasn’t done affecting David’s life.

And on a selfish level, wasn’t he entitled to be a little upset about it for himself sometimes and not just for David? He understood that he had suffered a trauma that would likely affect him somewhat for most of his life, but even though Jack would always be there for him and try to be as understanding as he possibly could be, it was hard sometimes. He needed reassurance too.

“I don’t see how it affects you.”

“Then you’re blind,” he replied.

“Look, I made a promise and I keep my promises.”

“That’s insane!”

“I’ve already gotten this lecture from both my family and my rabbi so can you leave it?” His fists were clenched. He snatched the envelope off the island and placed it on the counter behind him. That pissed Jack off. What did he think he was going to do, rip it up?

“No! He broke his promises, so yours are null and fucking void!”

“Yeah, I heard  _ that _ from Rabbi Tobias too. I don’t need to hear it again.”

“Rabbi Tobias is batting a thousand. Maybe I should convert!”

“Jesus, Jack, can we not have this discussion right now?”

“No! We’re having it now,” Jack demanded. “You always put it off. This is the fourth fucking time I’ve tried to talk to you about it.”

“It doesn’t matter. Even if I agreed with you, which I don’t, I signed contracts saying I’d pay it off.”

“Student loans or tuition can be fucking transferred! And guess what happens if you stop paying? Either he pays or he’s kicked out of school.”

“I—”

“How can you let this person who abused you control you like this? How can you let him continue taking advantage of you?”

“Jack—”

“I can’t fucking believe you! How can–”

“Jack! Stop it!” David begged. “Just stop!”

That was when Jack realized his boyfriend was crying. Fuck. He’d gone too far. All of his anger immediately left him and he was left only with regret and guilt.

David sank to the ground, sobbing. His cat nuzzled up against him, but he kept crying, his hands on his ears.

Jack tried to approach him, but Tsfarde’a hissed. He ignored her and when he knelt next to David, she bit his pointer finger.

“Ow! Fuck!”

David looked up at him. “Are you okay?” he asked through his sobs.

“Yeah. Yeah, baby, I’m okay. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said any of that.”

David shook his head. “You were right.”

“No,” Jack said emphatically, “I wasn’t. You’re doing it because you think it’s the moral thing to do, I get that. I don’t agree, but it’s your choice, not mine.”

David sniffled and Jack quickly got him some paper towels to use as tissues.

“I’m really sorry, baby.”

He nodded. “Do you need a bandaid?”

“Don’t worry about that.”

“No. No, you need a bandaid.” He got to his feet and shuffled off towards the bathroom, Jack close behind.

“Davey, please stop.”

He didn’t listen, just opened the medicine cabinet and searched. He pulled out a small box. “Wash your hands,” he ordered.

“Dave—”

“Please wash your hands.” He was still crying and Jack could tell that if he didn’t listen, it would get worse.

“Okay.”

David sat on the closed lid of the toilet, sobbing as Jack washed and dried his hands. “Give me your finger.”

Jack watched in awe as David carefully wrapped his tiny injury. He wasn’t sure how he could see through his tears, but he was meticulous. When he was done, Jack pulled him into a hug. The cat didn’t look happy but didn’t do anything.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby.”

He shook his head. “No. You have a right to be mad.”

“I really don’t. I obviously don’t like it, but I am really, really lucky to be with someone who cares as much as you do about their values, even if we don’t always agree on them.”

“I love you. I’m so sorry,” David said in between hiccups and double-breaths. “I'm so sorry.”

“Shh. You don’t got anything to be sorry for. I’m the one who messed up. I love you and I swear to try not to do it again. And I’m  _ really _ sorry that I yelled.”

“That’s okay. Thanks for trying.”

He rubbed David’s back. “What do you want to do now, baby? Do you want to just get in pajamas and cuddle for a while?”

“Yes. But…kiss me first?”

“Always.”


	32. David

“Put it in the kitchen. No! Not there! The kitchen!”

“Where in the kitchen, Smalls?”

“Figure it out!”

“Please tell me you’re not gonna yell at me like that,” Jack begged.

“Right now I’m trying not to talk at all. I need to concentrate on not dropping this.”

Jack had insisted that they could bring the dresser upstairs without help even though the elevator was broken. If they dropped it, even though it was theirs, David was pretty sure Millie would actually murder him.

“Almost there. If we drop it now it’ll just scrap the floor.”

“If we drop it now we’re not getting our security deposit back. Get the door, Buttons!” he yelled. “I don’t know why we closed it in the first place.”

“So people wouldn’t hear her yelling.”

David snorted. “Yeah, that worked.”

They carefully navigated the path between boxes and made it to their room. David looked to make sure Tsfarde’a wasn’t underfoot before they set it down and maneuvered it to be up against the wall.

Jack put his bent over and put his hands on his thighs. “I’m really out of shape.”

“You’re the one who’s always saving that exercise is for suckers,” David said. “How many more boxes?”

“I think that’s it. We gotta set stuff up now,” he complained.

“If you really don’t want to, we don’t have to, but I want to sleep in a bed tonight.”

“Me too. Just tired.” He came over and gave David a quick kiss. “But you’re right, as usual.”

David laughed. “Remember that the next time I tell you it’s your turn to do the dishes.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I always do the dishes.”

David rolled his eyes and they got to work building the bed.

It had been six months since they left the Bureau. Jack was working for a nonprofit organization that fought to exonerate death row inmates who were wrongly convicted and David was taking some time off to figure himself out. He’d had plenty of job offers — which had surprised him when he considered the events leading up to his unemployment — but when he hadn’t been able to find something he wanted to do, his loved ones had suggested he take time off. David was fortunate enough to have a decent amount of money in his savings and was able to do that. He was considering going back to school and studying something different, though he wasn’t sure what yet.

“David!” Millie yelled from the other room. “Come here and tell Buttons he’s wrong!”

He smirked and stood up. “Duty calls,” he said.

“God speed.”

Buttons and Millie were bickering over where the couch should go.

“Why can’t we just have it the same way we had it in the other place?” Buttons asked.

“Because it’s not the same space! It works differently! David, tell him!”

It had worked out that both Jack’s and the three roommates’ leases were up around the same time and they’d decided to move in together. David and Jack could have gotten their own place, sure, but David loved living with Millie and Buttons, and Jack loved them too. In three weeks, Buttons was starting as a teacher at a preschool in Queens. Millie was about to begin her PhD program in psychology.

“Hello! We’re here to help now that you’ve done all the hard work,” Crutchie said. “Also, get your elevator in order.”

“Sorry about that. Hey, Saz.”

After Mayer’s death, Esther hadn’t been able to handle working at the same hospital he had been at anymore, Les had been miserable at school, and Sarah and David had missed each other too much. It had only taken three months for them to decide it was time to move back to New York. Packing up the house had been one of the hardest things David had ever had to do, but it had been the right decision. He still spoke to Rabbi Tobias every week.

His sister gave him a hug. “So? How’s the new apartment?”

He gestured to all the boxes and disorganized furniture around them. “It’s hard to say at this point—” he smiled “—but I think it’s going to be good.”

“Yeah?” She looked at him with concern. He knew she had been worrying about David and Jack moving in together. While it was very sweet, David knew it was the right choice and that she didn’t need to worry. He’d told her as much on several occasions.

“Yeah. It’s not like it was with him.”

“I know. That doesn’t mean you’re not nervous about it.”

“I’m not,” he said earnestly. “I’m a little surprised that I’m not, but I’m not.”

There was a loud crash behind them. “Sorry!”

He closed his eyes and exhaled. “My biggest concern is Buttons breaking the place by the end of the night.”

Crutchie came out of the bedroom with Jack in tow. “David, this arrived for you at the office the other day.” He handed him a large Manila envelope.

“At the office?”

“Yeah. There was a note attached asking someone to get it to you.”

“Who’s it from?” he asked, opening it.

“Brooke Mallory.”

David stopped. “You’re kidding.”

He shook his head. “I’m not.”

“Are you sure you want to open that, Dave?” Jack squeezed his shoulder. “It might be upsetting.”

“I can’t not.”

He opened it and pulled the papers out. On top, there was a note.

_ Dear David, _

_ I’ve decided I’m going to call you David because you aren’t Agent Jacobs anymore and Mr. Jacobs feels weird. Deal with it. You can call me Sniper if you want, all my friends do. I’m writing to thank you for your efforts. It was hard to take at first, but my dad is an asshole. He always has been. My mom is divorcing him FINALLY. It took forever to convince her, but I’m very persuasive. _

_ Anyway, thanks. I know it’s probably weird to get a letter from someone who’s dad you tried to send to jail, but…yeah. This is my thank you present. I know you don’t work for the FBI anymore, but I figured you have to know people there. The other stuff in here is documents I found that are my dad’s. Guess where I found them? In my mattress. I hate him. They’re from six years ago and they’re mostly financial forms that I don’t understand, but I read them and asked my friend’s mom (she’s a lawyer) if the stuff I read was hypothetically illegal (but she knows it wasn’t actually hypothetical) and she says it is. So…here you go. _

_ Sorry if I broke the law somehow. I didn’t mean to. If I did, would you visit me in juvie? Lol. I hope you’re well. _

_ Thanks, _

_ Brooke “Sniper” Mallory  _

_ P.S. I saw the guy you’re with on tv. Daaaaamn. _

David started laughing hysterically. He didn’t know what else to do.

“What?” Jack asked. “What’s so funny?”

David showed him the note.

“Holy shit.”

“There you go, Special Agent,” he said, taking it from Jack and handing it over to Crutchie. “Get to work.”

He skimmed it. “Oh my god. Are you kidding me?”

“Evidently not.”

Sarah snatched it from him.

“Hey! That’s FBI evidence!”

“Not yet it isn’t.”

“Hey!” He wheeled after her as she ran to show it to Buttons and Millie.

“I can’t believe that just happened,” Jack said.

“I can. Our lives are crazy. Want to go finish our bed while our siblings kill each other?” David asked.

“Sure. If we finish before everyone gets here can we lock the door and make out on it for a while?”

David laughed again.

“I wasn’t joking.”

“I know. That’s why I laughed.”

Jack pouted.

The apartment wasn’t nearly finished being set up by the time the rest of their families and Katherine arrived. Fortunately, Millie and David had the foresight to set up the dining room table early on in the process and they were all gathered around it.

“I’d like to make a toast,” Sarah said. She held up her cup like it was a glass of wine. “To Millie, Buttons, Jack, and David. May your time in this apartment be happy and comfortable. And more importantly, to the fact that the four Jacobs in this room now live eight-hundred miles farther away from Aunt Muriel than we used to.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Les said and everyone laughed. David wasn’t sure where his baby brother had learned that phrase (he suspected from Sarah), but it was adorable.

Though the absence of his father was keenly felt, he was surrounded by the people he loved most in the world and happier than he could remember ever having been since he was a little kid. He leaned against Jack and watched them all talking. Medda was telling a story about something dumb Race had done as a teenager and Les couldn’t stop laughing. He exhaled happily.

Jack looped an arm around his waist. “You okay, baby?” he whispered, planting a kiss on the top of his head.

“I’m great.”

“Great?”

“Yeah. I’m with you. I’m with our families and friends. Tsfarde’a’s in my lap. What could be better?”

“Not much.”

David thought about how much unpacking they still had to do and how excited he was to do it with Jack. How much he was looking forward to hanging the pictures of them in Europe, with their friends, at Millie’s and Button’s graduation, at a barbecue at Medda’s house, etcetera. There were so many cheesy pictures of them that David figured if he hung them all up, it could conceivably look like years of memories on the walls. In less than a year, David had fallen harder and further for Jack than he ever had for anyone else, and he knew he had a lifetime to keep falling. Those pictures reminded him that no matter what, Jack loved him.

He kissed Jack’s cheek.

“What was that for?”

“For being so good to me. For loving me.”

“Davey,” he said softly. “Loving you is the easiest thing in the world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did it work out that both of my last two long fics have ended with Javid building a bed?
> 
> That’s it! Thank you so much for reading this. Thank you for all the kind and constructive comments. I truly appreciate every single one.


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